Same Again

I thought I'd pop in here at least once during this month, right at the last minute, of the year, as it happens. This year. This fucking year. This fucking shitty year has fucking sucked! I'd go into details but I can't fucking be bothered and really, it's fucking depressing. It's just a bleak miserable existence. I'd be fucking ecstatic, in spite of the end of a monumental fuckup of a year, except I know it won't change a thing. Us humans (myself fucking included, especially me being such a stupid fuckwit) are obsessed with these milestones based on arbitrary numeral combinations and it means shit. Nothing will happen except for the same bullshit that keeps happening, more problems and more bad shit. That's my fucking prediction for the next fucking rotation around the sun... the same old shit, but worse. At least the festive season will be over. You know what it's like to be around everyone enjoying fun and festivities when your life is pointless, miserable and bleak with no hope that anything will change, either soon or ever? Well it fucking sucks. Now it will be January, which is glum, but it's glum for everyone. Good! I hope it's fucking extra glum with an extra dose of bleak. You try it, hah.. you don't know what glum is motherfucker, I'd like to give you glum. Well I've done my duty and made my point. I don't know when I'll be writing here again but it won't be until at least next year. Yes, I see what I did there, laugh motherfucker. That's all, me out.

We Go Again

Happy 2017, yay. New year, new.. number on the end of the date. Ok so it's sort of means something, if only because it means something to us because it means something to us, therefore it's meaningful. Whatever the reason, this is of course when people get healthy for a while, go back to work and all that. Re-evaluate their lives and plan to finally get on with it, whatever it is, "resolutions" sometimes. I don't have any resolutions. At least I didn't write down any specific ones, or say it out loud, so I don't have any to fail to keep. I do have a slightly higher determination to do the stuff I always intend to do, every year, every couple of months, every month, whether it's of the "get a job" variety the times when I don't already have them, ie now, most of the time, "get a better job" when I have one, "do better at my job", "quit my job" a lot of work related ones, usually to do with being displeased with my current status of it. Then there's acting, music the stuff I've always wanted to do and am still aspiring at in these er.. autumn years of my life, is it autumn, or could I still pass for being in late summer? I think August is about where I am. Anyway I'm rambling, maybe I should stop doing that *writes idea down*, but I have made some small achievements. I practiced the guitar a bit today, and did my half assed language training that I do most days and I cleaned the shit out of this computer and I don't want to get ahead of myself but I think, really think I maybe have kind of fixed a problem that's been pissing me off for months. *fingers crossed that it takes* So yeah, New Year and all, couldn't not chime in seeing as I have a habit of doing these timely, themely things. So Happy New Year. Hope it's the start of something beautiful.

A Time For Reflecting.

The new year is almost upon us and what does one make of it? who knows, for me this year has been strange, even different. A big change right at the beginning, being rather unceremoniously thrown out of my life, I mean sorta, I mean it wasn't even that bad but that's kinda what happened. A few months living in between um, stuff, getting used to being a working person, and going through the shock and the pain though there really wan't much just all this strangeness of everything new and not knowing how it would end up so it basically involved a lot of drinking. And stuff. A few moves through some transitory stages until setting, sorta, into a more permanent place both physically and um.. other ways.. though the place still physically looks simultaneously as if I'm just passing through and very very lived in if you know what I mean, it's become home for the foreseeable future, and other parts of my life, work and relationship seem to be the way it will be for said foreseeable time coming up so yeah, settled. Again, just sorta. Some sucked about the year but some was alright. Overall I think it was good, if just because it broke up a pattern and changed things, even made me get out and have a bit of a life, for a while, before I settled back in to my old ways. Next year will probably be much the same. Or different, who knows. I do plan to do things, for example, all those things I've always been planning to do but never did. I plan to stop engaging in several bad habits that I have, and finally become like, this totally different person who's great at stuff and adored and rich. Things like that. I also, well don't exactly plan but definitely expect none of these things to come to pass, certainly no more than for a day, maybe two. So you know the usual. Looking back, making resolutions. Going out and getting drunk, maybe seeing fireworks. See you next year.

Oh yeah.. it's 2015.

And still no hoverboard :(

o well.. have a drink.

On it's way out..

is the year o' 2014.

And coming up is multi dimensional transport.. hoverboards and.. that other stuff.

Ok, probably not just yet, we'll see. Got until some time in October, I think.

