Monday, July 31, 2006

For the man with class.

Speaking of boobie attacks...

It's shower boobies! And they squirt out stuff!

Not entirely sure what the purpose is, but I'm guessing they're for either,

a) Dude who has resigned himself to the fact that he's never going to feel a real one,
b) Dude who has the good sense to hide it away somewhere safe whenever he has one of those "women" things over who are usually attached to these.

via Pandagon.

Sunday, July 30, 2006

You gotta start them early.

Mother: Thas what you gotta watch out for: those assholes.3-year-old
daughter: Okay, Mommy.--14th & 3rd

Overheard by: Sanandara Bong>

It's Sunday. I'm lazy.

Friday, July 28, 2006

Attack of the boobies.

NEW YORK - "I was SHOCKED to see a giant breast on the cover of your
magazine," one person wrote. "I immediately turned the magazine face down,"
wrote another. "Gross," said a third.

He he. Giant breast.

The magazine in question is the one on the right. As you might guess it's a magazine about babies. What is so disturbing about the image, if you'll look at it closely, and mind you look at it closely. Did you look at it? Fine, look at it again, for longer and more closely.


Ok, now that you've inspected the photo you will notice that there is a booby in the picture.

Dreadful, I know. Something must be done!

One mother who didn't like the cover explains she was concerned about her
13-year-old son seeing it.
"I shredded it," said gale Ash, of Belton, Texas,
in a telephone interview. "A breast is a breast, it's a sexual thing. He didn't
need to see that."
Exactly! I mean can you imagine what might happen if a 13 year old boy saw a nipple-less breast with a baby hanging off it? Society would crumble. What was 5 minutes ago a studious upstanding boy, well on his way to becoming an upright citizen into a blubbering booby obsessed bum!

These baby people need to realize that just because they need breast milk to survive doesn't mean that they get to go around with a woman who flashes her ninnies all day! I mean really! The excuses some people have! "Oh my baby needed to eat". Yeah right. Let it eat when everyone else does. Three meals a day, at the allocated time, FROM THE BOTTLE! Your gonna feed your baby every time it gets hungry? You want it to turn into a whiny pathetic little loser who can't take care of themselves? It's you that's causing the downfall of society Mrs, Ms or MISS you unmarried tart!

The accompanying article is titled "why women don't nurse longer". I can't for the life of me figure out why.

Thursday, July 27, 2006

1950s cat pyjamas

I know I created Draw On My Boobs specifically for this purpose, but golly gee! This shit just keeps getting weirder. I'm talking about site statistics and the word searches that bring people to my site.

The weirdest one is "guy snorts cat" and nothing else comes even close. The mind just boggles, I mean did the searcher hear about this happening and want to see a picture of it? Or did they want to find out if it's possible, and if so, how to do it? How could anyone think such a thing is even possible, and even then, WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO?!!! But that just me, cat person that I am. I realise lots of people are always trying to do horrible things to cats, something that comes up often in my site stats.

The funny thing about regularly checking the site meter is that there seem to be trends, like all of a sudden people are looking up cats in pyjamas or something. This week, 1950s housewifery seems to be all the rage, as my rather brilliant (if I may say so myself) post And not one thing about blowjobs! which is about just that, (and not about blowjobs at all, surprisingly) has drawn in a bunch of people looking up "perfect wife have dinner ready" "housewife guidelines 1950s" and my favourite, "men are disgusting". It makes a change from people finding that very post by looking blowjobs, who then stupidly click on the link and read it, though it says very clearly that there is not one thing about blowjobs in it.

And of course, doing a post about site stats means only one thing. I have shit all to write about. So give me some ideas dammit. I'm done with this thinking crap.

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Off with their heads!

You may have noticed that Blogger is acting like a total fat fuck at the moment. There are difficulties in posting, difficulties in commenting, difficulties in just being. I'm quite displeased with the situation. I mean I don't really have anything to write, but if I did, and it was well thought out and long and everything, and then I lost it all, I'd be seriously dismayed.

