OFF*%FS!

Today is a shitty day. A really fucked up crappy, crummy day.

Here I was thinking.. Jan is coming to a close, it's warming up, had a lovely eve yesterday, ice skating (not well, and not even half well but after 10 minutes considerably better than first getting on the ice) for the first time in.. well, yonks, under the light snow, and though it was far from perfect, (arriving late because though it says online they close at 10, they closed at 7, and skating without Erik, and as I said not exactly getting on so well) it was quite nice. It even snowed, I may have mentioned. Oh and Erik found some spare batts, rechargables that worked really fine so I was able to take photos with my cam again just in time for a pretty snowy eve. We had a beer in a charming English style pub named after a koala and, well.. one of the more pleasant eves, in fact overall days of Jan so far.

Then came today. The last Monday o Jan. And they (the infamous They who are responsible for so much grief) weren't going to let us off easy.

Erik had some visa stuff to do in the morning. We were chatting back and forth in the morning, silly stuff, as he waited and waited, until they turned the electricity off. Yeah, they turned the electricity off. So he calls and sends messages to whoever after I manage to get him to call me, call, let him call back, but at first he answered and used up some precious few credits I had left, but whatev.. and then back and forth again. Here I am thinking he's already at work, but there's still 144 people until his number comes up at the whatever office ministry thingy he was waiting at. So, no answer from anyone. I try everything a layperson can do in this situation, knowing not if we'd been turned off or some muppet working on the flats int he building had turned off the power in the wrong flat or bumped into something or whatever, just waiting for someone to get back to him and for him to get back to me. He called a bunch of times, but to ask how I was doing, which was not at all. Finally, after a few hours, well many hours the maintenance dude guy from upstairs came by and tried all the boxes in the electricity cupboard thingy and none of them worked. Once again a mundane and pointless story of my life is getting very long and detailed, so basically what happened was, still don't have power, Erik was at the ministry thing all day, and then they gave him shit about stuff but at least he got the visa, and now he's at the dentist.

It's not as cold as it was, I suppose that's one good point.. but IT'S COLD ENOUGH IN A FLAT THAT HAS NO HEAT NO LIGHT NO HOT WATER AND OH YEAH.. NO ELECTRICITY TO RUN ANYTHING AT ALL!

Gotta sort this shit out tomorrow. Another day, another shitty day. JMG.

Just what did I do?

I felt really crummy all yesterday, extremely crummy, monstrously crummy. The sort of crummy where you wish you would throw up, properly, instead of feeling nauseous and like you're gonna puke but not able to because there's nothing in your stomach to come out.

I may have told this story without including that information. Sorry.

Anyway, yesterday I had this awful throbbing headache that just would not go away, and would not subside.. no handy painkillers about and it was a holiday so most shops are closed and through Erik intended on going up the hill and getting some, due to some feelings of crumminess on his part, significantly less than mine, but nevertheless crumminess, we continued to have none. And I felt wobbly and nauseous and all that, but the headache would have been enough.

I did go out the other night.. that is I went to a "rehearsal" like a good Meisner student.. and then we went for drinks. It wasn't even that many drinks. Went to one pub and had some beer and consumed huge quantities of meat, then to another which I had to go to because I hadn't had any money on me so they had to pay for me so I sorta had to suggest we go to another place and I get get out money on the way.. you see how it is, I was positively forced to continue.

Well anyway, ok night, we came up with some really cool ideas for movies, or at least they seemed so at the time, and there was something funny about ducks, and we saw Erik briefly during the time and he was way more fucked up than me.. and I had like, 3 drinks total. That's it! Ok maybe 4.. maybe even 5 but that's it! For fucks sake even if it was 6, and that is truly the maximum number of drinks I could have had and that's being ambitious, I shouldn't have been so fucked up. I blame Staropramen, it's shitty beer anyway and I never get headaches that bad..

oh well. So it's about 2 days of never drinking again for me I guess. I'm alright now, thank goodness.

