Saturday, June 03, 2017

Less Sick, Still Doomed

I don't really have much to expand on that. I think I'm less sick, I sometimes feel I am then I start feeling more stuffy or coughy. I managed to get to the post office yesterday to pick up something which would have been sent back if I'd waited today. I could have done it earlier but I didn't want to, I didn't want to get it at all, I was sure it would be something to add to the pile of misery I'm dealing with. Turned out to be a neutral delivery, so I was rewarded for my effort, I suppose.

I am a bit better and I will get better, but what then? I have no prospects, no money, no future. At least not yet. The longer future probably, by the law of probability will provide me with some sort of, at least survival, after pulling myself up from severe hardship, but that's the best I can hope for. Long term prospects generally come with higher expectation, and what I can realistically hope for over the course of my coming life, is pretty disappointing. Maybe not quite drudgery and misery but, well yeah, probably that. No life, no meaning, no chance for any of my old dreams or ambitions to fruitilize. Yes I just made up a word, I'm doomed and I have no future so I can have at least that.

I mean it's not all that bad, I may be exaggerating, not on how it is or how it will be, but about the effect of it all, but right now I'm just not in the mood to put a happy face on it all.

And those kittens are still hidden away.

2 comments:

lekkerman said...

I don't really have much to say for fear of patronising you, so I'll leave with a saying, though it's kind of obvious and wont make a damn bit of difference to the actual present time, but hey ho, here I go: All things must pass!

Good word, "fruitilize".

Michelle said...

Well, you're right. And honestly I'm doing a pretty good job of pushing it all out of my head for the most part, and somehow deep down believe I will be saved. I also can't imagine what will actually happen if I or the collective we don't get our shit together enough in enough time to save us from whatever the doom is. Well kind of, but that's what I'm trying to ignore. Anyway, if you like fruitilize you can use it, make it popular. Though I'm finding it hard to spell, already, that might turn out to be an issue.