As it is there's no point in coming up with anything terribly witty or clever because it would probably just get lost. I was trying to posts comments earlier, and in fact came up with a comment which fit in both the witty and clever categories, and it wouldn't bloody post!

Needless to say, I am very irate with the situation. In my opinion Blogger deserves a whack on the ass! In fact, I think they deserve more than that. They need to be disciplined harshly to the full extent of the law. A public flogging would be sufficiently humiliating as well as painful.

No. It's not good enough. I think we need to bring in the death penalty here, it's just not used enough in these kinds of situations. And none of thlose humane modern methods. The anguish they've caused me deserves nothing less than full on long drawn out painful medieval type executions. Burning at the stake perhaps. A good old fashioned hanging.

Beheading. I think they deserve nothing less than to lose their heads.

Monday, July 24, 2006

What has become of civilization?

I don't know whether it's just here, or the weather or it's a new trend. It's disturbing! I keep hearing people having sex!

Ok, I did for the 2nd time in 2 days, but still! In the daytime too. What is going on! I mean don't these people know that your'e supposed to do it at night, with the doors closed, the lights turned out and under the covers? Which of course should muffle any noises that you may be so vulgar as to make.

You wouldn't catch me carrying on like that.

Friday, July 21, 2006

I'm trying, I'm trying.

I went out again yesterday with the purpose of taking photos of some of the lovelier views of Prague. I wanted to get the perfect shot, with the perfect light at the perfect time of evening of that view of Prague Castle of the Vltava and surroundings.

The other evening I took a bunch of photos around the area that came out too dark, so I went out earlier. And I was too early. For about an hour and a half the sun hovered stubbornly at a spot directly between just above the Castle and the Charles Bridge. No matter where I walked along the riverside it was still there. And no matter which bench I sat down to wait for it to move to a more favorable position, it shone directly into my eyes.

I took photos of the less enticing view facing the other way down the river, the street, random buildings, ducks, pigeons and my feet while I was waiting. When the sun finally went down enough to make a halfway decent photo, I took a couple and then walked across the Charles Bridge and back, taking photos of the bridge, the Castle from the Bridge, the view from the other side, Jesus, and some musicians.

I went back to my sacred spot and finally, everything was in the right place. I took one photo, and my batteries went dead.

That one photo turned out kind of ok. I came back and downloaded all of them, most were utter crap and a couple were sort of reasonable. I wasted so much juice on so many pointless photos I had to make do with my one lousy shot of the perfect time, which was, if I remember exactly 21:09. Actually I don't remember I'm making it up, but it was around then.

In other photo related news, I am nowofficiallyy the world's most interesting Michelle. Or,to be more accurate, I have the most interesting photo tagged with the word Michelle on Flickr, according to their definition of interesting, that is. Which isn't like interesting in the real world,
it's more like something very confusing that no one really understands, but it doesn't matter, I'm it. Thanks to my tireless self promotion and of course, being exceptionally interesting.

I have another casting tomorrow. It's an open casting, for a film, about something, and they need actors, of some sort. No idea how many people they need, or how many people will show up.

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

I love Wednesdays

Cos I don't have to think. I know I should put more (some) thought into this, but I manage to avoid it every time.

REV 14:13... "And I heard a voice from heaven saying unto me, Write, Blessed are the dead which die in the Lord from henceforth: Yea, saith the Spirit, that they may rest from their labours; and their works do follow them."
a) And I heard a voice from heaven booming down (as God tends to),
"Right, blessed are the dead which die in the Lord from henceforth"

"Yeah" , saith the Spirit, "that they may rest from their labours; and their works do follow them".

And I replied, "wow, that's cool. I'd better get onto this following the Lord business then."

And the spirit saith, "Totally"

b) Those who are good and follow Jesus and stuff (bla bla bla the same story again) will go to Heaven.

c) Those who don't. Hmmm, don't wanna think about it.

