I done 100 of these.
I'm not sure I was talking of milestones, was I. Well here's one I mean there's one.
Thursday, May 25, 2017
Tuesday, May 23, 2017
I haven't yet, but assuming I will put an adequate number of words in this entry arranged in a manner that generally pleases me enough to hit post before the computer freezes up the electricity goes out or I die, or any other calamity that may befall me that would for any reason prevent me from posting whatever bit of writing I will end up with, I will have done it.
I will have 17 posts for this month, equal to the number I did in the entirety of last year. Of course if I don't count the photos, shameless links to videos and other posts which otherwise are devoid of any wordy content, I'm not quite there yet. If I'm not going to include the ones which are all made of words but nevertheless devoid of subject, quality, themes, that sort of thing.. I might be a while.
I'd have a drink except I don't have a drink.
Monday, May 22, 2017
A few days ago I posted about a house guest we have, and mentioned we'd be having a few guests joining her pretty soon.
Well they're here. They arrived in the wee hours of the morning yesterday (? Saturday night so Sunday morning about 3:00, and 4:00) next to me in my bed.
It wasn't expected at all, she'd not done any of the stuff a cat is supposed to do in the 24 hours before giving birth though she was behaving oddly all day, and kind of vicious at times.
So that night, after watching some telly and turning everything off, I'm lying there with the at beside me, something she never did, jump up on the bed to join us, but she's lying there and the sounds start becoming weird, little mews and thorough cleaning. Eventually I realized yep, she's had kittens. She had 2, and then when I got up to see about but not do anything at all about a drip in the bathroom she seemed to get frazzled and confused and wanted to move her 2 kittens to the loft thingy in the other room, seeing as, a human's bed where she sleeps, not an ideal place. She moved 2, and then she went back to the bed to have another kitten. We were all in her way and freaking out because she looked all confused and trying to help her but she was kind of, viciously insanely psychotic, which didn't make it an easy night. She stayed on the bed cleaning for ages as we pleaded with her to go to her babies, then she went up and and came back and was back and forth scratching and biting out feet when the mood took her.. it wasn't an easy night.
Anyway they're now about 2 days old and she seems to have calmed down. They're living upstairs so I haven't really seen them since she moved them, though I hear a little squeaky mew every now and again, and she's going up there for some reason so I like to believe they're all ok.
Anyway, in case you wondered what was knew around here.
Saturday, May 20, 2017
Did I tell you that I live on the coolest street in Prague? Well I do. At least that's what some magazine or whatever said. The whole area is becoming more cool every day, and more expensive, ordinary schlubs like me are being slowly pushed out. This building is being fixed up and we're expected to pay for it, and I don't mean just by having to listen to the construction going on.
Anyway, this super cool street has a festival every year in May on a Saturday and this is the day. People, music, food and drink stands, dogs barking at the horror of being surrounded by so much noise and people, that sort of thing. I'm just not feeling it. When you have no friends and no money it's all a bit, well annoying. I did go down there for a while, but more for anthropological and documenting purposes than actually being a part of it. There's too many people, and if there's a halfway decent band going on the crowds watching in what is a quite narrow street make it impossible to pass. I mean you can pass, but it's a pain in the ass. So here I am, on my own, being grouchy. I think this is all I have to look forward to.
Friday, May 19, 2017
not literally of course, and metaphorically either, to be honest. I mean, I'm not saying I never feel overwhelmed by stuff, bogged down, like I'm losing everything, worried, and anxious, and doomed. I do quite often, very often, and it's entirely unremarkable that I'm experiencing those feelings at the moment. Hmm, I guess that's what the metaphor means, cliched though it is.
Mostly it's an excuse to post the photo.
Thursday, May 18, 2017
I really hate the drawing board. I'm so sick of it, give me something else already! But it doesn't matter what I do, I keep getting sent back. I'm stuck here, I might as well make myself comfortable. Put some cushions about, stick up pictures up because this is where I am.
