Enough already!

This time of year.. it's just too much. I'm just too old for it.. (*snorts*)

Hannukah, Thanksgiving, birthday, and all those others, I"m sure there are some, even though I don't celebrate them all they're still there...

had enough of it!

oh yeah went out last night.. may have drank too much, harrassed some kids (honestly get the f off my ffing lawn what is wrong with you people) into playing Billy Idol at this party after trying to explain who he is and made it home on the same tram as 3 other of my fellow revelers though we'd all been doing our separate things for the last hour and..

ok it was awesome.. today was "consequence time" and you can tell that we had a fine fucking time last night due to our inability to get out of bed for most of the day.

But it's enough... this partying and holidaying and reveling and festiving and all that is for the kids and if I have not banged on about it anywhere near enough already then I'm telling you now that I'm no kid.

Yeah well.. it's December tomorrow so, I may go hibernate.

It's my birthday.

This is me.

And the sun goes down.

It's just after 16:00 and the sun has set on that decade of mine that I call the 30s. Some people would say 30's, but I say 30s, deal with it. Never again shall I walk in the sun as a 30 something. *gets all wistful and stuff*

I wasn't going to write about the upcoming changing o age that is coming up, as I've said absolutely everything there is to say about it, and more, numerous times, already, I was going to write about something completely unrelated, like, how on the weather they say it's a certain temperature but feels like another, I mean how can it feel like one thing but really be colder? If it's -1 then whatever that feels like is what feels like -1, and how come it's always lower when it's already cold? If it's -3 degrees, it doesn't have to feel like yet another 3 degrees colder? Of course, when it's 35 degrees, it feels like 38, but anyway, not the point.. as I was saying, temptation of musing on the poignancy of the sun setting on this 30s which is the new 20s and that's at least an 80s 20s so it's more like a late teens to early ish 20s if you're going back to a time when grownups were grownups and it's time for me to to stop goofing about and.. get a mortgage and a couple of grown up kids.. or something... was too much to resist. So I wrote about that. And I have nothing else to say about it now. Finally. See you when I'm 40 ;). 

And yet another day.

Why do they persist so? Another day another entry into this here blog for this month of November '13 and I'm merely 2 days from entering the next big decade. I'm still in my 30s, or the new late teens early twenties as they say, or if they don't they should, but that's coming to a close very very quickly, and I can't afford anymore of these days, so stop it! Stop reading, stop, turning the pages, there's a monster at the end of this book goddammit and I don't know what will happen when I meet it!

You might wonder why I want to stay here, on any of these days filled with pointlessness and petty anxieties, rather than thrust forward into he great unknown, with new exciting things for me to fail at rather splendidly though in a very boring manner, and new things to worry about that don't matter in the least, yes, my current situation doesn't sound that great, but at least I'm doing it all.. that is nothing much, in my 30s. I can't picture myself in my 40s, though, of course being only just 40 isn't quite being in my 40s thank you very much so don't start calling me that ok, well not yet but.. when the time comes, but all the same, can't picture it. And no it's not that I don't look old enough, I probably do, it's more. I dunno. I've mentioned not feeling grown up too many times to repeat it here again but, it's because I don't feel like a grownup. Ok I said it again.

I had this all written out in my head last night, as I was falling asleep, I had such brilliant observations, so wittily presented that I was really looking forward to jotting it down, but I forgot all the good bits and this is what you're getting. The good thing is, I haven't done that in ages, this coming up with something clever as I'm laying in bed at night, to write down on the blog (of course I forget what's any good about it by the time I come to write it down, so don't go looking through the archives for anything good), maybe this blogging every day has finally had some effect. Well we'll see, my brain may be getting something out of this exercise. 

Tonight is the first night of Hannukah, some people say it begins tomorrow, which is also Thanksgiving, but the proper beginning is sunset of the night before the official date, so it's now. We're having latkes. So yeah.. lots of things happening this weekend, it's party party party (not that we celebrate American Thanksgiving) and it's not even December yet! Don't know how I'm going to get through this festive season, in my old and tired state of being.

And the excitement never ends..

Still gotta use the upstairs flat to use the loo. Well, to use a proper loo anyway. I actually managed to open the door, well the gate in front of the door after a while. Oh, I had trouble unlocking it at first, and then again, and again, but then I figured it out.

It's quite cool up there, really weird to go up to an empty flat on my own, and of course taking the opportunity to check it all out, go to all the rooms including the weird storage attic room off the upstairs bit up the stairs. Felt like a real estate agent or something. Lovely view from up there, well it's our view, just slightly higher though different windows or off a balcony.