Well, actually I do want to think about it, because I'll be up in Heaven, living it up, while you, you fornicators, you shameless hussies, you faggots, you unbelievers will be ROASTING IN HELL. Which makes it all the more fun for us righteous folk. Nya nya.

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Right, I'm gonna....

I was going to write a post about how all the possibilities for exciting new ventures I've been involved in recently, and have written about have rather disappointingly failed to lead to anything. Then I decided I didn't want to do that, and would write about how I have nothing to write about, and ask you, the audience to give me ideas, one word, two words and I would get onto it right aw.. er one day, maybe.

Then I got an email out of the blue about a casting call for a feature film that's on Saturday and I thought, "well, I'd better not get all excited and tell anyone about this, and certainly not blog about it, as it will certainly lead to absolutely nothing like everything else I've tried recently...."

So I thought I'd write about that instead.

Sunday, July 16, 2006

Quiz Time!

A bit of lazy blogging for this summer Sunday, it's a while since I've done a quiz, and I just had to know which Classic Dame I was,

Katharine Hepburn
You scored 21% grit, 38% wit, 42% flair, and 9% class!
You are the fabulously quirky and independent woman of character. You go your own way, follow your own drummer, take your own lead. You stand head and shoulders next to your partner, but you are perfectly willing and able to stand alone. Others might be more classically beautiful or conventionally woman-like, but you possess a more fundamental common sense and off-kilter charm, making interesting men fall at your feet. You can pick them up or leave them there as you see fit. You share the screen with the likes of Spencer Tracy and Cary Grant, thinking men who like strong women.

Find out what kind of classic leading man you'd make by taking the
Classic Leading Man Test.

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:
free online datingfree online dating
You scored higher than 47% on grit
free online datingfree online dating
You scored higher than 80% on wit
free online datingfree online dating
You scored higher than 53% on flair
free online datingfree online dating
You scored higher than 3% on class
Link: The Classic Dames Test written by gidgetgoes on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

Saturday, July 15, 2006

The history of cheese.

I though I'd do an educational post for you all today, on a subject that's dear to my heart. Cheese.

Mmmm. Cheese. Can you imagine a world without cheese? Without it's strong/mild/mildlystrong flavour? Without it's creamy/hard/soft texture? Without all those wonderful names, from wonderful places, cheddar, gouda, gorgonzola, Wensleydale, brie?

Mmmm. Um, where was I again? Oh yes, well there was a day when there was no cheese. Long hard dreary days they were, until...

The History of Cheese
Most authorities consider that cheese was first made in the Middle East. The earliest type was a form of sour milk which came into being when it was discovered that domesticated animals could be milked. A legendary story has it that cheese was 'discovered' by an unknown Arab nomad. He is said to have filled a saddlebag with milk to sustain him on a journey across the desert by horse. After several hours riding he stopped to quench his thirst, only to find that the milk had separated into a pale watery liquid and solid white lumps. Because the saddlebag, which was made from the stomach of a young animal, contained a coagulating enzyme known as rennin, the milk had been effectively separated into curds and whey by the combination of the rennin, the hot sun and the galloping motions of the horse. The nomad, unconcerned with technical details, found the whey drinkable and the curds edible.
A happy accident!
In the Roman era cheese really came into its own. Cheesemaking was done with skill and knowledge and reached a high standard.
And before you knew it, the whole of the Roman Empire, then the world was eating cheese. End of story.

I'd like to go into more detail but I can't be bothered, instead I'll leave you with a recipe.

1 cup diced onions
1 cup diced celery
1 cup diced carrots
1 cup diced mushrooms
3/4 cup butter
1/2 cup flour
1 tsp dry mustard
5 cups chicken or vegetable stock
1 bunch broccoli
11 fl oz beer (use a can or bottle and save a swallow for the cook!)
6 oz cheddar cheese, grated
2 tblsp grated parmesan cheese
salt & pepper to taste

Saute' the diced vegetables in butter.