Is it to much to ask for something to work out? Yeah it's demoralizing to get just ignored, and it pisses me off to get rejected after one correspondence, and to be offered an interview just to get the sorry, but reply afterwards, to do a rigorous test after a successful interview just for it to turn into sorry but, after all, to pass a test, sign fucking contract and other papers, and then not hear anything and then it turns out you're on the database or there's some other round or some such other incomprehensible rubbish.
I don't like it when they ignore me, and I don't like it when they keep getting back to me for more rounds, I'm so fucking hard to please, I mean, what do I want?
Well glad you asked, what I'd like is for it all to fucking come to something. To get to the end and fucking succeed. To get fucking paid for fucks sake. Is it too much to fucking ask? I'm asking you here because I'm starting to think that I'm being unreasonable in expecting to be treated as a generally (at least kind of) worthy person who's capable of doing a fucking simple job for a bit of fucking money for fucks fucking sake.
I'm slightly peeved.
Wednesday, May 17, 2017
Hate them. I mean what the fuck are they/is it/one? Is it a sentence, or part of one or whatever not my problem... and why do you have a number zero I mean, make up your mind. And modals, who the fuck cares, and what a stupid word. Who wants to get bogged down with those kinds of details, once I hear the word "modal" I'm like "Michelle is bored" and Michelle zones out.
I admit to being somewhat partial to gerunds though. Gerunds I can handle.
*doesn't mention anything about participles because this is a family blog*
*not really but still*
Tuesday, May 16, 2017
Sunday, May 14, 2017
Thursday, May 11, 2017
I realize I made an error when I was posting my mission statement. I said I wrote 16 posts last year. I was wrong, it was 17. Totally dumb of me as it was written right there on the sidebar, where I saw it initially and was given this (admittedly unremarkable) idea.
Perhaps I remembered generally seeing it and melting the number of the year with the number of posts, I think that may be it. Anyway I was wrong and I must correct it. It is my mission to write at least 17 posts this month of May, 2017. I might just achieve it having written 8 already, and 9 if this one gets finished. Less if I only include those with actual written content and not just photos or links to videos. Less still if I only count ones that are in some way, even slightly worth banging out on a computer. If was to restrict it to those I've made some effort to write something creative in some way then I might be able to count 2. And posts with an actual subject is only one. Those with both a subject and effort put in come to 0 I'm afraid so I can't be that rigorous when counting what I write over this month. What the actual criteria are in order to succeed in this mission will be made up as I go along.
Apologies for repetition and redundancies, run on sentences and errors. I don't usually apologize for those because usually I don't have an excuse for them but today I'm tired. Not enough sleep. Fortunately I don't have anywhere I have to be, or anything I need to do, which is good when you're woken up at 8 or 9 or 7 in the morning by drilling or hammering or whatever they're doing in that flat after going to sleep when it was already blue, not so good for getting paid. I'm working on that but the world seems to be against me for the moment.
Tuesday, May 09, 2017
or substantial. I wasn't about to start having regular posts about subjects, important stuff, world affairs or anything. nah, did it once, that'll do me for.. a while.
It's back to me me me, moaning, and being silly.
and shameless self promotion of my crappy videos.
I'm not being falsely modest here, they are pretty crappy, in fact I think they're getting worse, all of them could have a slightly higher quality if I spent just a little more time with editing and going back and reshooting when something isn't quite right but I just can't be assed. And really, the effort it would take to do that extra, minimal as it may be, wouldn't translate into enough of an overall improvement in the aggregate (again I think I'm using that word, whatever it really means, entirely inaccurately, but I still want to use it) to make it worth it. And no one watches them anyway which is fine really, it would be kind of embarrassing if people did.
