It's almost over..

Well we're almost done with this year, but there's just going to be another one to replace it so no change really. It is however, a time to make a list of stuff you would like to do, but most likely won't, (resolutions to use the parlance of our times), and being a traditional sort of being, but not a very ambitious one, I'm going to make a list of things I will probably almost certainly do anyway.

*Drink a lot, with the occasional break of a few days to a week which will come after suffering a god awful hangover when I swear to never drink again.
*Not get around to getting a job, in all honesty I really don't want to.
*Not get around to getting that computer, partly because of #2, and partly other things that make it slightly difficult.
*Keep waiting for that guy to come back from America, whenever the hell that may be.
*Stay in Prague and never go anywhere.
*Take plenty of photos, without improving my skill or ever having a new idea.
*Keep blogging," ...................................................................................... ".
*Make a few sandwiches.
*Buy some winter boots.

I'm not that sure about the last one, I might not get around to it.

Beeeerr...

Well. I gave in, and got a wee bit tipsy again last night, after telling myself after my last experience with any alcohol at all that I probably wouldn't touch a drop until well after the new year, but last night I went to a nearby pub for dinner, hung with the people there, had a few beers, came back here and had a few more drinks and stayed up all night.

I was pretty tired still when I dragged my ass out of bed this afternoon but I wasn't in the least bit sick. I guess that's a good thing. I can afterall survive a few innocent drinks of a night, sometimes anyway.

I still have not much desire to do anything on New Year's. I really don't want to hang out with the same old gang again, and there's really no one else so I'm quite happy to sit at home and watch telly. Cheesey New Year's variety shows! Yay! And I thought I probably wouldn't even drink anything but I might get a few beers for the night. If I do anything it will be to go out at midnight, either to the fountain, or Namesti Miru to get some photos of all the crazy people and the fireworks they're setting off. Probably not the most clever time to be out but if I want those photos that's when I have to go. Who knows, maybe I'll be too lazy to even bother.

Of course, writing this almost certainly guarantees that I'll end up at some bar or party drinking beer, all the obligatory shots and an awful glass of champagne at midnight, that I'll stay out until morning, and have a raging fucking hangover all the next day, which I'll possibly still have by the time anyone bothers to go back to work...

..and having written that, I suppose that won't happen either. Instead I'll be here having some drinks and watching videos. But now I've written that so I can't do that either. Or I could...

Thank you Santa!

Well, I've just had a fucking wonderful couple of fucking days! The xmas cheer has been evading me for a while.

The first thing that put a damper on the holiday season was my computer. I usually am very fond of my computer, and that's exactly the problem, it's not that I'm just fond of it, I'm attached to it in such a way that it fulfills a great need in me. When it's working anyway. And that was it, it wouldn't turn on. I tried and tried and it wouldn't start.

So I went out, I thought I'd go and get some photos of the centre in all it's xmas glory. And by the time I got back the computer would magically start. I took photos of trees, horses, and people, people, people. I didn't really want photos of people, they were just there, lots and lots of them.

I came back. And it still didn't work. I tried everything, that is tried to turn it off and turn it on again, and I banged it a few times but it wouldn't turn on. So I went to an internet cafe to get a small fix of my internet addiction, check and see if anything was going on, if anyone was emailing me etc. Afterwards I came back again and this time I unhooked everything and cleaned around it all and put everything back together and it still didn't work. I kind of figured out the monitor was the problem, which I couldn't fix so I just went home, but on the way I picked up a bottle of red wine.

I had tolerably pleasant evening at home, watching television and drinking wine. I was unhappy with the computer situation but I figured we'd fix it soon enough. Everything was fine until sometime in the morning I woke up feeling unbelievably awful, and had to run to the toilet to puke my guts out. All red wine and my dinner... quite a wonderful sight.

I continued feeling awful all through the night and the rest of the day. I lied in bed and tried to sleep, and had to get up and go to the bathroom again and again. All day I felt too awful to get up and do anything. It was 10pm until I could drink water and keep it down. I managed to eat a little bit of bread before going to bed again and actually sleeping.

So today I woke up, still feeling a little weak but not sick anymore and got a phone call that the guy who lives upstairs leant us a monitor that he has spare. It's an old fashioned bulky one but it makes my computer work. I was able to put my photos on the computer and go online. He also was forward thinking enough to buy a turkey and stuff, so we get to have a nice Christmas dinner.

I'm able to spend my Christmas day doing what I like best, in fact what I do most days and that is spend all day on the internet, chatting, blogging, uploading photos. So thank you Santa, for making my Christmas a little less sucky as it could have been.

Fisheads are yummy!

Ew, fisheads!
Originally uploaded by Ms Kat.

If I'm not mistaken then it's the shortest day of the year today. And if I am mistaken, then that's just fine with me, because that means it was yesterday, and the days can finally start getting longer again so we can maybe have sunlight past the early afternoon again one day for fucks sake!

The solstice can be fun of course, but if you don't mind I'll wait until the other one to have a bonfire and dance around it naked. I'm rather partial to my nipples. There are other ways of celebrating however. Here in the Czech Rep, we celebrate Christmas our winter harvest festival in an interesting way. None of that Jesus or Santa bollocks, no eggnog or any of that crap! Here it's all about carp swimming around in pools for the last few days of their lives until they get bludgeoned to death by a guy on the street, beheaded, cooked and then eaten. Oh they do the presents thing, and put up trees, but it just wouldn't be Christmas Yule without the carp.

Uh oh

Jesus has been at the soy again.

Sexual chaos makes the baby Jesus cry.

Are you part of the problem?

From One More Soul. I think they don't like sex too much. Or they don't like it unless it's done to make brand new souls for Jesus. I think this is supposed to scare the young sluts out there into good behaviour and quit undermining our civilization already, but I dunno, it almost makes me wistful for the old days before I became a born again virgin having non explicit web conversations with a man far away. Hmmm, tempting. Maybe I'll just start a punk band and call it Sexual Chaos. That should do for now.

Found via Feministing. I don't find this shit myself folks.

Between a rock and something that's hard.

I haven't updated my spinoff blog Draw On My Boobs for a while, the one dedicated to all the weird and wonderful search terms that lead people to this here blog, but let me tell you there are plenty of doozies I've documented over the last week that are waiting to be shown. I just wanted to focus on one particular one, or one particular type of search. I keep getting searches for "the male penis" or other word combinations that include both "male" and "penis".

What is it that makes people feel the need to specify that the penis that they want a photo of, or they want to get more information about, be it a mutant, or just huge, must belong to the male? Surely it's fair to assume if they do find something about a penis, there is going to be a male attached to it somehow, unless of course they stumble upon something about severed penises in which case it's fair to say that they once belonged to a male, so they are still "male" in a way.

Not that I know of such sites of course, and wouldn't look at them if I did.

So we've reached the end..

Or the last month anyway. There's a meme around that goes like this.

1) Harken back to your archives.
2) Collect the first sentence you wrote every month for the whole year.
3) Entertain us.

I don't know if it will entertain, but it doesn't matter, no one's bothering to read anymore anyway. But here it is.

December - Bad sex, better than nothing, don't you think.... well.
November - I've come one step closer to realizing my dream.
October - Proper blogging shall commence shortly.
September - This post is going to be about nothing.
August - It's Jesus Wednesday again
July - A few hours ago someone found my site by looking up "draw on my boobs blogspot".
June - Satan's birthday is coming up, and I was trying to figure out what I should get him.
May - I was enjoying quite a pleasant evening yesterday.
April - What have bunnies and eggs got to do with Jesus?
March - There will be no sex in this post!
February - It even has a view.
January - I'm so miserable I want to die!

My 2006, the condensed version.

Satan works in mysterious ways..

Soy is making kids 'gay'

Them damn hippies, bringing on the end of civilization again...

There's a slow poison out there that's severely damaging our children and threatening to tear apart our culture. The ironic part is, it's a "health food," one of our most popular

The slow poison/health food is soy, of course, and the "tearing apart of culture" would be referring to the way it's making everyone gay. Seeing as gay people eat babies and all.

Soy is feminizing, and commonly leads to a decrease in the size of the penis, sexual confusion and homosexuality.

Ha! Take your pick boys.

That's why most of the medical (not socio-spiritual) blame for today's rise in homosexuality must fall upon the rise in soy formula and other soy products.

