well.. last night was nice.. I mean.. mishaps, of course, but overall nice, took people on a tour, and they liked it, they liked me! That's been happening a fair bit lately.. so I felt good about it.. for a while..
at some point in the night I realized it doesn't really matter. I'm still me, I'm still the person who's at the bottom of the metaphorical barrel, whatever barrel I happen to be in.. or something like that, and down went the spirits..
it's just.. it's just being me. It's always like this.. I always try things, new things, things over and over again and always.. just always it turns out the same. I screw it up somehow.. sometimes it's outright fuck up, sometimes it's just be ordinary and forgettable.. sometimes it's get by but compared to others.. it's not good enough. Always at the bottom. Again and again and again.. and I feel it, I know it, but people reassure me it's going ok, I'm being negative, I'm being hard on myself. but I always turn out to be right, every single time. It's the one thing I'm good at, being a barometer for my own suckage. If only there was money in it.
Stupid stupid things.. things that other people.. for the most part, at least not many of them, at least not again and again, don't have happen to them, improbable, unlikely things.. if it's required for me to be kept from reaching the modest heights of ok that I strive to achieve, it will happen.
Yeah, I'm negative, yeah I'm whining, yeah other people have it worse, whatever, I hate this shit.
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
I have a cancelled tour tonight.. *snorts*.. no.. I have a tour, just the one that no one seems to show up for.. at least when I'm doing it... the last 3 times I went for this one. . and waited around with my hat and lantern, umbrella and brochures.. smiling at the passers by.. and no one wanted to join it... strange.. well, maybe tonight. Very first tour I did too... I've only done it once.. and it's been almost a month. I think I remember it though... *wonders about this*
Sunday, March 27, 2011
omg I've just been doing so much lately.. hardly have time to breathe.. and sit around spending hours wasting time on the internet.. it's like.. I'm a normal person or something.. almost. Except... this has occurred over the weekend.. the weekend!
Well. training for a new tour.. a 3 hour tour.. which I'm supposed to be ready for in April.. um.. no way.. I think, well we're hurrying so we had a training session yesterday, walking around and up and down hills, with a small (very small) break in the monastery brewery pub.. and then a tour.. small one this time.. went well.. these people actually seemed to like me! and then, I get back from my tour and after waiting around in the drizzle for the guy at reception of the building to let me in.. and changing and transferring all my tour stuff for my regular stuff.. the 9pm guy is sick, so I do another tour! And if that's not exhausting enough, I have training again today.. in the afternoon.. and it's an hour sooner than it is because the clocks went forward today! See how much I do. Yeah. And on THE WEEKEND.
Told I was almost normal. Kinda.
Thursday, March 24, 2011
I will be moving in a few months.. fun, isn't it.. moving. All that.. looking for a place.. going to see them, finding something not quite right about a place you really liked.. deciding on one, getting all that money together for deposit and all that.. packing your stuff, making sure you have everything and it won't break, catching the cat to put in a cage.. moving in, living with rooms full of boxes, getting used to everything.. freaking the cat out..
I think I'm too tired to go and look at this place this evening...
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
At 5 minutes to midnight.. all I want to say is..
well I already said it. In the title.
I'm tired. It's been a long day... well.. 23 hours and 55 minutes so far but you know what I mean..
I cut myself today.. just on the finger.. right on the tip.. usually not a big deal but the blood just kept gushing and gushing and gushing.. I thought it would never stop.. but I covered it with a bandage thingy and it was ok.. kind of sore... kind of a pain in the ass.. well the finger.. something I could do without.
Then I totally forgot about the fixit dude... came here to just see what needed to be done.. then expected money for his time.. just a little but I didn't have it, so I had to awkwardly get through that situation.
So.. mostly a boring day.. and then to work. You know.. the tour thing.
