Thursday, August 29, 2013

Well fuck.. this blog is dead, I think.

It's been a month. A whole month! Well, minus almost 10 hours but that's quite a long time to go without posting, for me. Just haven't been, I dunno, in the frame of mind.

A month ago I was busy, I was working, getting used to the new swing of things, braving the heat out on the street, but things were pretty positive. I think it's about a day after I last wrote that things began to edge downhill. Maybe 3 days I dunno, but well.. I don't want to whine but.

I still think I'm pretty good at it, tour guiding that is. In fact, I know I'm at least good to fucking great depending on the day, usually somewhere in between, but the powers that be don't seem to think so, at least I think they don't think so, it's hard to tell, they don't tell us anything.

Just things, it started small, then I got over that but something else smallish came up, that turned out to be bigger, then something completely fucked up which for a while didn't seem to matter then the other thing came back and mattered eve more than I thought it had or well.. actually I don't know, there's something the matter but I really don't know exactly what and just how much.

So I don't know where I stand at the moment, it's stressful and does a number on my confidence which I don't have much of in the first place, and well.. I'm going to be honest here, I'm a wallower.. and hearing that I'm basically shit in one way or the other, both this job related and otherwise, again and again, when I'm just desperate to for once hear some good news... plunges me into the depths of.. well wallowing. I shouldn't do that, I know, it's unproductive, but, it's true I do that.

Oh I went to Slovakia for the first time, the other day. Been living here over 10 years and never been to Slovakia, can you believe that? Well I have now. To Bratislava. Just for one day, for a purpose, not mine, but finally the purpose was a good one, so we went together and made it a nice day.

I do have another audition today, I think. It might even be a callback from the last time I went to one that I thought I'd not been considered at, but I'm not sure. Not sure of anything. It's pretty much how things usually are for me, I don't even know what's happening in my own life. I should do something about that too.

I might write again soon, but I don't know.