Happy fucking June

Tis the month of June, and in the northern hemisphere it's the beginning of summer, the lightest month with all the daylight, a time for joy and frivolity and all that shit. Unless you have a job that is particularly busy in the summer and requires you to roam about be outside in the heat which I don't then it's something else, unless you like that sort of thing which I don't but the point is moot because I don't. Have a job that is, not that sort of job or any sort.

Anyway many are happy because of all this, looking forward to swimming and singing and sizzling or whatever you do in the summer, which people tend to enjoy. I'm just sick. Well I'm not just sick, I'm still in the funk I was in, no improvements, no subsiding on the crap that was, no kittens even. I mean no kittens coming out to play. There may have been movements on some issue but I haven't done a damn thing the last 3 days.

It's a flu, I think, headcold and sore throat and stomach bug and all that crap. I'm getting over or at least momentarily getting over the upset stomach but still have a headache and burning throat. I bet you really wanted to know that. It's all I need on top of everything else. I vaguely remember whining about my shit the other day and speculating the possibilities of the next few days. One of my predictions was that more bullshit would plague me and I was right. I believe it was at the top of my list, I'm good at this, I know me and I know my life.

I'd grumble more but I've watched a lot of historical documentaries and tv the last 2 days ok mostly tv and one documentary but a lot of the stuff I watched is set in some past or future of imaginary hard time and I know my problems are not at all that bad compared to the majority of the people in the world over history. It just doesn't really make me feel any better.

*feels all hardcore and stuff*

I've just done like, 6 days in a row, and 2 of them sick! *feels all proud and stuff* *coughs* Best thing about it, apart from the actual being sick bit, is now I have some days off.. ooh luxury. Of course, I need to spend the majority of the time learning a new script that I need under my proverbial belt by Friday, which I won't, but I have to, but still, after getting 2 large groups the last 2 days, exactly when I was feeling light headed and woozy and really didn't need that, it'll be good to not have to leave the house and engage with real live people for a while. Now that's luxury. Maybe I'm in the wrong profession :/

Barely a day left to go..

until this month, this Jan is over. Too bad it doesn't also mean I will be rid of this ailment this hacking, violent cough that keeps me up at night and attacks me at regular intervals during the day. Slightly less and slightly gentler each night, to be sure, and mostly better every day although yesterday was terrible, I made myself dizzy a few times, today, not quite as bad but.. well anyway, I did get that guitar. A nice, shiny, slightly battered, missing one string, very pink guitar. I do know how to play a little, but it turns out that I'm no longer able to. Looks like I'm learning all over again, going slowly so far, but, these things take time. Well.. I've almost managed a post every day this month, let's see if I don't let myself down on the rapidly approaching final day o the month..

*sighs*

my head is spinning like a thing that spins in a way that feels very uncomfortable and sore and makes you dizzy when you stand up after being seated for a while so that you aren't feeling it quite so much and forgot how bad it is. And I have a sore throat. I'm really bad with feeling sick, I know nobody likes it but I'm sure that there are people who are noble and dignified with illness, or at least with minor maladies like a cold or flu or whatever it is I have it's weird it feels a bit different to the usual sore throats and general colds I get about 80 times a year, mostly in the cold months. So yeah I'm whining about it, although I do have the luxury of mostly being able to rest in warmth and comfort, if you don't count that cat that WON'T LET UP I KEEP FEEDING HER AND SHE KEEPS WANTING MORE AND SHE KEEPS MEOWING AND SCRATCHING THINGS AND KNOCKING THINGS OFF THINGS but otherwise, I have it pretty good. I mean I missed a show tonight, that would have been cool, but better than having to go out there, into the -3 that feels like -7, yes that's actually cold, much colder than it has been so far this winter. I hope I get better soon, you may have noted that I don't exactly like this.

