Thursday, August 31, 2006

But they look so cute and cuddly...

Planning on a going hiking in Switzerland, well..

Mooove slowly and don't hug cows, hikers told

I'm just including the headline so I can state my opinion that whoever wrote it deserves to be shot.

Responding to numerous "reports of unpleasant meetings between hikers and cattle" along Switzerland's picture-perfect Alpine trails this summer, the Swiss Hiking Federation has laid down a few ground rules.
Yeah but you know how rowdy those hikers can get. No doubt they were provoking the cows with taunts about their mothers and such nonsense.
"Leave the animals in peace and do not touch them. Never caress a calf,"
And don't fondle their nipples. That never gets a very good reaction.
"Do not scare the animals or look them directly in the eye. Do not wave sticks. Give a precise blow to the muzzle of the cow in the event of absolute need,"
Just a bit of common curtesy. I mean, where do these people come from, the bottom of the sea?
I dunno. I'd probably have problems trying to get closeup photos of the cows eye and inside of their ears, but that's just me. It's not likely I'll be going anywhere there are cows soon so I'll probably be alright.

Monday, August 28, 2006

I am so there.

Satan Island, Starring Vincent Price?

Tourist: I want to go home. New York is so unchristian. Look at this, they even have a place called "Satan Island"!
New Yorker: Oh yeah, we New Yorkers are the worst. We even sold our souls to the devil so we could all read.

--6 train

Saturday, August 26, 2006

I'm just dreadful!

Contrary to what you might think after seeing the accompanying photograph, I'm not dreadful because I'm a shameless pisshead who sloppily dribbles vodka all over herself after swigging it at home alone.

No. I'm dreadful because that actually isn't vodka at all. I filled up an empty vodka bottle, of which I'd had a total of one drink from, in order to pose for a bunch of photos.

I know, it's terrible! I'm a big fat fake. I'm not at all as I seem. Sorry if I disappointed you.

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

God is back.

I'm back to Wednesday bible blogging after a break of a few weeks. Mostly because (and I know this is getting rather tiresome) I have nothing else to write about. Sorry.

1 Corinth 15:49... "And as we have borne the image of the earthy, we shall also bear the image of the heavenly."
a) You're dead now, but no worries, you were good and obedient and sufficiently grovelling before God, so you're going to Heaven.

b) Think not of earthly sinful stuff, like booze and succulent foods, pleasures of the flesh etc, think about Jesus. If it doesn't work then tough, you're going to hell.

c) Damn, these drugs are good!

Good to see that I'm still as rubbish at this as I ever was.

Friday, August 18, 2006

And here I thought it was all about orgasms..

I was browsing through my site stats earlier on, and came across someone looking up this,

The feminist agenda is not about equal rights for women. It is about a socialist, anti-family political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism, and become lesbians.
(Blush), I really didn't mean to destroy the family, honest. All I wanted was to have a good time. About those babies, I'm really really sorry, but the Dark Lord was insisting, and those prayers weren't helping any.

The real truth really comes out at the end of the quote. I mean why do you think we really started making such a ruckous way back about a 100 years of more ago? The vote? You think we wanna bother our pretty little heads with boring grownup stuff like that? Give me a break. It's all about the orgasms. I know, I'm sure there's a man out there somewhere who knows how to do it right, but until I meet him and he actually is interested in me, (unlikely as he'd be in rather high demand and very, very busy) I'm sticking with my side.

Thursday, August 17, 2006

Ooh they'll pay

BERLIN (Reuters) - A seven-member family faces eviction from an east Berlin apartment tower after neighbors complained about loud prayer sessions that keep the whole building awake at night, a German newspaper said Thursday.
Oh, It can't be that bad can it?
"I really don't want to disturb the neighbors but the high volume is needed in the battle against the devil," Pierre D., the 42-year-old father of the Christian family, told Bild newspaper. He is fighting an eviction order in court.
Oh, now I understand The devil isn't put off by them little wussy prayers. You need a real man's prayer, a man's prayer to get that dark lord wimpering and crying. I bet this minute he's scampering off with his tail between his legs, to pick on another poor family. A quieter family.
Neighbors told Bild the screams and singing that are part of the family prayers in the second storey sometimes begin at 2:30 a.m. and can be heard all the way up to the fifth floor.
Well, if that's what it takes...
"We have to work in the morning and need our sleep," said taxi driver Horst Berghahn, who lives on the third floor. He said he asked the family to lower the volume several times since they moved into the building 10 months ago but to no avail.
Oooh, we like to sleep and we need to work. Well boo fucking hoo. I tell you this Mr, you might be getting your prescious sleep now, but when you're in hell you'll be having a wee bit of trouble gettin some rest with those little devils pokin' at your ass won't you? People today.

Monday, August 14, 2006

I was bored ok!

Peer pressure
Originally uploaded by mischievous kitty.
When you're sitting at home and you've got nothing better to do, you can always put a bowl on your head and take a photo. It also helps if you have nothing to write about either, it gives you a subject you see.

This is not an isolated incident, in fact it's a trend. I'm being incredibly fashionable by sporting this particular headgear, you just don't know it yet.