Monday, May 08, 2017
The rain falls as the weekend rolls along. Today is Den vítězství or Liberation or Victory Day, the day we celebrate kicking the nazis out on their asses at the end of WWII. It used to be celebrated on the 9th, to commemorate the day the Red Army showed up to liberate/help with the process of liberating, but they changed it in 1989 to suit the new politics of the time. Along with other nations, also celebrated in France, and they, in a manner entirely appropriate for the holiday and time of year, as well as for being basic decent humans, voted against electing a far right nationalist in their recent election. I quite approve. So good on em. Could this just mean the trend is broken? Might we not be quite doomed yet? Time can only tell, but take note rest of world, please don't fuck up now.
Sunday, May 07, 2017
It's another long weekend here in a string of long weekends. It makes not much difference to me, in my room on my computer, except that I wait longer for the world to turn back on.
Longer to not know what is to become of me. Just when I thought I was out of the woods. Not that I know what's so bad about the woods, I think the woods are quite nice, but I suppose that they traditionally
have wolves and other predators that I'd be better off keeping a safe distance from, so I should get out of them. I tried, and I thought I'd succeeded but, to inject other oft used metaphor, I counted my chickens which were very close or seemed about to hatch. They didn't, I mean they might still but it's taking time.
Really it was too good to be true, I succeeded in no less than 3 things in quite a short amount of time, with other opportunities in the background, which turned out not to work out, but by the time I knew that I had a few other notches under my belt (sorry, I think that one is both inappropriate and incorrect as well as being overkill) so I was able to throw off a couple of rejections with a pragmatic shrug. I got lazy (not a huge deviation for me) and didn't scour the internet for more opportunities with quite the gusto I had been, because well, I didn't need to anymore.
And now I sit here, waiting, wondering if any of it will actually turn into anything. I have anywhere between one and 6 jobs, if you include stuff that I've done and could do but probably won't again very soon, stuff that I do occasionally, stuff that I might do occasionally if I get lucky, something I did and thought I'd be invited to do again sooner than the time between then and now, 2 things I've negotiated and communicated about but haven't done yet and... that's it really. And the one that I most confidently say I have, that's not a sure thing.
So who knows. I could be doomed. It sounds bad but I've been doomed before and I seem to have survived it.
Saturday, May 06, 2017
Thursday, May 04, 2017
I may have some characteristics in common with what is generally thought of as a robot. I walk upright, I have hands, I speak English. I'm even able to solve problems, and the odd equation, all on my own without any extra technology. However... I'm not a robot. Despite being upright I have a soft, squishy sort of form, which bleeds when pricked, and needs food for fuel. I speak in lilting, uneven tones, and well, to be honest, to solve any more than the most simple of equations takes me time and usually some help. I like music, I cry, I breathe. Basically I'm an organic being. A sentient kind of the genius homo and the subspecies homo sapien sapien. I had to look that up in order to be certain I'd get it right, and not look stupid. That is very uncharacteristic of a robot for at least 3 different reasons.
Now you (that is the universal "you") know. And specifically blogger, the site I am writing on now, on the blog created by and signed in with password by me, this non robot human person. I've given ample evidence for myself not being a robot, so you don't have to keep asking me.. kay? Oh and by the way, even if I was, then it's still my blog and as already mentioned I already signed in so, trust me, I'm me.
Glad we settled that.
Wednesday, May 03, 2017
I'm here to write about writing, for what else would I write about? Well, stuff, hopefully, but not yet.
Last year, the year of our Lord 2016 I wrote a total of 16 posts. For the whole year. This year has been more productive as far as the blog goes, and I think I've passed last year's total already, possible did about a month ago, so there's not much to aim for with that, but one thing I can do is aim to beat last year's total in one month. I'm not going to promise to post every day of this month, I'm already doing that with the video thing, and that's full of useless filler videos with the occasional somewhat thought out and time consumingly edited useless cheesy video and I don't need quite so much of that in written form, so I'll go with about half of that. I will write at least 16 times during this month of May, 2017.
That's all I wanted to say.
Tuesday, May 02, 2017
I plan to write. One may say well, yeah, what's the blog for, and yes of course, in this here blog, as well as posting photos and occasional video, I write. I don't write a whole lot, and even with that it would not be incorrect to say that the stronger point of the blog is with quantity, as opposed to quality. As the quantity isn't really all that strong a point.. you see where I'm going.