Guess I was kinda well for almost 2 weeks..

time to be sick again. I feel myself coming down with something. Yesterday I just thought I was coughing a lot, and then my throat was sore but it felt like just because of the cough, not good, but that's all it was. Now I have that "coming down with something" kind of soreness. I only just.. well, I don't know when it was, a few weeks ago, got over something that left me with a cough that slowly calmed down until yesterday so, it's time again to feel sore, sniffly, stuffed up and.. something else. I really don't like being me sometimes.

Damn these ailments!

They come and go and alternate between what they want to do. Then it's ok for a couple of days ok not so ok because I still have a pretty bad cough but that damn irritating soreness in the throat is absent..

so I do nothing about it because I'm me, and that's hat I do. And then it comes back, and gets worse, and then worse, and  you can't sleep, and it just says.

This sucks.

I said it wouldn't be a good idea.. didn't I?

So, I grumblingly, begrudgingly went to work last night. Felt awful, just your common cold, sore throat, very tired due to said sore throat.. nothing one can't live with but not something you want when you need to lead a group of people around outside at night, in winter, while being all entertaining and stuff.

Well it wasn't bad, cozy group of 6 people, they all seemed nice, and interested, no garbage truck turned up just as I was at the Golden Bears to drown me out.. was feeling a little tickly in the throat but it wasn't the worst. By the end of the tour it got bad, part cold air, strong wind, and bad air down in the creepy catacombs, by the time I was done my throat was terrible, my body weak and sore.. and to make it all just fucking wonderful, the tram was just crowded enough that the 2 women who shoved before me just a few seconds before the tram came, got the last seats left. I really needed a seat.

Today I'm better, I think, at least better than I was when I came home, throat not as bad, bit sniffly, and will be sneezy but at least I can hang around here all night, so I have a chance at recovering.

Of course, tomorrow I've got to go wandering around the Castle up on the freezing, windy hill for 3 hours.

JMG.

*grumbles, whines and moans*

JMG!

Yeah yeah, blah blah blah, 2012, new year.. whatever. Despite all the excitement of a new number to put after the 20, it's still the month of fucking January. Yes, the JMG campaign is back on... 28 days left of this shit, and I've already had enough!

So.. have a few hours after midnight of watching some fireworks, enjoying the spectacle, dancing a bit though they did have a really big stretch of totally sucky music at the 80s and 90s party.. after midnight of course, strike number 1 I guess that was.

The next day I woke up with a terrible pain in my neck, couldn't turn my head and couldn't move at all without hurting.. fortunately, someone covered my tour that night, so this particular strike wasn't as bad as it could have been, but still.

Was better yesterday, though it still hurt and I did work last night, thought it went ok, and it was relatively warm, and I was underground for this tour so I didn't think I was out in the cold too much, but still, after I got home I started to feel a tickle in my throat. I hoped it wouldn't lead to a full on sore throat, which leads to a general cold/flu, 4 or 5 days of coughing, sniffling, sneezing and feeling generally shit but after a night of not sleeping in which is got progressively worse, I got up with a really sore throat. And I have to work tonight, and it's a late tour, and it's outside in the Old Town, and it's colder again today.

Jan Must Go.

All on my lonesome..

Apart from the kitty of course. Ok,so I'm not all alone. Wen you've got someone constantly bothering you for food, you can't feel too alone.

So.. a certain member of the household, obvs not me, or the kitty, has gone to London for the weekend.. yeah, I know, right after a weekend in Paris, some people get all the breaks, anyway, the result is I'm here alone.

It;s been uneventful, so far. I mean, I made some soup, I've cleaned a bit, wasted time the various ways I usually do, oh and I spilled water on the keyboard which made it work kinda funny, with all sorta of extra characters on some keys.. not this one, I swapped it over for the other keyboard, which I don't really like, the shift key doesn't seem to work very well.. anyway, hopefully that one will work properly when it dries out.. much check on that..

what was I saying.. oh yeah..

I've done this before, for much longer periods so I can handle it. and I'm pretty busy anyway. Ok so I'm not, the night of the theatre and night of work have been changed to 2 night in a row of me being here alone, with the internet, and my videos and books and the kitty.. due to me still nursing a cold and it being damn cold out there.

