Second hand pots have more fun.

Time for another in my sex metaphors series. I have to thank Feministe for this one. It comes from a site, about the people in America who are teaching young people about sex by using the revolutionary new "kids, don't do it" method. Abstinence Only Education, In Their Own Words.

One example of wisdom from the site, which can be found in the WAIT Training, Workshop Manual, yes a real life textbook used in real life school.

“Men sexually are like microwaves and women sexually are like crockpots...a
woman is stimulated more by touch and romantic words. She is far more attracted
by a man's personality while a man is stimulated by sight. A man is usually less
discriminating about those to whom he is physically attracted.”

A crockpot. Nice. It fits in with the idea of woman as vessel, a passive object who exists to be filled, who then lovingly nurtures it's contents until the desired outcome is achieved. And if you're the kind of girl who finds herself attracted to someone and ready to "do it" too quickly, you're just some kind of ordinary crappy old pot.

A man is a microwave. You stick things in it, push the button and you're done in a minute. Hmm, not sure if that's what they were trying to say.. but if you're going to compare the two things..

Still here..

Not that anyone noticed or in fact cared, judging by the number of visits that I've been getting (grumble grumble grumble).

Well I've not been slacking off, I have in fact been doing other stuff. I've written a few articles for Helium, just to to something a bit different. I'll probably be adding more to that site as time goes on, though I won't be neglecting my blogging duties in the least. While you're there you can check out this guy's articles, as he's highly talented and a wonderful person. He's also a friend of mind, which should be a good enough reason to read them.

I also submitted an article to this site, but they need to review it to see if it's suitable first. Ha! The very thought that anything I write wouldn't be suitable! The nerve of them.

Anyway I'll see. But go ahead and read that stuff. I order you!

Oh God why have you forsaken me?

Well?

Hello.. God?

He's not talking to me. I don't blame him, I've been a bit naughty. I've been slacking in my duty of translating His Holy word into real speak for the common folk. It's about time I got back into it, seeing as I'm all into keeping it real these days.

So, here's a new verse to tackle.

Luke 10:17... "And the seventy returned again with joy, saying, Lord, even the
devils are subject unto us through thy name."

a) The 70 were were very happy when they returned and said "Lord. Dude, you're good at this conversion lark.. you even got them devils to come over to your side. I'm impressed!"

b) 70 men, with 70 staffs, and 70 apples went to 70 devils and talked with them some mumbo jumbo about god and angels and how you should be good and stuff. The devils got very bored very quickly with this nonsense and told the 70 men "yeah, yeah, whatever" just to get them off their backs. The men went back to God and boasted about it while the devils just snickered and laughed about what suckers they were.

c) There was on old man, 70 years of age who had lived a hard life, so hard that he was beginning to get... shall I say... a little out of it. He drank very much and was losing his mind a little. He thought he was talking to God one day and had a nice old conversation with him about how he was so proud of himself for getting so many people saved from his conversations in pubs. God humoured him and agreed with him, just to get rid of him.

Phew. I haven't done this for a while. Can you tell I'm rusty?

I'm not such an awful person to be around then...

I'm just boring.

Another class last night. It was quite an entertaining one, some funny stuff there. You're not supposed to aim to entertain in these classes but some of our class member's characteristic wit and star qualities shone through regardless.

Mine was boring. It went reasonably well, but it just plodded along. None of the exercises I've done have been amongst the more interesting in the class. I was having a tendency to (quite unfairly) blame it on the person I was acting with, the way they reacted didn't allow me to bring the scene to a greater height. That's what I was telling myself, but after a while it gets old. Yesterday my scene was with someone who's known for having funny scenes so I couldn't blame him. The problem is obviously me, even the people who are really interesting the rest of the time are boring when they're with me.

Fucking boring. Fuck! That's just... fucked! Fuck it! I'd rather just do everything wrong, and made an idiot of myself. Anything but be boring!