So this year was as useless as all the others I've experienced on this earth.. less productive than most, more productive than one or 2. I did act in a lot of films, that's true, if only student ones with no success at all attempting to do anymore than that.. did a bit of something with a self formed, though founded by another, film group. Went a few places, not many and not very far. Still no gainful employment though.. and have had the honour of being ripped off not once, but at least twice. I can think of 2 times and I think there is probably another.

Anyway, it's New Year's eve.. big night o celebration and of course I have a sore throat and I'm sniffly and have some kind of head cold.. great.. just great. Happy New Year to all of you.

Worth a try.

I'm going to try to write every day again. At least for a month. I didn't manage it for November or December but it's a new year all shiny and fresh and all that. So there you go. I don't know if it's a good idea or not. If I don't put arbitrary rules in place then I end up not writing at all. If I have the rules then I end up writing every day just for the sake of writing. It's like that with everything, when I do my 365 project or any of that photography related stuff I take a photo every day and most of the time I'm "phoning it in" as they say. At least I think that means something that makes sense in that context, and of course, when I don't have a project, I hardly take them at all. I don't know, if there was only something in the middle, where I'd do things, regularly, but when I do, do them properly, maybe it's just not in me.

Well, I have this year started 2 photography projects, or plan to. I started another 365 days of photos, but not self portraits this time, just photos. So far I've snapped some shots for the sake of it, well I used one just after midnight blurry shot for yesterday and after looking at a few what I thought might be ok photos on the computer and seeing they were actually crap I took a shot of Cooley. So I'm kinda just doing it for the sake of doing it again, and I don't know, but so far, taking random photos seems harder than self portraits. And I thought I'd do a 52 week self portrait project but I haven't really even looked at groups for that or decided on rules, but I'd like to keep doing them regularly, only actual good ones, you know. I'll see if I actually do that one, or continue doing the other one.

Second day in already, and it all seems the same. Of course, it is Jan, which is generally pretty dreary. I'm hoping it's the Jan thing that's making it like this because I really hope this year will be better but for now it's kinda.. bleh.. boring every day stuff to worry about and you know I'm a mess and my life's a mess so it's the more annoying everyday stuff. The usual new year messy inbox problem where all my emails from December revert to having an all digit date including the year, except this time that year is that number, the number of the year the one that just passed and I have to stare at that every time I look at my emails. For a while anyway.

And no one seems to be around, but that's not much of a difference from any time of year.

Starting Again.

And here we are. The hoopla is over and we're in a new year. Happy New Year everyone! So far it's been kind of bla.. well, after the initial bit on the hill with all the people and booze and fireworks in what didn't seem too cold until the excitement died down, was ok. Just your usual NYE fun. This morning however, that is, the part of the morning where you've gone to bed and slept and it's now daylight, was crappy. Sore throat, dry cough, splitting headache and other er. feminine issues I won't go into, I was physically poorly. And then I see my first message at all of 2014 is from the bank telling me I need to balance my account in 5 days or they'll charge me a chunk more and I know it's because my account is more under what it was because I've been charged the fee for the month already (at 5am or earlier on public holiday) because I didn't manage to succeed in my last minute attempt to close the account due to their special December 31st early closing hours. So yeah. 14, not great so far. Not too much of an improvement on the unlucky 13.. I hope for the triskaidekaphobes' as well as my own sake it's just one of those new year's day bugs.. the hangover and all that, and things will marginally improve when they get back to normal.. those sighs weren't for nothing, I hope. Then again, once, 100 years ago.. the trisks of the world also sighed, a big fucking sigh, knowing that 1913 was over! They would never have to live through that year again, whatever was to come, and whatever the next year, 2014 was to bring. Little did they know that there was this archduke, who was living in this little castle, just outside of Prague... oh well.. if history can tell us one thing, it's that it can tell us nothing. And no, I don't mean we can't learn anything from history, it's incredibly important that we learn lessons from history in order to improve things and not repeat the worst mistakes, its' just that.. stuff like this, really doesn't mean anything. This year will be whatever it will be, I simply don't know otherwise. Though I am glad it's '14 now. Not so glad about it being Jan. Grrr.. Jan.

Sayin a good bye to our old friend..