Is it sad that this is my idea of bliss?

*smirks at title of previous post*

Well shit. Yesterday was Cooley's birthday, and International Talk Like a Pirate day and what did I do? Well.. nothing. I felt fucking sick.. and you know the really fucked up thing about it? I hadn't even been drinking.. well, I had a few beers on Sunday night but, it wasn't that.

I think it was something I ate, and I know exactly what, later on, after having been called in for a tour, I felt a little bit strange in the tummy, but nothing too drastic.. well, no tour, as it was raining and it is our least popular tour, so I met Erik at this sports bar, hung out, had 2 beers.. and went home.. well we gorged on some chips and guacamole.. but I don't think it was that.

Well. yesterday I was ok when I woke up, well, mostly ok, feeling a little odd but nothing big, and I was all ready to go get Cooley some birthday goodies, and do a whole bunch of pirate stuff.. *take a few dorky photos, is about all, nothing to exciting* but some time in the afternoon, I started feeling crummy, really really crummy, and I spent the rest of the day just lying around. Fortunately I didn't have a tour.

Well anyway, that sucked.

The big recovery..

So, had one of my "fucking sick without being able to do a damn thing all day" days.. yesterday, following, of course a night of going out and having to much fun..

Yes, again. It happens over and over but somehow, at that point in the night when I should just stop drinking, where if I just quit then and there I'd be maybe not shining and healthy in the morning, I would at least have at most a minor headache, and not feel like getting up too early, but.. I kept going. Seemed like a good idea at the time or at least the very thought of a horrible next day didn't occur to me. Had other stuff on my mind, like.. well, there was stuff.

And I was scheduled to work yesterday, 2 tours. Not until the evening, but when I have these days, they go all day.. however, I'm usually good to do something by night time, and I thought I was, I left to go there, feeling a bit woozy on the tram but thought it might be ok, then I walked to the office and knew that there was no way I could work. At best I'd be very low key, probably not loud enough, and not able to act as though I was in a good mood, and at worst I would have made a very embarrassing and unprofessional spectacle of myself. Not a good thing, so, it being one of the less popular tours, and no one having booked it yet, I was able to go home.. and someone covered the other one. Things were better after that, just due to not having to worry about such things.. but it took a long time before I felt able to so much as drink water without feeling sick.. but I did, I was so thirsty.. and food, well, it's the first time in ages I've gone a whole 24 hour period without eating a single thing.. I was pretty hungry this morning.

I'm sure you really wanted to know all that.

*sneezes*

yep...

all is going to plan.. I'm entering sneezy zone, so by bed time I'll be runny nosed and stuffed heady.. awesome :/.. on the good side my throat isn't so sore anymore, and by tomorrow eve, when I have another shift I'll be over the worst of the sniffles and just have a really bad cough..

er.. not ideal for a tour either.. but as it goes, it's the best I can hope for..

I really should start writing something other than the most tediously detailed diary of my boring life.. now that I know people are listening..

*tries to think of something non embarrassingly personal to write*

um...

What was that I was whining about again?

Oh yeah, getting older, getting old, getting even further away from an age where I can pretend I'm young enough to be young and stupid, and carefree and all the things we like about being "young".

I was going to stop but... I haven't had a great time of it since this last milestone.. actually, ever since the Sunday before the milestone, aka the day after the night that I actually celebrated said milestone, it being a Saturday at all.. I mean, I have a couple of drinks which by now I've mentioned more than once was a quite respectable night of not total debauchery, was all fucked with a hangover all the next day, felt almost fine the next morning except for what seemed like a tickle in my throat which may or may not have been the start of a cold/flu.. go outside, which in all fairness was very cold and contained a lot of snow, for about 5 minutes.. and then later on come down with the very cold/flu I'd been dreading.

Today I woke up all stuffy and frogthroated, and on top of that I've been getting these sharp pains in my back. What the fuck is wrong with me? I get that it's normal to get colds when it's like, really cold but this is really fucking tedious.