Well, there's your culprit then. That settles it. It's not the Liberal media, or women who won't fuck their husbands enough, it's dirty vegetarian food.

via Pandagon

Haven't done this for a while..

But, it's the end of year, Jesus is having a birthday, so I thought I'd resurrect it.

It's Wednesday. Time to pick a random verse from the Bible, present it without context, and give it 3 different translations, none of which have any resemblance to the original meaning. Here it is.

1 Corinth 3:8... "Now he that planteth and he that watereth are one: and every man shall receive his own reward according to his own labour."

a) Now that the tree has turned into a man, the man must go forth and toil, for hard work, and good behaviour, and eating 3 balanced meals a day will make you healthy, wealthy and wise.

b) Here in God's kingdom we believe in fairness. We're firm, to be sure, but we don't discriminate, everyone is equally assessed according to their actions during their lifetimes. So, for example if you led your life being an open minded, charitable individual who let people live their lives their own way as long as they weren't hurting anyone, who helped out those less fortunate, or even adopted a child who had nobody else and brought them up as your own, with your co-habiting partner you're obviously going to burn in hell you stinking faggot. If on the other side, you worked hard, made money (quite cleverly using the labour of those in 3rd world countries) voted for the right party, supported all the right wars, and instead of letting people free to go on their sinful ways preached, and supported laws against, and even violently assaulted those who sin against god, then you're not only getting into Heaven, you've reserved yourself a mansion in our most exclusive district.

c) God created everything. Even the trees and even the people. The trees and the people are not the same thing however, so don't get them confused. I know sometimes a guy just standing there in the garden not moving, who has a bit of a green complexion can look kind of plantish, but don't water him. It won't do him any good and may aggravate him.

I've been away for a while. How did I do?

Well, it's not at all surprising...

How evil are you?
Of course the quiz didn't include the question, "have you had a lazy filler post on your blog 2 or more days in a row recently?" or my goodness points would have shot way down. The annoying thing is I had a fucking excellent idea for a thought provoking, amusing and original post last night as I was lying in bed. I practically had it written out word for word in my head, but all I remember is the main subject now, and I'm sure if I was to try and write it I'd leave out all of the best bits.

Life is hard.

You've been spammed!

Here's something for dinner if you're out of ideas...

SPAM SKILLET CASSEROLE

Recipe By :
Serving Size : 6 Preparation Time :0:00
Categories : Casseroles Main dish

Amount Measure Ingredient -- Preparation Method
-------- ------------ --------------------------------
2 Baking potatoes, cut into
-1/8" slices
1 cn SPAM Luncheon Meat, cubed
-(12 oz)
1 c Thinly sliced carrots
1 c Thinly sliced onions
1/2 c Thinly sliced celery
2 Garlic cloves, minced
2 tb Flour
1 t Coarsely ground pepper
3/4 t Dried whole thyme
1 cn No-salt-added green beans,
-drained (16 oz)
1 cn No-salt-added whole
-tomatoes, drained and
-chopped (16 oz)
1 cn No-salt-added vegetable
-juice cocktail (5 1/2 oz)
Butter-flavor vegetable
-cooking spray

Cook potatoes in boiling water 3 minutes or until crisp-tender.
Drain. In skillet, cook SPAM until browned; remove from skillet. Add
carrots to skillet and saute 4-5 minutes, stirring frequently. Add
onion, celery, and garlic; saute until vegetables are tender. Combine
flour, pepper, and thyme. Stir flour mixture into vegetable mixture;
cook 1 minute, stirring constantly. Add SPAM, green beans, tomato,
and vegetable juice cocktail. Bring to a boil. Reduce heat and simmer
5 minutes, stirring occasionally. Remove skillet from heat; arrange
potato slices over SPAM mixture to cover completely. Spray potato
slices with vegetable cooking spray. Broil 6" from heat source 10
minutes or until golden.

You can get these and more from your own gmail spam folder!

Mmmm, spam.

Hang on.. that's not her real voice!

My Friend Ted is almost done. All scenes are shot and now there's just a bit of editing and the soundtrack to be done. I saw a rough cut of it last night. It was pretty bad. I shouldn't say that. We're talking about a movie shot with no budget with an entire cast and crew of amateurs, in which case, it wasn't bad, considering.

Of course, it was difficult seeing myself on screen. I look weird, not exactly fat but I have a weird shaped body. My face looks ok in some shots, but just awful in others, and I keep making stupid faces. My voice is strangely high and kind of whispy and my accent is completely unidentifiable and sounds totally different to what I thought it was. And the acting.... fuck! Most of the others looked and sounded quite natural, but I just seemed lame. My voice being high and whispy didn't help, and there was one scene which had a lot of dialogue cut out, that was kind of necessary to the mood, if not the plot. Of course it makes me look crap. Apart from all that I wasn't that bad. I wasn't horribly bothered by it.

The reason I was at the director's place last night was because we had to dub over one scene. It was shot outdoors by the river, with a camera, that's it. No lights or microphones or anything. You can hardly hear our dialogue at all in the original.

I wasn't sure what I was expecting, but when we sat down to copy our lines from the computer, I thought we'd never get it done. There wasn't so much dialogue in the scene, but I saw how much I pause, long or short in one place, rush my lines together in another and make faces all the time. And blink. I blinked a lot in the scene, but this didn't really matter for what I was doing.

I started first and I was supposed to follow myself on the screen, and say the same words the same way. I was completely off. I did it a few times and it was bad every time. Then he did some little fiddling around with the program, moved my dialogue up a bit and it fit perfectly.

After that it looked a bit like this would be possible. We did a tiny bit at a time, and a few times he cut the lines in half, moved a bit back and a bit forward until it fit. Once I started I actually got good at it, and got it right rather quickly. Of course the lines were delivered very blandly and sounded cheesy, I was too busy concentrating on when I was supposed to say the words to act, but it was good enough for the director.

The first few lines were short, so they were easy. The one I was worried about was the longer one, where I paused and huffed and made faces and all that. The first one was terrible. But after listening to it again, and recording it again I got it exactly perfect! Not just exactly perfect after he moved it to the right spot, but I actually followed the picture on the screen and said everything at exactly the right time in exactly the right way. I think it was a fluke.

Anyway it's done. We watched the whole scene afterwards, and of course we know it's dubbed and were listening to those same damn lined and saying them over and over again, so it looked like crap to me, but perhaps to someone who doesn't know will just think it's really bad acting.

At least I convinced him to get rid of one really bad bit. Before my long sentence I said "no no" where I was actually offscreen so it didn't matter exactly when or how I said it, but it was so bad, so unnatural and so wrong for the scene, but because I'd gotten that couple of lines in one go, he just kept it. It wasn't until the end I got him to let me rerecord it. It was simple, I just had to say it, or whatever I wanted that made sense, offscreen. So I replaced it with a "no". It still sounded crap but not nearly as bad.

I should get a copy of it soon. It still won't be the final cut because he wants to record music for it, but we're getting the rough cut version before Christmas, so I'll be able put it up on the internet so you can all see how useless as an actress I am, and see if you can guess which is the scene that's dubbed, (hint, it's an outdoor scene and it's by a river).

Quit asking me already!

Those of you out there who use Blogger, probably know that they recently merged with Google. Some of you are probably already using the fabulous new version with all the new features with your combined Blogger/Google accounts. Call it Bloogle. Or Gogger, whichever you prefer.

I'm afraid I'm missing out on all the wonderful new features, in fact, I don't even know what it's all about. I have declined to update to the new system, each and every time I've been asked, which is each and every time I log into Blogger.

Now, I'm sure it's wonderful, but at this moment it just doesn't suit me. You see, I don't have my own computer! I may have mentioned this before, but I share this computer. The other person who uses this computer has a gmail account, which is also our business email, which is used a lot, so we keep it signed in the computer all the time, making his google account the default one on this computer.

I like to keep signed in to Blogger, as I use it a lot, for posting as well as commenting, and I like to be able to edit at a moment's notice if I see anything amiss. If I were to update, then I would have to sign into my account with Blogger every time I want to use it. Then I would have to sign into the previously mentioned gmail account every time I, or the other person who uses the computer uses it. Then I would have to sign out of that, and sign into Blogger again when I want to use it. Then I would have to sign out of Blogger, and sign into gmail again, when I want to use that account.... see, not really much in it for me, is there?

