Apologies for the outburst

Yesterday I posted ranting, raving, emotional mess of a post, with all sort of ugly thoughts and intentions to the world. I apologize for that. It was uncalled for. I mean I meant it, whole heartedly and fully and absolutely feel everything I wrote with a passion, for the world and for you, dear reader, who doesn't have my problems and has stuff that I should be the benefit of and yes I hate you and you suck, but it was most unbecoming and I should not have said it.

There is enough of that in the world these days. Am I to behave in such a vulgar manner with no thought of propriety, letting all of those feelings (which yes, are just and true and I have them and they are eating me up) just rush out instead of keeping them repressed, as a decent, respectable (which I'm not actually so it doesn't really apply to me but still) member of society does. Oh sure these young "millenials" everyone is going on about live their lives on Facebook, instagraming selfies, and letting every thought from the mundane to the morbid out to the world, but does that  mean we all have to?

No it doesn't. And as a mature member of society it behooves me to behave like a lady. Someone has to, these kids aren't going to do it for me. Therefore, from now on my conduct will be more what it should be, upright, decent and respectable.

Ok then don't laugh.

All my wishes.

I want a meal. I want to soak in a long hot bath. I want a miracle. I want and want and want.

Some of the things I want aren't too much to ask, I think. A fucking bath, a nice long soak to chisel all the sweat and grime and remains of a miserable and sick week.. er, however long it's been. A meal, not just food, a real meal, hot, and on a plate, with utensils. Something that fills you up properly, I want to stuff myself, just once. Asking for a miracle might seem presumptuous, but I really need one, in normal circumstances I'd ask for a bit of security, a feeling that I can relax and be comfortable where I am without always worrying about what's coming, a chance to go out and do stuff, normal stuff, fun stuff with friends, to travel, to go out for a night, to look upon the parade of cool summer events I come across every day and think "yes, that looks fun I might do that" rather than fuck that and all the people who "are interested" or "going" for having a life and not having to worry about shit that I have to worry about because I don't have a life and have to worry about shit I have to worry about and it's not fucking fair! I wish for something good, not just something that takes me out of this quagmire, if that's what it is and if it isn't I don't care because I like the word and I'm using it, but lifts me to a new, as of yet unreached level, where I can feel good and proud of myself for having done something well, and been given a lot of praise and money for it from all quarters of course, so I don't have to scroll through the achievements of often the same people having those fun times and not having the problems I have and instead of feeling happy for them I just hate them, and fuck them for doing stuff, I should be doing stuff and getting recognition for it, why are all these other people out there doing cool things, wonderful things, artistic inventive adventurous things when I'm not doing shit.

I'm not a particularly great person, you may have noticed. Still, I want things, whether I deserve them or not.

You thought you were so clever didn't you?

Finally got us all keys today. Yes, I've been living here for over a week but we've been using this master key thingy... one between 2 of us. It's worked out.. because I sorta work near where he works and usually start when he finishes so we've managed.. but still, grown up people have as many keys as there are people in their domicile.. as the kids, I've been repeatedly told, wouldn't be caught dead saying today. And well.. we're nothing if not grown up, which pretty much makes us nothing but we can at least have a key each ffs!

So yeah.. it's not just a matter of getting a key cut, they're this weird newfangled security key thingy, and we had one, but the landlord came in like the day after we moved in to fix up some lights while we were out and used the wrong one and somehow.. no idea how this work, he reset the key, so the only key we had to this flat was the master key.

We were still moving stuff at the time, and Erik has work and I had tours so we couldn't really let him have the key to go get our ones done, so he kept it with us.. and we shared the key etc etc as has been hashed out earlier. Was busy, time went by, then was lazy, this place of course had to be somewhere a bit impractical to get to so I didn't bother for a few days.

so I went today. Looked up the place on the map, was armed with my little bag with keys and card and instructions. Well of course it's never that simple.. went to the metro and then to the tram stop.. got to the street without too much trouble but then.. well I had no idea where to go. I walked down the street and no fucking numbers.. just a lot of residential buildings and stuff being built... so I walked back, then I saw a sign for this place so I thought cool... and arrows, but I followed the arrows and obvs went past because I went too far, then I went back and there was an arrow pointing to a fence around a complex.. so I kept wandering back and forth til I saw a cornered arrow so I go around the corner..

well anyway.. I'm already bored with this, so it was in some huge complex.. sort of in the middle of nowhere so I walked around and around this dirt road.. and well my issue is that though I'd been given the address.. the place was actually NO WHERE NEAR THE FUCKING ROAD I WAS LOOKING FOR! I mean the arrows were on that road, but still.. at least tell me.