I'd like to write more good, that's a clear thing, but to write good, just like with doing everything else good, you got to practice, so that's what I'm doing. No need to read, just like there's no need to watch my videos much for the same reason, but I'm gonna write all the same. I'll keep going until I get good, and hopefully will inspire myself and actually have subjects and stuff, sound knowledgeable, inject some wit, lie awake at night coming up with something brilliant, word for word and then write it up the next day having forgotten most of the words but nevertheless, it's there.
Until I get to that point, you gotta put up with a lot of drivel. Or don't, doesn't really matter.
Monday, May 01, 2017
It's a holiday again. The first day o' May, and I was working all day. Ok ok, don't fall off your chair, I was really working. Real hard type work, standing serving people, making sandwiches and stuff. Well just sandwiches, and only partially making them. Taking money, ringing the thing into the thing even though I didn't know what people ordered most of the time. Apparently I did ok, I felt I was flustered and floundering and forgetful, which I was but first day yanno. This might be a thing I could be doing semi regularly, along with teaching, proofreading, acting sometimes even and modelling. Yes, I'm a model, did I tell you that? Not a real one, don't be silly, just one who gets her kit off for an art class. It's something, and it's money.
Between the lot of them, or at least between the ones that have some chance of continuing and being done with some regularity, along with whatever else might come along if I keep looking, I'll probably be ok. Not great but ok.
I'm gonna have to be ok with ok for the moment. Greatness comes later.
Sunday, April 30, 2017
drifts through the air..
for tonight is the Burning Of The Witches.
Today, they don't burn actual witches ie actual real people at least not officially ad not legally. Hopefully not at all, it's just an effigy. It's an old end of winter/coming of summer ritual that dates back to Pagan times when people burnt bonfires to scare away evil spirits and say goodbye and hearty fuck you for a least a couple of months to winter.
Then the Christians came along and had to twist it to their liking, so they thought, hmmm, what's evil.. I know? Witches, they're women and they're into Satan and they're currently our representation of (insert hated Empire)/(queen/queen consort/King's mistress)/Catholics/Protestants etc... and we burn them. So they went with that.
People still do it and it's a bit of a lark and excuse to stay out all night with bonfires,very popular with the young people. I personally am not impressed. I've always been kind of on the witches side. To be honest, I never believed any of those people really cursed anyone, and really, even if they did, I bet they had a good reason, and of course most of the victims were women, pagans, poor and destitute, weird and outsiders, sure some of them were actually kind of assholes, but burning? really, and hanging as well, for the crime of being old and unpopular and maybe a bit of a crook but not that bad of one. Not good medieval/post medieval reformation era/later if you're in America people!
So I'm here, in my room, not partaking.
And another thing! You have a festival that marks the end of winter/beginning of spring on the last day of April! I mean shit how long to we have to wait for the start of spring? You've got the equinox, then you got Easter then you have May.. I mean, you're just tempting fate. Let's just have an equinox festival and be done with it, everything after that can be called something else, say it's for the berries or something but you keep up with this shit you'll have frozen ground til June. Don't want that.
Saturday, April 29, 2017
Again, I've got nothing to write home about, but nevertheless..
I've written quite a lot this month, relative to how much I have in the last months, years, this whole decade? Still not a lot, but more than usual. Way back in my early days of blogging I used to write much more. It was mostly drivel, actually exactly the sort of stuff I write not, just more, and oftener. I did write a few pieces which I was proud of, and whenever I look back on years ago I remember it as a golden age where I had ideas all the time and a variety of subjects I would share with the world. I would lament the lack of any inspiration, wondering how I ever managed to be so prolific, and not half bad at that.
Back in the day, I used to get ideas late at night, I'd latch onto something and in my head I'd write a whole post, complete with witty lines and clever jokes. The next day, I'd put off writing it down because it seemed like so much pressure, and finally I'd get it done, sure that I'd forgotten all the best details and it never seemed as good as I thought it was the night before, but still, a pretty decent piece of writing.