Vet night again, Cooley is getting used to the office there and was ok again tonight, though spending a bit more time in her hiding place behind all the pet food, mostly because the nurse was in the room with us instead o the vet who she knows pretty well by now, and other people came in and out a few times, but she's used to being there, sorta.. but when it came time to go back in the cage it was something of a debacle. The first week, Erik tried once and failed and the second time was ok. The next week, he floundered around trying to get her in the cage where she discovered her new hiding place, behind the pet food and felt somewhat chumpish and got scratched and hissed at and had no luck. Then the vet got her in the cage right away through some handy trick one would expect a vet picks up over the years. Today, Erik tried, failed and then said yeah you do it.. and the vet tried and failed numerous times to get her in there, and got hissed and growled at for her troubles. Now we really have to do our homework of getting Cooley used to the cage.. we did a good job of our other homeworks over the last week, but not so much that one. Then we went ot a bar, then had another beer, though I'm sure it's not at all noticeable, NOT!

Tomorrow is Hannukah, then what has been referred to as "a bullshit American holiday" by one of my friends who is currently at large, or at least not online to communicate with me.. Thanksgiving that one is, probably won't be celebrating that one so much as well.. no one eats turkey and the dolphins aren't playing and then.. yeah the big day I've been banging on about way too much, will get to that more then, don't you worry about that.

I feel like all this blog has been is me going on about the somewhat boring if mildly unusual minutaea of my day.. not sure how I feel about that. Ideally it would be something more.. less crappy, but what can you do.

And I present to you.. the key.

We have a key, an extra key, a very special key to a marvelous place which looks out upon the vista. We're just that important. Well mostly it's because one must use the toilet for uses which I won't go into detail about because I think you all know what one uses that particular contraption for.

It's been a day o dudes. Cooley's been snarking that it's dude city here, and well.. it has been. There was the plumber dude, who came to fix the tiles around the toilet, and the tap, who was scheduled to come 9am but came early. Seriously, they literally never come on time let alone early, but you have an appointment scheduled for am.. ( I know it's not that early but we stayed up to watch the Grey Cup well Erik watched it and I just stayed up watching other stuff cos he was like, you know, watching football) they come early. Only 10 minutes early but he said he was waiting outside in his car for an hour until a reasonable hour to wake us. No one said you had to get up that early dude, and you could have like, gotten tools before coming here instead of like, realizing you need tools when you see what the job needs, and going off to get them.. what did I tell you?

So.. after he came back the toilet was out of commission. Then afterwards we were banned from using it because the tiles need to be not trod on until some time tomorrow, but never fear, Martin, the landlord was to come with keys to an empty flat we can use the loo of. Phew.

Then someone came to look at the computer. Dude #2, a lady dude, but dude all the same. It was bigger and heavier than she realized so she asked if she could come back at 5:30, we said sure.. we're gonna be here, where else would we go?

So we're now waiting for the veggie delivery dude, we do that, well we've done that once, twice now, boxes of fresh organic vegetables, delivered to your door, up the 4 flights of stairs. It's real nice. They were supposed to come between 2:20 and 3:20 but they sent a message saying they were going to be an hour and a half late. So, I rapidly and expertly calculated it in my head and deduced they should be here, barring any miscalculations on their part of variables that would cause them to be still later, between 3:50 and 4:50. They came at 4:21, so.. they were on time. Sorta.

Now we have a lot of food, which is good. And we're waiting for Dude #2 the lady dude who came for the computer. 5:30 comes and of course she isn't here, another 10 minutes goes by.. more minutes go by and finally she calls. Comes at.. I dunno, 5:46 let's say. Gets it and leaves. Very quick.

So now, I'm thinking we're free we're free! We've been scheduled to be here for various dudes since 9am, 8:50 if you count the time he actually came and now we're free to be let loose and.. but we still have to wait for the key. You know, the key we need to be able to use the toilet. That's due at 7.

He didn't come at 7, it was like, about 7:44, I'm guessing. Now we're free. Though apart from going upstairs to the flat for the loo and checking it out (of course) and enjoying the awesome view from the balcony, I've been here all day, and probably not going anywhere. Got all this food, it's awesome.

Restful, restful Sunday.

