Look, if you can't say anything clever..

Then keep your damn trap shut! Ok, before anyone rushes to accuse me of hypocrisy, I'm not talking about regular folk who bloviate with regularity and whom no one ever listens to.. no harm done there but being a slight annoyance, but if you're the pope for instance.. a person who, regardless of how much influence you should have over people (the answer is none, by the way) has, quite a lot actually, well, you need to be more responsible with the things you say.

For instance;

You can't resolve [the AIDS problem] with the distribution of condoms," the pope told reporters aboard the Alitalia plane heading to Yaounde. "On the contrary, it
increases the problem.

Ok now, remember, this is a serious subject, people are fucking dying.. a lot of people, people who listen to YOU pope.. do you even realize that? Do you even think about how shit like this practically affects people's lives? This isn't just some fucking vehicle for you to push your church's views on contraception.. it's about life and death! This shit matters!!! For fucks sake!

It's a bullshit statement. Yeah, yeah I get the church's stance.. and I'm aware of the claim that approving of condoms causes people to be more promiscuous which makes the problem worse.. more worse than not using condoms.. but I don't think anyone who isn't biased towards that conclusion believes it. It's illogical. And if you're going to throw out a remark like that, you need to explain much better than that why, and then provide evidence. Preferably with links.

I don't know whether he believes it or is just towing the Vatican line. Stupid or evil? And yeah I did partly write this just so I could put up a picture of the Pope hailing Satan. As he does.

Freedom comes from within.. the spinny bit..

It was International Women's Day on the weekend, which I totally blew off.. something to do with boozing.. shameful, I know. But some people do care about women.. especially our good friends the Catholics.. who, or at least some of whom weren't too drunk at the time to observe it. They tell us, that it's not the contraceptive pill, or working outside the home that liberated us.. but the washing machine:

"In the 20th century, what contributed most to the emancipation of western
women?" asked the editorial.
"The debate is still open. Some say it was the
pill, others the liberalisation of abortion, or being able to work outside the
home. Others go even further: the washing machine."

Ok, 2 major points about this. The first one is that there is some truth in it. The second point is, that it's utter bullshit.

There is truth in it because obvs. technology and all the gadgets it's brought us, has saved us all a lot of time, it's changed the world, the lives of people everywhere, it's changed the way we work and class systems and all that etc etc etc.

It's bullshit for a lot of reasons. Some women might spend less time doing housework, some might do more, but even if every single woman in the world spends less time on these things, if you control for the differences world wide that have come about because of technology, the differences are either nil, or are in reverse, eg the stereotypical 1950s higher standards of cleanliness that came about because of all of these things.. and if you don't take into consideration the way technological differences have changed our lives over all, well, you just can't compare it because life is just different. So there.. I mean, a middle class Western woman of the 1850s most likely did no, or little physical housework, certainly not more than we would today because she had servants.. people just did then, and we wouldn't consider those women more liberated than modern women because of the society they lived in. Just an example.

It's also bullshit for the reason that it obviously accepts that fact that women do and should do all the washing, which is a fucking copout, and the very antithesis of liberated. And when you compare the washing machine's impact on women's lives, with the ability and right to control her own fertility, and what the article calls "working outside the home" and what I'll call the right and opportunity to enter a wider variety of professions, then it's outrageous bullshit. The fertility thing is pretty much a no brainer, and I think it's clear why the Catholic Church brought this one up, and downplayed the huge benefits that the pill has brought women. I don't think you can point to any one thing that is the biggest liberator of women in the 20th century, but the pill would definitely be equal first, a position that the washing machine most certainly does not share.

Working, having careers, I consider that point as part of a larger idea that women are more than just wives and mothers, who are full human beings capable of doing much more, who are independent human beings who desrve full rights, ie feminism.. and if you compare all that's been done by feminists during that time well.. you can probably guess that the little old washing machine isn't faring well in this competition.

Oh goodness I've rambled on again.. but in short, I think that you can believe that the washing machine is the biggest thing that came out of the 20th century to liberate women, more than the right to vote, the right to abortion, to study, to travel unchaperoned in a lot of places etc etc, if you believe that women are, and are always going to be a wives and mothers, of as many children as god gives them, who's main job it is to take care of the washing, and by extension all the other stuff in the household.. a view that isn't surprising coming from a spokesperson for the Catholic Church, but not one that is in any way liberating.