Mix flour and mustard into sautaed vegetables. Add the chicken or
vegetable stock to mixture and cook for five minutes.

Break broccoli into small flowerets; cut stems into bite-sizes pieces.
Steam until tender-crisp. Add beer and cheeses to the soup. Simmer
10-15 minutes. Check seasonings.

To serve, place some broccoli into a soup bowl and ladle the soup over it.
Mmmm. Beer and cheese.

Thursday, July 13, 2006

Wow, they really do have it better.

Well it seems like this argument which I argued against recently isn't so ridiculous after all.

Queer: Here's what I want you to do. First, I want you to spread chocolate on my chest. Then, I want you to spread some nougat, then some caramel and roasted peanuts. Then I want you to fuck me and call me Snickers.

--Fire Island

I can think of worse names I suppose.

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Getting Godly on yo ass

Bible verse time. For once I actually picked the first one I clicked on. I have no idea what it means and I'm going to make this up as I go along, so here it is:

REV 21:27... "And there shall in no wise enter into it any thing that defileth, neither whatsoever worketh abomination, or maketh a lie: but they which are written in the Lamb's book of life."
a) I believe in being harsh but fair. You must be good all your life, you must follow Jesus and give up your soul bla bla bla, you've heard this song before. If you don't you won't be let into Heaven. And you know what happens to those who don't get into Heaven. That's just how it is, I don't make the rules.

b) Sinners beware! Sinners go to Hell!!!!!! No exceptions! You know who sinners are don't you? It's them faggoty girly men and them wanton women, going around doing what they please with their bits and their lives and their dayem independence! It's a sin! And I will be laughing in Heaven as they're being tortured down in them there Hell parts.

c) You must not enter the wrong bits into unsuitable other bits. Especially when there are lambs involved. Totally uncool dude.

So I guess the way to do it is to just barge ahead without even thinking about it. It's not really any sillier than my previous efforts.

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

Yes, your highness.

Perching on the balcony.
Originally uploaded by Mutant Cat.
I realize I have a photoblog now, so there's no need to go posting endless photos of me taken by me on this here blog, but I'm on a mission, and I get more hits here.

I want to be the most interesting Michelle on Flickr. What does it mean? No fucking idea. But there's a thing where photos are sorted by interestingness, something to do with number of views, comments and favourites. All of my photos by me are tagged with Michelle, and currently this photo is the 8th most interesting photo tagged with Michelle. I need help to boost it to #1. I know a few of you out there are on Flickr, and I, as the Great Mutant Cat, host and creator of this blog, command you to go and shower my little photo with love and attention!

If you want to.

Monday, July 10, 2006

I know this is terrible but...

Man dies hoisting flag for World Cup final

ROME (Reuters) - A 77-year-old Italian man fell off a ladder and died as he tried to attach Italy's flag to a pole ahead of Sunday's World Cup final against France. ADVERTISEMENT

The man, Rodolfo Profili, was raising the flag on a patch of land he owned near the central Italian city of Viterbo when he apparently lost his balance and fell eight metres into a precipice, Italian news agency ANSA reported.
Ok I'm not that horrible. Italy, the team which for reasons regarding earlier incidents in the championship I especially didn't want to see win. So of course they won! At least I didn't bet against them. I don't really care anymore, that whole football/soccer thing is over and I can get on with my sport free life. Poor guy though.
ANSA quoted local police as saying the man died instantly, still clutching the tricolore.
And he didn't even get to see his team win.

Saturday, July 08, 2006

Go France

Shit, this blogger's block is going on too long. I literally haven't been able to come up with a single thing to write about for at least 4 months. Anything that's any good anyway. Where have you gone inspiration? Where are you knack of turning what is generally considered a mundane topic into something that's vaguely readable? Where are you stuff that I feel like linking to and adding a bit of commentary to make it my work?