Started ok, started great actually... and despite a small detour.. and being a bit behind schedule.. it continued being.. well, ok. Some interruptions, with news of changes to the schedule. but.. ya know.. then. well.. I don't want to blame other people.. but the situation became kinda screwy.. and I was made to wait, and keep a large number of people waiting before the last bit o the tour.. which wasn't fun. I don't think they liked it too much.. and quite frankly I think everyone was a bit tired and not so much in the mood by the time we got in there... and certainly by the time we came out to say goodbye and all that stuff.
So.. yeah. Fuck.
Sunday, March 20, 2011
*pauses to let people make whatever they wish of that title*
Happy equinox.. wherever you are in the world! I'd say happy spring too... although a) I'm not quite 100% that today is the proper 1st day o spring.. where I am, and quite possibly where you are is not displaying whether which is appropriate for the beginning of spring.. c) there are places that don't really have the 4 seasons so much as really really hot and typhoon or whatever.. and d) The entire southern hemisphere does not apply as they're just starting autumn (excluding those parts of the sh that also come under the c. heading) which is something I always overlook on these seasonal milestones despite the fact that I'M FROM THE DAMN SOUTHERN HEMISPHERE MYSELF FOR FUCKS SAKE!
So yeah.. equinox.. go for it.
Numbers. I like them nice and round... like 9. nice and round.. nice and not too big and not too small. I had 9 people on a tour tonight.. and despite repeating some past mistakes.. making some new ones, fumbling as much as I usually do including a big fiasco with the lantern (yet again) and on top of that losing some of my much ballyhooed command in places during the stories... I reckon I done pretty well. Well.. that is aside from being strangely affected by the lantern fuel.. sorta got a headache standing there, and then in the musty underground I got a bit lightheaded, but I still managed to (if I may say so myself) rock it. Sorta. I dunno.. people seemed to like it all.. or maybe they were pretending.. or I don't read people very well. Possibly. All I can say is.. despite all the cockups.. oh whatev.. I can do this stuff and with more experience I'll lose the rough edges I still retain.. eventually.
Friday, March 18, 2011
When people write typos.. and well.. I'm just the tiniest bit intolerant of them.. I don't mean that when confronted with a "teh" or a "wiht" that I will slam the laptop shut and refuse to ever read the site said offending arrangement of letters came from ever again.. more like.. I can a bit annoyed when I read something that has repeated commonly made typos.. which would be evident with a quick bit of proofreading.. it's just.. I dunno... there are certain sites where this is common.. and it just decreases my enjoyment of reading the otherwise clever and interesting content..
So yeah.. that's me.. big snob. One thing.. that's like.. totally noyin.. (and not that's not a typo that's a personal habit I have when speaking of shortening the word "annoying" on purpose.. keeping with the hip young habit of shortenin stuff) well.. not particularly noyin really... perhaps more amusing is when someone makes a point of quoting a particular word or phrase.. and they misspell it.. giving the word an uncanny resemblance to a sore thumb. I mean.. these "poeple" could at least... I mean.. you think they'd notice while making the effort to add extra punctuation, that there is an error... but no.. no.. these "wrtiers" and "commetner" just storm on.. to the end with nary a look back...
just thought I'd let y'all know how I felt about that..
Thursday, March 17, 2011
It's raining, so no one showed up for a tour tonight.. but I did have a Guinness...
and I got a green hat...
It's also Thursday.. so you can caption if you like. but.. to be perfectly honest (tbph) I don't think anyone's paying attention..
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Is the word egregious suddenly really popular with people who want to sound quite clever and therefore used a lot.. enough more than some vague time summed up as "before" for it to be noticeable, or am I just imagining that it is, based on the fact that I never really paid attention before.. or for some other reason? Well?
I dunno.. it's possible.. either one that is.. I mean, words do come in and out of fashion.. one that doesn't seem to be used nearly enough is palaver.. though it was used by at least one person today... and was named word of the day by another (I assume another person... the person who heard it from the aforementioned other.. I imagine) so it's not completely forgotten.. if indeed there was ever a danger of that.