And to finish off, as if I haven't said enough, the main thing in all this is. The people who get to decide what is liberating for women are people who are pro liberation for women, mostly women themselves who have lived it. You don't get a say if you're not pro women's liberation, and most definitely do not if you are actively, enthusiastically, against liberation for women. You know.. like, guess who...

This I know how to do.

Ok, it's Wednesday and I've been doing this forever so I won't bother with tedious explanations, I'll just get on with it:

Jer 10:10 "But the LORD is the true God; He is the living God and the everlasting King, At His wrath the earth will tremble, And the nations will not be able to endure His indignation"

a) This LORD guy rules. He totally rules and totally governs everything and has LOADS of power right, and if he just gets pissed off at everyone in the world right.. he'll just up and destroy everything.. s,true.. I mean.. the dude literally RULES man.. isn't it awesome? I mean.. until he goes and fucks everything up that will kinda suck but fuck.. he's like.. the man..

b) Be weary unless ye anger God, our true Lord for if you do he will SMITE you everlastingly, and DESTROY the earth and it won't matter for the good cos they'll go straight to heaven but if you are a sinner you will go to HELL! Yes.. all you Satan loving whores better be warned. STOP BEING GAY!

c) Jesus is the kindest, most lovely person/god that ever walked this earth, and you know that because the bible tell us so, he's even so kind as to warn us to be good, and do good unto others that he gives us such a good motivation to follow his example and not anger him, as we will lose our earth and home otherwise..

I stun myself with my cleverness sometimes.

Ah, lets settle down to some good old fashioned tradition...

It's Wednesday.. and you know what that means...

well, if you (singular) are reading, you probably do. If I happen to have picked up a stray reader who will probably peruse this post and then never visit again, you probably won't. In the case of situation #2 I won't bother explaining.. let's just say we're going with pies tonight, just like every Wednesday since time immemorial. Or some Wednesdays since some time last year..

1 John 1:1-3 "That which was from the beginning, which we have heard, which we
have seen with our eyes, which we have looked upon, and our hands have handled,
concerning the Word of life-- the life was manifested, and we have seen, and
bear witness, and declare to you that eternal life which was with the Father and
was manifested to us-- that which we have seen and heard we declare to you"

a) Ok, it's set up like this.. this bible thing that we are dictating right now is right and good in everything and you need to believe all of it, even the bits that contradict the other bits.. and anyway, if you do that you'll get everlasting life. Nice, isn't it?

b) Listen up and listen good.. the LORD has spoken and HE is all powerful.. which means you've got to do what he says. And what he says is do what I say and don't be gay and if yer wimmins then don't be whores and submit to yer mens.. kay.. what you doin.. don't worry about what it says there just listen to what I say.

c) .. and the kitties, and the bunnies, and the birdies, and the flowers, and the trees, and the wine, and the harp, and the sea, and the songs and the dancing.. la la la la la...

Until tomorrow...

Funny but stupid report of the day

A great writer recently noted that as bloggers we have a wealth of material out there at our fingertips to link to when we're on an off day/month/year and aren't in the frame of mind for real writing. Of course, I'm above this sort of thing and usually stick a photo up when I haven't written anything for a while, I only link such items when I feel they are worthy, it has to be really silly to tempt me. Fortunately that's not too difficult to find.

The American Family Association, as the name suggests is a right wing Christian organization that wants to make everyone Christian by law, kill all the gays and make all women pregnant. All right there's a little bit more to them than that, mostly to do with warmongering, but that's the gist of it.

They have a news feed, where you can read news through their special "family" filter.. (ok I just made that up) and read only things that are suitable for good christians to read, with certain words edited so that the proper word replaces it, I assume it's to get rid of any dirty words or such things, though I'm not sure how many profanities will be in news articles.. oh wait.. there is one gay, the word gay is naughty to christianists.. or not so much naughty as used the wrong way. Gay is supposed to mean happy, and not entirely disgusting and despicable and wrong in every way, and we know that the liberal media incorrectly uses it to mean what shall not be mentioned, so that when the word "gay" shows up in an article, it is replaced by the correct word "homosexual" which, we all know, means entirely disgusting and despicable and wrong in every way. And you get stuff like this...

