Slight change of pace.

I actually did something today. Kinda. It's not really doing anything by most people's standards but mine are rather low re "stuff" so yeah.

It was a casting, for voice work and I won't say more about what it's for because my reading was poor, I know reading straight off the page unrehearsed doesn't produce one's best work but I was poor, sucky, unconvincing, bland. So I won't be put on the list of people who are proper actors who we might consider for something some time, let alone on the call back list, let alone get the bloody thing but whatever it's good to do something again, get back into practice so that when I just so happen to go for something where they need someone very specifically like me with my looks and my accent and there absolutely is no one else I read well enough for them to say "well, she's kinda ordinary and on the poor side, but there isn't anyone else that looks right" rather than, "well, she's really the only human being in the universe that looks right for this part and no one else has that right sound.. but fuck was she shit... let's just rewrite the part". That sort of thing.

I read the girl's bit, which included being scared and weepy, and a calm, cool voice. The boys got to swear and yell and make threats, I wish I'd gotten to read those lines, I probably could have done it better too. Well that's life for you, women are victims and love interest and sometimes a disembodied voice over the radio. Seriously, this is what I'm talking about when I say sexism is real and happening right now.. and it AFFECTS PEOPLE!* I didn't even get to say fuck once!

*Ok so I've probably never said that here, or anything too close to it, but I've written about 3 posts over the years about sexist stuff so it's sorta in the what for what of a better expression I will call the "ballpark".

I thought I'd update my profile pic..

I thought it was time to do it. I have so many photos of me now cos I'm doing the 365 thing there were a fair few to choose from. The one that got the nod is the "reject" if you like from day #36, where I moan on about being grown up and how it feels so unlike me etc etc etc as I've gone on so many times, hence the braids, which look silly and I'm way too old to be sporting that look yes I know, I know, I know!!!!

I updated the word bit of the profile too, mostly to shorten it and keep to the basics, which I thought was more appropriate considering the path I've been taking lately. Or ever.

Just so you know.

You know how they thought me?

Well I went to the casting, went ok it seemed, caught up with some people and had a drink with one guy I hadn't seen for a while in a bar I hadn't previously known which is quite near and Erik would really like so we're totally going there but..

no one's called me!

*cries*

yet.. oh well.

Begone damned spot.. blemish thingy..

I have what I believe is a cold sore one side of my mouth. It's in the exact spot where another unsightly pimple or sore lived previously, I was looking forward to it finally being gone when I noticed it wasn't noticeably diminished, nay, that another was growing in it's place! It's really annoying, it hurts and it makes me feel ugly. Fortunately I'm something of a homebody these days so I'm not required to go out into the world much, and have the time to potter around the home rearranging and cleaning things in a womanly type manner... and am able to hide myself and my deformity away from the world.

Still, I want it gone. I want to be free to enjoy the sun, the city the people unhindered by an ugly blotch on my face.. I want to do more self portraits, I haven't done any for ages but as may be apparent from what has gone already re this post, I'm a wee bit vain, and I'll be damned if I'm going to show this face to the world..

and.. I might not have mentioned this but I have a movie coming up *looks smug*. I could have reported on the casting, and that I assumed I didn't have the role because the guy took a while to get back with me... well I got it. It's not until the end of the month now though, it's been postponed due to difficulties, so unless another blemish decides to deposit itself on top of the current one as this one is finally fading away which then gets replaced by another before it has gone.. I should be ok.

Ok now that's better.

My saga is over. That particular saga. I've done the final meeting, moved everything and I still have to sort stuff out in this place and clean up but that's ok. It's kind of soothing. I had a casting and mad a major muppet of myself but I wasn't gonna get that role anyway so it's cool. And it's gotten warmer, and it's sunny. I had a beer in a beergarden this evening and there will be more on the weekend.

I have nothing else to say.

It's true! Bunnies really do lay eggs!

It's finally April o joy o wonder o fools will rejoice.

That's me trying to be poetic :Z. It's an overcast gloomy day, like we weren't promised, but the stuff that I needed to do, the saga that I was dealing with is over. Or mostly over, enough over for me to be able to let out a big fat phew. One set of keys, one place to take care of, and no more meetings!

Like I said, phew, but I'd still like a bit of sunniness along with this spring.