So everytime they ask me if I want to switch versions, I say "no, take me to my dashboard!" Enough already! I'll do it when I'm good and ready, and until that time I want to be left the fuck alone!!!

But that's not all. For some reason when I leave comments on Blogger blogs, even though I stay permanently signed in, sometimes the name which comes up in the comment form is that of the holder of the other gmail account. But of course it's not consistent, no that would make it too simple, sometimes it's my name, and sometimes it's his. The first time this happened I left a comment, and didn't realize until afterwards that it was under his name. Of course the comment I'd left on someone else's blog one minute earlier, without quickly signing in and out of my account and signing into gmail to look at emails and back again, was under my name.

So please Blogger, let us decide for ourselves whether we want to fucking merge or not! Okay?

p.s Does no one but me think it strange that Blogger's spellchecker doesn't recognize the words "blogger" or "blog"?

At this point, I'll take whatever I can get.

Bad sex, better than nothing, don't you think.... well.

...a commotion of grunts and squeaks, flashing unconnected images and explosions of a million little particles.

I don't even know what that's supposed to mean, but it doesn't sound like anything I want to experience (or be in the presence of someone experiencing).

The above passage is by Iain Hollingshead, in his novel Twenty Something, the winner of the much coveted Literary Review's Bad Sex in Fiction award. And he's a newcomer, he must be proud, but his .."description of "bulging trousers" sealed the win, the judges said.."

"Because Hollingshead is a first-time writer, we wished to discourage him from further attempts," the judges said in a statement. "Heavyweights like Thomas Pynchon and Will Self are beyond help at this point."

Yeah, but you he got to meet Courtney Love, who presented the award, for that I'd be happy to be considered the worst sex writer of the year, I'm gonna have to polish up my skills in time for next year, anyway

"I hope to win it every year," said Hollingshead, who receives a statuette and a bottle of champagne.

I'll be keeping and eye on him.

Mid 30s... and what have I done?

It's my birthday, as you'd know if you read yesterday's post. I'm 33. Today is the first day of my (early) mid 30s and to commemorate I'm going to count my blessings. Here we go.

#1. I have my own place. I mentioned yesterday that I'm happy about this. I'm a grownup now, or I should be, and there should be at least one thing about my life that in some way resembles the way an adult person is supposed to be living.

#2. I have the internet, and all the wonder that goes along with it. I have a computer on which I'm able to spend a lot of my time. Sure it's not my very own computer, I share it. Sure, I don't have it in my own home, but I get to use one, with almost no restrictions.

#3. I have a camera, and a passion for using it. And the existence of Flickr, that wonderful website that has inspired me to waste spend so much of my time taking photos, coming up with better ideas for photos, blogging photos, commenting on photos, talking about photos with other people on Flickr, talking about anything whether related to photography or not to people on Flickr. Though, I don't have my own camera, and it's not the greatest camera, it's a pretty crappy camera actually, but nevertheless...

#4. I can get a cat now if I want. I don't have one yet, but as I have my own place (see #1) I can whenever I want to. And I will! One of these days.

#5. Friends. Ok, I don't have many of these, and actually those people who are sort of my friends are only my friends because I either have to hang around him because I work with him, or because they're his friends so they're sometimes around. Still he's not so bad. And though my boyfriend is far away, on a different continent, he still seems to like me and writes to me sometimes.

#6. Though we haven't quite achieved world peace/equality for all/and end to world hunger etc, the world sure is a much better place than it was in the olden days. In some ways. In some parts of the world anyway. And the ways in which it is better, in the places that it is, it still really isn't as much better as it should be considering the year is 2006 but still....

#7. There is NO number 7!

Now, to the 2nd part of my birthday post. What have I done to justify my 33 years on this planet?

I have lived, since my birth all those years ago in Sydney Australia in, (not including Sydney, Australia itself) Česke Budějovice (sort of, for a while, and in a small village outside of it for some of that time), Dublin, Edinburgh, London and Prague. That's quite a lot of places.

And in that time, in those places I've.... um I've.

Oh look. I've lived in 6 different cities, in 4 different countries on 2 different continents. Give me a break already! I'm supposed to have DONE something while I was there? And there, and there and there?

Well, maybe I've sort of achieved a little. I have built up a business which I pretty much live on now (although I'm intending on getting a job, and this time it will be soon), and I pretty much learnt all I needed to about making websites and all that along the way, as I needed it. It's not a particularly well run business, in fact it's a shambles, and my knowledge of html and the like isn't enough to get me a job making websites for other people, it's just what I need to know for what I do.

I've been in some films. Not a real film, just some student and amateur ones. I've done some stage work, not like a real play, with a script and proper role or anything, but I've done stuff on stage, (or in a cafe) like sing badly, or improvise badly.

And I've also taken lots of photos, I've written lots of stuff. I've learnt a lot of new things because somebody put it up on the internet. I've met people, gone to bars, gone to restaurants, walked around, had sex with people, had arguments, moved house a bunch of times...

I think I'll have that beer now.

List

It's my birthday tomorrow, just so you know. And just in case you're interested, I'm making a list of things that I wouldn't mind having to make my day just that much brighter. Here goes.

#1. A computer. A laptop, a nice one, not necessarily the most flash one but not the crappiest one you can get either. Obviously I'm writing on a computer at the moment, which is mine, but shared. Mostly I want my own so I can have it at home, so I'll actually spend some time in this nice new flat I'm paying so much for, but also so I can customize everything how I like it without worrying whether the other guy likes it or not, so I can have private stuff on there without worrying if anyone else sees it, and so when I take photos at home I can upload them right away.

#2. A camera. A good one. One which has a good zoom, a lot of options for self timing, that takes works well with all sorts of lighting etc. And is nice and light and compact. Not asking for too much am I? I also co-own a camera, but for similar reasons to the computer, I'd like my own. And I'd like a better one.

#3. A kitty. I can have a cat now that I have my own place ,something I'm quite happy about, I mean someone of my years should be living at least semi-like a grownup by now. So if you're having kittens soon.... I like shorthaired, and a shiny black coat would be nice but I like them all.

#4. My man back. This sounds like it might be a difficult one, but if you give him enough money he'll be able to live wherever he wants, and I think he'd like to come back here.

#5. World peace/equality for all/end of poverty etc. I'll be really impressed if you can pull this one off, but in all honesty, I'd rather have #4. Am I selfish? Of course, if you are able to end all bad stuff in the world everything else should fall into place, I suppose.

#6. A beer. If you're unable to give me anything else, then wish this for me, because I'm going to have it anyway.

Nothing new...

I just decided to do the Friday Random 10 thing again. What the hell! It's a Friday and it's something to blog about without having to actually come up with something. So here.

1	Chop Suey	System of a Down
2	Just Like Heaven	The Cure
3	Shoplifting	The Slits
4	Nazi Punks Fuck Off	Dead Kennedys
5	Wuthering Heights	Kate Bush
6	Rapture	Blondie
7	Gigantic	The Pixies
8	Identity	X-Ray Specs
9	American Caesar	Iggy Pop
10	Girls and Boys	Blur

Well, it's kind of random-ish. I sorta skipped over the stuff that was really embarrassing. As opposed to the stuff that's just a little embarrassing.

Yes, but can she still act?

One of these days I'm gonna move to New York.

Teen girl #1: So, I heard that this porn star had, like, lung cancer and had to, like, have part of her lung removed.
Teen girl #2: Damn, that sucks. Is she, like, always out of breath?
Teen girl #1: Yeah, and she, like, can't talk that much either 'cause she can hardly breathe.
Teen girl #2: But isn't she a porn star? When she like, you know, has an orgasm, how can she make those loud noises? Her career is so over.
Teen girl #1: Maybe she has a ventriloquist.
Teen girl #2: No way. That'd only work if she was a guy and it was gay porn, 'cause, I mean, who's ever heard of a girl ventriloquist?

--Deli, 42nd St

I'm sure there's one somewhere.

Oh, but I wanted one..

Don't we all dream of having the perfect pet. A cute, cuddly little friend who adores you, is loyal to you, but is also intelligent, clean and independent? The best qualities of a dog and a cat combined?

Well forget it!

Blood tests refute a Brazilian woman's claim that her cat had given birth to three puppies, geneticist Adil Pacheco said Tuesday.