Tyson Homosexual easily won his semifinal for the 100 meters at the U.S. Olympic
track and field trials and seemed to save something for the final later Sunday.
His wind-aided 9.85 seconds was a fairly cut-and-dry performance compared to what happened a day earlier. On Saturday, Homosexual misjudged the finish in his opening heat and had to scramble to finish fourth, then in his quarterfinal a couple of hours later, ran 9.77 to break the American record that had stood since 1999. […]
Homosexual didn’t get off to a particularly strong start in the first semifinal, but by the halfway mark he had established a comfortable lead. He slowed somewhat over the final 10 meters-nothing like the way-too-soon complete shutdown that almost cost him Saturday. Asked how he felt, Homosexual said: “A little fatigued.”

Yeah.. I bet he was fatigued :)

Fucking weirdos.

Who's your daddy?

Time for one of my favourite pastimes, that age old one of plucking an obscure verse from a holy text and twisting it's meaning (or in some cases by a an amazing coincidence getting it spot on) and use it to justify genocide, oppression or unusual sex acts involving furry costumes.. though as far as I know nobody's ever used the bible for the last one, but I could be mistaken. Let's just get on with it. I got this one from this site, cos the one I was using before doesn't seem to do it anymore.

Isa 26:4-5 "Trust in the LORD forever, For in YAH, the LORD, is everlasting
strength, For He brings down those who dwell on high, The lofty city; He lays it
low, He lays it low to the ground, He brings it down to the dust"

a) You see, you should worship god because he's a just an honorable sort of chap, he'll give you all sorts of goodies, a long life, nice house and all that shit.. just as long as you worship him and believe everything he says without question and spend your life grovelling to him. Otherwise he'll strike you dead with lightning or something.. seems fair to me.

b) God rules everything. He is all powerful. He can kill you and destroy everything you know.. in fact, he might just do it for a whim. You never know. He can just snap his fingers and the world is a goner, if he just gets displeased or something.. and that's why you gotta trust him. I know.. it doesn't make sense. Just don't ask.

c) God will STRIKE ye down in a SECOND if he so wishes.. so ye must OBEY all that is written by HIM. Which means be a right wing money making gay and non white people hating christian, preferably from Texas or somewhere similar. Oh and we like the womens to keep quiet.. so keep yer womens quiet. If ye are a womens then SHUT UP!

Yeah I don't know what I'm talking about. Whatevs.

I'm nothing if not traditional.

Those of you who are readers of old (I get the feeling it's entirely inappropriate for me to be addressing you in plural.. hmmm) will remember my old Wednesday Random Bible Verse series.

Anyway it's Wednesday and I have nothing else to write and I remembered it for once. So..

Matt 22:31-33 "But concerning the resurrection of the dead, have you not read
what was spoken to you by God, saying, 'I am the God of Abraham, the God of
Isaac, and the God of Jacob'? God is not the God of the dead, but of the living"

a) Matt said.. but, like.. you know when people die right.. and they're dead right.. well what if they weren't really dead but like.. um.. cos there's god they're like.. out there but in like.. another plane sorta.. you know, something really cosmic cos god said something about Abraham or um.. something and said that he's into life and like.. positive stuff.. (said in the voice of Neil from the Young Ones)

b) Look, it's very simple. God said.. 'I am the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob'? God is not the God of the dead, but of the living" so.. that means, that although it would seem to the layperson that he is indeed dead, he can't be dead, because he's god, and he said that he is the god of the "living".. and the living aren't dead. So he must be alive in some way that we can't explain but it's ok because it's god and he can do anything. See?

c) God is God and he manages to be alive even though he's dead. We know this because he said so, and we know that what he says is always true because he brought himself back to life. And because of this whatever he says is true. Oh and this all means that homos are evil and chicks need to shut up and keep their legs closed. S'true.

That's it.

Who Would Jesus Stiff?

I went to my usual class again last night. Well it's not all that usual, I've been missing a lot of classes lately due to a major block in creativity. I sucked. I did a door and it was bad. Everyone else in the class was brilliant so I feel extra crappy in comparison to everyone.