That's how they're supposed to be so it's fitting. And as usual on a Sunday I did not much, and as usual for any day for me I did, nothing really. So relaxing, lazy and qui... *insert overused and imho quite outdated record scratching sound effect*

Ok not quiet. Had a dude come over to scare the cat. Well that wasn't his reason to come by, it was to put up shelves. He was a bit late, and then needed to go get some screws or something, so left to come back later.. this is like a rule for worker and fixit dudes here, without fail, at some point during their job, usually near the beginning, they need to leave to go get something and come back to finish the job, you'd think they'd figure out what kind of tools they need for a particular job after years of doing this but somehow it never sticks. Anyway, Erik had to go look at a monitor someone had cos I stole his other one for this computer after the one I was using on this one died and it was getting late, so off he went, even though I wasn't really sure how he wanted the shelves or where a lot of things are because he keeps moving things around and hiding everything, but whatever. I managed alright, even though the job this guy was a kind of interactive handyman, I had to figure out where to put the shelves, see if they were even, hold stuff, find an extra extension cord and when I couldn't because they all get moved, ie hidden all the time I took a bunch of things out of the one at our coffee station as I like to call it before we realized there was an outlet right by the spot he was working which I knew but I didn't think of at the time because I was too busy running around like a headless chicken trying to find another cord. Oh well. And it was really noisy, yeah, Cooley didn't like that, and well.. I wasn't overly fond of it. No one likes the sound of a drill. Well I don't know, I'm sure someone out there particularly likes it, there are exceptions to everything.

It did go ok and the shelves look good at least until they fall down which I hope they won't do, but that's my exciting day. Oh and I went out to lunch, well across the road and they forgot about my order and I had to wait for ages, and everyone else had already got there before me so I felt like I was holding everyone up, but I guess no one minded, and they made up for it, at the restaurant. It was actually a very pleasant lunch.

Tomorrow more stuff is being done, we're having a plumber wake us up at the crack of dawn, well 9am but you know, to come in and clink and clang and mess around with pipes and hopefully fix our leaky tap.

Life here sure is exciting :/

Going Places.

I was just thinking about traveling. Not really all that much, I read something that reminded me of somewhere I went and decided I'd write about it, so I did think about it a little, mostly recently I've been thinking of all sorts of things, the strange things people say, and do, and how they respond to you when you're out and about, like, when you try to do right by a complete strange and somehow that causes you to annoy another complete strange who makes their annoyance known. Or people and their weird ideologies, like robbing big chain pharmacies because capitalism, or something.. toilet line overhear that was btw... as well as people who feel so strongly about their ideologies that they make 2.4 hour long movies about them talking about it, whatever it is, interspersed with clips of stuff.. done well it can be good, done averagely it can be.. let's just say long. Oh and Jesus, cos of the  movie, wondering if he was a kind of plot to get more people into the Jewish god by making him more human or something, like everyone else's gods but not as much as an asshole, as either their gods, or their own god god, the king god rather than the dude god they allegedly made up.

But yeah, going places. Haven't done that for a while. Hopefully will next year, possibly even still this year, that would be nice. A warm place for January.. *picture blurs and goes into dream mode*

Not Yet On Earth

That's my answer. Not close to being born yet, actually. Just in case anybody asks the "where were you?" question in relation to the now 50 years past Kennedy Assassination.

50 years... 50 fucking years, time does sure fly, not that I remember it because I was, as I said, not fucking born yet. it's unlikely anyone would ask, seeing as it's not really such a big deal where I am, and well.. the bloody obvious, but if anyone does well.. blood will flow as it's pretty obvious I wasn't around yet.. my 30s people.. I'm in my 30s!

Yes I am turning a rather significant historical anniversary about something horrid all about myself, is there something wrong with that? Surely by now it's been long enough.. I mean, who even remembers that? You'd have to be real old..

If I had been around my answer would probably be something really boring like, was home and then heard the news on tv, or in a shop and heard the news on the radio, or.. kinda like my answer to the same question relative to more recent events, that I not only was alive to experience but am old enough to remember.. not something that was like.. mid last century, which of course I wasn't even around for cos like.. I'm in my 30s.. still in my 30s!!!

Yes I am going to keep saying that until it's not valid anymore. Surely I can have at least that.

Oh and Happy Doctor Who, he's about 50 too now I gather. I might drink to that one, not that I ever watched it or anything, but you know, drinks.

Sticking with it still.

