Friday, March 30, 2007

I know which bit I want.

Chocolate Jesus.. mmm.

A New York gallery has angered a US Catholic group with its decision to exhibit a milk chocolate sculpture of Jesus Christ.

The six-foot (1.8m) sculpture, entitled "My Sweet Lord", depicts Jesus
Christ naked on the cross.

I thought Catholics were into eating Jesus?
Catholic League head Bill Donohue called it "one of the worst assaults on Christian sensibilities ever".
You're being a bit dramatic there aren't you? Ever is a long time.. they used to throw you in the Collosseum with lions remember. I fail to see how this compares.
The Catholic League, which describes itself as the nation's largest
Catholic civil rights organisation, also criticised the timing of the
exhibition. "The fact that they chose Holy Week shows this is calculated,
and the timing is deliberate," Mr Donohue said.
Well, you know, Easter/eating body of Christ, it works. How would you have liked it if they just had a giant bunny on "Holy Week" huh? I bet you'd be complaining about that too.
Mr Cavallaro, the Canadian-born artist, is known for using food ingredients in his art, .... he used 200 pounds (90 kg) of chocolate to make the sculpture which, unusually, depicts Jesus without a loincloth.
He he. Nude chocolate Jesus.

Thursday, March 29, 2007

Something that's actually worth reading..

I'm not going to bother writing anything today, because I just don't feel like it.. instead I'm going to leave you with a few suggestions for something to read, by a much better writer than myself... obviously not a huge achievement judging by the amount of feedback I've been getting on what is apparently utter garbage according to you all... but let's move on.

The first one is about the infamous drink Absinthe. It's history, differences between types, and most importantly, how to drink it.

Everything there is to know about Prague. Hint.. beer.

And seeing as we're on the subject, another one about beer, American beer this time, why it sucks and why you should come to the Czech Republic if you want to have a good guzzle.

Very useful stuff there.

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Mary will be getting a little lamb about 6 months from now...

I'm on my 4th week of studying the Meisner Technique now, and I'm getting closer and closer to being a master of living truthfully under imaginary circumstances... which is what this technique teaches. I say I'm getting closer, but I'm getting closer very slowly. I know I've only been doing this for almost a month, but compared to other drama training I've done, this is a bit, shall I say... tedious?

If in acting, your body is your instrument.. then what you usually do in acting is learn the basic notes, start playing very simple tunes, then learn chords and more complex tunes, and then onto the stuff that only musicians really know about. In the Meisner Technique, you start by learning a note.. you practice and practice and practice that note. Then you learn another note, you practice it, then you combine it with the first note and practice that over and over again. You then learn another note.....

.....

..about 3 weeks later you learn a chord, and you put it together with the notes you've learnt to make some kind of melodic sound, and you practice and practice and practice it. I don't know when you get to the point where you start playing actual tunes, as no one in my group has gotten to that level yet.

What we do is a lot of repeating. We start by standing with a person observing things about them and commenting on it. Then we stand with a person and tell them something about themselves and repeat what they say, they repeat it back and keep going on until the instructor says stop. Then you tell the person something about themselves, they repeat it from their point of view and you repeat it from yours again until something changes and you comment on that. And you do it again and again. I've been doing this for 3 weeks. Last night I moved up a little, and entered the scene of the more advanced students and threw them off what they were doing, and commenting on their behaviour so they can repeat it back to me and on and on and on...

So it's going, but slowly. I might be starting on activities next week, depending on what happens in tomorrow's class. It's all very exciting.

Saturday, March 24, 2007

How to fix a broken window

Time for post #3 in my ground breaking new series about Sex Metaphors. Today I'll be revisiting the one which actually inspired this whole thing. It's from this book which bemoans the fact that young women today are ruining their lives by screwing around instead of demanding a solid commitment from everyone they fuck. The quote, which is written in the form of a letter to mothers and daughters, goes like this:

Your body is your property. . . . Think about the first home you hope to
own. You wouldn't want someone to throw a rock through the front window, would
you?
No. I wouldn't want my body violently assaulted by someone, whether a stranger or otherwise. Thanks for allowing me the ownership of my own body by the way.. no thanks for deciding for me what equals a violation of my own property.

