Saturday, October 14, 2017

So much to share..

but nothing to say. I sometimes have problems writing anything here. It shouldn't be a problem, as there is not obligation for me to ever write anything at all, not officially, but I want to write. I want to keep this here blog thingy up, I want to have a creative(ish) connection to the outer world, that isn't all the photos I post or the stuff I share on Facebook or the stuff I (not all that often or at least not enough of the the stuff I want to be in) act in or or all else that I do so I want to write something. I just do. Something is a big category. It would help so much if I had a topic, or topics, or subjects if that is in any way different to a topic. No it wouldn't, then I'd be complaining about how hard it is to write about a particular thing all the time, or that particular thing, or to have to write about a different particular thing every week or every month of however often my assignments are sent. I'd complain, and I'd maybe write, or I maybe wouldn't. This way is also difficult. I don't have much of a life, there is no single subject that I am enough of an expert on for me to have enough confidence in my knowledge to feel I can write about it. It would feel like pontificating, and to pontificate one must a: have loads of confidence, or b: really know stuff, like lots. I am neither a nor b. I mean, I occasionally jot out something about politics or whatever, but it isn't often. That leaves me, and my life. Life being uneventful, it leaves me, and I don't really like talking about myself. I mean I do, and I do. and I am. That is both like it and do it, and I am engaging in that this very moment, but I don't like sharing too much. Not details, not the inner person not anything. So I end up writing about myself, my feelings, stuff going on but being vague about it. And I tend to just type my thoughts out without stopping to think if it makes sense and I never go back over and edit because I really don't want to go back and realize what a load of drivel I just wrote. So it may be hard to read. As I don't think there's anyone reading and this is all for me, and I don't even bother ever reading it, that matters little. So what am I even whining about? Oh yeah. Turns out it doesn't matter.

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

I'm the same. I have no area of expertise, but I tell myself If anyone wants to disagree and show me up for the ignoramus I am, then so be it. The worst that can happen is I hide away in some quiet corner, break down in tears, and ruminate on the shame I feel. A kind of self-flagellation :)

I'm the polar opposite to you. It's rare that I write a phrase or sentence without going over it. I suppose commenting here is about the closest I get to stream of consciousness!

By the way, I always read your posts, but I don't always comment. Often, I'm way too ensconced in melancholy (aka self-pity) to be able to communicate; but if I feel you're at a low ebb, I tend to scratch my mark on your post, if only to let you know there is at least one person taking notice.

Michelle said...

Ah, I know you read, and sometimes reply (obvs) and there is possibly one or two others out there per post, it's just. I don't know, it's sort of a lonely endeavour, this writing thing, occasionally there's a comment, or a couple of comments if the two of us engage in a conversation ;) and I can sneak a peak at the stats and see that people at least click on the blog and particular posts and possibly some of them actually read, but when I'm writing, on this here screen a message out to the world.. the world just looks like a big, blank.. thingy. No idea if anyone will see read be affected by whatever I'm typing to the wind. So I just type it all out, whatever comes out is what will be presented because, well why not.

I guess.

Anonymous said...

Then I shall make a point of looking only. I don't have to be concerned about actual communication :)

Michelle said...

Ah.. *wonders what exactly I was rambling on about* do whatever you feel, say something, don't say something, read, don't read. I'm good. Might still keep rambling, might do something else, might not do anything. Who knows.

Ronald said...

Wrong reply. I was fishing for - no Don, don't stop commenting! Grins

Michelle said...

yes, that

*smiles*

Anonymous said...

When are you going to get your writing ass into gear? :)

Michelle said...

when you do, alternatively when I have more than 5 minutes online at a time... long story, dont have ti

Anonymous said...

As long as you're well and happy :)