Well that's not actually true. I want to be the best at the Meisner Technique and at acting in general, come across as frightfully clever, devilishly sexy and be very interesting.

And fucking funny!

Dammit, how does one who is possessed of such a superior wit to that of the average attention seeker become such an insufferable bore in the presence of a real live audience?

Don't answer that.

And the prize for worst ever headline goes to...

See loins in the fountain...

It might be hard to believe but very soon someone is going to outdo that, I promise you... anyway.

ROME (Reuters) - A 40-year-old office clerk made a splash at Rome's Trevi
fountain when she went for a swim, naked, in the Renaissance masterpiece in
front of a crowd of tourists.

And?

"The water is everyone's. I was hot," Roberta, who did not give her last
name, said, as snapshots of her appeared in all Italy's major newspapers on
Monday.

Well I can believe that, it's hot enough here to make me wanna jump in my local fountain here, if there was actually any water in it, I can imagine what it's like in Rome.

But swimming in the fountain is prohibited and Roberta, from Milan, now risks a hefty fine for public indecency.

Fascists! I blame the Catholic church.

In 1995, German supermodel Claudia Schiffer also waded into the fountain for an advertising campaign for designer Valentino.

Oh, and I bet there were millions of complaints when she did it! Oh I guess not. This is a clear case of discrimination against non-supermodel people who are over the age of 23! Makes me feel like going to Rome and parading around naked just to make a statement. Anyone want to come with me?

Next time one with more explosions please..

I went to a playreading yesterday. It was organized through my class, and hosted by a member who quite conveniently lives just around the corner from me. The play we read was "Long Day's Journey into Night" by Eugene O'Neill, a deeply autobiographical play dealing with his family and their relationship with each other, addictions, illnesses and resentment over the past.

And it kinda sucked. Well that was the opinion of more than one person at the reading, the first and most opinionated being Ben, one the teachers in our class, who piped up that he didn't like it immediately after we finished the first act. Brian, the other teacher and the one who chose the play, quietly showed his disapproval. He'd introduced the play to us, describing O'Neill with great reverence as one of America's greatest playwrights, on a level with Tennessee Williams and Arthur Miller. He lost no time in justifying Ben's criticism by saying that he's known to not really like playreadings, he only goes along because he feels he should, being a teacher. His own reason for not liking it was that there were too many stage directions. And he's Australian, and just what do they know about posh stuff like that?

In my opinion the play was not suitable for this sort of reading. It's very wordy, and as has already been mentioned there are too many stage directions (that Brian felt the necessity to have read). We also had some Czech people in the group who's English is pretty good but not quite good enough to do this sort of cold reading, which is difficult enough to do in your own language. It's probably a much better play when seen on stage, or studied properly.

I read the part of the morphine addicted mother in the family for the first half, and then our hostess took over the role. It's a very complicated role and kind of hard to read just like that but I think both of us did a reasonably good job. If I'm completely honest I'll have to say I read it just slightly better than she did, but others may disagree with my opinion on that.

Afterwards I went for a beer.

Woo hoo.. I'm in the club!

I am now officially a fully fledged beginner in Meisner Technique studies. I'm now up to doing activities and doors, so I'm up to the stage that everyone else seemed to be when I started the class. Well sort of, I still don't need to have a strong reason for either, though yesterday after doing my door I was asked to think more about the reason next time. So I need a semi-important reason for my door and a not really important reason for my activity.

Just so you know, a "door" in Meisner language is when you come to your partner's door, wanting something from them. Your partner in the exercise should be doing an activity, something that is very important to them. The thing that you come for should be something that's very important to you, and the two of you interact with each other, reacting and repeating.

