Thursday, July 26, 2007

Not that you'll care..

Here's a photo for you, seeing as no one seems to care about anything I write anymore... (grumble grumble grumble)


Monday, July 23, 2007

My, I'm so honoured...

I just found out that this blog is the number one google search for how to fit bigger things in your arse. Strangely enough it's linked to a post that has little to do with the subject. And it's some Australian that looked it up too. What does it all mean? Do I want to know?

Of course now that I've posted about it I'll get a deluge of people looking for new sick stuff. I just can't seem to shake the perverts, no matter what I do..

Sunday, July 22, 2007

What was that I was saying about moderation?

You remember the other day when I was complaining about how it got all suddenly hot, right after it stopped raining. Well it rained again. Actually it rained a few times over the last week, always during the night, and we always went back to the same oppressive heat.

Last night it rained again, and I was quite listening to it, it got louder and louder, started pounding against my building with super force, and I just couldn't sleep. I was thinking about what I'd seen in the news about the floods in the UK, they said that some areas had received a month's worth of rain in one day.. you know, like some sky god creature had emptied a big fucking super bucketful of water at once instead of letting it trickle out a bit at a time.. or something like that, and I thought "fuck, it's gonna flood again".

I eventually drifted off to sleep expecting today to bring tidings of big water and metros closing. When I woke up it didn't seem like much was going on, but it was much cooler, for which I was grateful, so I'm not going to grumble about it being overcast and rainy again.

Except for that I was planning on spending some evenings, in the hour just before the sun goes down walking around attractive areas of the city, getting lovely photos. There is no better time to take cityscapes than that part of the day, when it's hot and sunny, I should know, and yesterday I went for a brief walk, took some mediocre photos telling myself I'd go further and get better ones tomorrow.

Well it's tomorrow today and it's been cloudy, which just doesn't work. So I guess I am grumbling.

Thursday, July 19, 2007

Does it still count if your name makes you sound like a porn star?

Abstinence Only Ed is in trouble! This is indeed a problem, as it's one of my favourite subjects to ridicule in the whole wide world! For those that don't know, in America, they have this form of sex education in schools, which is basically summed up as "Kids, don't do it", and it's in danger of not receiving more funding to continue. But never fear! It's supporters are fighting to save it,

“You have to look at why sex was created,” Eric Love, the director of the
East Texas Abstinence Program, which runs Virginity Rules, said one day, the
sounds of Christian contemporary music humming faintly in his Longview
office. “Sex was designed to bond two people together.”
Actually I thought it was for the propagation of the species, though over the years we've figured out how to fuck without having to have a baby every time.. which I tend to think is a sign of being civilized.. but carry on..

To make the point, Mr. Love grabbed a tape dispenser and snapped off two
fresh pieces. He slapped them to his filing cabinet and the floor; they trapped
dirt, lint, a small metal bolt. “Now when it comes time for them to get married,
the marriage pulls apart so easily,” he said, trying to unite the grimy strips.
“Why? Because they gave the stickiness away.”
Oh my god! It's Mr Tape! Is he any relation to Miss Tape? A brother? Maybe they're like, going steady but never had any more contact than a kiss on the cheek while having both feet on the floor! Oh, these 2 totally need to get it together if they haven't already. Get em both laid so they'll shut the fuck up and leave everyone else alone already!!!

But seriously. I can't believe this terrible metaphor has been used more than once. A tape that loses it's sticky? Don't get me wrong, pretty much all metaphors for sex used by just about everyone are pretty bad, but at least flowers are pretty and cars are cool, but sticky tape!!! Oh if you have sex you're like a sticky tape that's lost it's sticky, but if you stay off fucking then you're a piece of sticky tape that's still sticky. Oh that's much better. Bunch of fucking losers.

also here and here

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

It's just too much..

You're all quite lucky out there, that due to my recent laziness in regard to blogging you've been spared all the griping I've had about the weather. Nothing but rain! Ever since it's been officially summer I don't think there was a single day it wasn't overcast with at least some rain.

Until this past weekend. I woke up one morning and I saw the sun shining, so I ran outside, without stopping to get dressed.. singing. Ok I didn't, but it was sunny. I was quite happy, thinking it would be finally a nice pleasant day to go walking, taking photographs, and I could wear my summery clothes.

So I went outside, happy until I realised it had gone straight from gloomy and overcast to too fucking hot, without a pause in between! I mean baking hot, swelteringly hot.. and a stale, unpleasant heat that you get when you're in a central European city, nowhere near the sea. It drained me.. made me feel like I was going to collapse. It was unfeasable to stay outside at all.