Then I stopped writing so much, and this didn't happen again for like, years. I thought the magic was gone. I was no longer a (sort of, in the broadest sense, if you're extremely generous on what constitutes one) writer.
Well the other night, inf act around easter just before my good Friday post it happened again. The result is here, or at least partly here, I came up with that in my head, as well as another bit that I half intended to write later, but never got around to. Whether it's all that good is up to the reader, and if it's not worth writing down well that could be due to the missing bit and the fact that all the best details weren't in it because I forget them by the time I wrote them down but the point is it happened! After, possibly 10 years, at least once I had this idea at night, words, sentences, phrases all there. It's not gone, not completely. And if it happened once it might again.
I just need to write more. Writing puts me in the mood for more writing and coming up with things to write about gives me more ideas of things to write about, and if I do it a lot, it gets the brain in that mode. In order to be able to write, I need to write. So here I write, and I will continue to write, and write more, and then some more.
If I could only figure out exactly what to write about.
Tuesday, April 18, 2017
'twas the festival of fertility and rebirth, or if you like, dead guy on a stick day (was that it) or as I like to call it and will continue hammering on about until I tire of it or forget it, which likely will be soon, Zombie Appreciation Day. Or it still is, I'm not sue of the status of Easter Tuesday, if that even is a thing, here or anywhere else. Anyway, Holiday.
And oh how busy I've been! Sort of. Though I didn't actually go to work or do any work or do anything related to the organizing of future work that will bring much needed money that has more or less run out (both any work I seemed to be doing and the money) and it would be in my defense to state that it was a holiday and there's not so many opportunities for job seeking around at a time like this except it doesn't make much more than the slightest difference considering the sort of work I do if I ever get around to doing it, where I am and the resources I use to get that information, so only little excuses only there.
What I have been doing is cleaning my room, oh wait I procrastinated but I actually did it the next day, I spoke like a ghost and I ate garlic, and lemon.
Apart from that not much apart from the usual flupping around on the internet and watching tv.
Yes they are all shameless links to my videos. Don't watch them though, they're dumb.
Sunday, April 16, 2017
Friday, April 14, 2017
On this.. well not on this day, what do you call it when you celebrate a day that represents something that was supposed to happen at a certain time adjacent to another holiday that's based on the phases of the moon or the tides or something? Well that, on this that, Jesus our alleged Lord and Saviour, supposedly died a slow and agonizing death on the cross.
Now if you've read enough of the posts on this blog that have any coherent thought to them (admittedly that does narrow things down a bit) then you'll know that I'm rather skeptical that this event ever happened, and indeed that there ever really was a Jesus, if that's even his real name, but nevertheless, that is supposedly why we celebrate this holiday of Easter.
It's really a brilliant bit of PR by the Catholic church to name the whatever you call it versary of that day Good Friday. I think it goes something like being crucified allowed Jesus to die so he could rise and go to Heaven and and thus be able to provide salvation (finally) for sinners, which is all people, who were pretty much born guilty. Something along the lines of Jesus died on the cross which paid for everyone's sins, eg existing as we're born sinners and all that so ta Jesus, was swell of you. I mean you still have to jump through some hoops to get it, and which hoops differ according to who you ask, but this, as far as I know (which admittedly isn't a whole lot) is why the whatever it is of the day of Jesus' rather grim death, is called "Good".
Have a good day.
Tuesday, April 11, 2017
Earlier today, as I posed before an art class, in all my fabulous glory, looking past the young artists swishing their paint across their canvas through the window at the spring blossoms and spires of the magnificent St Vitus Cathedral at the Castle, here in Prague , Czech republic, or Czechia if you prefer, I thought to myself, along with the thought "ooh it's a wee bit nippy in here" that I may well be literally the most Bohemian person in existence.
I don't imagine there's any money in that, unfortunately.