Yesterday I did a door, it was my second one and it went pretty well. I did one on Monday which I wasn't pleased with at all. I knocked on the door, the guy let me in and acted like he didn't want me there, I hung around a bit being aimless and there was nothing going on. I was told by the teacher I should have left if I felt like it. I've felt like leaving the room in these exercises almost every time I've done one, I've done a lot of hovers, which is when you just show up in the person's space without reason, and the doors, and every time the person has acted like they didn't want me there. If I took that advice I would really have done hardly anything in class. The only time I did an activity it was going nowhere too and I felt like I was unwelcome even though it was supposed to be my place.

Why is no one ever pleased to see me!!!??

Last night it went a bit better, from a Meisner point of view. I came for a lightbulb. The guy wasn't particularly fussed either way for me to be in his place. He was amiable enough but our interaction was going nowhere. I actually left though, because I was asked too, but he really only asked me to leave because the teacher pretty much told him too. Afterwards he kept going on how clueless and aimless I was in the scene, which wasn't particularly flattering but that wasn't the point. I did what I was supposed to do reasonably well, for a beginner anyway.

So, something actually went well for once, even though it's obvious I have serious character flaws and I'm utterly horrible to be around. I can't fake it because Meisner is about reality and you're not supposed to "act" when you're doing it, you have to be true to how you're feeling. Looks like I'm stuck with being kicked out of everyone's place then.

I sort of care, truly I do

I was somewhat relieved to come into my "office" today and find that no major disaster had occurred. I'd been a bit worried, yesterday I left the official resident here in quite a state. He'd been up all the night before, and just got to bed when I came in yesterday. He got up again a few hours later because he had some appointments to keep, still drunk and immediately pouring himself another. He left and I had a few blissful hours all on my own. He came back in the early evening, more drunk still after being out for a few hours. He was mumbling incoherent things and behaving weird, mumbling incoherent things, crying, singing. I was quite concerned because he was being weirder than he usually is, and I truly, honestly, deeply don't want anything to happen to him, and he seemed to be in kind of a dangerous state. I just don't truly, honestly, deeply care enough to stick around when he's singing, shouting, yelling at me to get him something or cook him something and crying, depending on the minute. So I left.

Today everything was fine. He made it to his bed, nothing is broken or knocked over and there are signs of food being prepared and eaten in the kitchen, which leads me to believe that he sobered up quite a lot to being just "very drunk" sometime during the night. So next time I just won't worry.

Still nothing..

Nothing to write about so here's a pretty picture.

No ideas whatsoever..

Headquarters
Originally uploaded by Ms Kat.

I'm going through one of my quite frequent and rather lengthy writer's blocks, and have no idea at all what to write about so I thought I'd look back a year and see what I was doing. Interestingly enough April the 14th last year was a Friday and a good one at that.. or rather it was a particular religious holiday that's already been and gone this year. And I was celebrating the occasion by writing about the man at the centre of it.. Jesus himself...

And on this day many years ago...Jesus died.

He was dragged from his house in his pajamas, strung up onto a cross, (after he dragged it into town himself after going out into the woods and chopping down the trees and then cutting up the planks of wood and nailing them together) his hands and feet were NAILED into the wood and he was left up there.....

And it goes on. I took some photos as well that day. Including this one of a rather unusual building on the street I lived at the time.

Which sucks more...

I finally did an activity. I'm not going to explain that, if you want to know what I'm talking about read my previous posts.

It was awful. My activity was to paint my nails 3 different colours. It's difficult enough, I had a time limit and didn't need a great meaning so I thought I chose pretty well. Then I went up to do my exercise with Jana. Jana speaks English much better than she thinks but never wants to work in English because she just doesn't want to bother. I started by doing my nails, bla bla bla, then went to answer the door when she knocked, told her what her behaviour was in English and she stared at me like she didn't understand, so I repeated it in Czech. Well, not so much repeated as I garbled out something in bad Czech that was kind of close to the meaning.

She came in and we did the exercise in half English, half Czech. Overall it was terrible, I didn't do what I was supposed to do at all, the only thing I can't decide if I was worse at calling behaviour, reacting and repeating, which is what you do in the exercise, or at speaking Czech. I also know which one bothers me more.

