Sunday, September 14, 2014

I finally did something right!

Apparently, of late my posts have been very informative, I have good knowledge and my posts are very able..

Strange, they never were before, and now all of a sudden people, and not just any people, really clever people, who run marketing and debt management and other financial and even game sites think this! You can tell because of the links they leave. Can you believe it? I finally got noticed.

In a totally unrelated move, I'm bringing back comment moderation, at least for a while. I dunno, just felt it might be good to have that.

*does some cleaning*



Friday, September 12, 2014

I had a thought.

And then I lost it.

This happens, we have so many thoughts, ideas, light bulb moments that we either don't identify as such, or forget about by the time we... what was I saying? Oh yeah, thinking of stuff. I think of stuff all the time. At least I think I do but most of it just goes out the other end.

I mean I think of some stuff some of the time. And it's pretty mundane stuff, from the most boring to the so vague there's nothing you can do with it. I used to think of stuff much more, actual good stuff, specific stuff and if you were to read (if you were so inclined and I'm pretty sure you aren't because why would one?) back a bit on this blog, you would find more than one, nay, more than 5 very posts talking about this very thing.

Yes, it's a long time since I've had an idea worth forgetting about. Not just an idea, those I still have sometimes, and though most of them aren't good, they're ideas, but real things to write about, with details and stuff. At this point I could go on and on referencing a post talking about how I wrote about having this sort of 'writer's block" because I'd just gone through the blog and read some stuff about how I don't get those sort of ideas anymore, and it wouldn't be the first time I wrote that either.

Again, I have no point. I just wish I could... could.. stuff, that, it you know. things.. sometimes what is kind of good even. Yes.

*tears hair out*

ouch

Tuesday, September 09, 2014

Don't bother reading.

No, seriously, don't. I'm just gonna whine again about whatever it is I'm writing about which I'll leave vague so you don't know quite what it is I'm talking about.

Where was I? Oh yeah, whining. Well, I'm fed up. I'm fed up with nothing. All this nothing, just nothing. I do stuff (ok not so much stuff, not by any normal person's let alone really ambitious hard working person's standards but it's stuff) I work (see previous brackets) I stress (actually quite a lot) in preparation for things and out of all these things I get a reply from..

*crickets*

I think that made sense. I don't really care if it didn't. Ok so if it doesn't I'm saying that nothing is going on, all these things that I thought would lead top something, at least one of them, or maybe 2 of the smaller less exciting ones, there is again nothing.

I mean, nothing is ok, nothing is what I'm used to. I'm comfortable with nothing. Not necessarily satisfied but I get by, it's just when one's hopes are raised, and one thinks that nothing will be enhanced by just a little something, and that there is actually quite a reasonably high hope of it.. and it all goes back to nothing again.

I'll be ok, I'll get used to it again pretty quick, it's just that.. right now, it doesn't please me. I'll have to go and distract myself somehow.

Wednesday, September 03, 2014

So long and so fast.

Time goes by so fast, they say, and I tend to think. It just flies by, actually. Of course, how fast is fast? I mean, time goes by how long it takes time to go by, for instance, a day takes a day to go by and that's as fast as, well, a day takes.

That's not what I'm writing about though. I mean I was, but it's sort of the b plot if you will, for this blog I'm writing. Yes, I see what I did there. Yes time goes by fast but everything takes so long. Things take so long we never even get to them. Well for me anyway, I mean some things.

Here I am waiting again, to hear from someone, or someone else after applying, or even going in and doing a (mediocre to adequate if I want to be charitable to myself) audition, or writing a test summary, or something else similar to one of those things or not that similar but someone one does. Actually I think I pretty much listed all of them. And things going further back that I can pretty much file away as "officially didn't happen". You can probably include at least one thing on that list, though you could probably safely chuck it all in that file without a chance of missing much.

The stupid thing is, I'm always so nervous of checking my emails whenever I have something outstanding going on. I'm afraid of them letting me know that I'm just not good enough, or of being told I was too late (as I tend to take 2 or 3 goes over 4 or 5 days to finally complete and send an email for the simplest of things) or to be told I have the role/job and then I have to deal with the anxiety of doing it all. Well not so much the last one. I mean, I would be stressing about that but that is the one that never really happens.

So here I am, clicking on gmail, hoping it safely says I have none new and when there is one I see it's just a notification from twitter, or a silly email from a friend and I go "phew". Yes, I literally do that. No I don't but I do think that. Then I start relaxing because it's not first on my mind anymore. Then I start wishing the reply would kind of come. Then I forget about it, then I start checking my email every 15 minutes hoping it will show up already. Then I forget about it, then I remember and think, hey, there was that thing I was hoping I would be doing.. guess that's not going to happen now. Oh well, sucks to be me.

At the moment I'm in stages 1, 2 and 4 and 6. I think, I'm just guessing, I can't be bothered to go back and see what I wrote and compare it to the stuff I'm referring too. I don't even know if there are that many stages, but it's probably close.

