It's Wednesday again, and that means it's time to get down with God. This week's verse is:
Genisis 6:13... "And God said unto Noah, The end of all flesh is come before me; for the earth is filled with violence through them; and, behold, I will destroy them with the earth."a) I'm kind of embarrassed to admit that I've made a mistake. Most of my creations are utter assholes and I need to destroy them, believe me, I'm deeply upset about this. Oh no, you guys can stay, it's just every one else that has to die.
b) Quick Noah, gather up all your family and their families and get 2 of each animal so they can breed again after I destroy the earth. What? No, forget the dinosaurs, they're too much trouble, and besides, we've got to have something to confuse future societies with.
c) You have all sinned! You have fornicated and sodomized and gotten drunk and worshiped false idols. You have sworn and romped around naked and let your women speak, you must all DIE! That's what happens when you disobey GOD'S WORD! Didn't think it would happen did you? You thought I was some big pussy! Not you Noah you can stay.
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6 comments:
God said, oops, people suck. Let's start over. Guess he didn't get it any better the second time around.
Or, God's final speech to man.
Can everyone be silent please, listen up every body!
I'm afraid there's been a bit of a problem. It seems I've made a big mistake in the creation of you all. Sorry about that but you know, everyone makes mistakes don't they? Well anyway, it appears I made you all a too nasty and greedy and a bit too fond of sex so to cut a long story short I'm going to have to destroy you are. Sorry about this, believe me this hurts me as much as it hurts you, but you know how things are.
But that's not all, I'm going to let a few of you live, I mean I'm nothing if not a nice guy so I am going to pull a name out of this hat and that person and his family will be allowed to live. So here goes. The lucky winner is (pause),
Noah! Congatulations Noah, come on up here and claim your prize.
I should have said "pre-flood" man.
God picked the wrong family to be saved from the flood. After all, this is the same family whose daughters get their dad, Noah, drunk and fuck him while he's half passed out.
Nice one, God... Couldn't you tell Noah's daughters were whores? Next time you decide to wipe out the world, pick a nice, conservative Republican family with strong American values next time.
Have considered annotating the whole friggin' book (The Bible) this way? It makes for great reading and certainly brings to the surface the subtext that has been hidden for so long.
Best laugh I've had today, but the smile quickly fades when one remembers there a lot of mixed up people who believe this to be the freakin' TRUTH??!!!
Cranky, I know. I mean, Noah was the best of the bunch? Please.
One of these days I'm going to get hold of an actual bible, in book form, English of course and go through it and translate them as I see fit. I know there are a lot of online versions but I don't really feel like going through them all to find something. It's a good idea though.
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