Fucking killjoy!

"People who aren't experts often imagine things," said Pacheco, director of the Institute of Biological Sciences of the University of Passo Fundo. "All the facts contradict her."

Well, fuck me! I was ready to go out and order one.

Ugh, why do I bother?

I went to another casting at the film school last night, and of course, no reply from any of the film makers. It's still early in the day but I know there isn't going to be one, I could tell that they were thoroughly unimpressed when I finished my improv last night. They didn't seem to impressed with the dude who was in there with me, but it wouldn't be surprised me if they happen to need someone who looks and sounds just like him for a part that needs little skill so gets a role.

It really sucks because I could really use the money. Yeah sure, I got the main part in this other film I've been doing and the director seems impressed with me and all that, but there's no money in this thing. There isn't that much in the student films either but at least there's some. And this one is their final year films, so it would be more substantial roles and the films are shot over 2 days, so the little money would be more than I ever got doing any of the others, which were all more than a year ago by the way.

I didn't even feel like going anywhere last night. It's cold and it gets dark early, but I thought, there's a chance! Until I walked into the room full of film students with this American dude. We introduced ourselves and sat down. No one seemed interested in giving us a scenario to try, so it seemed no one was impressed with us right from the start. Then some British dude, noting that I was Australian gave us a scene at a beach, where I'm Australian and hate Americans, he's American and hates Australians but for some reason comes to talk to me. It was dumb, and I played it dumb. The dude played it dumber. I shouldn't judge the guy based on 4 and a half minutes of being in his presence but he came across as kind of dumb. He's from New York and claims he's a stand up comic. And judging (unfairly of course) from the 4 and a half minutes I spent in the same room as him, I'm pretty sure I'd find his comedy pretty unfunny. Of course I have very high standards for that sort of thing, I mean, anyone who reads this blog regularly knows I have a very highly intelligent, unique sense of humour. So unique there's only about 3 people in the world who get it, it seems.

Then we had to do a scene where I was a bank manager and he came to apply for a loan. Thanks a fucking lot! What the fuck do I know about banks and loans and things? That's for grown up people! So I went on about collateral and income and employment and whatever else I've heard on television when they talk about these things, and overall was pretty crap.

Oh well. I guess I'll just have to get a job already. Dammit!

Someone amuse me....

What is the point of Sundays? I mean, what's the point? I'm so bored I feel like running up the walls, I would do it but I'm kind of physically unable.

I went to a party last night. I never go to parties. I drank red wine, talked too loud, ate a bunch of junk food and I came home.

That's about it.

Movies, beer and a couple of tossers.

Last night I was in the pub. I didn't really drink though, just one small beer that I didn't get to finish. We were filming another scene for the movie My Friend Ted.

Anyway, we were in The Three Lions, British pub. The guy who plays the main character knows the manager so we were able to film there. They have an upstairs and a downstairs, and downstairs was empty, so we filmed there. It might look a bit weird having a pub scene where there's no one in the pub but the people at a very crowded table, but things can be done with editing, and you really can't have everything when you're making a movie with no budget.

It was fun enough, we sat around a table with beers, which we couldn't drink during filming so as not to screw with the continuity, a small setback. My bit of acting consisted of looking pissed off through most of the scene and storming off in a huff at the end. I quite enjoyed that.

There was a small incident on set when some drunk British guys came downstairs where we were almost finished filming and wanted to be in the scene, in the background. They were under the impression we were somewhat famous, it seemed. Some of us just ignored them and some of us tried to convince them that no, they couldn't be in the scene because the others we filmed had an empty table there, so it kinda wouldn't look right. They were persistent, particularly one guy. He finally fucked off, but not before saying goodbye to each of us and shaking our hands, (wouldn't want to miss the opportunity of shaking hands with stars) but one guy in our group, (also a British gentleman) politely said goodbye without taking the offer to shake hands, I think he didn't think too much of this guy. Well, the visitor got rather offended and called him a tosser. He stood around for a minute more going on about what a tosser this guy is, before going off, ranting on about how this one guy who wouldn't shake his hand is a complete tosser. He ranted all the way up the stairs until his voice mingled in with the customers upstairs.

We finished our group scene and I was looking forward to drinking that beer, but first they needed it for the scene of the group before I and the main character arrive. So I let it be used as a prop. They finished and then we had to go upstairs to do the arriving at the pub scene. So we did that, and by the time I went downstairs they were clearing up everything, including the beer! My beer! I hadn't finished it!

Oh well. I got to drink about a 3rd of it. It was a small beer though.

Well, that's the last scene I'm going to be in, so that's it for me. Except for of course the overdubbing for the scene we did by the river, you see when you film outside, without microphones or anything, you can't really hear a fucking word of what the actors are saying, so I'll probably be in "the studio" sometime next week.

Adventures of a scatterbrain during the filming of a very unprofessional movie.

We filmed another scene for My Friend Ted today.

Well.

I was to meet them at 13:00. I was pretty much on time when I left, of course I didn't take my phone, I just left it behind, I was too busy focusing on other things, like fetching the jaunty cap I had got it into my head that I wanted to wear in the film. So I went home to fetch it before setting out again.

We were meeting at Malostranska, at the tram stop, that I was absolutely, er kind of thought it was. Was it the tram stop or the metro stop? Was it Malostranska or Staromestska. It was definitely one of them. I was certain.

So I looked around, hoping I'd sight my fellow film makers, one of them would be carrying a camera and a big fuckoff tripod so I should be able to see him. I was on time, or about 5 minutes late so they should be there. I didn't see any of them, not at the tram stop, not at either side of the metro station or inside the metro station. By then I was seriously starting to think they'd said Staromestska, it was definitely one of the 2....

I began to have serious misgivings that I was in the right place. Staromestska/Malostranska? For some reason I always mix those 2 up. I didn't really want to ring William (the occupant of this flat, the place I left my phone) to get the phone number of the director because I'd have to fiddle around with change for the payphone, explain to him how my phone works and it would all end in tears. I was sure of it! So I just waited a bit and hoped they'd show up at one of the places I was looking. They didn't and it was getting late.

I figured I'll run over to Staromestska (which fortunately is just across the bridge from Malostranska to see if they were there. So I ran there. I looked in the metro, just outside the various metro exits, and the tram stop. No sign of them. It was already 15 past by this point so I figured I was right the first time. So I went back. And they weren't there. I had to make that phone call.

Luckily I had a bunch of coins in my wallet that I've been unsuccessfully trying to get rid of for days. I called William, he answered and of course I had to explain to him how to get the number. He said there'd been some missed calls so at first I told him to look at that, because it was sure to be from the filming people, but none of the names he read off to me corresponded, so I had to go through again and explain how to get into my phone book. I saw my time running out on the phone so I asked if he could call me back. My money ran out.

The phone rang about a minute later, thankfully, and he gave me the number. I had to write it with makeup, which I didn't actually need to use on my face while I was out, but as I didn't have a pen it was good that I'd brought it.

After that call I only had a 50 crown coin left, which is a strange kind of coin, in the process of being phased out, and it doesn't work in any type of machine so I crossed the road back to the main station area and tried to get change. I asked a vendor in some stand if he'd give me change, of course he said no. So I went into the metro, and just for the hell of it tried the phones in there. Then I couldn't find the piece of paper with the number written on it. I searched in my pockets, in all the compartments in my bag amongst all the rubbish I have in there. I finally found it and of course I couldn't use the 50 crown coin in the phone so I went to buy a ticket, which I figured I'll be use sometime, to get the change. I went over and asked for a ticket then I realized I didn't have the coin. I searched in my pockets, in all the compartments in my bag amongst all the rubbish I have in there, and I didn't have it. The guy in the booth gave me my ticket, and I said sorry and ran off, back to the phone I was at and like an idiot I'd left the coin on top of the phone. I rushed back and got the ticket and my change.

I went back to the phone, put my money in and nothing happened, it was just stuck. It wouldn't work. Luckily I got my money out with one of my cards but I couldn't use the phone. The other phone in the metro was for cards only, so I had to run back across the road to use the original phone.