The year is nearly done, almost behind us. In some parts of the world it is '13 no longer. This is the time when I reminisce about the past year, and make plans for the next, well perhaps not so much plans as.. stuff. I shall say one thing about this year. It sucked. It didn't suck completely all the time, and let's face it things aren't always so spectacular with me and I do have a tendency to grumble, but overall it was a shitty year. Couldn't manage to hold on to a job, failed at pretty much the one last thing I think I can do, did hardly any acting stuff and well.. spent most of the year in a kind of funk, a kind of I'm a complete loser why is the world against me depression. Now again, how much that was different from any other time and how much it is just my general way of being, I'm not sure, but I will be glad to see the tail or two oh one three, don't think I don't know what those numbers spell out, all I can say it a sigh of collective relief is being sighed by the triskaidaphobics of the world that is at least when their respective times zones are doing the change over. I'm not superstitious, but at this point, now, or at least a couple of hours from now, I'd like to think it all means something, at least a little bit of something, at least maybe psychologically, or something, and when its' all over, that is the big one three, things will magically improve considerably. At least after the hangover wears off. It's silly but one must hope. So.. how about next year, this big bright 14 that we're headed for. I won't do any resolutions except that's exactly what I'm going to do right now, I just won't be too specific. I just want to more. More acting, more work more getting out in the world and experiencing it, and of course making movies.. editing damn movies at least the one I've been trying to for the last few months. Start up a group/class that there have been preliminary discussions about doing but everyone's all like "oh yeah but it's December and we're busy let's do it in January" well it is (will be) January so you have NO EXCUSE! I wouldn't accept it from myself so I wont' accept it from others. Actually I would accept that from myself and do all the time, but that's beside the point. And yes, it will be Jan.. the dreary dreaded Jan, but it will be Jan '14, so it kind of evens itself out. I'm hoping it will be a mild one. Anyway.. this is the last post of.. this year.. yes, 2013.. '13.. 13 13 13 there I said it now it's out of my system and very soon I won't have a use for it at all anymore, so there.. and yes, last one for this year so see you all next year and have a fantastic evening (or continue into your New Year reveling, not that you'd be reading this if you were) and yeah.. have a great one.

A regular Monday.

The night before the night before it is. Well it's afternoon, but in a few minutes it will be dark so I can say night. It's officially a regular day, but it's that strange time, a normal working Monday after the weekend we had surfers here who we didn't really hang out with much but just having people here made it seem like there was something about it that filled up the time between boxing day and now that seems, strange. People have, for the most part simmered down on wishing Merry Christmas and fun and merriment and now are wishing us all a Happy 2014, and "Happy New Year" although at this moment, the year, the current one, is a pretty old one, very near to about as old as a year can get. Still, that's what they say. And here I am alone again, for it is a regular working day for people who are regular and who work, so I'm doing what I usually do, which is not much. Good excuse for that now, being "the holidays" and all.. and there's a new year coming up where everyone can start fresh and do things differently and do things better. That excuse will become invalid in less than a day and a half and I'll have to come up with a new reason not to let myself get utterly depressed at my total inability to do stuff. No.. that's setting myself up to fail already.. this year.. I mean next year will be the year. I mean I genuinely want to get out of this.. I don't know, case of being me, and I have to believe it's possible, so yes, next year all the things I promise I'll do, I shall. Maybe not right away.. I mean, I currently have in my throat what I will describe as a tickle, that will last I don't know how long, and depending on where and how cold it is tomorrow night and the very wee hours of '14, and what I get up to.. rather how much of it I get up to on that night.. I shan't be feeling the best right at the beginning of the year.. and the 1st is a holiday anyway.. and after that is the weekend, practically. So.. Monday the 6th is the day. A regular normal working Monday, not one that's in a purgatory week which is still sorta holidays and has a break in between and where the regular people have to clean out an inbox with thousands of messages because they took the entire previous week off because xmas fell on a Wednesday, but a totally normal day. And by then everyone will be over being over the festive thing which isn't really relevant to what I'm doing but is just a fact, and I will get on with it. What precisely I don't know, but there's a lot of it, and I hope to do at least some of it.

That's one down.

Well 2 for Jan, but the first official working back to normal all those shenanigans over and our guests have left too so.. it's kind of that.

Also one whole (working) day of the year of the year passed without me having achieved a whole lot of the long long list of difficult and time consuming things I need to do before it gets too far into the year ok nothing at all ok.. happy!

Tomorrow I swear I'll get things done. What tings, I don't know, just how exactly cos this getting stuff done thing is so vague because it's all so.. encompassing its difficult to be too specific about it. But I'll do something, honestly. Well I'll try. I'll think about it.

I'd like to turn this here blog into something worthwhile with interesting stories, articles, stuff about ideas.. big events and general stuff that isn't just stuff that I'm involved in.. but so far there's no evidence of that.

Well.. happy beginning of the regular sensible season and stuff. I spose.

