I was on my way to Bible Study one day and......

The most extraordinary thing happened to me,

A retired salesman alleged a stripper and her friend beat and robbed him in his home. John Skinner, 54, said he was on his way to Bible study on Jan. 23 when exotic dancer Maureen Murphy, 25, knocked on his door and offered him a free strip-o-gram.

And as that's the sort of thing that happens every day, he said "sure, why not?" But it wasn't as simple as that.

When Skinner agreed to let her perform, knife wielding Richard Adam, 23, allegedly forced his way inside and told Skinner he owed Murphy, owner of Bikini Assassins, and another woman money for earlier services.

Something about gifthorses and putting them in your mouth comes to mind, but I can't quite articulate it.

Skinner said he owed Talbert money for sex one time but not for a previous time when he said she fell asleep before they could have sex.

Look, if you're going to frequent stripclub/whorehouses and try to skip out without paying, don't go to one called "Bikini Assassins", go to the "House of Withering Violets who are Here to Fuck old Geezers and be Sweet to them". Free of charge if you can't get it up.

Adam allegedly tied up Skinner and hit him in the face. Investigators said Murphy went upstairs to find valuables and returned with thong underwear and medication for erectile dysfunction.

Oh dear, not only does he get tied up and beaten, but he has his inadquecies laid out in hard print in the newspapers. Poor man.

The pair allegedly tried to take Skinner's car, but it was out of gas.

So how exactly was he planning on getting to Bible Study? Hmmm?