Oh and speaking of foolishness, tomfoolery or anything fool related, this is quite funny. Particularly if you like naughty bits based humour.

Not entirely relaxing, letting the hair down, stripping off those "go out into the world to deal with people clothes" because I have something else to do today, but of a completely different variety. I have a casting. That is, you know, an audition for a film like thingy.. those of you who've been reading for a while will know that I used to go on those a lot, and even got results from some of them, but this is the first one of the year.. and jeez, I'd almost forgotten there was such a thing until someone emailed me.

Now, don't know if I'll get the part and it seems that every time I report castings I don't end up getting the role but.. whatevs. The script is a bit.. well.. if I don't get it no biggie. It'd be nice to do some acting again though.

That's pretty much all.

Aching..

Ouch! My lower right back, just above that side of my ass... is sore. Partly because I've been carrying heavy shit down from my old "office" to my home, inexpertly... and partly due to an adventure I had the other day.. I don't want to talk about it... fucking construction, fucking closed roads, public transport diversions, fucking rich fuck parts of Prague without any buses or trams or any way of knowing where you are fucking signs that say Letenské naměsti is that way WHEN IT'S NOT FUCKING THAT WAY! And fucking me and my fucking incompetence especially when I think I'm so clever that I'll go to Hradčanská on the metro because I "know" there are trams going where I need to from there...

grrrr..

so anyway.. I hurt. And I still need to move a shitload of stuff down from there again tomorrow.. ok, I have help from my friend with the car, but there will be shifting things up and down stairs. Fuck.. when will this be all over!!!!!!

Where I become an official conformist.

It's been a fun life, scowling, marching, rebelling against everything, feeling superior and doing what I want cos I want to, changing the world for the better and making sure everyone knows it. But fuck it, you can only do so much.

Ok so my quasi-anti Valentine's stance has been pretty ineffectual and I've at most not really gone out of my way to celebrate it rather than be actively against it. I mean I've never been into heart shaped chocolate (in particular) or flowers or demanding some man fork out for something particularly expensive and pink or else, like other women (yes, every last one of them, no exceptions) so I guess I was justified in feeling holier than thou. Them, those. Whatever.

Well anyway today I'm doing the dinner thing with the bf and it's quite a swanky place so I guess we're being pretty traditional, though I'm still quite happy about the absence of heart shaped chocolatey pink jewel encrusted things, I have to point out. And I did some themed photos commemorating the day, which to be honest I do almost every year, though a few years ago I brilliantly subverted the concept with this photo, so think of it what you will.

The main reason for the change of heart, is that one year ago, said bf who then lived in Israel, visited at this particular time, so we had only a few days together, one of them coincidentally being Feb 14, so we did the dinner thing, and the romance thing. Now we live together but it's part of our personal history so we're doing it for that reason. I don't know if that redeems me to the cool gods or not, but it's my excuse.

I'm not sure this counts as equiv to rainbows and sparkly ponies. I get the feeling I'm still on a negative kick. Oh well. Deal.

Oh the dilemma!

I speak of the hardship of being a genius who, nevertheless, due to laziness, lack of confidence and a sheer plethora of ideas battling for attention in my head, cannot be brought to put those thoughts down on keyboard.

It's hard. I still hold out the possibility that I might get these current thoughts out there, in some widely understandable form, but right now.. I can't be assed. Or I'm just not capable at this time. One or the other.

I'd leave you with something interesting but I can't think of and/or decide what to leave you with.

Later.

I feel like I've been here before.

It's my birthday. There's things I could say but every birthday I've had since I've started this blog I've written about me being in my almost to mid 30s, musing on being a relatively advanced age without having achieved any of those markers of being a grownup so.. that again. It's much the same again so it's a bit of an anti-climax to make a point of being the big three five this year and I might as well stick to the traditional it's my birthday.. yay.. drink.

And post my obligatory themed self portrait.

I was going for a "mature" classic old hollywood sorta feel, but ended up with me, doing a look.. it's got to do.

Halloween...

was fun.

The last one is from the actual night, the others are some "art" with a theme.

Another photo.

Because I can.

And I thought I was all clever and stuff...