And it's here again.

The bland, blurry, bleakness of Jan. Starting now and continuing unless the JMG project goes considerably better than it has managed in the past, for 31 days. We're only just beginning, it's a long road ahead.. January 20.. er.. that number, oh yeah another thing, the year is this not considered particularly lucky and aesthetically displeasing number which I'd ideally like to avoid most times, but now it's going to be at the end of EVERY FUCKING DATE FOR A YEAR! And we're right at the beginning of it, the Jan bit, which we're just starting now.

And you know, I kind of like that it's calming down after the silly season, even though we still have people here, but I don't particularly like that it's "back to work" so to speak, which means for me getting serious about a whole lot of things which I can't keep putting off forever and although I skipped the formal resolution making this year I am going to be fff.. well older by the end of the year and.. I'd like to have gotten stuff done by then, might make me feel better about turning.. oh fuck it's so old I can't really be but you know all the same, I really need to do stuff. Starting now. Well tomorrow but that's soon, and there's all too much of Jan left at this point, and there's all too much of '13 left at this point, and by the time that ends I will be that thing that I haven't actually mentioned but you know what I mean.

So.. JMG and all that. At least I'm feeling ok, with being kinda lightweights and not staying out so late (we aren't exactly kids anymore remember) and having gotten to the party kinda late due to being given the wrong address and having trouble getting through to the host for a while and having to Scooby gang it over to the actual address with some people we'd just met and only having a glass of champagne and a little bit of beer and 2 fernets with the guests before leaving there wasn't that much alcohol consumed, which I suppose is a good thing. I'm glad there's at least one.

JMG!

Taking stock and restocking and getting stock..

and stuff. Well it's the last day o the year and it's one of them milestones when you stop and think and reminisce and look to the future and all that. And make resolutions. I've done that before in fact I do that pretty often, close to once a year actually, and like many others I have failed to keep them except for the time I made a resolution to make a sandwich. I made one with a day I think. There are so many things I need to do, many things I should do and lots and lots that I want to do and in fact I'm always making little resolutions to myself to do all of them at some point or some date or whatever.. and I pretty much always fail to do any of them.. So.. in general in the new year I'm going to get a job, a proper one, get fit, get educated in many ways, music, languages, nuclear physics whatever.. get involved in the local film and theatre community if it kills me, create a multimedia empire with my own web show, films, and general stuff which I write, direct and star in and are all awesome. but I probably won't do any of that. Hope you all have (or had) a great time this New Year's Eve and have a fantastic new year.. even though it begins with the great dreaded Jan but don't get me started on that.

A return to normalcy.

I keep thinking there should be such a thing as normalcy, though I've never seen much evidence for it. In any case we're currently in that strange space between christmas and the new year which are a few normal days that feel somehow like they shouldn't be, or something. It doesn't even really make all that much difference in my personal life, but it just feels different. What feels different to what I don't feel qualified to say but it's somehow different, though it really shouldn't be. There's so much I need to do, so much I want to do. None of it really direct, like.. need to go and purchase this or that or meet with whoever.. it's all.. stuff I really really really really should do, and some which are a combination of want and should, but now being merely 4 days before a new year I've got myself an excuse to just wait those few days. I shouldn't use this excuse/these excuses for there are many, because once I get to the date where I should do this now.. there's a reason to leave until the next Monday, and then I don't think of it and then.. well.. then it's not anywhere near the milestone anymore and well.. there's like a kind of normalcy already set in.. and.. well.. enough of this. It's a lovely day and this might just pass over to the weekend for once. Seriously.. we had a 5 day long weekend and the day the 2 day post xmas week starts it decides to get all pleasant and stuff.. it'd be nice if it at least carries over to Saturday.

And it's here.

The last year on earth. That's if you listen to the Mayans.

Guess we'll see.

Happy New Year everyone!

2011..

Is nearly over. There are 8 hours and 36 minutes left of this year in my time zone, as of posting. It's actually already next year in some parts of the world.. hi family.. how's 2012? Here, it's still the old year.. and time to reminisce...

*picture goes all blurry while harp plays*

Well.. really, it's been much like most other fucking years, didn't achieve nearly what I wanted to, or what would be a regular level of achievement for a normal person, or even the modest tasks which I more realistically set for myself, but it wasn't so bad.

Did some travelling.. big trip to Canada and a stop by Berlin, and London, and later to Paris.. started a new job, something completely new as a tour guide, and made a much more concerted effort to get registered with casting agencies. It yielded exactly nothing but.. well, that's actually kind of crap.