But it doesn't matter. What matters is the beer. After class we went to the pub. We sat around, drinking beer, talking, laughing and trying to outdo each other in wit and charm. I won of course but I don't think anyone recognized that I did.

After a bit of joking around JP, a member of our christian family started talking about Jesus to a member of the class, and from what I could understand was trying to "save" him. It didn't appear to work, though the guy was listening to him, he was obviously treating it as a joke.

But JP was not deterred. He turned to John, another class member who had become interested in the conversation. They began a debate which included a lot of stuff I'd heard before from reading about this a lot on the internet, JP was saying the prayer you need to say to let Jesus into your heart and talking about His great gift that you just have to accept, while John was asking a lot of typical questions of skeptics. I listened in to most of it as I found it interesting. Both were very committed to their views but it stayed civil, and when they finished talking they were still friends who both believed exactly what they believed before they began the conversation.

JP was obviously in the mood for some Jesus talk, he turned to me and asked if I wanted to get the gift of getting into heaven (or something like that) and I told him I don't believe there is a heaven, and he said ok and moved on to the guy next to me, who gave his own reason for not wanting to listen to it, and JP left it.

So it was ok. Nice guy if a bit young and idealistic, though that's just my opinion. Then it was time for them to go. JP and his group left. It didn't look like he'd left money so we figured he'd paid at the bar for their group. Whatever, we carried on...

but, about an hour later, when the last of us paid the bill there was a discrepancy. Everyone paid for their own, but there was some mysterious beers left over.

The Christians didn't pay!

Seriously.

Moral of the story is, if you're going to try to make people follow your religion by promising them a gift of love and an afterlife full of happiness and plenty, then don't leave them with your bill.

Seriously, pay for your beers Christians. You'll get more converts that way.

Well you're dead now, so shut up!

The man who said this,

I really believe that the pagans, and the abortionists, and the feminists,
and the gays and the lesbians who are actively trying to make that an
alternative lifestyle, the ACLU, People For the American Way -- all of them who
have tried to secularize America -- I point the finger in their face and say
"you helped this happen."

Is dead.

Fucking asshole! Too bad there isn't a hell.

Who needs God when you've got these?

Looks like I'm not the only one out there who likes to translate the Holy Word for the laypeople out there. This is something that's been seen on a t-shirt in American schools recently.

God loves you a whole lot John 3:16

In case you're wondering what the original(KJV) text is..

For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that
whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

True, one way of interpreting that is that God kinda likes you, in letting you live forever and all, but there are a few important points to consider.

First we need to remember that god created the universe and everything in it.

Second. It's not just that you get to live forever if you believe, it's that you get to go to heaven. And if you don't go to heaven you automatically go to Hell, which is everlasting torture.

So, with those two things in mind, we've got this God that made everything, including people. We didn't ask to be created, we just were. He makes us the way we are, puts us where he puts us so we only have so much choice in what we do with our lives, and certainly what we believe. He made a place called Hell for some unexplained reason, where each and every one of us is destined, also for some unexplained reason, due to the fuckups of the first two people he conjured.

One day after thousands of years he felt kinda bad that everyone had to suffer forever and he sent himself to earth as his own son, and for some unexplained reason had to suffer and die in the place of humanity, to let them into heaven (avoid hell). And then he came back to life again.

And now, we're allowed to avoid our destiny of eternal torture (which we deserve, according to god, who made us) if we accept this wonderful gift. If we don't we go to hell, but that's our own fault, considering the great lengths god went to let us avoid going there.

What a great guy!

Where the plucking bell is everybody!!!

I hope you all know, I am seriously allergic to those little Add a comment message I get at the bottom of a post, signifying that I have, as yet, zero comments. It makes me wonder if there' s any point in continuing...

anyway, I have been featured in 2 carnivals this week..

Carnival of the Godless at Light Remembered, and
Carnival of the Feminists at KitKat's Critique...

godless feminist that I am.

I'm truly honoured to be in not one, but two carnivals and welcome to anyone who's come here through them..

SAY SOMETHING GODDAMMIT!!!!

Oh God why have you forsaken me?

Well?

Hello.. God?

He's not talking to me. I don't blame him, I've been a bit naughty. I've been slacking in my duty of translating His Holy word into real speak for the common folk. It's about time I got back into it, seeing as I'm all into keeping it real these days.