Get a Cash Advance

You have got to be fucking shitting me!! For those who don't know, in proper English elementary school means what in Australia would be primary school, and something else everywhere else I think, but basically school for little kids up to about 12. The funny thing is I naturally put a bunch of different URLs in the thingy, and it made no sense. Blogs that should be considered particularly clever got high school, and some that are just personal blogs that are certainly no more witty and informative than mine (ok maybe a little) came up as "genius".

So I'm not taking it seriously. I mean, elementary school! With all the big words and stuff I use? I don't think so.

Wow. Those things are actual.. things!

I got my new glasses today. It's been 10 days I've been stumbling around without them. I should have gotten them sooner but it usually takes me about a week and then about a day to finally really think about maybe going somewhere and possibly doing something about something, so I went to the optics shop yesterday, picked out my frames and picked them up today.

It is amazing. A whole new world opened up for me.. it's like.. all those wobbly things that are out there.. that move and change and interact with other wobbly things.. they're actual things!

I mean, things like people and cars, and buildings.. dogs and windows and road signs.. those sorts of things. Tables and speakers and fridges.. appliances, coffee mugs, cd cases, computer screens...

words.. letters. It all makes sense now.

The making of...

The Master at Work
Originally uploaded by erikland.

I was going to write something today, something great, something big. But the day is getting older and I just can't wrap my brain around it right now. So I'll present you with a photo. Of me. Me during the whole photographic process. Watch and learn how it's done.

Photo taken by Erik, recent visitor to Prague and fellow photo taking nerdy type.

Back to reality

I don't know if I've written recently enough to tell anyone that I was going to be doing a playreading, an Irish play written by a woman living in Prague?

Well I've already done it. Last night. It was a reading, not a full production, but we kind of got carried away with it. Meaning there was a lot of rehearsal, it was fully blocked out, we more or less knew our lines, so other than the fact that we had the scripts, it was poorly blocked, not quite rehearsed enough or very well thought out, it was almost a full production.

I had kind of a problem with the whole "doesn't know what it wants to be" aspect of it. I mean if we were sitting down reading, it would be fine. If we rehearsed long enough to know our lines, movements and all the emotional shit inside out it would be fine (though I would have been panicking much more I think). But it was something in between. And being a reading the actual words are important, so we were discouraged from paraphrasing or improvising bits that we weren't sure about the words, and encouraged to read when we had to, but being very movement orientated, this was next to impossible in a lot of scenes.

We performed in a restaurant that has a cosy back room. An Italian restaurant actually, right by the pizza oven. We did 2 shows because the seating area was very small, and wouldn't fit all our friends, and other people that are involved in stuff like this.

The play is called Sacred Sow. It's about murder, incest, love, hate, friendship and international relations. Pretty much. I played 2 characters. Evelyn, the sister of the main dude Sean, who flirts with a Czech visitor, pretty much all she does, and Grainne, Sean's girlfriend/half sister who gets murdered by his mother. And comes back as a ghost. That's all I'm saying. I had different costumes for the 2 and had to run out and do a quick change, so people would actually get what was going on.

The performance went pretty well. At least I say that now. After the first run I really thought I hadn't done well and it had been much better in rehearsal. The second run was better in some ways and worse in others, and I left out a bunch of my text, but everyone afterwards told me how good I was, which is what they always say so it's basically meaningless, but now that I look back I think I did ok. And everyone else was good, it lifted things to a different level actually being there with an audience.

And that's it. Nothing going on now. Life is boring.

A movie..

What I woz in.

You can see more here.

If I could get more deals like this...

Toes
Originally uploaded by Ms Kat.

These are my toes. Aren't they pretty? Well, they're more than just pretty, they could possibly become my meal ticket, and if that sounds kind of icky to you, it's probably because you're not a sick perverted fuck, like the gentleman who left this comment..

Oh my! Im sure you must get this a lot but both you and your toes are just so amazingly beautiful! Simply just perfection! You are just a true foot goddess and probably dont even know it! haha. ..And yes, by now m sure you can guess that I have a bit of a foot thing, though there is much to be respected and admired about a woman maybe this one seems odd, but thank you for sharing the pic and your open mind and non judgement of it.

Ok, that's not all that weird, though he gets me wrong if he thinks I put up photos of myself and my feet for some weirdos out there to get off on, but nevermind.. the next one is better..