Fuck I've been doing this for a long time. A long time is relative of course, and why do I feel a sense of dejavu saying that? *scratches head*. Blogging, it's blogging I refer to, specifically writing in this blog, this very one. It's not the first one, I had one earlier for a while on some weird unknown platform, but then late '05 I changed to this one and well.. there have been ups and downs and periods without many entries, but I still write, and I still write here, and I haven't zapped this blog and the one that replaced it and then the one I decided to start some time after that and then another one etc etc etc, not that anyone in particular does that, why am I even mentioning it, but I haven't done it.

Having so much in the archives allows me to see quite a few entries done on this very date, some of those years, strange the last one, 2011 is me merely mentioning I have nothing to say, another I had is about a dream I had about being in the mist, one of my dorky word nerd entries and some stuff about going to student film castings. Skimming through these posts it let's me see how little has changed in a lot of ways, as well as some of the utter crap I put in here sometimes, and all those many insignificant things I've forgotten that were such a big deal at the time, which are similar in so many ways to other things I've forgotten which once meant so much. A lot of grumbling, mostly grumbling, and being on the November page, I get to see at the top of every page, my annual birthday entry, lamenting the thought that I'm now nearing the mid 30s, in my mid 30s, getting to the late 30s, definitely officially late 30s and I really should be like, grown up or something by now, except for 2007. That year there is no entry for that date, no idea why. I wonder what I'll write about on my birthday this year?

*ponders that for a while*

Out there.

The world is big. It is. I mean, it's all relative, and compared to the size of the universe and indeed compared to other planets, it's either of average size or downright tiny, but the world is big, it just is.

The whole thing is pretty big, even if you limit that to just this planet which for the most part, is all humans have, and really, it's about as much as we can deal with, I reckon, sometimes even too much, most our lives seems to be stuck in one tiny part of one of the divided up sections of what in some ways is a relatively tiny planet.

Sometimes, you find yourself traveling large distances in one go, modern humans do this often. I have friend doing that right now, someone who's been quite an important part of my life for many years, even those 2 or so years that he was away during those years. Well last night we saw him for the lat time, this time around anyway.. before he went downstairs for a few more drinks before going home to sleep to get up to get ready to go up into the air and travel a large distance in one and a bit days. Less than 24 hours, from this very flat, to somewhere over Eastern Canada, where I'm by my amazing sense of deduction plus internet flight tracking am presuming he is right now*. So, big earth.

I on the other hand, have gone as far as down half a flight of steps outside the door so far today. That's just me, out there, even on the street below is an adventure for the likes of me. I wasn't always like this, that is, I'm not always like this, but, I am like this.

Now compared to Cooley, I do travel much further and more often. She doesn't get out that much though she does have an appointment today, which hopefully will go smoothly. We're going to the vet. So yes, I will get out, but won't actually get any further than Cooley the indoor cat gets today. Anyway, we did this last week, after an appointment with the vet to look at her eyes, when she said we need to bring her in at least once a week to get her used to it, and her. Her being the cat and her being the vet, I hope you can follow.

Anyway, last week wasn't so bad, Cooley didn't like it and was nervous but less so than last time she went to the vet, which was ages ago, and actually got very curious and excited in this brand new room that she got to explore. Hopefully there'll be more of that today, and less of the just being scared of shit. The whole idea is to get it all of that, and none of the other, but that will take time.

*assuming he made the flight, it may have been more than just a few drinks, but we'd probably know by now if he didn't make it.

I did it again!

Yep, and this time on a Monday, a proper working, get stuff done day. Can you guess what it is?

Hint, it starts with an n, ends in an ing, and has a big uth in the middle.

I'm sure you can figure it out..

*goes back to working on that*

This day, today.

These days, things are different. Than they used to be anyway. If  you listen to popular opinion, not for the better, in fact few eras seem to be more slandered than "these days". Much like the constant "them" that are always banging on about something, there is always something fucked up about these days.. there's too much crime, kids don't respect their elders, music just isn't any good anymore etc etc. It seems as though these days, mostly suck.

I don't necessarily agree, I think there are some positives, at least in my particular limited experience of where I am and the company I keep, for instance, I think that, if I were to go out and about doing my business, draped head to toe in velvet, then it would be, well maybe not socially acceptable, but out of the people who actually notice, and the few out of those people who actually care in the slightest, the majority of those would just think.. "oh, that's slightly odd" and walk by with merely a glance. of course, I'm not currently employed so as I said before, it's limited to my experience.