So, here's a new verse to tackle.

Luke 10:17... "And the seventy returned again with joy, saying, Lord, even the
devils are subject unto us through thy name."

a) The 70 were were very happy when they returned and said "Lord. Dude, you're good at this conversion lark.. you even got them devils to come over to your side. I'm impressed!"

b) 70 men, with 70 staffs, and 70 apples went to 70 devils and talked with them some mumbo jumbo about god and angels and how you should be good and stuff. The devils got very bored very quickly with this nonsense and told the 70 men "yeah, yeah, whatever" just to get them off their backs. The men went back to God and boasted about it while the devils just snickered and laughed about what suckers they were.

c) There was on old man, 70 years of age who had lived a hard life, so hard that he was beginning to get... shall I say... a little out of it. He drank very much and was losing his mind a little. He thought he was talking to God one day and had a nice old conversation with him about how he was so proud of himself for getting so many people saved from his conversations in pubs. God humoured him and agreed with him, just to get rid of him.

Phew. I haven't done this for a while. Can you tell I'm rusty?

I know which bit I want.

Chocolate Jesus.. mmm.

A New York gallery has angered a US Catholic group with its decision to exhibit a milk chocolate sculpture of Jesus Christ.

The six-foot (1.8m) sculpture, entitled "My Sweet Lord", depicts Jesus
Christ naked on the cross.

I thought Catholics were into eating Jesus?

Catholic League head Bill Donohue called it "one of the worst assaults on Christian sensibilities ever".

You're being a bit dramatic there aren't you? Ever is a long time.. they used to throw you in the Collosseum with lions remember. I fail to see how this compares.

The Catholic League, which describes itself as the nation's largest
Catholic civil rights organisation, also criticised the timing of the
exhibition. "The fact that they chose Holy Week shows this is calculated,
and the timing is deliberate," Mr Donohue said.

Well, you know, Easter/eating body of Christ, it works. How would you have liked it if they just had a giant bunny on "Holy Week" huh? I bet you'd be complaining about that too.

Mr Cavallaro, the Canadian-born artist, is known for using food ingredients in his art, .... he used 200 pounds (90 kg) of chocolate to make the sculpture which, unusually, depicts Jesus without a loincloth.

He he. Nude chocolate Jesus.

Ooh they'll pay

BERLIN (Reuters) - A seven-member family faces eviction from an east Berlin apartment tower after neighbors complained about loud prayer sessions that keep the whole building awake at night, a German newspaper said Thursday.

Oh, It can't be that bad can it?

"I really don't want to disturb the neighbors but the high volume is needed in the battle against the devil," Pierre D., the 42-year-old father of the Christian family, told Bild newspaper. He is fighting an eviction order in court.

Oh, now I understand The devil isn't put off by them little wussy prayers. You need a real man's prayer, a man's prayer to get that dark lord wimpering and crying. I bet this minute he's scampering off with his tail between his legs, to pick on another poor family. A quieter family.

Neighbors told Bild the screams and singing that are part of the family prayers in the second storey sometimes begin at 2:30 a.m. and can be heard all the way up to the fifth floor.

Well, if that's what it takes...

"We have to work in the morning and need our sleep," said taxi driver Horst Berghahn, who lives on the third floor. He said he asked the family to lower the volume several times since they moved into the building 10 months ago but to no avail.

Oooh, we like to sleep and we need to work. Well boo fucking hoo. I tell you this Mr, you might be getting your prescious sleep now, but when you're in hell you'll be having a wee bit of trouble gettin some rest with those little devils pokin' at your ass won't you? People today.

See, I told you he weren't no nice guy!

I've said this before, but did anyone believe me?

"The Bible says that God punishes depravity first through plagues against animals and then in people," Basri said in a religious edict quoted by his son.

A quote from Rabbi David Basri, who's claiming that the recent outbreaks of the bird flu in Israel is the fault of one the favourite boogeymen, gays. Oh and God of course. There's no pussyfootting around the fact that he's directly responsible.

Basri said he hoped the deaths of hundreds of thousands of turkeys and chickens would help atone for what he called the sins of left-wing Israeli political parties.

Well that's fair. If you live in a country in which there are other people who you may or may not know, who condone sinful activities, whether or not you agree with them, you deserve to get a deadly flu.

