Sunday Sermon.

It's Sunday. The day we all go to church. Except for those of us who don't who include those that never have, like myself and many others for various reasons including, well, it's a bunch of bullshit but.. nevertheless, you lot need some moral guidance so here goes.

Ok so I really don't have much of an idea how a sermon goes, I think it's usually reading out a bit from the bible and then applying it to something relevant and there's a message in there somewhere, kind of like how on tv when someone comes in for surgery on their leg and it turns out they have a tumour and it explains all these strange things and their girlfriend doesn't leave them after all because now they can understand why they were acting so weird and it's relevant to the situation the surgeon is in somehow, like.. er, she's been upset because of dad or something..

Anyway, I wont' do that because I'd have to look up bible verses, pick one I can make any sense from and apply it to something, I think and I can't be bothered to do that, instead I'll just give some straight moral guidance, ie, lay down some rules. Here they are.

When you wash dishes, (and make sure you do wash dishes, if you like live with people and eat and stuff, cos you should) always do it thoroughly, don't leave any bits behind or leave them oily, and when you're done, ring out the sponge and most importantly take them out of the sink and put them on the side, DO NOT LEAVE THEM IN DAMP SPOTS.. I cannot stress this enough hence the caps.

And that's about it for now, other than that, in general, be good and do good stuff. Don't do bad stuff.

More next week if you're lucky.

Sunday Sermon

It's the time of week for preaching, so I thought I'd take this opportunity to share some of the wisdom I've acquired over the years with some of the younger, more impressionable of you.

Kids, don't do drugs. Drugs are bad mmkay. And don't drink. Don't have sex either, not until you're married anyway, and certainly don't get into that hookups jazz. Trust me, I've been there, I've done it all, and it was.. well to be honest it was a lot of fun. A lot of fun, those years of moving around one exciting city to another, meeting new people, the parties, the wild experiences, oh, the great stories I have... but that's not the point. The point is that now I don't do those things. Not as much anyway. And my life today is, well it's ok. I'm pretty happy and certainly haven't had any terrible tragedies brought on by boozing or fucking or anything, but that's not the point.

The point is that it's bad. Nobody warned me about these things, which never existed before my time of course. Well, actually they did but I wasn't listening but that's not the point. The point is that I'm telling you now that these things are bad, so you don't have an excuse, you know these things are bad. So don't do them!