Sunday, April 09, 2017
I'm still going with my for want of a better word project, which is, to upload a video every day. I've passed the 50 mark and I had a beer for a celebration of that. I'm tentatively pleased with my sorta success, I mean, I've done one every day, haven't managed to upload every single one the same day but I mostly have, some of the videos are kind of interesting but mostly they're quite forgettable, and the quality is what you'd expect from a crappy digital camera with no extra equipment, or particular skill on the part of the video maker so it's a mixed bag of... stuff.
I was kind of hoping by this point that the videos would be, if not good at least not too embarrassing and occasionally quite good at least in presentation of a good idea or even better, my unmatchable wit and charm but even my vanity (the part of me that is uncensored by the modesty I present to the world) can't claim that. They're just a bunch of videos done quickly, for myself for my own purposes and they're not particularly bad for what they are.
My limitations, some which I've already mentioned, lack of experience, training, equipment, sometimes even time on the card when I'm filming out and about all contribute to the lack of anything to write home about so far. Other things may include my lack of ability to do anything great, which I must realistically admit as a possibility, but one reason I know doesn't help is my damned laziness. I mean, I'm motivated enough to go through with this idea and to stick to it, but not quite enough to do anything properly, most of my recent vids, and well, the majority of the last 51 (52 if you count today's as yet unedited) have been the best idea I could come up with that would take the least effort. In a way it's a microcosm for the story of my life, but in this case it's keeping me from greatness, or slightly better than I am ness.
I have many ideas, some which I think are quite good, some which won't (and haven't) look as good on video as in my head but I have them, ideas for series, more important stuff, but my laziness and this weird anxiety(there it is again) that keeps me from pushing slightly out of my weird wobbly comfort zone stop me from filming them. Maybe I'm afraid exactly of that, the ideas coming out looking flat and dull, maybe I don't want to use what is actually a good idea until I'm ready to do justice to it. Maybe it's all these things. It's all these things. That's too many things. No wonder I can't get anything done. Not true I'm getting it done I'm just not getting it done well. Oh well 52 videos (assuming I upload one today) is nothing to sneeze at. Why would you sneeze at a video anyway? That would be ludicrous.
Saturday, April 08, 2017
I like the rain, but I don't like it when it's raining. I like the spring but it rains too much, besides all that sunshine and light and beauty makes me feel like I should go out there and experience life, and for the most part I'd like to stay here, cozy and alone with just my computer for company. And sometimes a guitar, and it'd be nice to have a cat around to occasionally cuddly up to me but that's it. Some human companionship after so many hours but that's it. If I didn't have anywhere to go ever that's all I'd do, be here, reading, writing, watching stuff, taking some photos and shooting videos although for the last 2 I give myself the pressure to actually go somewhere that isn't here in order to create them, but if I wasn't really into those, and didn't ever have to then I'd never go anywhere until it got to the point where I can't stand being here doing nothing seeing no one anymore while simultaneously being so entropied both physically and emotionally that my anxiety of the outside world makes me unable to experience it. At least, I think so, I haven't gotten quite that far yet before there was a need to go somewhere, maybe it would.
Why am I telling you this? Well, why not, I've got a blog, might as well throw something up there.
Saturday, April 01, 2017
It's April the 1st. This is a day of foolishness, frivolity, fakeness and falsity. It's the day when you just can't trust anything anyone says. When we all try to one up each other on how clever and elaborate our pranks can get.
Well bugger it. Can't do it. In years past I've had the need, due to my mildly OCD need to dorkily follow time sensitive themes, I always felt I had to do at least something, on this most silly of days, to partake in the revelry. I've done some elaborate ones, mostly not but I always and by always I mean sometimes, acknowedge it. This year it's too much. Can't think of anything, can't be bothered, it's not just the blog, there's flickr, and Facebook and now I'm doing this video project and it's all too much. I mean I did this photo..
of me being silly, and a video that kind of goes with it, and mentioned something on Facebook that no one paid attention to but that's it! This day means nothing to me.