One of the parties aired an election commercial depicting two brides kissing. Some campaign advertisements also called for homosexual marriages to be legalized in Israel.

I suppose just snapping his fingers and making people not gay didn't occur to him. What God will do if gay marriages ever are legalized remains to be seen. Nothing's happened here yet, though we recognize civil unions as of last week, but maybe God expects higher standards for his chosen people, It's not like he's been especially nice to them over the years.

Well, it's not like he's been especially nice to anyone over the years. Let's face it, we've come to expect these kinds of things from Him. He's been up to a lot of shit lately though. And where the hell is Satan these days? He never does anything anymore, I haven't heard of one possessed soul responsible for mass murder for years!

Satan can't come out and play, he's been a very naughty boy

Some would say extremely naughty, the naughtiest you can be, downright evil in fact!

And I would say, now come on! Evil? How do you know, what did he ever do to you?

It seems as though all he's ever guilty of is tempting people to have sex or have negative, nasty thoughts. And have you ever notice that he never actually DOES what he's supposed to be guilty of? He apparently just makes people do stuff? That makes me suspicious right there.

Let's face it he's a lightweight, he's the Diet Coke of evil. In fact he's not even the diet coke, he's the low calorie version of a warmed up glass of awful so called cola that's produced in the Czech Republic of evil. He's insignificant.

Especially if you compare him to God. Now there's a guy with some atrocities under his belt. In case you're still thinking that God is the good guy, here is a list of just some of the stuff he's responsible for. And this is all in the bible or otherwise claimed by Christians themselves, so it's not like some godless heathen just made it all up.

Expelling his tenants, and creations from their garden for eating an apple

Wiping out all of his creations except for one family in a devastating flood because he decided he really didn't like them after all.

He inflicts death, destruction and famine upon the people of Egypt because of the actions of their Pharoah.

He turns a woman to a pillar of salt for looking back on her city.

He sends his people out to rape, pillage and kill time and time again, just cause he feels like it.

And more recently,

He sent AIDS to punish homosexuals.

Sent the terrorists who flew into the World Trade Center to punish the United States for having amongst their population gays, abortionists and feminists.

Sent Hurricane Katrina to devastate New Orleans, again because of gays and abortionists.

Not to mention the thing with his son, his own flesh and blood who by the way he wasn't around to see grow up. He made him hang on a cross, with nails through his hands for days, being jeered and spat on, in order to save some people from an eternity in the bowels of Hell because of some arbitrary rule he made up ages before that he could easily have just changed if he wanted to. I mean what a dick!

We see here a picture of a God who is a genocidal maniac, and most probably a repressed homosexual. Satan is a mere joker in comparison.

Family Fun

Evolution, schmevolution!

Can you believe people swallow that hogwash! The things people will fall for. Read on to find out the truth.

The Origins of Life

Once upon a time, God was sitting up there in Heaven (which was all there was at the time), jerking off, thinking, "this is getting boring, I need some entertainment." So, being God, he created some. He created a man, a splendid fine, specimen of manhood, (it was in his own image after all) and sat back and watched. Then he thought, "you know, one thing about porn is you need surroundings, you know, a theme." So he created a lovely, aesthetically pleasing garden, which would be of attractive to an individual of His kind of calibre. "Nice, he thought!" After a few hours/days whatever of watching Adam run around with his wang out, he got bored again, (Creator of the Universe you know, it takes a lot to keep his mind stimulated). So he created Eve, a raven haired beauty for Adam to bone. "Now that's more like it" said God while furiously pleasuring himself. Well, even that wasn't enough for God, the finicky bastard. He got bored again, he wanted something a little more hardcore. So he thought of introducing animals. He made a whole bunch, and made Adam give them all names, kinky stuff like dog, cow, giraffe etc, but that's about as far as it went. Until he met the serpeant. Now the serpeant was different to the other animals, slinky, slithery with a kind of evil streak. God liked that dude, and He thought that this animal should have a bit more shall we say, interaction with his human subjects. He communicated directly with the serpeant and got him to go and have some wierd little episode with Eve. He went and tempted Eve, who then tempted Adam and they had some wierd threesome with an apple and a tree. Then God yawned again, realised he really preferred lesbian porn and destroyed the whole thing, leaving his people to go out into the world to fend for themselves. Something from that great wholesome classic, the bible.