Yes, we know, there are women who slut around because they have a crave affection or attention, because their father didn't love them enough etc etc.. who are left feeling empty and used after such encounters, yes we know there are men who are shitheads, yes we know that women get pressured into things they don't want to do.... but that's now how it is for everyone.

Oh yes it is! Or so says our wise and all knowing author. You might think you're perfectly ok with the arrangement you have with your man friend, and in fact quite happy to be having sex without worrying about long term commitments, or you might be looking back on the days before you were in your current blissful relationship without any regret... but no! You're fooling yourself. You are distressed. You feel wretched. Stop telling me you're ok, I'm afraid your thoughts don't enter into it.. this is for the big people to decide.

If you sit here and let me tell you how terrible you really feel, and it's really quite unbecoming to let yourself be used as a human bouncing castle.. and eventually your distress will come out and you will feel shame. Then you will be cured.

Friday, March 23, 2007

Visually interesting

Makeup is pretty

I hope.. be back to writing soon.

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

God is with us...

Being a Wednesday, the proper time for him to be hanging around. On this blog anyway.. the rest of the time he seems to be conspicuously absent, I suspect this is due to a chronic case of non-existence, but some seem to disagree with me there. Anyway...

REV 22:1... "And he shewed me a pure river of water of life, clear as crystal, proceeding out of the throne of God and of the Lamb."
a) You see God, (in spite of all that murder, genocide, bigotry, misogyny and all that other lovely stuff) is pure. Pure like water that hasn't got any muck in it. When he murders it's the right thing to do because the very definition of right is what God says is right, and God can do no wrong so if He does it it's right. Capisce?

b) And he brought me to a beautiful place, where the sun shone, the birds sang and there was a beautiful crystal clear lake, with bunnies and lambs frolicking around without a care in the world.. the water looked so inviting, so we tore off all our clothes and jumped in... along with the fishes which were our friends, and the bunnies and lambs jumped in too, to join the fun, and we had a lovely picnic under the water... and built a city where we all lived in harmony and happiness..

c) When God takes a piss, he really takes a piss.

Carry on..

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Cosmopolitan, classy, civilized..

And other c-words...

Rinse, Repeat

Teen girl #1: Wait, so you just let him do you in the
butt? You let him sodomize you?

Teen girl #2: It wasn't bad. I couldn't shit
for a few days, though. So I took some laxatives, then I shit myself in the
mall yesterday.--Liberty Island

Overheard by: binja

I'll think of something to write tomorrow. Maybe.

Saturday, March 17, 2007

Speaking of...

Home improvementers... the workdudes that have been hammering and drilling and generally carrying on in this building, the one where I work and where my computer and internet is located knocked something downstairs and fucked up the phone line. As the internet and tv here is through some phone system both have been out for the past 2 days. Fortunately these clowns destroyed the telephone line for the entire building so someone already complained about it and got it fixed.. but still..

If they're around tomorrow I think I'll make them some tea..

Thursday, March 15, 2007

A lot of noise equals a swanky kitchen.

Why are people so into home improvements? Is it really so important to have a place that's airy, comfortable, has enough space and is pleasant to live in? Is it so important that they have to do it in my building during the morning hours? Like today for example, at about 8am the hammering started. It stopped after a while, then started again, after that some drilling and so on. This has been going on for a couple of weeks, about every second day or so. Always at a time well before I need to desire to wake up*.

It's probably coming from downstairs somewhere, but I don't know exactly where. I'm going to have to investigate though, so I can find out who it is and kill him. It would be nice if I could just get the law in and get them to take care of it, doesn't have to be an execution, just get him locked up (I may feel passionately about this subject, but I am fair), but unfortunately this country is lax about these things and there is no law against hammering and drilling in a multiple residence building at any time before 3 in the afternoon... so I'm going to have to take care of this myself.

I have to have to be clever about it, as I don't like blood and I'm not too enthusiastic about wrestling with someone who is almost certainly bigger than me. I'm going to get him to invite me over for tea, so I can slip something into his when he's not looking, and quietly leave. I'd invite him over for tea, but then there'd be an inconvenient body to dispose of.

