Friday, June 26, 2015
This whole ignoring stuff I just want to go away seems to be working out for me. I've managed to keep something back there wherever it is for about 2 weeks now, and nary a moment a day do I briefly worry about it. Of course, new shit keeps coming up and I unfortunately am forced to be privy to and that does vex me, at least at first I have a rather poor reaction to things, but, in time, if I'm lucky I'm able to vanish the thought, and continue on in my not great, not even really good but ok in some ways way, without too much crap at the forefront. I think I'll continue doing this. It would be nice for something actually actively good to happen as well.. still waiting for one of those. That's really all.
Saturday, June 20, 2015
I was sort of intending on making this a regular thing, you know, the updating of the blog, even of trying to post every day per a suggestion I had, but I forgot. Sorry. I haven't even been working that much this week, that one week of getting up off my ass and trudging around day after day hard at work in a semi-regular manner was an anomaly. I just forgot, and then I couldn't be bothered. So here I am, updating. Been ok I guess. Well it's kind of sucked but I've decided to ignore for the most part the thing that showed up that made things go from not too bad just lacking in anything particularly positive to actively sucking, for the most part. At some point I'm going to have to face it and find out that despite everyone's insistence that it's not that big a deal and I have ways of dealing with it and this one person had something similar and they went to this place and said this and that and it was ok, I will have to deal with the worst case scenario that this situation can bring, and that will suck, heavily. Until then I plan to choose to believe that it doesn't exist, or at least behave as if it doesn't and just have that foreboding feeling at the back of my head, squished firmly back there where it belongs. It's almost midsummer, which is nice, but it is kind of overcast and potentially rainy, which slightly spoils it.
Tuesday, June 09, 2015
I've just done like, 6 days in a row, and 2 of them sick! *feels all proud and stuff* *coughs* Best thing about it, apart from the actual being sick bit, is now I have some days off.. ooh luxury. Of course, I need to spend the majority of the time learning a new script that I need under my proverbial belt by Friday, which I won't, but I have to, but still, after getting 2 large groups the last 2 days, exactly when I was feeling light headed and woozy and really didn't need that, it'll be good to not have to leave the house and engage with real live people for a while. Now that's luxury. Maybe I'm in the wrong profession :/
Sunday, June 07, 2015
I've been busy. I feel like I've been working long hours every day in a row for weeks and weeks. In reality, I'm on my 5th day in a row today, and I do usually 3/4 hours, or 7/8 every couple of days, which I know is not that impressive, indeed lazy hours for normal people, but in my defense, it has been very hot, and my job takes me outdoors, in the baking sun, up hills and round bends and.. actually there's not too much climbing hills either. Ok so I'm a lightweight, but I have been busy working every day and so, not much time to check in. At least not after the beers I generally have until late at night after work most days, so that's my excuse. It hasn't been so bad though, despite the heat, and the doing work part of it, it's been kind of fun really although I've come to the point where I need at least a brief rest from telling the same shit about the same stuff yet again for the nth time, n being 5, if you're talking days in a row. One more day and then, well I don't know, next week is a mystery. If people return and get over weird mysterious illnesses, I might go back to being someone more similar to myself, ie a lazy person who only works a few days. I'm kind of looking forward to that. And the rain, I really would like it to rain.
Tuesday, June 02, 2015
It's not that I've never worked before. It's not that I haven't ever worked hard, or done a good job, or done many hours, either in one go or many shifts or.. actually the last 2 are rare. If they happen it doesn't last long. This time I might actually have something resembling a full time job, if only for the summer months. I really shouldn't be saying this because every time I begin to feel confident or think I might be kind of good at something, that's when it all falls apart, so I'll just say "might". Probably not. In fact, almost certainly not what am I talking about? I was talking about something? Are you sure because I don't remember saying anything. I must have been imagining it. Well anyway, hope you're having a nice evening.
Monday, June 01, 2015
So much has happened, though nothing is really going on. A lot has changed, numerous times in a brief time period, but there's really not much to say, or at least, I don't know just how to say it. What can I say? I moved, I moved again, and moved again, 2 of those moves were to my own place, one was a "crashing" situation. It's already ages ago now, I've longer moved on from those days. there have been people, from people I didn't know before and got to know quite rapidly, to people I've known for years, on and off, quite well to not very much at all which have been part of these past months, some which are still, with similar to very different situations occurring with said people. I've been in the same job for 3 whole months or maybe longer, it seems to be going well though I have a habit of screwing up these situations in an entirely unspectacular manner despite trying my little heart out to be a good worker and so on, that I'm not completely confident with the whole thing.. yet, or maybe not ever, assuming I last much longer which I'm not assuming at all. Having settled in to what is now my own place, for more than temporary, with internet and everything, I've in some ways settled in to my old way of doing things, that is, not doing much at all, and in fact not really having friends, or much of a life. Perhaps that's deep down how I want it and I should stop pretending that I'm more interesting than the kind of person who's like that. It sure would make life easier, but can I be that honest with myself? Should I be, or should I strive for something more? I don't expect answers to those questions, I'm guessing they're rhetorical. That, for the moment is all. Things may change.
Friday, May 29, 2015
So, here I am. I don't know where to start really. I think I have something permanent, if I choose to and let's face it when it comes down to it I'm quite boring, I want to just settle and have everything be comfortable. One day it will be. Not that it isn't comfortable now but it's not all that comfortable if you know what I mean. Ok it's ok, it's just a mess, a huge mess. I have no furniture or I have not much furniture or I don't have the specific right kinds of furniture and that's my excuse if I had that I wouldn't be living in a mess oh no.. a mess.. not me? Ok so I would, and I will be, even when that day comes when I have all the very most basic things I need to have a real room, because that's who I am, and who I shall continue to be, whatever else happens along the way. It's been ok. It might be alright, possibly even good. Who knows.