I called the number, an old Scottish voice answered it, which belonged to the director, so I had the right number at least. He said hello and then didn't seem to hear me. My 10kc ran out and I stayed there for a while on the chance he might call back. Thankfully he did and could hear me. I said who I was and asked where they were. Of course he asked where I was bla bla bla and said they were at Staromestska. I was right the second time. They were just outside the metro, so I went back over, walked all the way around by the metro exits and didn't see them. I thought I was going mad when I heard someone call me from across the road, from another metro exit, one that I hadn't thought of.

So I finally caught up to them. We filmed the scenes and went home. The end.

....

Ok, filming was ok. It didn't end up taking too long which was good because we had a limited time because we need daylight, and daylight at this time of year is scarce, and of course I'd come kind of late...

He seemed pleased with out performances. And it didn't rain.

Playing with the cool kids..

I hope you all have good internet connections because I decided to dive in and post a video, something I've never done before, but what the hell everyone's doing it so...

This video is about Father Daughter Purity Balls. If you've never heard of it before, it's an event where girls bond with their fathers and promise to remain abstinent until marriage, so they can give the gift of themselves to their husbands on their wedding night. I'm not sure what gift they get in return, but as there doesn't seem to be an equivalent of this for males, I'm assuming that she's not particularly entitled to a man who's unsullied by prewife girl cooties. Oh well, we're always getting the short end of the stick here, but that's nothing new. Watch and learn.

Does that mean I'm a grownup now?

Well I finally have my own place all to myself! It's mine, mine, mine! I was kind of vaguely in a small way looking forward to this, to changing things around and making the place my own, having the place to myself and all kinds of new ideas for self portraits, but I just can't be bothered now. I just don't care, none of that shit matters. I feel alone, miserable and just, well, bla!

He's a star..

Ted
Originally uploaded by Ms Kat.

I did another shoot of the film I'm gonna be in last night. It went ok, not much else to say about it except for it was decidedly free of people peppering the word "darling" in their speech. Sure to disappoint some...

I decided to take along Mr Camera and get a few shots of the action as it was being filmed. This is Ted, and he is who the movie is all about. He doesn't do much but it's named after him so he must be important.

Just to reassure you that I'm still on this blogging thing...

What is it with Saturdays? They're so fucking boring! I'm totally bored out of my mind and have plenty of time to write a long and thoughtful post, but of course I have nothing to say.

It's still cold, only it's rainy as well now. My weather program say it's 5 degrees but it feels like 1. What the fuck does that mean? Either it's 5 degrees or it's not! And if it's 5 degrees then whatever it feels like feels like 5 degrees don't you think? Anyway it's fucking cold, and there have been a few people around wearing woolly caps and gloves already so I shouldn't worry about looking like a dork, not that I should anyway because it's pretty clear that I'm a dork regardless of woolly hats. I should embrace my dorkism. At least my ears won't fall off.

The other night we filmed the first bit of our movie. I wasn't really pleased with the final take of my bit that they chose, but it wasn't all that bad. Next shooting is on next Tuesday, and a few more after that and it should be done by late November. After that there's nothing but the cold, dark and loneliness to keep me company.

Oh yeah, that Christmas thing. Grrrr.

Such a lovely time of year....

It's been such a beautiful autumn. Very mild, almost like spring but with all the beautiful bright colours that the falling leaves give us. Ah, so lovely.

Until today. Actually until about a week ago. One day it cooled down a little. Then it got a little colder. Then it got colder still, and this morning when I went out it was fucking freezing!!!! My bloody ears nearly broke off!!

Ok, I'm slightly exaggerating, but this presents a dilemma. I have the feeling I'm going to need to wear my woolly hat very soon. But it's only November! I can't wear a fucking beanie in early November, I'll look like a fucking dork! If only other people would already wear them, but they won't, because it's fucking early November and they don't want to look like a dork. They'll wait until everyone else starts wearing them and then....

See what I mean? Life is so hard.

Now all I need is the cats.

I've come one step closer to realizing my dream. Yesterday I moved. Into my own flat this time. Finally after years of sharing I have my own place.

Actually though, right now I'm sharing it with someone for a short while. This is because the time I needed to move out of my other flat coincided (closely enough) with the time a certain person I know is leaving town.

And that will bring me yet closer still to my ultimate ambition of being a mad old spinster. For when he leaves on that jet plane, never to return*, I will be truly alone, with no one to love, or care about, or talk mindless nonsense with (someone cue the violins here please).

At least I'll have my own place, and now I can finally get some cats, and really, who need a man when you've got a kitten to cuddle:).

And of course it opens up more possibilities for better self portraits in exciting new environments. Oh yeah, I'm gonna have a whale of a time, (sigh).

*with vague ideas to maybe come back one of these days, but I'm not holding my breath here.

Alright, alright already...

Time sure flies. It's been a while since I've written anything as some of you have noticed. The other night I had an idea of something I wanted to write, which I totally forgot the next day so I came up with a sort of funny little "I forgot what I was going to write about so I'm writing about nothing" post, but I didn't end up writing it for some reason.

My excuses for absence are few and they're pretty slim. I haven't been more busy than usual, and sure I never have anything to write about but that's never stopped me before, and I could say I'm lazy, but I've always been so....

I've been taking quite a few photos, I think I'm getting better at it. So go and visit Ms Kat on flickr and lavish her with attention and praise if you're inclined to do that sort of thing. And you can also go to my photoblog 1000 Words which was I also took the opportunity to update earlier today.

And that's not all! I finally did a new post on my other blog which if you don't know it already, my very simple but rather brilliant idea to document the stranger and more ridiculous search terms that lead people to this here blog. I haven't bothered to do it for a while but someone called anonymous, left this comment out of the blue,

Another complete waste of bandwidth... Your blog is beyond stupid and boring, and that ins't easy to accomplish.

I figured it was time to jump back into it.

And just because I haven't been doing enough lately, here's a recent photo of me, for you all to enjoy!


Happy Halloween!

There's 2 of me!

What do you think?
Originally uploaded by mischievous kitty.

So why is it that I get next to nothing done. I realise that it's about a week since I last posted. So much for getting back into intensive blogging, shame on me (slaps self on wrist).

I had another rehearsal for my upcoming movie, it went pretty well, we should be shooting in a couple of weeks so after a bit of editing the thing should be available on utube or something, so you can see how good/crap/neutral I am.

A lot of stuff is going on which isn't necessarily keeping busy but it's worrying me, which I've been meaning to write about for ages but I haven't figured out how to put it all into words. One of these days.

Apart from that I've been taking lots of pictures. Like the one above. Actually, I'll let you in on a secret. That's 2 pictures! Yes, one of me and another of me, stitched together. Clever isn't it?

Making movies.

I'm gonna be!

Not a huge production of course, just a small amateur group that I met a few months ago, finally we're doing something. I've gone to 2 rehearsals so far, and it could be one of the reasons I haven't been blogging so much lately, but if it is it's not until at least #6 on the list, (#1 being laziness).

I play Mattie. Mattie is a friend of Dan's. Dan is a dude. He is a very well liked and well respected dude, but all is not what it seems.....

That's about as much as I can tell you now. I got the "lead" female role in the film. It was between me and the other female actress in the group (that was there the other night anyway) and my interpretation of the character was closer to what the director intended than hers was, and I thought I was pretty darn good actually. She was pretty good too, but not as much "Mattie" as I was.

I don't know when the film will be done, possibly about 2 months from now. I should be able to show y'all when the dvd is available, that's if you're interested of course.

Unless my performance really suck or look really awful in it that is.

No need to fret, my dears...

Proper blogging shall commence shortly. I'm getting itchy fingers and am ready to plunge back into the world of thought-sharing. I had something I majorly wanted to write about today but I didn't get around to it yet, and I'm off shortly, but I promise, promise, promise that I'll be posting something of substance to... I mean, soon. ish. This week sometime. Maybe.

In the mean time you can all go check out my flickr photos and admire me there.

Sorry everyone...

Still around, just not bothering to write.

I am getting out a little bit at the moment, seeing stuff, taking photos, but mostly it's just laziness.

Anyway here's a recent photo of me just to reassure you all that I'm ok.

Wooble!

A Post

What is that creature....
Originally uploaded by mischievous kitty.

Sort of. Just another photo. Just so you don't get alarmed I wasn't actually stuck on the ceiling here, I cleverly posed lying back with my arms up and then flipped the photo upside down. I know, I'm a genius, you don't have to tell me again and again and again. Of course you can if you want to.