I don't know. Anyway the final is on tonight, (I think, correct me if I'm wrong) and I'm hoping that France will win. Actually it's more that I hope Italy will lose. Sounds terrible, but I was unimpressed with their behaviour in a couple of games I saw, so I don't want them to win.

Nothing else to say.

Friday, July 07, 2006

Grumble grumble grumble

It's not a particularly great day. In fact I would go so far as to say this day sucks. I have a sore throat. It's not terribly sore, though it was that bad when I woke up this morning. And there's still no money, I'm totally broke.

And of course I have to deal with a certain person who is in a bad mood because of no money, and other things that are not working out, which are irritating me as well being all grumpy and pissy and whiny and shit. If there's anything worse than being in a bad mood, it's being in a bad mood around someone else who's in a bad mood who are unable to keep from conveying their bad mood in every move, sound or breath they make. I need a holiday!

Thursday, July 06, 2006

If it's not one thing!

Three days! That's longer than I've gone without posting for a long time. I can assure you that there is nothing wrong with me, physically or mentally, other than the usual. It has been a nice summer week, complete with a holiday in the middle, and I've been enjoying myself, but that's not the reason.

The reason is one of technology, yet again. This time because I had to replace my version of Windows. I couldn't just install it over the previous version, I had to clean everything off the computer. I couldn't do it, a friend came and did it. Anyway, he couldn't do it right away, he had to take the hard drive to his place and do something with it. Then he installed the new Windows on the hard drive on his computer. When we brought the hard drive home, nothing would work. The next day he came over again, with the Windows cd and did it all over again on our computer. At first it wouldn't work, new obstacles kept coming up every time the process progressed a little. Finally it worked and the computer came on with the new, clean version of Windows on it.

Then I had to reconnect the internet. I'm not going to go into detail but I hadn't bothered to copy down some numbers that I needed to get it work again, knowing that it was on a certain piece of paper that I was sure was somewhere. Well the piece of paper was nowhere, there were plenty of other pieces of paper that didn't have this particular bits of information, all except for the one I needed. I looked and I looked and I just couldn't find it. I finally had to ring up the service provider and get it from them, but the first time I rang up their computers were down and they couldn't get the information from me.

Later on I called again and got the information I needed, and we were finally able to connect to the internet, but all I had time to do was read some emails and then I was off again, for an evening of summer fun.

Yesterday I was busy, catching up on "work" stuff, which meant I wasn't able to catch up on the stuff that's really important. I have most of my stuff on the computer again, there are a few bits and pieces I need to reinstall, but that will be done when it needs to be, the problem is that the computer is acting weird now, it keeps freezing up and I have no idea why. I need to find a solution because I've been online for a day and a half and it's already driving me crazy.

Sunday, July 02, 2006

Interesting, I haven't tried that yet.

A few hours ago someone found my site by looking up "draw on my boobs blogspot". They didn't stick around so I guess they were disappointed. But now it's given me an idea!! But I already have 2 blogs and I really don't need another one. It would be an interesting idea for my new baby 1000 Words, but I want to keep the quality up, you know like this one, and avoid posting mindless titillating photos just to bring in the mindless millions. I want people to look at it for quality photos, interesting concepts and spectacular views of Prague. Unfortunately I don't have any of those so I may have to go with the titillation method.

Boobs are the topic of the moment, I had another poor unfortunate soul lamenting that "i still don't have boobs" who found me. Just because of one post mentioning the word boobs, that wasn't even about boobs!

I mean, it's just as well I never talk about sperm! If I talked about sperm, I'd get tons of people looking up sperm in my site stats. And not only that, I'd get "flowing sperm" "gushing sperm" "spurting sperm", "sperm in your face", all sorts of things, "sperm that tastes like asparagus", "sperm with glasses" "sperm that doesn't say hello when it answers the phone", ok perhaps not the last two, but it's just as well I won't get any of that because I never write about sperm.