Ideally, I wouldn't have any of this, but second ideally I'd have a bunch of drugs here with me to deal with it.. I'm talking aspirin and cold remedies people.. don't get carried away, and nowhere to go, I'd just laze around, watching movies and feeling high.. but no, not only do I not have anything, not even a single aspirin, but I've got like.. stuff to do.. tonight I have to meet with this director person, tomorrow night I have class, the last one of the term so I really should go even though I still need to think of a fucking activity to do.. and Thursday I'm filming, all day, outside, on some hill somewhere.

I might have mentioned all this already.

*sniffles*

I'm not feeling well. No, I didn't go all out on my actual birthday birthday drinks even though it's a Monday and I said I'd take it easy. I have come down with something. I felt this morning that I might have a tickle in my throat, but I've thought that many times over the last few months and I've fought it away with garlic and wishes. Today.. by some time in the afternoon, it began to seem almost certain to be a sore throat. I still went out in the snow, to play a bit and get some pics.. well I had to, it was my birthday and the first big snow of the year, when I got back I kept hoping it was just a scratch but before long all hopes were dashed. I had a sore throat. Then I started sniffling. Then I went out for a wine.. which was planned, but it was planned as being after class which I didn't go to. Yes yes I know you're well enough to go for a wine but not well enough for class whatever, but still, that's what I did. Now I have a sore throat, am sniffly, feel head coldy and occasionally sneezy.

On my birthday too. No fucking fair.

*pouts*

*sneezes*

The second that lasts a lifetime..

or at least a minute and a half.

Yesterday I had a bit of a fall. Some of you may have heard this already, but I'll retell the story here. I was on my way out, in my sickly state, to do some business. I wasn't really in the mood to go out at all or to do this thing in particular, which was to register with a casting agency if you must know, turned out it was mostly just filling out a form, but they did take some photos of me on not exactly my best day. Anyway, as I was walking down the stairs of my building I debated to myself whether to bother looking in the mailbox or not.. and as I got to the last step I decided yes I would, while glancing at my phone to see the time. And then, I don't know if it was the change in step, or my slightly woozy state or being on the steps but I lost balance. My left foot sort of caved under me, and twisted around.. and in that second, or half a second I first thought oh shit I've lost balance.. then I thought I'd just wobble a bit and be alright, then I realized I couldn't, maybe I could hang onto the rail or something.. not exactly in this order or those exact thoughts... I just know there was a few points before I realized "this is it, I'm going down". And down I went... from the moment I realized it was definitely happening and I was powerless to prevent it, it seemed like another minute.. and I had another few points.. will I hurt my ankle, will I fall hard, will my phone fly out of my hand and go to pieces.

So I fell, pretty hard. My phone flew out of my hand and went to pieces. I sat there for a while, with my foot feeling pretty sore, and at this point I had no idea how bad it might be, I might be unable to walk. I was pretty unhappy right at that moment. After a second I got myself up, picked up the phone, put the battery in and all that.. and managed to walk ok. I was fine.

Today I felt it again. My ankle has been bothering me, but more in a "day after I've done something strenuous" way than a "twisted" way, and in any case it would have been a problem yesterday if it was a serious problem so I'm glad at least of that.

But I'm still feeling poorly. I've been promoted to having a really bad, loud constant cough. I'm really looking forward to this thing going away completely.

It's the sort of day when it's good to be me..

I'm feeling shitty. Crappy, crummy in fact. It started with the beginnings of a sore throat on Friday and kept on all through the weekend, with added sniffles, some sneezing, some dizzy headcoldy feelings. It sucked. Well it still sucks, I wasn't much better today, at least not in the morning.

Now, this is the sort of thing that sucks no matter what, feeling sick is shitty, and I'm not the sort of person who's stoic in the face of it, I let it get to me as much as anyone can... all I do is grumble about it and don't want to do anything. So yeah, it was going to be shit no matter what. The good part about being me is that I, to be perfectly honest, don't do a whole lot. And I mostly "work" from home, and have some control over the hours I keep so usually, if I'm feeling awful on Monday morning.. I can just slob around home and work on whining and getting better.