Still, you couldn't always say that, back in 1989, for instance, on this day things might be different, depending on where in the world you are, the company you keep etc etc. Now if you were right here, in Prague, or in fact anywhere in what was then Czechoslovakia, you likely get nary a glance, there was too much going on. Flag waving, key shaking, shouting and people, oh so many people, in every public square, demanding change, revolution, all that. That and the fact that this particular fabric was pretty well liked at the time, or so it seems, so much, that they named the revolution after it. You think they would consider it appropriate for one to drape oneself so, at such a time.

So on this day, that day, was a pretty big day. One that changed everything. Perhaps things didn't change quite on that day, except for the whole one in a life time event that occurred on that day (and well sorta on days surrounding it that culminated in this day being such a big deal) but it certainly changed things, and they did change pretty rapidly in the coming years, and kept changing, a little less rapidly by the time I showed up, and still less in more recent years, but.. they are a still changin.

And it is different, even from when I first got here. A lot more vegetarian and vegan restaurants for one thing, though that changed mostly in the last 2 years but of course there are more changes. Today things are different, tomorrow they'll be different again, it's just like that.

Today, that is this actual day, is a Sunday, so the fact that it's also a national holiday is kind of useless. Today, also the city was draped in a velvet fog (no, not that Velvet Fog) that was quite lovely in a way though obscuring certain details, and unusual in that it didn't lift all day. Fitting, one would think.. a coincidence? I think not! Ok, probably, but I haven't seen fog like this since.. lat year, at least, or at least since earlier this year during the long winter, although I think the last time we had fog like this  that just enveloped the city and wouldn't lift was November 2 years ago, which turned out to be a bad case of smog, which it most likely is again so I perhaps shouldn't be getting too romantic about it.

In any case, velvet jumpsuits, now there's an idea.

Lazy Day

Today could be classed as one of those. It's a kind of, after night out staying in Saturday although the beginning of the day, that is the 4 or 5 or so hours that were daylight were pretty nice, if most likely cold, where you don't do any of the things you meant to do, like, go outside for instance, stock up on stuff and edit that video finally.

It's possible a tiny bit may be done on the last one, but anything to do with daylight is over, being after 5pm so obviously well after the cutoff for that.

So, it's that sort of lazy day, unlike the other kind of lazy day which is the "not after a night out not weekend lazy day where I generally don't do anything" as most days are.

Yesterday would be considered a lazy day, as I didn't do a damn thing, but I found it quite a busy day, it took me ages to get around to having that second coffee for reasons anyone reading this, assuming (I'm pretty sure correctly) that consists of exactly one person, will know.

It's still early evening so who knows, might do something, like, watch a movie perhaps? Is that lazy? I'm not sure I now anymore, anything I manage to get myself involved in is sure to be lazy, it's just a matter of degrees really.

Tomorrow is Sunday, so you know, I have excuses for what kind of day that will turn out to be.

Something to ponder

Is there such thing as normal?

Are we really real?

If so, what is real? Life is how it is nowadays, different to how it was, and different depending on where you live, where you fit in society, who you are etc? Realities are so different for everyone, my reality is something that would be strange to many people who's mundane existence is made up of things that would be very weird to me, not just because I live a somewhat unconventional life, whatever that means, but just because I don't do the stuff they do, just because? Is this still a question anymore? A jumping off point? Does it matter? Is there even a difference?

If you put a question mark after any old sentence then does that make it a question?

Do I have too much time on my hands?

That last one was rhetorical?

Yes, I did that on purpose? And no, my previous question seems to have answered itself?

Should I go make another coffee now? Also rhetorical?

Freezing Point.

Yesterday, morning the temperature here, at least as reported by one site, was 3 degrees on the celsius scale, that was the official temperature, but apparently it felt like 0. That is zero, no degrees. "Zero!" I cried, "have we hit that point already", I told myself.

The answer was no, because it was 3 degrees.

Then this morning came. I got online, visited the same place, this site that I use most often for getting my weather information and though I'd locked the cat out.. allowing me to sleep in, therefore coming to my weather information just a bit later, there was a big fat 0. Right there in the bit where they tell you the temperature, the actual official one. So if I'd asked myself the same question I asked yesterday then the answer would be "yes". It is that time of year, we've hit that point. Oh and it felt like -3.

I'm not really sure it did feel like -3. It probably wasn't (that is 0 degrees and feeling like -3) by the time I got out but it was damn cold. I went out bareheaded, because I was rushing to meet someone who was late to meet me anyway, and couldn't find my woolly toque (as some call it) in time, and I felt it. Really could have used it, though it was the middle of the day.