I don't know if I would use egregious in any particular setting.. there are many other words to use in the instance one would use said word.. heinous, nefarious.. notorious.. many others.. appropriateness to the situation depending on the situation of course.. and all of those sound so much mor dramatic and... more better.. kinda :) but I think I'd use insufferable. Now there's a word that's rarely used.. these days.. and it's a crying shame.. scandalous really!
*goes about saying "insufferable* a lot*
Monday, March 14, 2011
Being new is hard.. I mean.. well in anything, new place.. doing something new... you can see where this is going.
Well maybe not, but I'll get there. It's hard for most people.. but for me it's.. I dunno.. probably averagely bad.. no.. more.. I'm more nervous, more scatterbrained.. or maybe I just think I am. Well.. inevitably.. I'm nervous.. then a few small things happens.. usually it starts off completely disastrous or relatively well.. inf act, unusually well and I'm all like what the fuck was I worried about I'm rocking this! Well something like that.
Well my first 2 tours went fine... small ones, 2 people each though I had a few problems at the starting point for the second one.. but the actual tours I think I did splendidly.. or at least ok. Then I had a big group and well.. actually I told my stories with great aplomb, imho.. and I took everyone to the right place.. kept time.. well I wasn't so off but...
well the little things, the having to juggle multiple things my too few hands, and all the little stuff you're supposed to tall them throughout the tour and turning on lamps that don't even work so it looks like you don't know how.. and the brochure thing... well.. not so well. And it sucks that people are going to remember the fumbling as opposed to say.. the awesome way I told them all the stories on the tour... ya know.
Anyway.. that's all.
Friday, March 11, 2011
Tuesday, March 08, 2011
It isn't. Well I mean, it is but not at the moment, and it isn't as much warmer as I hoped it would be and promised it would be. Or maybe it is.. but it's just not good enough! Nevermind.. tomorrow is another day..
oh.. has everyone gone to sleep.. sorry, I know I'm a broken record but, well 2 subjects is better than one.. isn't it?
kay not really...
More on this "work" thing I'm doing now.
So, did another new tour last night, the other one we do.. well one of the other ones we do.
Um, went ok.. I guess.
Started off a bit wonky.. again.. shameful! Got there slightly later than I should have.. bad me! Then I couldn't get the key to the hall leading to the office open, and couldn't get in until somebody else came out.
The I couldn't light the bloody lamp.. o and I didn't have a lighter which we need for this, because mine like, disappeared, but I'd completely forgotten to think about it until I was about to leave.. *looks displeased with self*.. but I had matches, but I couldn't light it. *tuts and stuff*
So.. I put on my jacket, hat, umbrella and took some brochures and went to the meeting place. No one there so I sat in the corner trying to light the lamp.. my matches kept going out but it didn't make any difference because I didn't know how to light it anyway. So I go to the spot.. try to open the umbrella.. couldn't at first but then I managed.
Then some people come and ask if I'm the tour they're booked with, so I look at their printout and scour it and stuff and deduce they are.
Well... the cashier and boss came up and figures out they are not with us.. oh and I was standing in the wrong spot :Z.. then we try to light my lamp.. I can't do it, she tries while I hold it but can't do it with the matches.. some people come for the tour and the guy has a lighter so we do it but she's totes not pleased that I couldn't light it, and only had matches, and hadn't done it all before going there, and that I was in the wrong spot.. and probably for giving the wrong info to those other people..
well the two people were again, the only people I had for the tour. Not English speakers.. not really at all.. and not such big photographers.. but I managed. I simplified the language, and used my hands, and overall it went ok.
I did figure out how to light the lantern though.. will know for next time :)
Saturday, March 05, 2011
So.. I did another test today, for a tour I'm already scheduled to do, so it was sorta kinda important I did well.. I think. Don't know really. Well I aced it, I mean, maybe I did. I know it all pretty well, and tell it good so I think I'm ready. One story I'm still shaky on but that's just one I feel I really need to work on more.. piece of piss really.