Was in a few video project thingies, and an actual movie.. at least I equaled my average for a year.. and actually began making my own stuff. Started quite late in the year, and didn't do nearly as much as what I wanted to, and it's all pretty.. well.. bad, but considering I'd done it not at all any previous year this is a huge achievement. I think, even with the travelling, and actually having some formal employment, this is my most prized achievement of the year.

And when I look back on what I said a year ago ..

For the next year.. I dunno, more of the same, more movies, acting in and making, better movies.. both again. Get a job, an actual job that pays money and.. well, just be super awesome in general.

I haven't done so bad, I mean yeah, I pretty much did all those things, an of course, the last one I achieved quite beautifully :)

Goodbye 2011.

If the new year..

is the time for a fresh new start, putting your head down and getting your shit together.. doing new things and doing those things that you're supposed to do but never getting around to..

then it's ok to just.. bum around and not get much done in the old year.. right?

*does it anyway*

It's getting nigh..

Night I tell you!

In a few days it will be 2012, the last year the earth will exist, or exist in it's current form, or that humans will be around, or that our civilization will be as we know it or.. something. That's if you believe the Mayans, and that what they wrote has been interpreted correctly, and that our calendar year somehow corresponds with what was written in whatever texts we get this from.. and that they knew what they were talking about..

So.. 2 days left that we know we're going to be here.. (if you believe all the stuff in the previous paragraph) because once we hit Jan 1, 2012 we just don't know how long there will be.. maybe a few minutes after midnight, maybe 6 months.. (unless you're going with the December 21 prediction or whatever other date prediction assuming there is a theory that it could be any other date which I'm not sure there is, but that would spoil half the fun wouldn't it now) so you might as well part it on up on NYE.. get as drunk as you want, spend all your money, go somewhere you haven't gone before..

of course.. you might spend every cent you have until your next paycheck, say on the 5th of Jan, have people over to eat all your food and mess your place up, and drink so much that you're sick for at least a day and a half, and then drearily go to work and just be hungry and miserable and bored because you don't have money for food or food left and everyone is pissed off with you because of something you said when you were drunk and have a miserable shitty few days of it and then the world ends.. just before you get paid again and everyone forgets about the bullshit of New Year's Eve and right after you finally get around to cleaning the place up properly, moving the furniture and scrubbing the floors and everything.

It's a possibility.

All that fuss for this?

So it's done, we're here and we are now living in 2011. Awesome. Yeah, but one thing that I completely overlooked, during all those festivities and the big celebration that commemorated the coming o the new year was that not only does it bring us a fresh shiny new big number at the last bit of the date for the next 12 months, it also brings us Jan.

Yeah, January. Brilliant. For another 30 days 4 hours and 22 minutes they expect us to just shut up and put up with it. Fuckers. Well I for one will not take this lying down, I intend to fight it all the way!

JMG!

That halfway house they call... um..

what do they call it? They don't call it anything really, because it's not anything particular I'm talking about. I mean that weird time between xmas and the new year, where it's regular days, and it's sort of back to normal but there's that feeling hanging over you, that this thing everyone makes such a big deal about just came and there's this other thing coming that's sort of part of it so it's not over.. but you go to work like normal and if it's a year when christmas, and therefore the new year as well fall exactly on the weekend it's more than ever a normal week, but it's strange just the same.

Not that I go to work, really. Not that I've done any work, really, this working week.. well someone who I'm supposed to be working with is what I like to refer to as AWOL, so it's been checking emails and seeing if that site has got over the glitch so I can post stuff and it hasn't so it's been a typical week for me, ie, not working all that much at all.

My point is, it's weird. You thought I didn't have one didn't you? You thought that when I said "my point is" it would peter off and I'd admit that there isn't one.. but I have one. I might be getting better at this.

Well anyway.. that whole "writing proper" thing I wrote about will have to wait. Until next year probably.

Happy halfway house limbo or whatever.

Report : "So Far".

2010 has been mostly uneventful so far, pretty average for me being an uneventful sort of person. Got a little bit of work done, had a mishap which turned out to be surprisingly quickly resolved and I went out last night to see some live music. That was pretty exciting for a person such as myself. Snow fell, and stayed. I took lots of photos, including one self portrait every day so far.

My resolutions report goes:

1. Yes, doing it (see selfportraits)
2. No, haven't.
3. No, haven't.
4. No, haven't.

I really have nothing much to write about.