Tuesday, August 26, 2014

How long?

Just how long does it take 3 guys to put one shitty little window into a tiny room in fact the smallest room in the house with all that entails you know the one which holds the facilities that we all need I mean really need to use every so often? I am asking because it's been 2 hours so far, and apart from the fact I have a ton of shit to do (see illegible scrawl from yesterday) and I can't do anything in much of the flat, can't shower, can't think because there's all this noise oh yeah they're digging up my street! I really really really really need to use the facilities that that room contains.

I should have gone before they came, yes, a sensible person would do that. I however, am not sensible enough to say, put a reminder on my phone that this was happening today, so I of course forgot. And there being a visitor here, someone who we kindly let stay at the last minute for one night 2 nights ago, and there's all this noise going on as they're ripping up our street, so when they buzzed and explained in whatever Slavic language they manage to speak, I had no idea what they were talking about. It did take them forever to get up the stairs, so again, a sensible person would take that opportunity to use said facility. I am no sensible, again, didn't occur to me. I was too busy trying to explain to the visitor, who now decided to leave with a giant backpack, as politely as possible to keep out of the way of work dudes (or just one work dude as I thought at the time) who were coming up the stairs with a lot of equipment, and a window, and then stressing because she then moved exactly right in their way and me being polite said oh could you kindly not do that there because it's in the way so she moved more in the way. Anyway, one of them came, and then we waited until another came, and then the 3rd came and well.. to cut a long story not any shorter because I've already told it all.. they're still doing it. And I had 2 coffees.

Today kind of sucks.

Monday, August 25, 2014

The list keeps getting longer.

I have this list. It's something I've been doing for a while, making lists for stuff to do of a day. I've kept them on and off, a day or 2 on, a week off, then one day on, 3 weeks off, and the next month I remember, oh I used to do that I should do it again and I don't bother but the next week I make a list.

I did it for this week, well today and tomorrow so far and it's just so bloody long! You see, things keep getting added to these lists, and yeah, some things get done, a few do, and time just get timed out of usefulness but there are more and more things, always more things and most of the other stuff doesn't get depleted because well.. it doesn't get done. Then there's those repeat tasks but I'm not speaking of those now though I usually don't do those either.

Anyway today's the first day for a month or so I've had it all down on paper (actually a file on the computer) before me and I could blame the fact that we had a last minute request to have someone stay here last night who was supposed to leave early in the morning who actually went off some time in the afternoon (to come back again in the evening which I didn't know of until that time) and she needed to use the computer for a minute and it was more than a minute and then the internet was down for a bit and when it came back she need to get back on and send that email, or that.. no I don't have another excuse, well I could blame that for me not getting started, on this Monday, this Monday of this week I was once and for all going to get down to business and get all those things done and move forward with a new take on life but really it's because I'm lazy and I get too caught up in useless stuff. Well it is a little bit of the fault fo the situation ie the one where they said they'd meet us in this bar nearby around 8 and then it became 8 to 9 and then it was 10 and then 11:30 and then it was a bit after that, which was ok.

So anyway, I may have gotten one of today's things done, and I'm off to do another. Hopefully before everyone comes home I'll have polished off at least 2 more from the list. At least started one of them.

Oh yeah and I'm writing, I might continue to. I think I've forgotten how.

Thursday, August 21, 2014

Why hello!

Hey I got this blog here. So I haven't signed in for a while, and I'd say I've been busy, which I was for some bits of the time, but that's the not the only reason, nor the main reason.

There's not really a reason, however I suspect that no one is too concerned so, just saying hi.

Hi.

Sunday, August 03, 2014

One every day.

They say you learn something new every day. I think that perhaps for once, that the elusive "they" might just be right. Of course, perhaps it's not true for everyone, but if you define "something" broadly enough well.. yeah they probably have a point.

My thing that I learned on this day is a new word. Now, I don't know how well this word is and I might come across as horribly unlearned once you realize I didn't formerly know this word, but there you go, how educated or clever or whatever I am, I don't really know, I read stuff or find myself in conversations sometimes where everyone seems to just know stuff that they expect others to just know that I have no idea about, but sometimes I find myself being particularly erudite about a clever sort of thing, history for example, which might be something I just read or watched a documentary on because I'm intellectually curious like that, or that I just know because I did actually go to school once, and I find that people don't know it, so who knows. I know some stuff and I don't know other stuff. Anyway, one of the things I don't know (or at least didn't until I heard of it today) is the word algolagnia.

Do you know it? You know it? Yeah!

Well anyway, the def:

sexual pleasure derived from enduring or inflicting pain, as in masochism or sadism. 
 You perve!

Obviously I'd never heard of such a thing before, because I'm completely innocent of that sort of thing, and it took for me to read about sketchy underground societies in London in the late Victorian to find out about it. Of course, I wasn't expecting to come across quite that. Actually I sort of was, those posh cats, they could get pretty freaky.

Anyway now you know. If you didn't already.