But no. Today of all fucking days in my boring pointless life I had stuff to do. Stuff! Like, go out of the house looking professional and navigating the currently largely diverted Prague tram system on a windy and cold (for August) day. I even had a fucking profile photo shot.. while looking red faced and puffy. And I had to go to a bank.

You see, even when it works out to be me it turns out that everything sucks anyway. Told you I had it hard, but you didn't believe me.

*sneezes*

My home, is "literally" making me sick!

Making me sneeze, nose run, itchy eyes. Especially around the bedroom area (yes the bedroom is an "area" and not a room, bohemian artist dwellings like) where of course it has a major effect on me.

It's dust, and/or cat hair. It's always been here it just seems like there must be more now because it didn't effect me so much before. About a month and a half ago it started getting noticeable. We've tried to clean up as much as we can but it doesn't appear to be helping. Possibly it's because cleaning up the dust means kicking up more dust into the air which is where it has the most effect so perhaps it will settle eventually and as there will be less things will get better. I dunno.

All I know is it sucks. And I'm fed up! *pounds fist in air*

Why don't I ever learn...

I did something very unremarkable and uninteresting today, in short, nothing. That's not what's so unremarkable about it, (though me doing nothing is quite common, and therefore, unremarkable).. not, the specific unremarkable thing I'm referring to here, is the reason I did nothing.

It was more than just general laziness, weekendness or tiredness. It was the headachey, pukey, groaning state of hangoverness.

When I left off yesterday I mentioned having a beer. Well I went on to have more, and then some more, and some fernet and, to cut to the point felt like utter shit all day, could barely raise my eyes above the covers let alone stare at this glaring screen.

I'm a little bit better now, thanks for asking.

Just because you haven't heard me grumbling enough..

I'm sick.

Not too sick, but sick enough. The other night I started to feel a tickle in my throat, and yesterday when I woke up it was sore. It wasn't too sore, and didn't seem to get worse or have anything else accompanying it by the evening so I hoped it would just fade away, but during the night I couldn't sleep much because my throat was bothering me, and when I woke up it was worse and accompanied by a headcold, and I was starting to get a bit sniffly..

I blame the weather. It was really warm one day and I thought it might be spring already, so I've been going out with milder weather clothes on, when apart from that one day it hasn't been warmer. I just wished it too much. Oh well.

So today I had to go out to do stuff and it was raining, which didn't help much, but I'm drinking tea. I can't stand tea so the fact I'm drinking it means I must be sick.

I know this is all frightfully fascinating but there's absolutely nothing else to talk about. Well there is but I don't want to talk about it because as a result of telling it then there will really be nothing to talk about. So I won't talk about it.

Hi there again..

So you folk out there, and I mean both of you, are probably wondering how I am these days? Perhaps you're not, but I will tell you anyway.

I'm sick. A bit bored. Dissatisfied with things, worried about a lot of stuff, feeling lonely and kind of empty. Apart from that everything's great.

I've been feeling slightly sick since last week, just before my performance. Luckily on the night of the performance I only had a sore throat and didn't start with the sniffles until the morning after, this went on for 2 days and this morning I woke up still sniffling, with a hollow throat, coughing, and my eyes glued together. It was rather unpleasant. I feel sort of better now, but I keep coughing and my throat is very sore.

I'm bored. Did I say that already, well I'm bored. Probably because I'm sitting here instead of going out doing things because I'm sick. I would have gone to class if I wasn't, but I kind of didn't want to go anyway, I'm having a hell of a time coming up with the activities and doors, rather, I'm not coming up with them at all, and now it's getting harder, the reasons have to be more specific and important and all that, I wasn't even coming up with stuff to make the old standards, so I'm just worrying about it. I might stop going. I don't know.

There isn't much else to say, since the playreading is over, and my friend who visited recently is gone, my life is pretty pointless.

Oh don't go worrying or anything, it's not that bad really, I just like grumbling. Grumble grumble.