After the exercise, Brian the teacher really only said that I'd picked a good activity which worked well. I don't know if he didn't say anything more than that because the whole thing was as writeoff because I'd stumbled over the language too much to do anything else, or if it just wasn't that bad. I go for the first option.

The only good thing is that I can blame both my bad Czech and my bad "acting" on each other. My Czech sounded worse than it actually is because I was nervous about doing this thing, the "acting" was so bad because I was doing it half in a language that I'm not so comfortable with. Or I just suck at both. This is definitely possible.

I call it "acting" because in these exercises we're supposed to be reacting for real, rather than faking it, so actually if you're acting you're doing it wrong, but I use the word just for purposes of the flow of the sentence sort of thing. I know most of this makes no sense to you (all of you I'm guessing) who really don't know what goes on in Meisner Technique studies, but I'm having a rant so just have to deal with it.

Something seasonal-ish

Eggstended family
Originally uploaded by Ms Kat.

I've been around here the last few days, doing what I usually do, which is sit at the computer. I had a minor trauma on Saturday when the electricity went out for no particular reason. It went out in the afternoon and I didn't come back until the next day, so I had one evening without internet. I've mostly recovered from it, I'm only slightly distraught.

I went outside for the time it took me to walk here this morning, and I'm not missing much being here, there's no one out there at all, it seems as if the whole city has left the city. It's just as well because if anybody tried to whack me with anything anywhere I'd have to kill them, and I don't want to be bothered with hauling bodies around or anything.

So, Happy Easter (if it's getting on the late side) from my little eggie weggies you see here. These fellows owe their very existence to my aspirations of being a great thespian, as they were my activity for my class last Wednesday. I came up with the idea to decorate eggs for it, and spent Tuesday night and Wednesday boiling and coloring eggs, to get them ready to be drawn on in the evening. I carried a bunch of eggs to class, and then due to there being a high turnout of people, and one scene taking so long, I didn't end up doing it. I shan't be using the idea again, there isn't a class til Wednesday and it just wouldn't work, so I have to go through the whole tedious coming up with something again.

So, no class tonight, due to bunnies, eggs, a guy named Jesus dying and springing back to life, and lots of chocolate.

That's 'Ms' Tape to you

Goodness! I've been a cow, I've been a house and a pretty pretty flower. And now I'm a piece of tape. At least according to Jennifer Waters, the Sex Lady.

The Sex Lady teaches abstinence to American schools and church groups. Now, if you're wondering what you can teach about abstinence that goes any further than saying, "kids, don't do it", well the answer is nothing at all. But you can have fun saying it. Ms Waters likes to demonstrate her message with her friend Miss Tape.

She slaps a piece of clear tape across Julian’s arm. He winces.
“It’s gonna hurt when I take it off,” the lanky boy protests.
“But it’s fine now, isn’t it?” Ms. Waters whips back.
The puzzled looks on 18 eighth-graders at Carrollton’s Arbor Creek Middle School
brighten. The Sex Lady has made her point: Bad relationships hurt.

Not letting the boys off the hook here at all. Good on you Sex Lady.

The Sex Lady tells Julian to break up with Miss Tape.
"I don't wanna,"
Julian screeches before obeying. He cradles his arm as he sits down.

Poor Julian has just been dumped by that hussy Miss Tape. And it hurts.

Ms. Waters shows Miss Tape to the class before calling up another boy, Spencer.
"We got some skin, Julian's hair," she says. "Spencer, did you get a good
look at Miss Tape?
"You bond with Miss Tape," she says, slapping the strip
onto Spencer's arm. "Everything Julian had has now been passed on to you."

That slut Miss Tape (her first name is probably Debbie) has just given Spencer the clap, which she got from Julian. Thanks a lot Julian!

