Thursday, March 08, 2018
I was going to write something substantial, that is, I toyed with the idea, and I had something in my head, at least a week ago now, that I totallz wanted to write, but I didn't, so I won't now. I kinda thought I would anyway, but I can't switch the language to English on this computer, and anything substantial or even substantial lite requires I have the proper writing tools at least. Or properish, nothing's really proper if I'm not on my own computer which I haven't had the use of for over 3 months now. So I'm writing this, and this, is nothing. It's a metaphor for my life. A bit dreary and boring, doesn't work properly and not much else. It's existing, not really living, and not in particular comfort or full of frivolous but entertaining engagements, either of which would happily leave me in a, if not blissful state, a state of being able to ignore, for the most part, that this existence is devoid meaning, or hope, or... there isnt another thing, why do I always feel the need for a third thing.. other than it's a common writerly convention that I'm too unoriginal to omit. There's your answer, not that I asked a question properly because I can't find how to write a question mark on this damn Czech keyboard. Where was I just imagine there is a question mark there sorry to not put this in brackets I can't figure out how to do them either. I was talking about my empty life. Yes, empty without my usual beloved distractions. Sad that I could be relatively happy with this life as long as I had internet and tv and could get warm and comfy in my own home often enough, but that's me. I don't know when, if ever, this will change, and if it changes it will for the better, or enough for the better, actually writing about it just leaves another grumble up here for all the world to see and for me to pore over in future, to get even more depressed because nothing will have changed by that time in the future, or not for the better, or enough for the better. I guess this means it's time to stop.. oh well that's enough of nothing.
Friday, February 23, 2018
Tuesday, January 23, 2018
Not really. You know how last time I wrote, last year, talking about how shitty life was, how fucking depressing and miserable and bleak and horrible and pointless and fucked up and horrible and generally negative things were? And how I hoped the next year would be better and things would bloody well have to rapidly improve and I was looking forward to the change of arbirtrary bla bla bla... no I didnt really say that because I wasnt expecting any of that, but the first bit yeah. Well, it's still like the first bit. 2018 sucks. I don't have a lot of hope for that changing very soon. Sorry to be a downer, but one value's one's honesty. Actually that's a lie, I just want to spread the misery. Take that people with relatively alright lives if you look at it in a certain way.
Sunday, December 31, 2017
I thought I'd pop in here at least once during this month, right at the last minute, of the year, as it happens. This year. This fucking year. This fucking shitty year has fucking sucked! I'd go into details but I can't fucking be bothered and really, it's fucking depressing. It's just a bleak miserable existence. I'd be fucking ecstatic, in spite of the end of a monumental fuckup of a year, except I know it won't change a thing. Us humans (myself fucking included, especially me being such a stupid fuckwit) are obsessed with these milestones based on arbitrary numeral combinations and it means shit. Nothing will happen except for the same bullshit that keeps happening, more problems and more bad shit. That's my fucking prediction for the next fucking rotation around the sun... the same old shit, but worse. At least the festive season will be over. You know what it's like to be around everyone enjoying fun and festivities when your life is pointless, miserable and bleak with no hope that anything will change, either soon or ever? Well it fucking sucks. Now it will be January, which is glum, but it's glum for everyone. Good! I hope it's fucking extra glum with an extra dose of bleak. You try it, hah.. you don't know what glum is motherfucker, I'd like to give you glum. Well I've done my duty and made my point. I don't know when I'll be writing here again but it won't be until at least next year. Yes, I see what I did there, laugh motherfucker. That's all, me out.
Sunday, November 26, 2017
So here i am, I'm writing. I've been quiet, for me. I have good reasons, one being that it's been really difficult to get anything done of late including writing something online, the other one is that things fucking suck, and there's not much more to say about it than they fucking suck. Well there is a lot to say about it, but I will, in my usual style, allude and be vague and not say anything at all while saying a lot. I think that's how it goes. Last month sucked. It sucked as months usually do, boredom, hardship, shit just not working out, again. And then a big event happened, a momentous devastating occasion in the life of a person that I had a weirdly inadequate reaction to, but I think I was affected, anyway it drops the level of October considerably. The events of this month, have been less overwhelming in the overall scheme of things, but the shit that started off the month (actually occurring on the last of the last, October 31, Halloween all Saint's Eve Samhain etc)happened is of a kind to affect me personally much more, and being the unfeeling, selfish sort that I am, has pissed me off much more. And it just got worse. So shit sucks, everything simple, boring but necessary is such a fucking hassle to do and it doesn't get anything done it's just a big pain in the ass. And I don't get anything done. Day after day the same, I wait and wait and rush and wait and find out.. nothing. Not a sausage, nothing knew, not good news anyway, just more of the same shit, slowly descending from it's already considerable descent. So shit sucks, and I'm considerably vexed by it all.
Posted by Michelle at 10:18 PM
Saturday, October 14, 2017
but nothing to say. I sometimes have problems writing anything here. It shouldn't be a problem, as there is not obligation for me to ever write anything at all, not officially, but I want to write. I want to keep this here blog thingy up, I want to have a creative(ish) connection to the outer world, that isn't all the photos I post or the stuff I share on Facebook or the stuff I (not all that often or at least not enough of the the stuff I want to be in) act in or or all else that I do so I want to write something. I just do. Something is a big category. It would help so much if I had a topic, or topics, or subjects if that is in any way different to a topic. No it wouldn't, then I'd be complaining about how hard it is to write about a particular thing all the time, or that particular thing, or to have to write about a different particular thing every week or every month of however often my assignments are sent. I'd complain, and I'd maybe write, or I maybe wouldn't. This way is also difficult. I don't have much of a life, there is no single subject that I am enough of an expert on for me to have enough confidence in my knowledge to feel I can write about it. It would feel like pontificating, and to pontificate one must a: have loads of confidence, or b: really know stuff, like lots. I am neither a nor b. I mean, I occasionally jot out something about politics or whatever, but it isn't often. That leaves me, and my life. Life being uneventful, it leaves me, and I don't really like talking about myself. I mean I do, and I do. and I am. That is both like it and do it, and I am engaging in that this very moment, but I don't like sharing too much. Not details, not the inner person not anything. So I end up writing about myself, my feelings, stuff going on but being vague about it. And I tend to just type my thoughts out without stopping to think if it makes sense and I never go back over and edit because I really don't want to go back and realize what a load of drivel I just wrote. So it may be hard to read. As I don't think there's anyone reading and this is all for me, and I don't even bother ever reading it, that matters little. So what am I even whining about? Oh yeah. Turns out it doesn't matter.
Wednesday, October 04, 2017
So, nothing to report on, write home about, to immortalize in song or any of that. Just me, here, waiting for one thing or another to work out, doing bits of things here or there, working for the weekend but I can't say anything about that because it's oh so top secret oooh. Not that it's anything important. So, cats still running around, I'm still here in this place, somehow and I have some stuff on the agenda but at this point I'm expecting to all turn into nothing because after about the 67th time, you sense a pattern forming. Just got a fright, thought it was one of our many chickens. See we have several. Some have already been here, roosting for a while, then another came home, roosted and we evicted it, but it might come back. I thought that one had come back. Still could be back, soon. No I'm not going to explain all of that. Well.. life goes on. I wish I had something better or more detailed or microscopically interesting to report on, but there you go.