And so you get to hear me complain about how hot it is instead of the rain. Lucky that! For though I'm still as lazy as I ever was, and perhaps more so.. I have got nothing at all else to say.

Friday, July 13, 2007

Well I turned out all right..

Prudence is one of those people who gives Advice on manners and morals. You know, people write in with their problems.. like this one. I'm rather inclined to think it's a joke, but you never know with some of the freaks out there.

Dear Prudie,
My daughter is 5 years old and has, like most girls her age, a hamper's worth of stuffed animals. While she has her favorites, she constantly wants more and usually connives to get someone (read: her grandparents) into procuring a new one every couple of weeks. The new one immediately becomes her favorite and she must sleep with it every night and haul it around half the day. My question is: Does this behavior indicate she'll be overly promiscuous as an adult, or at least unable to commit to a single partner?

—Perhaps Overly Worried Father
Well, all I have to say is that I had lots of toys when I was little and I used to play with all of them at the same time. Make of that what you will, but those of you who know me, know that I'm quite a lady and don't get up to those sorts of shenanigans at all!

Her reply was.

Dear Perhaps,
Of course that's what it indicates. You'd better start thinking now about what you're going to do when she's a young woman and throws over that big, chubby guy with the annoying laugh, Barney, for the sexually ambiguous Tinky-Winky, whom she then dumps for that moron, Elmo, who every time they come over asks you to get down on the floor and tickle him.



Found via Feministe.

Monday, July 09, 2007

Send me a lightbulb, please!

It's here again. Class tonight in just over 2 hours and I need an activity! I go through this pretty much every Monday and Wednesday, and either come up with something acceptable at the last minute, something crappy at the last minute. Or nothing at all. So far I have nothing.

I'm still not very good at coming up with these though I've had some that weren't too bad. The last one I did was making a message in a bottle, requesting a meeting with a fancied man and it went pretty well, before that I was sewing up a rip in my jeans before my boyfriend came home, which didn't go so well. I've also done making animals out of plastic bottles, picking up coins with chopsticks for a bet, and measuring myself, which were the better ones, others were sorting out receipts, writing a text message, making carrot flowers and painting my nails, the crappy ones. Now I've used up my backlog of ideas to be used in case of emergency and I have none left. Actually I have one left, but I don't want to use it, because it sucks.

Of course, I did an activity last time so I might be called upon to do a door, where I must come for something. I don't have one of them either. Well, I have 2 ideas but they both suck. My doors have all been quite ordinary. Last time I came for a monitor, which was bad, before that I came for a whip to do a self portrait, which I came up with on the way there, and actually think is my best one. Before that I came for tripod, before that a gold chain.. I've also come for a phone charger, money, and I've forgotten all the others. They were all bad.

So I need to think of something pretty soon. Pray for me.

Friday, July 06, 2007

I need a good slapping..

And not just because I haven't written anything in so long..

My it's been a long time since I've posted anything! And even longer since I've posted anything of substance. How dreadful!

I can't say conclusively why I haven't been writing, I've just fallen out of the habit. I don't get the desire to jot down events of my life, or write 3000 words about nothing, I don't see articles on the internet that I want to make fun of, and I haven't been lying awake at night writing a whole post in my head full of brilliant witticisms ready to be recorded the next day*.

Life has been going on as usual. I'm still doing the acting class, sometimes it's terrible, sometimes it's wonderful, sometimes the people in the class piss me off. The other night wasn't so good. I had an unsatisfying class after which I had a displeasing discussion on the metro with a co student. And after that I went to the bar downstairs from here (there's a new bar opened downstairs from here by the way) got drunk, and then came up and hung out with the inhabitant** and some friends of his, drinking vodka and listening to loud music until I dropped the bottle and cut my foot on the glass, and tracked blood all through the flat.

The cut isn't so bad, it's pretty much healed by now, so don't fret my dears.

On Wednesday I had an ok class, and a fun ride home on the metro with some class members. I was on my way home when the inhabitant called and said he'd forgotten his keys earlier so I went to the same bar downstairs to meet him. As I was there I had a drink. And another, some other people joined us and I stayed until I was drunk.

Yesterday I was felt crappy all day, and missed a rehearsal I was supposed to have with a class member. Rehearsal being what we call practice, which we're supposed to do at least twice a week and which I haven't done for about 3 weeks. And I missed it because I was hungover, because for a second time this week I had to stay out all night and get drunk. This is what I'm referring to when I say I need to be slapped.

Apart from that not much has been happening.

*Until last night, when I composed this very post in my head.
**My business partner and friend, who lives in this place, the office and home of my beloved computer.