Thursday, August 10, 2006

Note to self..

Set my phone to silent before going to sleep.

I should explain. Twice in the last 2 weeks I've been woken up in the middle of the night by a phone call from the same drunken incoherent person. Well last night the phone call wasn't so much incoherent as a mistake, he must have pushed the button and called me accidentally. Nevertheless it woke me up! And this person didn't even own a phone between a short while after the first incident and sometime on Tuesday evening!


Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Mad, complete with cats.

I was just reading something, that's actually a link to something, which has nothing to do with what I'm going to talk about really, (the main subject of the piece is pubic hair, and I know none of you are interested in that subject) but something about the first paragraph jumped at me.

I am a 40-year-old single heterosexual woman, living in New York City. Just like thousands of other women I wonder if I will ever find The One, or if I will be a lonely old lady with cats who yells at the neighbors.
Hey, why you dissin' on cats lady? In fact, why is this cliche repeated over and over, with single ladies always claiming that they don't like cats, they don't have cats, feeling the need to defend themselves from the oh so terrible accusation of having cats!

Well fuck that! It's ok to have cat. It's ok to have one, it's ok to have 2, it's ok to have 7. It's ok to have cats if you're a man, it's ok to have cats if you are a traditional nuclear family with 2 3/4 children. It's ok to have cats if you're a gay couple (male or female), it's ok to have cats if you're a not married childless woman in her early 30s who is nevertheless in a relationship with a man creature, it's ok, in fact, to have cats if you are a single woman over 40 who is not and isn't going to be in a relationship any time soon. Or ever!

In fact, it's ok to be a mad, lonely old lady with cats who yells at the neighbours!

I don't have cats or any pets. I am as you may well know a single woman in my 30s. This doesn't bother me. The fact that I don't have cats, and don't actually live alone, and am in something that might resemble a relationship to those who use the word loosely (with a man, no less) might make a difference, but really what I want out of life, and will have once I get my shit together (which is going to be real soon now), is to live alone, in my very own place, and to have cats!

Two of them actuallyboth female. There will be no males living in my home. How's that for mad?

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Any excuse to show off.

It's raining. It's been raining for about a week, about as many days so far this month. I predicted this. I said to someone a few weeks ago, when everyone was complaining about the constant heat that it would be swelteringly hot all July, (which is was) and rain all of August. It gives me no pleasure at all to be proven a big smarty pants knowitall however.

The worst thing about it, is not that you can't go outside without getting sopping wet, whereas a week ago you couldn't go outside without turning into a sunburnt, sweating creature, but that it's no good for photo taking!

All month I tried to get some nice Prague photos, either in the local area, or around the river, and it was always too bloody bright! All of my photos came out crap, the sky was all white, the details were washed out, and if I wanted a photo of a white building, forget it! Except for Wednesday.

Last Wednesday was one of those perfect summer days, warm but not hot, sunny but with pretty fluffy white clouds in the sky, it was like a dream. I took the opportunity to take a few photos of the local church. For once they came out how I wanted them. They were the colour they were suppose to be, and the oh so beautiful clouds! They looked like they'd been handed down from heaven from god himself. Ok, I'm exaggerating slightly, but they were real pretty.

Before I knew it, it was all over. The next day was considerably colder still, gloomy, overcast and rainy. It's been like that ever since. All the ideas I had are completely useless now, until it stops raining. I'm wondering what it all means, are the weather gods against me? Is there someone up there who's trying to tell me something? Am I meant to stay inside and focus on self portraits? Well, I suppose I can always do more of them.

I'm evil. Slight adjustment. I'm outta here!

Saturday, August 05, 2006

That'll sort em out!

LONDON (Reuters) - Police in eastern England are looking to God to help them catch vandals and burglars.
Phew! That ought solve everything. Why didn't anyone think of this before? I mean if you've got God on your side....
The Lincolnshire branch of the Christian Police Association is setting up a "Prayer Watch" scheme to alert Christians to local crimes.
Oh lord...
As well as encouraging worshippers to keep an eye out on their churches and each other, the police said the scheme would allow Christians to use prayer to help catch criminals.
Ooh you are so big..
"It's largely geared to protecting congregations and church properties which are pretty vulnerable places, but with the added bolt-on aspect of prayer," a Lincolnshire police spokesman told Reuters Wednesday.
So absolutely huge...
Retired London policeman Don Axcell, the national executive director of the Christian Police Association, said God did answer crime-busting prayers.
Gosh, we're really impressed down here I can tell you....

Can you help us catch that bloke who defaced the church pews?
"I'm a great believer in the power of prayer and all I'd say to the skeptics is that I've seen it work too many times for it to be a coincidence," he told the Lincolnshire Echo newspaper.
Ha! That showed them Godless heathens!

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

I'll wait til the movie comes out.

It's Jesus Wednesday again,

REV 13:11... "And I beheld another beast coming up out of the earth; and he had two horns like a lamb, and he spake as a dragon."
Um. I hope there's someone out there still reading, because I'm gonna leave this one up to you. I'm trying my best but all I can come up with is porn, and that's.just.wrong!

I'm thoroughly ashamed of myself.