I'll think of it more once I've gotten some sleep.

*Though this morning was an exception. I actually got up very early to go to the centre to take photos. The noise started after I came back and was resting some more.

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Might as well do this again...

Seeing as it's Wednesday. Today I'm presented with this:

1 Corinth 2:4... "And my speech and my preaching was not with enticing words of
man's wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power: 2:5 That your
faith should not stand in the wisdom of men, but in the power of God."
1) Logic, reason, science, empathy and anything else that requires you to use what you've learnt and experienced to decide for yourself what opinion you'll take on any subject.. are utter rubbish. The only thing you need to know to decide what path to take can be summed up as "wot god says".

2) Well you see my speech was incredibly clever, even though it sounded like utter rubbish because though it was in a way utter rubbish, and didn't make any points that made sense, I am a believer. And because I am a believer, and because I have faith, which is right and good, everything I say is right and good, and terribly clever. Even when it's utter rubbish.

3) Those magic tricks did so work, you just weren't quick enough to catch them. You have to believe in it to see it, and you never believed I could do magic so you never saw it. Too bad, it was really really good.

For those that are new to this, you can either come up with another translation for this verse, translate another verse, or just completely ignore this post... see if I care.

Monday, March 12, 2007

Bare stems have all the fun..

#2 in my Sexual Metaphors series comes to us from the Abstinence Outlet people who's best selling produce is this Abstinence Rose Pin. Their message is.

You are like a beautiful rose. Each time you engage in premarital sex, a
precious petal is stripped away.

Don't leave your future husband holding a bare stem. Abstain.
So now you're a flower girls. I don't know if that's better or worse than a cow but anyway... Your petals are your sex. Each time you have sex you lose a petal. Once you lose all of your petals you become a bare stem. And the man who you're going to marry one day deserves better than that, because, well.. because.

Well, each time you have sex before you're married you lose a petal, somehow magically one you have continuously rejuvenating petals, which a husband is allowed to pluck to his heart's content, I'm presuming. As it says "each time you engage in premarital sex you lose a petal" then I suppose it doesn't matter whether you're a full on slut, or whether you just have one boyfriend you have sex with. And just how many times do you have to "engage" before you have no petals left? That rose in the picture looks like it's got about 8 petals, does that mean if you have sex with one man 8 times after being with him for years (but not married to him) you have no petals left? And what exactly happens when you're an empty stem? Are you unable to have sex? Is the sex less enjoyable for the husband/god who has the right to have a beautiful rose as a gift without being obligated to give you anything special? Or is it just that if you've had sex before marriage you're a dirty whore (the more sex/more fellows the dirtier and whorier you are) and that's icky, no man wants to be where another man's been? Anyone going to clear this up for me?

Sunday, March 11, 2007

Here's some truth if you can handle it..

It's time to revisit Conservapedia, the online source for everything (except for cheesy potatoes that is) from a conservative point of view. Their entry on homosexuality seems to have settled down, the editors seem to agree that homosexuality is not genetic (based on some study vaguely mentioned and not linked to) and there is no homosexuality in nature because though animals do engage in it, it's still wrong so it doesn't count.

So I thought I'd try another subject. The United States of America.

The United States of America (commonly referred to as America) was founded in 1776 by George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, and the other Founding Fathers and formally established as the United States by the ratification of the U.S. Constitution in 1788.

The Declaration of Independence acknowledges the existence of a God when it refers to "the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God" and says all men "are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights," though the latter statement was made by Unitarian Thomas Jefferson. Conservatives argue that most of the Founding Fathers were Christians and that, explicitly or not, the United States was founded upon the principles and ideals of Christianity. However, the freedom of Religion (stating that the government cannot interfere in the conduct of religious groups) is a fundamental aspect of the First Amendment to the Constitution.
Everything you need to know about the USA. Seriously, that's it. They do include this at the top of the page though..
This article has been identified as having problems with length, content
and/or style. You can and are encouraged to make this article better by
contributing. Please add factual and verifiable content, edit phrases to make
them non problematic, or make this article more grammatically correct. Please
remember to abide by The Conservapedia Commandments in your actions, though.