Now you know.

And for those hardened Mutant Cat devotees who've seen this before, (again and again), give me a break, my ideas are few and far between and if I want to milk them for all they are work I am going to milk! Ok.

How many people do you need for one of those?

What is a sex pyramid? I'm pretty sheltered, so I'd never heard of it until I was perusing Pandagon earlier on. It seems that it's something that this lady invented.

Unfortunately it's not as fun as it sounds, it was created out of a concern for the loose morals young people have today, and how parents these days are just not up to teaching their kids about sex in the proper way. A bit of her wisdom,

Sadly, too many(parents) aren't around, are otherwise engaged or are themselves products of a culture forged in the experimentation of the 1960s Woodstock Generation. Raised in an era awash in feminist efforts to promote the androgyny myth, many have bought into the ideology of male and female sexual equality. Others have bought into the credo that enshrines the negative consequences of sexual experimentation as an inescapable rite of passage.

The wisdom of Janet Shaw Crouse, concerned christian woman and mad mop lady. She's worried about the breakdown of marriage in our society, as we all well should be,

Marriage balances out the female's disadvantage by involving family and community. Families in enlightened societies said, historically, to unattached males: "You must agree to be faithful, to fulfill the obligations of fatherhood and make those commitments publicly before you have sex with our daughters." The marriage contract, then, was a public statement that protected not just women and children but the community, as well.

Men got married so they could fuck, and women earned the protection and security of a husband by giving it up. And everyone believed in god and everything was peachy. Unfortunately the feminists and liberals came along and ruined everything for us, so women like Janet have to come up with shit like this to save society.

Let me offer a simple, effective lesson in how parents can talk with their children about sex. Here is a "sex pyramid" similar to the familiar "food pyramid," which gives a hierarchy of balanced nutrition. The "sex pyramid" provides a "roadmap" for parents to talk about the hierarchy of elements in sexuality.

Ok, let's take a look.


Hmm. This seems to me like she was lying in bed, unable to sleep with her husband snoring like a pig and was thinking about sex, for some reason. She got onto thinking about her children and their burgeoning sexuality and how she was going to deal with that in this promiscuous world, and as her husband farted away she was reminded of how he stuffed his fat face at dinner tonight, and how he always did that, and suddenly it came to her, food pyramid, sex pyramid, food pyramid, I could make a sex pyramid just like the food pyramid, and use to to discuss sex and morals with the children, it's brilliant.

And the next day as she was enthusiastically telling this to the other concerned women she was so excited and so pleased with herself that they didn't have the heart to tell her, um, that's lame.

So it got on the website. I'm sure that plenty of parents will like it though because she thinks the "birds and the bees", that is the bit where you explain that a man puts his throbbing hard organ into the lady's wet inviting hole, should be given the least attention, so phew! To sum up the elements.

Values: What God tells you.
Relationships: Don't have sex until you're married.
Emotions: Boys only want one thing.
Consequences: Pregnancy, AIDS, drug addiction, death, should I go on?
Birds and Bees: Um, we don't really need to get into this one, you'll stumble through that once you're married.

I thought I'd make my own sex pyramid, serves absolutely no purpose, but it's more comparable to the food pyramid which Janet steals her idea from. Here it is:



Now let's go through all of those,

Missionary: Good old fashioned man on top penis in vagina sex, possibly within marriage for procreation, but not necesarily.
Naughty: P in V but with other positions, girl on top or doggy style, anything else.
Alternatives: Oral, anal, handjobs, non p in v stuff that everyone does.
Adventurous: When you get a little more interesting, gay sex, group sex, sex with toys, bdsm the slightly weirder stuff.
German*: Using sharp painful objects, icky bodily fluids, animals, penis eating, the really weird stuff.

So there you go. A simple way for parents to explain sexuality to their kids. I think it makes much more sense than Janet's morality tales.

Of course you have to realise that most people don't have a diet that's high in grains and vegetables.

*I use this joke only to draw attention to the preposterous stereotype that German people are into weird, sadistic sex, and I assure you that I don't hold this stereotype, indeed, some of my best friends are German.