Saturday, September 16, 2017

Being Poorly

I have been rather poorly of late. Not to excuse the lack of posting, that's just because I have nothing to write. I still have nothing to write but nevertheless I've decided it's time to tap away at the keyboard again. I have been unwell, mildly, for a short while and I did not/do not like it. Not one bit. I did manage to actually work during a bit of it for which I should be sorta proud but really am nothing in particular about. I'm getting over it, but whether I'll get through the more psychological malady that's gone along with it, that remains to be seen.

Perhaps it's because it gives me too much time to dwell, and combined with feeling physically shitty it just makes everything seem so bad, maybe it's because things just are that shitty, but I've been wallowing, and whiny, and.. stuff like that. Yes, things are less than spectacular. Let's put it into perspective, these are all entirely first world problems, and of a particularly whiny wallowy person, so nought to get worried about, but being as it's me that's wallowing and whining, it does bother me.

Things are back to, square one I guess. It keeps happening but I thought for a while things were happening, well things were happening, but I thought that some would continue to happen and/or lead to other things and all the things combined would make a, if not amazing but at least pretty good bunch of things. Well none of those things lead to anything, and now there's nothing. I'm more than getting tired of this development. Further than that, I'm not proud of the way I deal with it. It's bad enough to be a failure at everything I want to do, even worse to be the sort of person who just can't deal with it. I am very much the kind of person who just can't fucking deal with it, and wallows, and whines... etc etc.

So this is bothering me. And the things that made me deal with the stuff poorly remains a problem. And after an actually quite pleasant evening last night which broke up the whining and wallowing, during which I oh so extravagantly had a bit of wine, I've had an awful splitting headache all day, which doesn't exactly help with the project (not that I've begun one, or even considered thinking about beginning one) to get myself out of my slump and become more-ish like the person I would rather be, or less like the person I am, to an at least reasonable degree. So there, that's been my couple of days.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

Oh well, at least your poorly period is over, now you can focus better on bemoaning the lack of progress regarding your projects.

If you happened to notice I've been away for awhile, it's because I have, been away that is, without recourse to the Internet :)

Michelle said...

yes, well my general self absorbed moroseness was interrupted by a few more pressing problems which were to be aggravatingly understated, vexing. More vexing than usual, but for now I am, for the moment, back to my usual wallowing. How long the moment shall last, I don't know, but it's generally back to the usual level, right now at least.

I did notice your absence, sorry about your disconnectedness if indeed it is because of a negative thing like, just being without rather than because you were off adventuring somewhere, in which case, cool. Otherwise, good that you're back, if indeed you are.

Anonymous said...

One might say I was adventuring, but it wasn't experienced as such. It was another cruise. Maybe that sounds cool, but for me it was just the same old same old. I think it was my 5th big ship vacation and I swore after the 3rd that enough was enough, but somehow I allowed myself to be talked into it. To be honest, I find sitting at my computer in the back bedroom more exciting! Sad but true.

It feels good to missed, if only a smidgeon. Thanks.

Michelle said...

well, a cruise sounds pretty nice to me, but I've never been on one, so what do I know. If you're happy being at home and online then I'm happy for you, and I'm glad you're about again.

Anonymous said...

There's nothing inherently wrong with a cruise, the issue is with me. I guess I've become jaded with age.