I'm still here. I just have nothing good to report. Everything sucks, to put it plainly. I've been suspended in a shitty situation for months, which followed a longer time period which was generally shitty.
I've dealt with it mostly by ignoring reality a lot of the time, wandering the city, observing scenes of life that I'm not part of, dreaming of another life.
I know it's not what I should be doing. A responsible adult would be pulling their shit together, buckling down, facing problems head on and tackling them with a brave face on.
But I don't know what to do. The few feeble attempts I've made to fix anything about my situation over these months has failed. It's been nothing but beating my head against a wall.
Also, I don't fucking want to. I don't want any of it. I've lived the misery and the doom and I want it gone. I don't want to go and face my fears and get sunk into a beaurocratic nightmare when there's no guarantee or even likelihood that anything will work, when there's nothing at the end of it for me. I'll be basically functional, maybe.
Maybe I owe it to the world to be a good obedient citizen (of where, I don't have any identification papers) and do my duty, but the world can suck it, if it's got nothing for me.