Friday, March 31, 2017
Wednesday, March 29, 2017
I don't really know who I am at the moment. I feel myself in these positions I feel I'm not supposed to be, if I think about it at all which I usually don't, but the feeling that it's time again to put my thoughts down right here has brought it up.
It's like, I meet this guy who's my student for English and act like I know something about it and I don't think about it too much during one of our lessons but every now and again I'm there like, "wait, what is it I'm supposed to be doing here?" I mean, I speak English, I talk it pretty good, as it happens but every now again again he brings up past continuous or continuous present or one of those things and the feeling comes back to me. It seems to be going ok though, for the moment, I might even be pretty good as a teacher, by nature. Or not.
I found myself at 5am the other morning, waiting in a tent to do some, whatever for an ad that I got cast in at the last moment, just as an extra, my lack of getting any real acting opportunities for a real professional shoot continues, but it was nice to chosen for this, or not so nice but I didn't yet again have to go through the experience of being somehow not good enough or suitable for something that literally any idiot of any age or any look can do. It has happened, many many times.
So I did it, danced a bit, waited around a lot and tried to keep myself warm for most of the time and got paid. Not so much but it's money I wouldn't have had otherwise and I need that. I don't think I'll be answering any more 5am calls though, at least not until the oppressive heat of summer, and even then... 5am? Are they mad?
I got some photos done yesterday, real proper photos with a good camera and lighting and all that. It's something I haven't had for years and it's something I need if I want to look vaguely professional as an actor, hence the title here. It's a small thing, I don't have any professional experience or a huge amount of other experience or a showreel or enough material (not to say I haven't been in enough things to have quite an extensive and possibly decent looking showreel, but these students who make up 100 or more percent of the directors of these things, are not always too helpful in making the footage available) to make one. bit I will hopefully soon have a proper headshot, and that might make a tiny difference.
Of course, I haven't really seen the photos properly yet so maybe I will hate all of them, in fact, probably. They've been taken by a professional photographer and they will more than any other photos I have, really look like me. That's the problem there, whatever else I have, whatever accessories I come up with to help me with my "career" I'm still stuck with me. There's nothing I can do about that.
Friday, March 24, 2017
I feel the need for a little glamour in my life. Or at least hot water.. oh to have lovely flowing golden hair... to feel worthy of puttin on something nice, that looks nice and is.. nice, even on these gloomy so called Spring days.
The hot water situation continues. In case you don't know what I'm talking about on account of a) not having read where I wrote that, or b) because I didn't write that, well we got no hot water here. And no heat and no working stove which actually does matter just as much as the hot water being off but not what I'm focusing on now. It's been weeks. It's vexing. I'm simultaneously used to it and utterly sick of it.
I have washed in that time, either kettle baths or at the pools but it's not the same. I'm a 21st century Westerner living in as civilized part of the world as any, I guess, I shouldn't be having these problems. I should be whining about a computer that keeps jamming or about the weather, which I am, but I shouldn't have to be dealing with this too! No fair.
Monday, March 20, 2017
Sunday, March 19, 2017
It's been an interesting time, these past few weeks. The situation here is not spectacular, it could even be called dire, but if one was to interpret it as living the true "Bohemian" life as an artist complete with being scruffy and poor then one might find it charming. One doesn't, unfortunately.
There is the good that balances out all this suffering. A few interesting, some complimentary, some not but vaguely promising messages and a very strange phone call from someone, somewhere who's doing something and wants me to be in it, I think, from what I gathered all add up to something being on the horizon.
Of course, the horizon is over there and if all of these individual long shots or utter scams don't add up to anything, I don't have anything but my one student and occasional life modeling class, and it's back to the proverbial drawing board to see what else I could potentially do. But it's still nice to be told that we want you for our tv show, no matter how weird it all is, or we love your photos they're spectacular, if it will only gain me a credit, or can you send a better photo than your "selfie" after not having replied to you for 2 months is still nice, if it's all you ever get.