I'm still around, I'm just busy. Well not so much busy as lazy.

Nothing

This post is going to be about nothing.





See.


I'd write about something but my attempts of late to write about an actual subject have been lame. Meaningless, repostings of stuff around the web without further comment or just photos of me. So I'll just stick to saying nothing.


Back to pointless drivel about boring crap tomorrow.

But they look so cute and cuddly...

Planning on a going hiking in Switzerland, well..

Mooove slowly and don't hug cows, hikers told

I'm just including the headline so I can state my opinion that whoever wrote it deserves to be shot.

Responding to numerous "reports of unpleasant meetings between hikers and cattle" along Switzerland's picture-perfect Alpine trails this summer, the Swiss Hiking Federation has laid down a few ground rules.

Yeah but you know how rowdy those hikers can get. No doubt they were provoking the cows with taunts about their mothers and such nonsense.

"Leave the animals in peace and do not touch them. Never caress a calf,"

And don't fondle their nipples. That never gets a very good reaction.

"Do not scare the animals or look them directly in the eye. Do not wave sticks. Give a precise blow to the muzzle of the cow in the event of absolute need,"

Just a bit of common curtesy. I mean, where do these people come from, the bottom of the sea?
I dunno. I'd probably have problems trying to get closeup photos of the cows eye and inside of their ears, but that's just me. It's not likely I'll be going anywhere there are cows soon so I'll probably be alright.

I am so there.

Satan Island, Starring Vincent Price?

Tourist: I want to go home. New York is so unchristian. Look at this, they even have a place called "Satan Island"!
New Yorker: Oh yeah, we New Yorkers are the worst. We even sold our souls to the devil so we could all read.

--6 train

I'm just dreadful!

Whoops, spilled some.
Originally uploaded by mischievous kitty.

Contrary to what you might think after seeing the accompanying photograph, I'm not dreadful because I'm a shameless pisshead who sloppily dribbles vodka all over herself after swigging it at home alone.

No. I'm dreadful because that actually isn't vodka at all. I filled up an empty vodka bottle, of which I'd had a total of one drink from, in order to pose for a bunch of photos.

I know, it's terrible! I'm a big fat fake. I'm not at all as I seem. Sorry if I disappointed you.

God is back.

I'm back to Wednesday bible blogging after a break of a few weeks. Mostly because (and I know this is getting rather tiresome) I have nothing else to write about. Sorry.

1 Corinth 15:49... "And as we have borne the image of the earthy, we shall also bear the image of the heavenly."

a) You're dead now, but no worries, you were good and obedient and sufficiently grovelling before God, so you're going to Heaven.

b) Think not of earthly sinful stuff, like booze and succulent foods, pleasures of the flesh etc, think about Jesus. If it doesn't work then tough, you're going to hell.

c) Damn, these drugs are good!

Good to see that I'm still as rubbish at this as I ever was.

And here I thought it was all about orgasms..

I was browsing through my site stats earlier on, and came across someone looking up this,

The feminist agenda is not about equal rights for women. It is about a socialist, anti-family political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism, and become lesbians.

(Blush), I really didn't mean to destroy the family, honest. All I wanted was to have a good time. About those babies, I'm really really sorry, but the Dark Lord was insisting, and those prayers weren't helping any.

The real truth really comes out at the end of the quote. I mean why do you think we really started making such a ruckous way back about a 100 years of more ago? The vote? You think we wanna bother our pretty little heads with boring grownup stuff like that? Give me a break. It's all about the orgasms. I know, I'm sure there's a man out there somewhere who knows how to do it right, but until I meet him and he actually is interested in me, (unlikely as he'd be in rather high demand and very, very busy) I'm sticking with my side.

Ooh they'll pay

BERLIN (Reuters) - A seven-member family faces eviction from an east Berlin apartment tower after neighbors complained about loud prayer sessions that keep the whole building awake at night, a German newspaper said Thursday.

Oh, It can't be that bad can it?

"I really don't want to disturb the neighbors but the high volume is needed in the battle against the devil," Pierre D., the 42-year-old father of the Christian family, told Bild newspaper. He is fighting an eviction order in court.

Oh, now I understand The devil isn't put off by them little wussy prayers. You need a real man's prayer, a man's prayer to get that dark lord wimpering and crying. I bet this minute he's scampering off with his tail between his legs, to pick on another poor family. A quieter family.

Neighbors told Bild the screams and singing that are part of the family prayers in the second storey sometimes begin at 2:30 a.m. and can be heard all the way up to the fifth floor.

Well, if that's what it takes...

"We have to work in the morning and need our sleep," said taxi driver Horst Berghahn, who lives on the third floor. He said he asked the family to lower the volume several times since they moved into the building 10 months ago but to no avail.

Oooh, we like to sleep and we need to work. Well boo fucking hoo. I tell you this Mr, you might be getting your prescious sleep now, but when you're in hell you'll be having a wee bit of trouble gettin some rest with those little devils pokin' at your ass won't you? People today.

I was bored ok!

Peer pressure
Originally uploaded by mischievous kitty.

When you're sitting at home and you've got nothing better to do, you can always put a bowl on your head and take a photo. It also helps if you have nothing to write about either, it gives you a subject you see.

This is not an isolated incident, in fact it's a trend. I'm being incredibly fashionable by sporting this particular headgear, you just don't know it yet.

Note to self..

Set my phone to silent before going to sleep.

I should explain. Twice in the last 2 weeks I've been woken up in the middle of the night by a phone call from the same drunken incoherent person. Well last night the phone call wasn't so much incoherent as a mistake, he must have pushed the button and called me accidentally. Nevertheless it woke me up! And this person didn't even own a phone between a short while after the first incident and sometime on Tuesday evening!

Grrrrrrrr.

Mad, complete with cats.

I was just reading something, that's actually a link to something, which has nothing to do with what I'm going to talk about really, (the main subject of the piece is pubic hair, and I know none of you are interested in that subject) but something about the first paragraph jumped at me.

I am a 40-year-old single heterosexual woman, living in New York City. Just like thousands of other women I wonder if I will ever find The One, or if I will be a lonely old lady with cats who yells at the neighbors.

Hey, why you dissin' on cats lady? In fact, why is this cliche repeated over and over, with single ladies always claiming that they don't like cats, they don't have cats, feeling the need to defend themselves from the oh so terrible accusation of having cats!

Well fuck that! It's ok to have cat. It's ok to have one, it's ok to have 2, it's ok to have 7. It's ok to have cats if you're a man, it's ok to have cats if you are a traditional nuclear family with 2 3/4 children. It's ok to have cats if you're a gay couple (male or female), it's ok to have cats if you're a not married childless woman in her early 30s who is nevertheless in a relationship with a man creature, it's ok, in fact, to have cats if you are a single woman over 40 who is not and isn't going to be in a relationship any time soon. Or ever!

In fact, it's ok to be a mad, lonely old lady with cats who yells at the neighbours!

I don't have cats or any pets. I am as you may well know a single woman in my 30s. This doesn't bother me. The fact that I don't have cats, and don't actually live alone, and am in something that might resemble a relationship to those who use the word loosely (with a man, no less) might make a difference, but really what I want out of life, and will have once I get my shit together (which is going to be real soon now), is to live alone, in my very own place, and to have cats!

Two of them actuallyboth female. There will be no males living in my home. How's that for mad?

Any excuse to show off.

It's raining. It's been raining for about a week, about as many days so far this month. I predicted this. I said to someone a few weeks ago, when everyone was complaining about the constant heat that it would be swelteringly hot all July, (which is was) and rain all of August. It gives me no pleasure at all to be proven a big smarty pants knowitall however.

The worst thing about it, is not that you can't go outside without getting sopping wet, whereas a week ago you couldn't go outside without turning into a sunburnt, sweating creature, but that it's no good for photo taking!

All month I tried to get some nice Prague photos, either in the local area, or around the river, and it was always too bloody bright! All of my photos came out crap, the sky was all white, the details were washed out, and if I wanted a photo of a white building, forget it! Except for Wednesday.

Last Wednesday was one of those perfect summer days, warm but not hot, sunny but with pretty fluffy white clouds in the sky, it was like a dream. I took the opportunity to take a few photos of the local church. For once they came out how I wanted them. They were the colour they were suppose to be, and the oh so beautiful clouds! They looked like they'd been handed down from heaven from god himself. Ok, I'm exaggerating slightly, but they were real pretty.