It's drizzly, misty, the trees are almost at their winter bare o leaves phase and it's certainly cold enough. Winter is certainly coming, and it's very near. Brace yourself for a long string of boring weather posts for the many months ahead.. assuming I actually keep up with blogging regularly, of course.

Those things that just irk.

You know, those things.

I get irked a lot. I have a lot of irrational things that just bug me, in fact, I started, I think a series of dumb stupid irrational things that piss me off, or something like that, and it sort of petered out even though the things that annoy me that are just, well dumb, didn't go away, nor did new stuff stop showing up. I guess I just stopped writing in general.

Of course, there are plenty of things that get on one's goat, that burrow themselves under one's skin, that needle one that ruin, if not one's entire day at least a minute or four which are entirely reasonable. There are a lot of these. When you combine all of them with the stupid shit that exasperates me, it adds up, and makes for a rather irritating time.

Today I experienced one of the latter. A very mundane boring thing that we all experience and we all get pissed of at. Yes, literally everybody both experiences and finds this particular thing vexing, it's just that universal. I went shopping, for food and stuff in a supermarket when one gets that sort of thing (yes, literally everyone does) and there were tons of people in the line. It was leading out into the aisles, you know, where you have to squeeze to get past people while you're still shopping? Yes, like that. So that sucked, but what really pissed me of was there was a ton of people working there, they were just too fucking busy getting in my way every time I tried to turn a corner or check on something and seriously, every fucking time I took a step a member of staff was in my way, or walked right by with some boxes.. not many but some, and didn't even bother to slow down or turn slightly so I wouldn't be squashed into the shelves when they went by even though they saw me in plenty of time to do one of the two, either one, they had a choice, but still, they go bowling into me, sort of. In any case, I've never seen so many staff in a supermarket at any one time, couldn't move for them, but still...

there were NO FUCKING STAFF AT THE FUCKING REGISTERS!!!

Well there were but not enough for the number of customers in the store, hence the long lines.

Working Day

It's Monday, yet again and time to get to work!

Yes, I'm getting to that. Not, work necessarily, as in going to a location where I perform tasks which it has been heretofore agreed upon that I will do for the benefit of receiving a certain amount of money for a specific period of time, or per task or group of tasks. Nor is it work in the sense that I do a particular thing that is of use to someone somewhere for which I receive again, a certain amount of money etc etc.. and make a habit of it, ie, what is often referred to as "working for oneself". No, it's neither of those kinds of work. Important point being, no money is procured out of any of this.

It is also not work in the sense that I'm trying to, by way of modern forms of communication find out if well.. anyone out there, who's willing and able to pay, needs the application of skills I am in possession of. No, not doing that. I should be, in fact, I intend to be all the time, it just somehow doesn't happen.

This Monday (as most Monday are) has been more of a.. well, thinking about getting those particular things done and feeling worse about not doing them and worrying more, than I do say, by Thursday or so. It shouldn't really make a difference. The few and far between listings of anything I could actually do, which is also something that doesn't require a whole lot of or (or usually any) experience or qualifications which I usually (let's just say never) don't have, which is also something that I'm confident enough about being able to do that I won't definitely screw it up due to nerves, and just as I'm starting to feel ok about it, and I'm being stupid about being so paranoid they're going to dump me any minute, I get the gentle message that.. sorry dear, it's not working out can show up any day of the week, though not many weeks, as one might imagine.

So yeah, didn't do that. I did clear the computer a bit though, swept the floor a bit, and edit some photos, and I wrote this so the fact I didn't work, look for work, edit any of the about 20 by now videos, movies or shows we've filmed, do any language practice, go out into the world and walk, take photos or anything, look up monologues, classes, read something educational, make lists about all the things I should be doing so I remember to do them and allocate days or times for particular things so I don't feel like I should be doing all of it in one day so I never do any of it.. is.. um, where was I? Yeah.

I think I need to use shorter sentences. I think I'm confusing myself.

Keepin the peace

A bit of colour and happy thoughts for a Sunday.

*unblocks the block*

I'm not sure if I ever actually had writer's block. I don't ever have trouble writing something if I could be bothered to do it, I always manage to type some letters that form words which sometimes but my no means always form some sort of coherent thought, it's just that. Well.. when I write, it's usually just me, typing some letters that are squashed together in words which actually most of the time, don't form thoughts that are very coherent to anyone but myself, and sometimes not even to me. When they are clear, concise and.. crisp, they're pretty boring like.. me talking about how I'm not doing anything and don't want to write in depth about how I'm feeling or about stuff that matters and if I am doing stuff then I really don't want to write about that just because and instead I write about not really having anything to write.