I find it hard to believe that nobody there has anything more to say on this rather important subject. I can only guess that it's a hotly contested debate on what to put in and what to leave out, and the only thing they can all agree on is this portion here. It's been recently updated, with the word "Christianity" replacing "Rastafarianism" which was somebody's unappreciated opinion.

So if you want to add to this entry, you're welcome to sign up and go ahead. You've got to follow the Commandments though.

Thursday, March 08, 2007

Who's this Meisner cat anyway?

I went to my acting class again last night. Fewer people this time. I watched the others go through their stuff, then it was my turn.

The new guy wasn't there, so I stood up with one of the more seasoned class members and we faced each other. I had to observe him and then tell him things about him, like he had a blue shirt on, etc. The next step was to tell him something which he had to repeat, then I had to repeat what he said, and he had to repeat what I said, etc etc etc. We went through it a few times, and this might sound stupid but it took me a while to get it. You're supposed to repeat exactly what your partner says, for example if I say "you have blonde hair", he has to repeat exactly that to me, then I repeat it back etc. But because this guy is at a more advanced stage the exercise he usually does is different and the conversation goes more like "you're doing something, I'm doing something, you're doing something, I'm doing something, you're doing something, I'm doing something, you're angry, I'm angry, you're angry, I'm angry" rather than, "you're tall, you're tall, you're tall, you're tall", so after I said "you're wearing a watch", he'd say "I'm wearing a watch", due to habit. And the first time, instead of then repeating what he had said, I'd correct him and say my original line again. After a few times of doing this, or imitating his hesitation instead of just repeating what he said, we did it again. I said "You have brown shoes", he replied "I have brown shoes", so I repeated "I have brown shoes", and on and on and on. We went on like this for a while, I zoned out after a bit and just kept automatically saying the same thing.. it went on for longer than any of the earlier did, and I started feeling very uncomfortable, and wanting to laugh. I wanted the instructor to cut in and stop it already. Our voices started to go a bit hoarse and he said something that sounded like "brown shoes" to me so I repeated "brown shoes". And finally the guy stopped us. I could have ended the misery earlier if I'd picked up that he dropped the "I" a few times and repeated what he said, instead of just droning on with that one line, but I wasn't paying attention properly, which is I suppose the point.

It was, as you can imagine terribly exciting. I have been told by another in the group that it doesn't take very long before you get to the "doors and activities" stage. I can't wait!

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

Total sausage party dude

Last night I finally went to this acting class thingy I've been meaning to for about a month, but have been putting off for reasons ranging from being hungover, being depressed, held up or having a huge zit on my chin which my vanity wouldn't allow to be seen amongst theatre types. Last night I had none of these excuses, well the laziness was present, but not strong enough in the face of my determination to finally go to this thing.

The class was taught by some Australian dude, in the Meisner Technique, which is all about truth, and keeping it real, and it's something I wasn't familiar with. It was all men, except for myself, there are other women in the class but none of them showed up last night, so I was like a lonely little petunia in an onion patch in a way, except I'm not a petunia, the class wasn't held in an onion patch and I wasn't actually lonely, seeing as I was in a room full of people.

I watched some of the others do their exercises, at the end me and the other new person did a beginner's exercise together. It was kinda interesting, actually the most exciting event of the year for me so far, but that isn't saying a lot. The group seems relatively organized*, and want to put on production and do films and all that jazz, so this might blossom into something more for me. And if it doesn't I have a few other leads. And if they don't turn out to be anything then I'm sure something else will come up. And if nothing else does, well, who cares.

*For Prague that is. Or rather, the expat community with which I'm familiar.

Sunday, March 04, 2007

Sunday Sermon

It's the time of week for preaching, so I thought I'd take this opportunity to share some of the wisdom I've acquired over the years with some of the younger, more impressionable of you.