And this may seem like an odd request but would you maybe be willing to sell a pair of your old socks or shoes from those gorgeous feet of yours? Perhaps a pair you were gonna throw away anyway? I realize this might seem like a strange request but I promise Im a very nice person and Id be willing to pay very, very well for them? Would $100.00 be okay? Please? Thank you for any consideration. You can contact me at Patdementri@yahoo.com. thanks again

Ok it's weird, but what do you think? If I could pick up a few more similar fetishists I could rake it in! Get a few old socks, get them smelly and sweaty and sell them, for $100 a piece! Once I get famous I can sell them for more. I don't have so many socks but once I run out I can buy a bunch more for say, about $1 each, and make quite a decent profit. I just have to wear them in for a while.. I can even take photos of myself wearing the socks, and send a signed copy.

I got this one figured out.

Big screen

Tomorrow is the screening of the films I did last week, it's at a small cinema that plays mostly independent films, and the films from students at PCFE are usually showed there when they're done. I've seen myself on the screen there about 2 or 3 times in the past, but never so much of myself! For one, I've never been in more than one film per class, and they've usually been the smaller roles, so I only had to watch myself while being aware of everyone else watching me for a few seconds, but this time it will be for a few more seconds, and 4 times or more!

This time I'll have to sink in my seat as the me on the screen admonishes her boyfriend for being too idealistic, as I turn up my nose and snicker at a mad artist who wants to display in my gallery (while wearing my hair in a bun, and nerd glasses, which probably made me look really really old).. while I sit in a bar picking up a guy and smooching with him in a messy flat.. and last but not least as I act the cliched, sexy but evil lady, switching from sweet to mean trying to extort information out of a man..

The last one I'm definitely looking forward to seeing, if not just to see how much my cleavage will show at 5 times life size, but because the movie was fun. It was a bit scary, seeing as I had to improvise a lot, but I enjoyed it more than the others, perhaps it shows some deep dark part of my psyche that I've been hiding up til now:).. who knows.

A lot of it was scripted, but in 2 parts I had to totally pull what I said out of my ass.. for want of a better expression. There was one bit where me and Dave (my interrogator partner's name) had to just ask questions. Any questions, stupid questions, hard questions, embarrassing questions.. just one question after the other. One from me then one from him. We were given a sheet with examples which we could use, and we could make up some. So I asked how old he was, where he was born, mother's maiden name, how many times he masturbated, favourite colour, favourite pasta, do you like sex... and on and on. We did it about 3 times, while being filmed. There were a few times when I was totally stuck, and sat there for a few seconds with nothing coming out.. it seemed like Dave (or John, which is the actor's name, a guy in my acting class) was just rolling them off without any trouble.. and I was just thick or something, but afterwards he said it was just as difficult for him.

The other terrifying moment was when we did the improvised interrogation bit. Both me and John had our chance to individually interrogate the man, and we were just to come up with something, anything, the director had faith in us. At the moment he said "action" I still had absolutely no idea what to say or do.. then I just started. I did something.. it seemed completely stupid to me but the director thought it was ok.

And that was it, hard bit over. In fact it was the end of filming for the week so I was free, and of course it took about 5 minutes before I wanted to do it all again.

Now I get to to relive the glory of that week for just a little while as I schmooze with the film people once again. I am, however planning on showing up just slightly late. I'm not sure I can sit through all of it, so much me on screen... I know it's stupid of me, but that's what I'm like.

I'll get my hands on the dvd of all the films this time though.. and I'll be able to watch all of them in the non-excrutiating comfort of my own home.

Damn that 15 minutes went quick..

The movie making has been over for a few days now, but I'm still wistfully pining for the bright light in my eyes and rolls of cellophane and sticky tape everywhere. Not to mention the free lunches. All last week I was looking forward to when it was finished and I didn't have to stress out about being good enough in all these damn films, but as it always is with things like this, as soon as it was over I wanted to do it again.

There's a screening of all the films on Friday. I was in 4 of them so I'll be able to soak up a bit of flattery and spend the evening feeling like a real thespian who's actually done a bit of something once. And then it'll be all over and I'll feel empty again.

Hopefully there'll be more of these in the future, but I don't know if there are anymore summer courses, or indeed what other courses are there.. and it's been 2 years since the last time I was in any of the films so I'm not holding my breath to be in any more of them too soon.

I'll have to find myself something else to fill up my time. Go to class maybe. That might do something for me.