Don't know if that's writer's block. More.. I dunno, a giving a shit block, or opening myself up block, being able to impart meaning, even the tiniest bit to a small part of the universe block. It's a block, but not that of the act of typing letters to form words etc etc etc.

I used to have stuff to write about. Long long ago. Whether it was directly about myself, ideas based on things I experienced or just.. anything, I used to get ideas while I was falling asleep, and write a post in my head that was, at the time of thinking it out, quite brilliant, and of course I lost all the best bits by the writing down, but I had ideas.. themes, things to say that wasn't just.. I did this today, or I didn't do anything today so I thought I'd tell you.. just, stuff. I'm sure it's all there in the archives.. way back, it's at least 4 or 5 years since I've been doing the latter.. but even that, 2 or 3 years ago though what I wrote was far from brilliant or even worth putting out there, at least I did, and I wrote something slightly different from week to week, if not necessarily every day.. it just seems as I wasn't as shit at this as I am now, have been for a long time.

Maybe it is writer's block. If one takes writing in any way seriously, then I guess it is. It's just been a damn long one.

And another week comes to a close.

Not that it makes any difference to me.. Monday, I hang around here, do nothing, Tuesday, much the same. Wednesday, possibly I go out, get some stuff, take a photo of a leaf, depending on if it's nice out there and if I can be bothered, Thursday.. etc etc etc.

So yeah it's Friday. End o week. Just came back up from the bar after having 1 1/2 more beer than I intended to talking to a friend who's most likely leaving soon and almost meeting some guy called Blane who used to play the guitar with Cake, and possibly Sonic Youth.

And now well.. the weekend. Much the same as the week really, and I totally, seriously intend to do the 8 to 180 things I absolutely want to or have to do to get my life in some kind of resemblance to order.

Next week will be the week. After almost 40 years (about 3 weeks shy of it) that will be the week.

Now is the weekend however.. time to.. do much the same as I do every other day of the week.

Just wanted to say..

that I have nothing to say.

wait...

*thinks*

no.. false alarm. Carry on.

Chestnut Season

I don't know if it is or not, well I guess it sort of is, in the Northern Hem being Autumn and general harvest season and I remember seeing some lying around this time of year, but that's beside the point. I use that title because I'm relying on an old chestnut that I used to visit often, if I'm using the saying correctly which I almost certainly am not, along with some incorrect metaphors or some other idiom if that's even the right word for what it is if it's anything. 

I'll just get to the point.

Word o' the day is: 

adscititious: added or derived from an external source; additional.

Quotes:
These were significant appendages, to be sure; not altogether adscititious .
-- Ameen Rihani, The Book of Khalid , 2012
His delineations of character and action, if executed with ability, will have a raciness and freshness about them, which will attest their fidelity, the secret charm, which belongs to truth and nature, and with which even the finest genius cannot invest a system, of adscititious  and imaginary manners.
-- Catharine Maria Sedgwick, Clarence , 2011
Origin:
Adscititious  comes from the Latin word adscītus  which meant "derived, assumed, foreign."

So, literally every word that's ever existed in every language ever, if you want to be technical. Maybe except for "ug". I suppose some words are more adscititious than others. Just as well I don't have much use for it, it's a pain to spell, and it's obviously a not well enough known word for spellcheckers to recognize, either that or I'm typing it incorrectly every time, which is quite possible. 

Made it to three.

It's the 5th day of  November and I have already failed in my quest to post at least once for every day o the month. Yes, you may notice a glaring lack of post dated the 4th of this month which was yesterday the day I completely forgot to write anything. Very poor if I may say so myself.. didn't even make it to the 4th day.. pathetic.

I will continue to write, I'll try to every remaining day, of course, there is the high likelihood I'll completely forget for an entire day again seeing as I've already done that, after only 3 days but I'll keep trying.

We did get the cat to the vet, so that's something of a triumph, the vet couldn't examine her properly because she freaked out too much so that's not so much of one but baby steps.. and there isn't anything too wrong with her, there was a bit of squinty eye which seems to be getting better, nevertheless we have drops for her, which of course, she doesn't like.

You can see why it's so easy to forget to write, with the busy exciting life I lead.. and I'm not at all being sarcastic there.. *said in a totally non sarcastic way*

Hopefully I'll be back here tomorrow, musing on another simple idea.. if I remember. I wouldn't hold my breath though.