Before I knew it, it was all over. The next day was considerably colder still, gloomy, overcast and rainy. It's been like that ever since. All the ideas I had are completely useless now, until it stops raining. I'm wondering what it all means, are the weather gods against me? Is there someone up there who's trying to tell me something? Am I meant to stay inside and focus on self portraits? Well, I suppose I can always do more of them.

That'll sort em out!

LONDON (Reuters) - Police in eastern England are looking to God to help them catch vandals and burglars.

Phew! That ought solve everything. Why didn't anyone think of this before? I mean if you've got God on your side....

The Lincolnshire branch of the Christian Police Association is setting up a "Prayer Watch" scheme to alert Christians to local crimes.

Oh lord...

As well as encouraging worshippers to keep an eye out on their churches and each other, the police said the scheme would allow Christians to use prayer to help catch criminals.

Ooh you are so big..

"It's largely geared to protecting congregations and church properties which are pretty vulnerable places, but with the added bolt-on aspect of prayer," a Lincolnshire police spokesman told Reuters Wednesday.

So absolutely huge...

Retired London policeman Don Axcell, the national executive director of the Christian Police Association, said God did answer crime-busting prayers.

Gosh, we're really impressed down here I can tell you....

Can you help us catch that bloke who defaced the church pews?

"I'm a great believer in the power of prayer and all I'd say to the skeptics is that I've seen it work too many times for it to be a coincidence," he told the Lincolnshire Echo newspaper.

Ha! That showed them Godless heathens!

I'll wait til the movie comes out.

It's Jesus Wednesday again,

REV 13:11... "And I beheld another beast coming up out of the earth; and he had two horns like a lamb, and he spake as a dragon."

Um. I hope there's someone out there still reading, because I'm gonna leave this one up to you. I'm trying my best but all I can come up with is porn, and that's.just.wrong!

I'm thoroughly ashamed of myself.

For the man with class.

Speaking of boobie attacks...

It's shower boobies! And they squirt out stuff!

Not entirely sure what the purpose is, but I'm guessing they're for either,

a) Dude who has resigned himself to the fact that he's never going to feel a real one,
b) Dude who has the good sense to hide it away somewhere safe whenever he has one of those "women" things over who are usually attached to these.

via Pandagon.

You gotta start them early.

Mother: Thas what you gotta watch out for: those assholes.3-year-old
daughter: Okay, Mommy.--14th & 3rd

Overheard by: Sanandara Bong>

It's Sunday. I'm lazy.

Attack of the boobies.

NEW YORK - "I was SHOCKED to see a giant breast on the cover of your
magazine," one person wrote. "I immediately turned the magazine face down,"
wrote another. "Gross," said a third.

He he. Giant breast.

The magazine in question is the one on the right. As you might guess it's a magazine about babies. What is so disturbing about the image, if you'll look at it closely, and mind you look at it closely. Did you look at it? Fine, look at it again, for longer and more closely.

..........

Ok, now that you've inspected the photo you will notice that there is a booby in the picture.

Dreadful, I know. Something must be done!

One mother who didn't like the cover explains she was concerned about her
13-year-old son seeing it.
"I shredded it," said gale Ash, of Belton, Texas,
in a telephone interview. "A breast is a breast, it's a sexual thing. He didn't
need to see that."

Exactly! I mean can you imagine what might happen if a 13 year old boy saw a nipple-less breast with a baby hanging off it? Society would crumble. What was 5 minutes ago a studious upstanding boy, well on his way to becoming an upright citizen into a blubbering booby obsessed bum!

These baby people need to realize that just because they need breast milk to survive doesn't mean that they get to go around with a woman who flashes her ninnies all day! I mean really! The excuses some people have! "Oh my baby needed to eat". Yeah right. Let it eat when everyone else does. Three meals a day, at the allocated time, FROM THE BOTTLE! Your gonna feed your baby every time it gets hungry? You want it to turn into a whiny pathetic little loser who can't take care of themselves? It's you that's causing the downfall of society Mrs, Ms or MISS you unmarried tart!

The accompanying article is titled "why women don't nurse longer". I can't for the life of me figure out why.

1950s cat pyjamas

I know I created Draw On My Boobs specifically for this purpose, but golly gee! This shit just keeps getting weirder. I'm talking about site statistics and the word searches that bring people to my site.

The weirdest one is "guy snorts cat" and nothing else comes even close. The mind just boggles, I mean did the searcher hear about this happening and want to see a picture of it? Or did they want to find out if it's possible, and if so, how to do it? How could anyone think such a thing is even possible, and even then, WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO?!!! But that just me, cat person that I am. I realise lots of people are always trying to do horrible things to cats, something that comes up often in my site stats.

The funny thing about regularly checking the site meter is that there seem to be trends, like all of a sudden people are looking up cats in pyjamas or something. This week, 1950s housewifery seems to be all the rage, as my rather brilliant (if I may say so myself) post And not one thing about blowjobs! which is about just that, (and not about blowjobs at all, surprisingly) has drawn in a bunch of people looking up "perfect wife have dinner ready" "housewife guidelines 1950s" and my favourite, "men are disgusting". It makes a change from people finding that very post by looking blowjobs, who then stupidly click on the link and read it, though it says very clearly that there is not one thing about blowjobs in it.

And of course, doing a post about site stats means only one thing. I have shit all to write about. So give me some ideas dammit. I'm done with this thinking crap.

Off with their heads!

You may have noticed that Blogger is acting like a total fat fuck at the moment. There are difficulties in posting, difficulties in commenting, difficulties in just being. I'm quite displeased with the situation. I mean I don't really have anything to write, but if I did, and it was well thought out and long and everything, and then I lost it all, I'd be seriously dismayed.

As it is there's no point in coming up with anything terribly witty or clever because it would probably just get lost. I was trying to posts comments earlier, and in fact came up with a comment which fit in both the witty and clever categories, and it wouldn't bloody post!

Needless to say, I am very irate with the situation. In my opinion Blogger deserves a whack on the ass! In fact, I think they deserve more than that. They need to be disciplined harshly to the full extent of the law. A public flogging would be sufficiently humiliating as well as painful.

No. It's not good enough. I think we need to bring in the death penalty here, it's just not used enough in these kinds of situations. And none of thlose humane modern methods. The anguish they've caused me deserves nothing less than full on long drawn out painful medieval type executions. Burning at the stake perhaps. A good old fashioned hanging.

Beheading. I think they deserve nothing less than to lose their heads.

What has become of civilization?

I don't know whether it's just here, or the weather or it's a new trend. It's disturbing! I keep hearing people having sex!

Ok, I did for the 2nd time in 2 days, but still! In the daytime too. What is going on! I mean don't these people know that your'e supposed to do it at night, with the doors closed, the lights turned out and under the covers? Which of course should muffle any noises that you may be so vulgar as to make.

You wouldn't catch me carrying on like that.

I'm trying, I'm trying.

I went out again yesterday with the purpose of taking photos of some of the lovelier views of Prague. I wanted to get the perfect shot, with the perfect light at the perfect time of evening of that view of Prague Castle of the Vltava and surroundings.

The other evening I took a bunch of photos around the area that came out too dark, so I went out earlier. And I was too early. For about an hour and a half the sun hovered stubbornly at a spot directly between just above the Castle and the Charles Bridge. No matter where I walked along the riverside it was still there. And no matter which bench I sat down to wait for it to move to a more favorable position, it shone directly into my eyes.

I took photos of the less enticing view facing the other way down the river, the street, random buildings, ducks, pigeons and my feet while I was waiting. When the sun finally went down enough to make a halfway decent photo, I took a couple and then walked across the Charles Bridge and back, taking photos of the bridge, the Castle from the Bridge, the view from the other side, Jesus, and some musicians.

I went back to my sacred spot and finally, everything was in the right place. I took one photo, and my batteries went dead.

That one photo turned out kind of ok. I came back and downloaded all of them, most were utter crap and a couple were sort of reasonable. I wasted so much juice on so many pointless photos I had to make do with my one lousy shot of the perfect time, which was, if I remember exactly 21:09. Actually I don't remember I'm making it up, but it was around then.

