3.12.2007

Bare stems have all the fun..

#2 in my Sexual Metaphors series comes to us from the Abstinence Outlet people who's best selling produce is this Abstinence Rose Pin. Their message is.

You are like a beautiful rose. Each time you engage in premarital sex, a
precious petal is stripped away.

Don't leave your future husband holding a bare stem. Abstain.
So now you're a flower girls. I don't know if that's better or worse than a cow but anyway... Your petals are your sex. Each time you have sex you lose a petal. Once you lose all of your petals you become a bare stem. And the man who you're going to marry one day deserves better than that, because, well.. because.

Well, each time you have sex before you're married you lose a petal, somehow magically one you have continuously rejuvenating petals, which a husband is allowed to pluck to his heart's content, I'm presuming. As it says "each time you engage in premarital sex you lose a petal" then I suppose it doesn't matter whether you're a full on slut, or whether you just have one boyfriend you have sex with. And just how many times do you have to "engage" before you have no petals left? That rose in the picture looks like it's got about 8 petals, does that mean if you have sex with one man 8 times after being with him for years (but not married to him) you have no petals left? And what exactly happens when you're an empty stem? Are you unable to have sex? Is the sex less enjoyable for the husband/god who has the right to have a beautiful rose as a gift without being obligated to give you anything special? Or is it just that if you've had sex before marriage you're a dirty whore (the more sex/more fellows the dirtier and whorier you are) and that's icky, no man wants to be where another man's been? Anyone going to clear this up for me?

4 comments:

Ronald said...

It's not true. Women, from puberty onwards, need a lot of attention, just like roses. If they go to long without being nurtured, just like a flower, they dry up. Which is why they need a constant "spraying". It keeps them content, putting a smile on their face, and a jaunty spring in their step. Who want's to find on their wedding night their wife hasn't been seen to for so long she's got greenfly?

Anonymous said...

ooohh and i'm SO SURE all men out there are "roses"....please. Most men I know got bare a long time ago!!!!!!!!!!

Kittie

El Cuervo said...

The beauty of it is that once we all are nothing but bare flowers we all be equal... Apparently the equality of sexes is very reachable, just fuck 8 times, if Dr. King only knew about this one!

Anonymous said...

This is typical of the “religious right” bulls**t that is peddled at the moment. Any potential husband who cares about how many people you have slept with is almost defiantly insecure and/or has a small penis.

Be who you are; not what ignorant bas***d’s what you to be.

RANT OVER.