The bla bla blahs...

I'm feeling a bit mopey at the moment. I have a case of those things the blahs.. you know when you're feeling down for no particular reason, and when you stop to think about it you wonder why you're feeling like that you can't figure out why but you nevertheless continue to feel that way. I mean, feeling physically not great can contribute.. and I've been feeling.. not sick exactly, but not well, and as if I'm about to get sick, this does not please me.

And well.. there is stuff, practical stuff, personal stuff, crappy stuff that's always there that I try to avoid thinking of which lingers around in the background some of the time and is thrust to the forefront without my consent at times which explain this feeling in themselves but I feel there's something outside of it.. something that's.. blah.

This stuff going on can certainly contribute, and one thing at the moment bothering me, which was triggered by one of the aforementioined crummy things is the realization that I'm me, and I always will be and sometimes, I just can't escape thinking about it.. that certain things about me which I kinda know but haven't focused on so much are so true and so real, and these are things that get in the way of me moving forward, with life, with all this acting stuff.. and although I hate that about myself I don't want to change it, I just don't want to and won't do it, because changing it would involve doing stuff that I really don't want to do... and I really don't want to do it.

And being half an hour in a crowded post office waiting for what I hoped was a long lost package, and instead picking up something huge and bulky that was a return.. doesn't help at all. And now I have to go to class. Why do I never seem to be in the mood for it?

It's the sort of day when it's good to be me..

I'm feeling shitty. Crappy, crummy in fact. It started with the beginnings of a sore throat on Friday and kept on all through the weekend, with added sniffles, some sneezing, some dizzy headcoldy feelings. It sucked. Well it still sucks, I wasn't much better today, at least not in the morning.

Now, this is the sort of thing that sucks no matter what, feeling sick is shitty, and I'm not the sort of person who's stoic in the face of it, I let it get to me as much as anyone can... all I do is grumble about it and don't want to do anything. So yeah, it was going to be shit no matter what. The good part about being me is that I, to be perfectly honest, don't do a whole lot. And I mostly "work" from home, and have some control over the hours I keep so usually, if I'm feeling awful on Monday morning.. I can just slob around home and work on whining and getting better.

But no. Today of all fucking days in my boring pointless life I had stuff to do. Stuff! Like, go out of the house looking professional and navigating the currently largely diverted Prague tram system on a windy and cold (for August) day. I even had a fucking profile photo shot.. while looking red faced and puffy. And I had to go to a bank.

You see, even when it works out to be me it turns out that everything sucks anyway. Told you I had it hard, but you didn't believe me.

It's so hard being me, #44 or somethingl like that..

I feel really poorly today. Somewhat reasonable right now with just a lingering headache, but I've had bouts of what I like to call "crumminess" all day.. and it's a Saturday and it's quite nice outside so I ideally would have liked to do stuff today. You know, stuff.. going outside, going places... doing stuff.

But I feel crummy. Too fucking crummy to do any stuff that's worth doing. And yes, anyone who follows this blog closely will know that I was, yes, drinking last night and bragging about it. Now, there are times when I joke about drinking all the time and being a big boozer and all and to be perfectly honest it is the slightest bit exaggerated, and I do make jokes about drinking and burping and whatever when I'm not even indulging in real life.. sometimes.. not so much here but I do do it. That's so weird written down.. two words in a row like that... and it sounds perfectly right when you say it.. oh well.

Anyway. Yesterday evening I was drinking. But here's the thing, it really wasn't all that much. Now of course this is a relative thing, too much and compared to some people in some places with some lifestyles it would certainly have been that much.. and for some others.. not too many really not even amongst my acquaintance it would barely have been a lunchtime.. but for me, it was not all that much. In any case, it wasn't enough to be feeling full on crummy the next day, most of the day at least. It deserved a headache maybe, one that goes away by the late-ish afternoon.. but crummy? Just no.

So like I said, it's hard being me and it's just not fair.