Dreary days are here to stay.

It's that time of year. Of course it is because it always is, not only is it always some time of year, but it seems like it's always that time f year, you know, its changing, days are getting shorter (or longer depending on which side you're coming out of) and things are just.. bleah.. or ok to well but at the moment they're kind of.. eh..

it's November.. we know we know we know! After the time change, late autumn rapidly approaching winter... getting set in for that long line of cold/dark months. If you're in the Northern Hemisphere anyway, and a part of it that is far enough from the equator to have seasons, which I am, both.

And it's been one of those weekends, drizzly, grey and drab. As far as my personal activity and surroundings, much the same, just a nothing couple of days. Sure Friday was interesting if you want to call it that, starting with trying to get the cat to the vet but being unable to get her in the cage and scoring a nice deep scratch on the hand for it. Then getting a call from a friend to help with this other friend in a bar nearby.. he, the other friend had passed out, after a night and morning and early afternoon of drinking and nobody could move him. So we went down there and just waited for it to be possible to get him out of there, along with some prodding and urging and pretending to be the police. I know it sounds like a lot to complain about being in a bar having beer with friends of an afternoon, but when your stuck there, and you have no idea how long you'll have to wait and really, it's kind of a shitty place well.. you complain about it. still, the most exciting day I've had for.. I don't know.

Yesterday Erik was away all day doing another scene for Descending Roads, I movie I worked on last yeasr through knowing someone from a play I did, that I did a shitty job of something I really didn't want to do on, and Erik got a small role that turned into a slightly bigger one.. and I've done pretty much nothing the whole year no I'm not bitter why do you ask? Well anyway, I did nothing all day. And today well.. see yesterday. My fault, my own pathetic inability to get out there and.. well what exactly? But still, my fault.

So I'm in a bit of a funk at the moment, a mood, a tizzy, well not a tizzy just a.. I think funk covers it. Jeez it took a lot of words to say just that. At least that's something I'm not short on.

I accept!

Yes, I am accepting the challenge I have been given. What challenge? I hear you ask. Well, the one I was just given, that is, the one I sorta made up about a week ago or so and decided I might probably do, when the moth started.

It's quite simple and dates back to that post in late-ish October where I lamented the lack of recent posts, you know the one before the posts began getting less rare although still not exactly frequent and thought oh.. when November comes around I should say, start a thing where I write at least one post every day for that month.

So when this moth began, yesterday, I wrote about something else, but I posted, and today I'm posting too, about this whole plan of mine, which, hopefully I will fulfill barring forgetting to post one day or having a computer or internet mishap or having absolutely nothing to write about to the point where I don't write anything (unlikely) or just deciding that I couldn't be bothered to do it or perhaps another reason, but that's what I plan to do. Get myself back into the habit of writing, I guess, and see what comes of it.

Ticking away...

It's November. That month, the 11th month o the year, the 2nd last of them all, the one that yours truly, myself, that is me, was born in. It was the latter part of the month, but, the fact is that before this month is up, another anniversary of the birth o me, is going to happen, and this time it will be on of the ones that has a zero at the end.

I've had a few of those already, more than enough, imho and well, it's not the first time I've felt that I'm ill equipped to move up in the decades but this one.. well, it's another one.

They say life begins.. I'll just let that sentence fizzle out like that, but they say that, or they used to, and I'd be quite happy if that was true but fuck.. just fuck!

I've been told I look younger, from a few years to the sort of claim you know people are being ridiculous and saying you look that young and they're complimenting you because it's so obvious you're so much older, but it's nice to know I don't look quite my age, and I'd be lying profusely if I claimed it wasn't predominantly for vanity reasons I'm having this whole episode, but mostly, well not mostly but largely, right along with all the other stuff it's just that I can't fucking believe I'm so fucking old! I mean, by mid 20s you start to feel you should be grown up, sorta.. by 30.. it's like.. ok, that's more grown up, or should be, but it's not because I'm not, but today, the 30s are like.. well, an extended 20s, then you're nearing the mid 30s, then you're 35, then you're in your late 30s and it still seems like fuck, there's no way I, me this dumb kid in a grown up body is that old..

and then you're going to be 40 at the end of the month and it seems like if you're not going to exhibit any, not one single signifier of being an adult, of being remotely responsible in any facet of your life, that you haven't achieved one fucking thing your entire life well.. you aint ever going to.

That's pretty much how I feel about the whole thing.