So.. I go in, show them the stuff saying do this all the info should be there and the guy asks me if I want it like this one or something else and I'm like, I don't fucking know, I need a key like this, so he cuts me 2 master keys. I think. I dunno.. they work so that's good, but if it's a problem I'm not going back there to get the proper ones, fuck that and stuff.

I mean it wasn't that bad.. but really, what's wrong with regular fucking keys that don't fuck up if someone puts another key in the door, which you can get cut anywhere, and real cheap? They seem to work don't they?

If I had anything smaller...

then I would be using it! FFS!

Money I mean. I swear every transaction I've made since the world started working again has had that exchange in it... and the people don't actually have the change, they have to go to a different drawer or somewhere to get it. Does no one around here have change? Did everyone use it all for christmas! And why the fuck do people think I'm using a large note to buy something small if I have something smaller? And come to think of it, why do keep using large notes again and again when I keep getting tons of change in return for every transaction I make? Where is it all going? Well right now I have change, lots of coins weighing me down. It's always either one or the other I suppose.

Still have the shell.

Not a fetching sea shell, brought back from my recent(ish) jaunts in the Mediterranean. It's a computer without a hard drive. It's been there for about a week... ho to go out and get one and put it in and get a system installed and have a real working computer.. not that this one isn't working.. just.. or that that is what would have actually happened, but the point is I was all gung ho.. and stuff.

Well.. I was until I looked up hard drives on the computer store's site and it was kind of hard so I gave up in despair. And I turned out to have less money that I thought I would but seriously.. why does everything in computerese have to be impossible for normal people to glean any meaning from? I have an old comp which will accept a hard drive with the little needly bits on the end, one the "older" type ones from before they changed them whenever that was but what the fuck do the computer people call it.. what type of "interface" or whatever is it? I don't bloody know. I ask someone who would know and they don't really understand what I'm asking but give me an answer all the same but it's one that is equally meaningless to me.

So it's still sitting there, useless.

Stupid Questions... (edit:SQNEA #9.1)

.. that no one ever asks, is the slightest bit interested in or even really understands the point of asking.

Why are there no bleeding ATM machines around here? I'm right in the centre of the city for fucks sake.. well in a central area, not the centre exactly (that would be Prague 1 and I'm in Prague 2) and there simply aren't any, well none that have the Vodafone symbol so I can put credits on my phone anyway.. not in the direction I went because I didn't feel like going in the other direction because going that way is annoying. Now I have to go out again in the morning to get fucking credits for the fucking phone before I can even make the phone calls which really should have been done today, well last week if I were to be totally responsible about it, but fortunately I'm never motivated to be all that responsible so I'm only a day behind.

Bugger. Yes, I'm calling that a sentence. Sue me.

Give us a break already..

before I start ranting, I have to add that it's come to my attention that this actually isn't such a big deal and this has been going on in other, more capitalist parts of the world for some time but...

I was shopping at the supermarket earlier, and passed the veggie section and went to the part where they tend to have.. stuff, chocolates, seasonal stuff er.. stuff like..

chocolate bunnies!!! yes that's what I saw, chocolate fucking easter fucking bunnies!!!
I mean, we only just got over christmas! Now I'm going to calm down.

Ok, some people who live in English speaking parts of the world said they've had chocolate eastery stuff in the shops they go to since about after the new year, so this is nothing special. Talk about a letdown, I took a photo and everything but it didn't come out too good so it ain't going up anywhere. Not sure why we're behind those places in pushing family/capitalist/religious/chocolate eating holidays actually, we're pretty big on those here strangely enough, the only thing I can think of is that they waited until after they pushed chocolate hearts and shit on us for Valentine's day, something that isn't supposed to be such a big deal here but you do get the merchandise all the same, and thus we got until the 3rd week of Feb to be free of Easter. I could be wrong, in fact I probably am.