I wasn't worried about it, then I was, sorta, I met one of the other newbies in the office who'd done his test before me and said he'd gotten criticized for doing the stories differently than the scripts, and telling stuff out of order and I thought.. shoot! That's kinda what I do..
well, maybe I do it less out of order because I pretty much got commended on my stuff, and some parts that I added to much and moved around a bit more than others I was advised that I didn't really need that stuff.. so, still on Monday eve.
Been walking a lot, and am pretty tired. And I feel like beer.
Friday, March 04, 2011
One can't rest on one's laurels you know. What are laurels exactly? And why would one want to rest on them? I suppose if one knew what laurels were, one would know the answer to that second question? Hmmm..
Well... I have a test for another tour, a different one than the one I just did, tomorrow.. and then I'm doing it for real on Monday night. I don't know what'll happen if I monumentally fuck it up tomorrow, I spose, I dunno.
Anyway, this one is the one we recently trained for, so I know it pretty well. I should know it pretty well. It's also the one I learnt the stories for in a different way.. not so much learning them, like spending much time on them as.. kinda sorta knowing what they're about and winging it. I mean I winged it pretty good but.. well, I still have time to brush up on them.
And of course, Monday, all over again, first time with a new tour...
Thursday, March 03, 2011
so.. now have done my first tour..
After "literally" everything going wrong in the 25-30 minute before hand... forgetting the way, being late, losing gloves, not being able to unlock the door, lantern, umbrella, forgetting phone but having it after all, being unable to co-ordinate all the things I needed to carry in 2 hands, and only after the tour realizing that there's another handle on the lantern which makes it totes easier to carry... it went ok.
Very small tour.. 2 people, and they knew I was new.. and when I screwed up, which I did, it was ok. Overall I did reasonably well and they seemed to like it.
In any case it's all just fine now. And I got my glove back.
In about 3 hours...
I've been going over the stories I'm supposed to know that I pretty much thought I knew but just needed brushing up on and I DON'T REALLY KNOW THEM.
I'm even more not ready than I thought I was. :(
Well.. I pretty much know the stories, more or less.. I just don't really know them the way I want to say them, which changes every time I say them and I stop and start again.. it takes a real long time that way.
At some point I need to make a decision.. in about 3 hours and 14 minutes from now... I reck :Z
Wednesday, March 02, 2011
well.. it's usually uninteresting but that doesn't usually stop me from basing half or more of my blog on it, particularly during the colder months, but that isn't the subject of this one..
after that bit anyway.
So, been training for almost 2 months. For this tour guide thingy, ghost tours in fact, and tomorrow I will finally get to work. I've trained for 3 different tours, memorized about 30 stories and.. been told lots here and there about the other tasks we need to do and what we need to watch for and what to do when the unexpected happens because we're to expect it etc etc etc and..
I'M SO NOT READY!!!!!
Well, I'll never feel ready. I mean it's almost a month since I trained for the tour I'm doing tomorrow evening, and I've had to memorize and practice and test for 2 others since, so I'm going to need to brush up on it, but that's not what worries me.. it's the other stuff. The dealing with people, not losing them, getting the time right, doing the right thing when I get there and when I leave, and.. um, whatever else there is which I can't even think of...
but I guess I just need to learn it all when I'm doing it.. :Z
Tuesday, March 01, 2011
Can we take that to mean the winter is like.. totes over and stuff? I mean, where I come from the season changes at the beginning of the month, always. Well at least I think so, or I never really thought about it and always treated it like that anyway.. maybe it's because western culture bases everything on what goes on in the northern hemisphere so we (southern hemisphereans) figure we'll just start them on the 1st.. that is if 'we" indeed do.. *ponders it, considers googling it but can't be bothered*...
so.. I know spring is supposed to begin on the 21st, in the north, or in Europe or, I dunno, here anyway, but why don't we just start it on the 1st? I think it's better that way.