Ms. Waters does this again with a third boy, Jonathan. This time, when they break up, the tape comes off pretty easy.
"What happened to the bond?" Ms. Waters asked the class.
"It didn't hurt as much," a girl replies.

Debbie tape has lost all her sticky by now, so she doesn't have the power to hurt the boys anymore, (unless she's slept with Julian and given everyone the clap) and is pretty useless as far as tape goes so she's fit only for Mr Rubbish Bin.

Moral of the story being. Girls are evil and want to cause you pain, so boys, only fuck the sluts, because breaking up with them doesn't hurt so much, and you get the fun of tossing them in the trash like they deserve. When you like a "nice" girl don't fuck her until you marry her. And if you give her the clap because you slept with Miss Tape who slept with Julian.. well, that's just tough.

Girls, you're an evil piece of tape. You have the power to hurt a man by ripping all his hair out by the roots, until you've had sex a couple of times that is. By then you've lost all your sticky, and therefore pretty useless as far as pieces of tape go, so you're worthy only for the bin.

Not the best way to get your ironing done..

I'm moving up a step with my Meisner studies. I've been hovering for the past few days, and on Wednesday night I get to finally do an activity. I've been watching so many from the others in the class that I'm hyped up and ready to go myself. But first I have to think of one.

An activity, in the Meisner Technique is something you do while interacting with another person who comes to your space, either to hover, which I have been doing for the past few lessons, or come to your door with a specific purpose in mind, called a "door". Your activity is real, you have to bring props and actually do the thing, not just mime it or anything like that.

An activity needs to have 3 elements.

1. It has to be difficult. It has to be something that you have to concentrate on, like assembling a model, or fixing something that's broken. You have to do it for real, and not just fake it.

2. It has to have a time limit. You need to have a specific time that this thing needs to be finished. It can't be just something gotta get done some time, but that must be completed in 20 minutes, or an hour or whatever time you choose.

3. It has to have meaning. It has to be something important to you, that must be done or you will suffer consequences, like losing your job, or your place in university, your partner etc. If you finish it successfully in time, the consequeces are good, you get the job, the person you love falls in love with you etc.

So, for an example your activity can be that you need to finish sewing a dress in 20 minutes because you want to wear it to your grandmother's funeral, (which is today and considering the time to get there etc you need to be done by then) and if you don't wear that dress your whole family will disown you. Something like that.

Because this is my first one so I don't have to have to worry about #3. So I only have to sew a dress in 20 minutes because I want to wear the dress, not for anything particularly important.

Another element which wasn't addressed but can be added is #4, it has to be safe. Nothing that can damage anything in the workspace, or hurt yourself or another class member. As the exercises can get emotional and heated, if they're done right, this is good advice. Definitely no irons. They were popular when I started the class until one guy ironed something on a glass table and cracked it. No one is bringing them anymore, I'll have to think of something else.

But I can't sew, and don't have the materials for making a dress so I'm going to have to come up with another idea. I still haven't got the slightest clue what I'm going to do.

First they came for my bananas, now they want my peanut butter. What next?

Peanut butter is the atheist's nightmare. It claims this title due to disproving evolution. Some of you may remember that bananas already did this months ago, but us atheists (or spiritual but nevertheless evolution believers) are stubborn old cranks. We require ample evidence before we can be convinced to forgo our cherishly held dogmatic beliefs, and so the creationists keep trying.

According to the video, evolution teachers that energy plus matter can create new life. This means, that by now life would have sprung out of something random like say, peanut butter, by now. And it hasn't, so there.

I have to say it's a pretty convincing argument. I have never in my life opened a jar of peanut butter and found in it a previously undiscovered fishlike animal which for the purposes of this exercise I'll call a "flurf". And though I really don't eat peanut butter too often, no one I've ever met, or ever heard of has ever come across a flurf, or anything else, in their peanut butter. You'd think that's something that we'd definitely hear about, if it happened.

The conclusion is: No one ever found a flurf in their peanut butter = Evolution is a lie.