Saturday, March 04, 2017
Ride the metro, make coffee in the microwave, teach English, make videos, write a blog post (as of completion of this one) minutely improve my skill at video editing or at least increase my knowledge (of said editing), play the guitar, study French, eat toastie sausages with microwave eggs, sing.. albeit badly, bathe in a bucket, apply for and get ignored and a few times replied to and then rejected for several employment positions, compose and perform a song, take photos of a window and eat Chinese food.
I did some other stuff too but I didn't feel it was worth mentioning.
Tuesday, February 28, 2017
Well it's already the end of the second month, doesn't time fly, and other cliches, too numerous to mention?
Well not literally, but it does seem like it goes faster than it is. Even if you have a lot of it, which as it happens, I do.
Starting another round of "what the hell next?" That's to add to the general life "what do I do next to change and improve circumstances, whatever the present circumstances are because they just don't ever to be quite ideal", and the more timely "what am I going to do?" with a "don't have anything on the immediate horizon". "And it's quite vexing".
I've been slightly busy doing a few films (student kind as always) recently, as I was just starting one I was running to the meeting with the director of another so looking forward to that and then doing that let me take my mind off the fact that, I don't really know what to do, longish term. Now that one's done so it's on my mind again.
Thought you might like to know.
Wednesday, February 08, 2017
Tuesday, January 31, 2017
January is a shit month. It's winter, it's the wind down after the festive season, it's back to work time, it's dark all the time, except for where it isn't but it is here so there.
It's just shit. Crap month, everyone's depressed, everything downhill. It's the 31st today which means it ends tomorrow, technically in 8 1/2 hours in my time zone. It'll all be over, it will be gone. For another year.
So that will be it, except reality isn't really like that, and when things are shit and a new epoch begins it doesn't necessarily mean things will somehow start to shine it just means that even more time has gone since you've earned any money and all the stuff you auditioned or applied for that you hoped would be replied to by the end of the month is officially not happening and that it's time for the utilities to be sorted out (or not if you can't sort them out because it's so long since you've earned money) and it's time, I mean really time this time, not time like the other times when you said it was time to actually get off your ass and get shit done not like the other times and getting off your ass isn't only deeply unpleasant it's proving to be utterly ineffective and a wall of rejection well not even rejection just blank space is greeting you and the outlook for the future looks dimmer as every minute passes. At least it does if you're me and I am so it is.
Anyway, I've been in kind of a funk, in case you didn't notice.
Monday, January 16, 2017
Sunday, January 01, 2017
Happy 2017, yay. New year, new.. number on the end of the date. Ok so it's sort of means something, if only because it means something to us because it means something to us, therefore it's meaningful. Whatever the reason, this is of course when people get healthy for a while, go back to work and all that. Re-evaluate their lives and plan to finally get on with it, whatever it is, "resolutions" sometimes. I don't have any resolutions. At least I didn't write down any specific ones, or say it out loud, so I don't have any to fail to keep. I do have a slightly higher determination to do the stuff I always intend to do, every year, every couple of months, every month, whether it's of the "get a job" variety the times when I don't already have them, ie now, most of the time, "get a better job" when I have one, "do better at my job", "quit my job" a lot of work related ones, usually to do with being displeased with my current status of it. Then there's acting, music the stuff I've always wanted to do and am still aspiring at in these er.. autumn years of my life, is it autumn, or could I still pass for being in late summer? I think August is about where I am. Anyway I'm rambling, maybe I should stop doing that *writes idea down*, but I have made some small achievements. I practiced the guitar a bit today, and did my half assed language training that I do most days and I cleaned the shit out of this computer and I don't want to get ahead of myself but I think, really think I maybe have kind of fixed a problem that's been pissing me off for months. *fingers crossed that it takes* So yeah, New Year and all, couldn't not chime in seeing as I have a habit of doing these timely, themely things. So Happy New Year. Hope it's the start of something beautiful.