Kids, don't do drugs. Drugs are bad mmkay. And don't drink. Don't have sex either, not until you're married anyway, and certainly don't get into that hookups jazz. Trust me, I've been there, I've done it all, and it was.. well to be honest it was a lot of fun. A lot of fun, those years of moving around one exciting city to another, meeting new people, the parties, the wild experiences, oh, the great stories I have... but that's not the point. The point is that now I don't do those things. Not as much anyway. And my life today is, well it's ok. I'm pretty happy and certainly haven't had any terrible tragedies brought on by boozing or fucking or anything, but that's not the point.

The point is that it's bad. Nobody warned me about these things, which never existed before my time of course. Well, actually they did but I wasn't listening but that's not the point. The point is that I'm telling you now that these things are bad, so you don't have an excuse, you know these things are bad. So don't do them!

Friday, March 02, 2007

Free milk, come and get it! Hurry up before it dries up.

I mentioned not long ago that I might start a blog series on sex metaphors, or rather "sex as something extracted from the female body" metaphors. As I have nothing else to write about, I might as well start now.

I will begin with a classic. You may have heard this one before, it's in the form of a question, and it goes,

"Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?"

To begin with I'll break the sentence down for you.

  • The question "why" is addressed to you, the man, the subject, the individual for whom everything is for.

  • Buy refers to getting married.

  • The cow is the woman, the one that is to be owned. I'll be playing this part(I know I wanted to be a dog yesterday, but alas I cannot deny my true nature).

  • Milk refers to sex, which is something that is extracted from the cow/woman.

I am now going to answer the question, and give some reasons, on just why you would buy me (the cow) when milk is so easy to get these days:

  1. The status that you get by being a cow owner, you're considered more grown up, you're more respected, and you have, (and are given the opportunity to acquire more) dependants who respect and look up to you.
  2. You may receive other benefits from me rather than just easy access to milk. I might be useful in keeping the lawn trimmed, or maybe you can use my manure as a fertilizer, etc.
  3. It might be worth your while to just buy me instead of going out and buying milk every day.
  4. You may find me a good companion, someone you can share your hopes and desires with, who understands you like nobody else can. I am someone special to you, who you want to spend your life with.
So there you go. Reasons even for the most selfish of you. Now, it's true that my opinion doesn't count here, but as this question is usually a rhetorical one used to scold us cows for squirting our milk all over the place willy nilly, I thought I'd address some of my own issues with the question.
  1. I might enjoy the act of giving milk for it's own sake and find it pleasurable.
  2. I might enjoy the act of giving milk with you specifically because I like you and am attracted to you.
  3. I might find you a good companion, someone to share my hopes and desires with etc, but not feel the need to be officially bought for us to share our lives together.
  4. I might find you a good companion, someone to share my hopes and desires with etc, but have a particular aversion to being bought either for personal reasons or because I don't believe in the institution of ownership.
  5. I may have no interest in either giving you milk or being owned by you, get over it.
  6. I might not want to give milk or be owned by any man, as I prefer to share my milk with other cows.
I think that's enough, though I'm sure you could find more reasons for both a man getting married when he can get it that easily, and women giving away their sex without demanding a ring first.

Thursday, March 01, 2007

I wanna be a dog

More on the whole hookup culture thing that I recently wrote about. This guy gives us his opinion of it all, which is that men are horrible, women shouldn't try to be like them and ner ner you can't anyway.

It's pathetic that this is what is now deemed "progress" among the
feminists -- attempting to ape the most selfish, brutish behavior by men and
calling themselves enlightened and empowered for doing so.

As is typical, he just doesn't get it. He cannot conceive of the idea that people might have casual sex with someone they don't despise, but let's just pretend that it is true that a) all men are dogs who just want to use women for sex and throw them away, and b) there's no chance of this ever changing.

What the fuck is in it for women to be good then? Fuck that! If men are going to be like that, then you can be damn sure I'm going to be too. Why would I want to stay pure so I can be one of the good, virginal women who'll win one of these prizes as a husband one day? Or why would I want to be the kind of woman who has sex but cares deeply about every man she fucks so I can be truly miserable when I get treated like this?

No, I'll be as callous as they are if they're going to be like that. Fortunately I have a higher opinion of the human male than this person does. There are a couple of decent ones out there... Or so I've heard..

via Pandagon