In other photo related news, I am nowofficiallyy the world's most interesting Michelle. Or,to be more accurate, I have the most interesting photo tagged with the word Michelle on Flickr, according to their definition of interesting, that is. Which isn't like interesting in the real world,
it's more like something very confusing that no one really understands, but it doesn't matter, I'm it. Thanks to my tireless self promotion and of course, being exceptionally interesting.

I have another casting tomorrow. It's an open casting, for a film, about something, and they need actors, of some sort. No idea how many people they need, or how many people will show up.

I love Wednesdays

Cos I don't have to think. I know I should put more (some) thought into this, but I manage to avoid it every time.

REV 14:13... "And I heard a voice from heaven saying unto me, Write, Blessed are the dead which die in the Lord from henceforth: Yea, saith the Spirit, that they may rest from their labours; and their works do follow them."

a) And I heard a voice from heaven booming down (as God tends to),
"Right, blessed are the dead which die in the Lord from henceforth"

"Yeah" , saith the Spirit, "that they may rest from their labours; and their works do follow them".

And I replied, "wow, that's cool. I'd better get onto this following the Lord business then."

And the spirit saith, "Totally"

b) Those who are good and follow Jesus and stuff (bla bla bla the same story again) will go to Heaven.

c) Those who don't. Hmmm, don't wanna think about it.

Well, actually I do want to think about it, because I'll be up in Heaven, living it up, while you, you fornicators, you shameless hussies, you faggots, you unbelievers will be ROASTING IN HELL. Which makes it all the more fun for us righteous folk. Nya nya.

Right, I'm gonna....

I was going to write a post about how all the possibilities for exciting new ventures I've been involved in recently, and have written about have rather disappointingly failed to lead to anything. Then I decided I didn't want to do that, and would write about how I have nothing to write about, and ask you, the audience to give me ideas, one word, two words and I would get onto it right aw.. er one day, maybe.

Then I got an email out of the blue about a casting call for a feature film that's on Saturday and I thought, "well, I'd better not get all excited and tell anyone about this, and certainly not blog about it, as it will certainly lead to absolutely nothing like everything else I've tried recently...."

So I thought I'd write about that instead.

Quiz Time!

A bit of lazy blogging for this summer Sunday, it's a while since I've done a quiz, and I just had to know which Classic Dame I was,

Katharine Hepburn You scored 21% grit, 38% wit, 42% flair, and 9% class!

You are the fabulously quirky and independent woman of character. You go your own way, follow your own drummer, take your own lead. You stand head and shoulders next to your partner, but you are perfectly willing and able to stand alone. Others might be more classically beautiful or conventionally woman-like, but you possess a more fundamental common sense and off-kilter charm, making interesting men fall at your feet. You can pick them up or leave them there as you see fit. You share the screen with the likes of Spencer Tracy and Cary Grant, thinking men who like strong women. Find out what kind of classic leading man you'd make by taking the Classic Leading Man Test.

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 47% on grit You scored higher than 80% on wit You scored higher than 53% on flair You scored higher than 3% on class

Link: The Classic Dames Test written by gidgetgoes on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

The history of cheese.

I though I'd do an educational post for you all today, on a subject that's dear to my heart. Cheese.

Mmmm. Cheese. Can you imagine a world without cheese? Without it's strong/mild/mildlystrong flavour? Without it's creamy/hard/soft texture? Without all those wonderful names, from wonderful places, cheddar, gouda, gorgonzola, Wensleydale, brie?

Mmmm. Um, where was I again? Oh yes, well there was a day when there was no cheese. Long hard dreary days they were, until...

The History of Cheese
Most authorities consider that cheese was first made in the Middle East. The earliest type was a form of sour milk which came into being when it was discovered that domesticated animals could be milked. A legendary story has it that cheese was 'discovered' by an unknown Arab nomad. He is said to have filled a saddlebag with milk to sustain him on a journey across the desert by horse. After several hours riding he stopped to quench his thirst, only to find that the milk had separated into a pale watery liquid and solid white lumps. Because the saddlebag, which was made from the stomach of a young animal, contained a coagulating enzyme known as rennin, the milk had been effectively separated into curds and whey by the combination of the rennin, the hot sun and the galloping motions of the horse. The nomad, unconcerned with technical details, found the whey drinkable and the curds edible.

A happy accident!

In the Roman era cheese really came into its own. Cheesemaking was done with skill and knowledge and reached a high standard.

And before you knew it, the whole of the Roman Empire, then the world was eating cheese. End of story.

I'd like to go into more detail but I can't be bothered, instead I'll leave you with a recipe.

BEER AND CHEESE SOUP

Ingredients:
------------
1 cup diced onions
1 cup diced celery
1 cup diced carrots
1 cup diced mushrooms
3/4 cup butter
1/2 cup flour
1 tsp dry mustard
5 cups chicken or vegetable stock
1 bunch broccoli
11 fl oz beer (use a can or bottle and save a swallow for the cook!)
6 oz cheddar cheese, grated
2 tblsp grated parmesan cheese
salt & pepper to taste

Instructions:
-------------
Saute' the diced vegetables in butter.

Mix flour and mustard into sautaed vegetables. Add the chicken or
vegetable stock to mixture and cook for five minutes.

Break broccoli into small flowerets; cut stems into bite-sizes pieces.
Steam until tender-crisp. Add beer and cheeses to the soup. Simmer
10-15 minutes. Check seasonings.

To serve, place some broccoli into a soup bowl and ladle the soup over it.

Mmmm. Beer and cheese.

Wow, they really do have it better.

Well it seems like this argument which I argued against recently isn't so ridiculous after all.

Queer: Here's what I want you to do. First, I want you to spread chocolate on my chest. Then, I want you to spread some nougat, then some caramel and roasted peanuts. Then I want you to fuck me and call me Snickers.

--Fire Island

I can think of worse names I suppose.

Getting Godly on yo ass

Bible verse time. For once I actually picked the first one I clicked on. I have no idea what it means and I'm going to make this up as I go along, so here it is:

REV 21:27... "And there shall in no wise enter into it any thing that defileth, neither whatsoever worketh abomination, or maketh a lie: but they which are written in the Lamb's book of life."

a) I believe in being harsh but fair. You must be good all your life, you must follow Jesus and give up your soul bla bla bla, you've heard this song before. If you don't you won't be let into Heaven. And you know what happens to those who don't get into Heaven. That's just how it is, I don't make the rules.

b) Sinners beware! Sinners go to Hell!!!!!! No exceptions! You know who sinners are don't you? It's them faggoty girly men and them wanton women, going around doing what they please with their bits and their lives and their dayem independence! It's a sin! And I will be laughing in Heaven as they're being tortured down in them there Hell parts.

c) You must not enter the wrong bits into unsuitable other bits. Especially when there are lambs involved. Totally uncool dude.

So I guess the way to do it is to just barge ahead without even thinking about it. It's not really any sillier than my previous efforts.

Yes, your highness.

Perching on the balcony.
Originally uploaded by Mutant Cat.

I realize I have a photoblog now, so there's no need to go posting endless photos of me taken by me on this here blog, but I'm on a mission, and I get more hits here.

I want to be the most interesting Michelle on Flickr. What does it mean? No fucking idea. But there's a thing where photos are sorted by interestingness, something to do with number of views, comments and favourites. All of my photos by me are tagged with Michelle, and currently this photo is the 8th most interesting photo tagged with Michelle. I need help to boost it to #1. I know a few of you out there are on Flickr, and I, as the Great Mutant Cat, host and creator of this blog, command you to go and shower my little photo with love and attention!

If you want to.

I know this is terrible but...

Man dies hoisting flag for World Cup final

ROME (Reuters) - A 77-year-old Italian man fell off a ladder and died as he tried to attach Italy's flag to a pole ahead of Sunday's World Cup final against France. ADVERTISEMENT

The man, Rodolfo Profili, was raising the flag on a patch of land he owned near the central Italian city of Viterbo when he apparently lost his balance and fell eight metres into a precipice, Italian news agency ANSA reported.

Ok I'm not that horrible. Italy, the team which for reasons regarding earlier incidents in the championship I especially didn't want to see win. So of course they won! At least I didn't bet against them. I don't really care anymore, that whole football/soccer thing is over and I can get on with my sport free life. Poor guy though.

ANSA quoted local police as saying the man died instantly, still clutching the tricolore.

And he didn't even get to see his team win.