Lucky I got that extra hour..

Boo.

Yeah it's halloween, whatever. It's also the day we (at least we here where I am) change back to regular time as opposed to daylight savings time, and therefore get an extra hour in the day, which I probably would have done fine without today but it was good I had it, I think. I did go out last night, nothing too Halloweeny but pretty drinky which is nothing to write home about so I shall neither write home, nor to my blog about it, except to relay the facts I have already related.

Finally got around to filming a bit for this film thing I'm doing. We didn't actually film for the film but for a short trailer for the website. It consisted of me, and one other person acting all scared and stuff, like we were tied up. I think we did ok. To simulate the being tied up bit, which didn't have to be shown because the shots are all closeups of our faces, we had to.. well I had to sit on the floor in front of her and put my hand around her neck, or at least half her neck, not too tightly of course, keeping out of the frame, then we got a cord which was wrapped around her and I had to pull it back, but with holding my hand above her head so it wouldn't get in the shot. It was a very uncomfortable position, but had to be done, that's life on no budget sets. So, after that she did that to me and I sat in the chair and hyperventilated and pretended to be scared in a over the top hammy manner, but the director took over from her after about 20 seconds because her hand hurt.. aww.

Anyway.. I don't know what it looked like, they said it looked ok so I guess I'll believe them. I gave myself a head rush from all that fake scarediness so maybe I did something that looked vaguely convincing. I'm sure with all the effects the scenes will look kinda cool, you wouldn't tell from the set, a room with a blue curtain on the wall, and a chair. Like I said, no budget.

We'll be filming the actual film.. I don't know when, still very up in the air but we seem to be doing stuff now, which I quite like.

And I wait another day...

Ok so it's that time o the week... classes are done, I did it again yesterday and I thought it went pretty well and then I go the usual instructions.. stop being so repressed, uptight, dull and.. you know..

oh I went to class last night by the way.. that other thing, you know the one I mentioned.. did I mention it? Well there was this other thing that I was going to mention if I didn't mention and that is that we're finally up to filming a bit of this film I'm part of. We're shooting the first scene, were shooting the first scene on Wednesday night. Well.. we didn't, it was postponed due to whatever, to Thursday night, which is now. Of course I'm not there now.. I was on my way there, sorta, ready to meet some cats from the class for "rehearsal" with all my stuff ready to take there afterwards, and I get an sms saying can't do it tonight how about Sunday? So supposedly Sunday is the next try for.

I mean whatever.. I ended up walking around the city with the one person who showed up for "rehearsal" and taking some quite nice pics if I may say so, so it's not the hugest problem but it is vexing. I'm all revved up to do some proper acting stuff like you know.. or at least be on something filmed, rather than just talking nonsense at people, meeting with people intending on kinda filming something, going to doomed castings and doing interviews that are never seen for people who don't think I'm a good enough actor to be in their show thingy which never ends up happening anyway.

*breathes*

Looking forward to the weekend now.

It just goes to show..

What I was feeling yesterday, was nothing less than the truth. The me of Meisner in my class was exactly the me that I thought long and hard about yesterday. I did it, I was affected by my mood which needless to say was bad, and I was feeling slightly ill as well.. that came out, but mostly I was just repressed, buttoned up, tightly wound, holding back, uptight and all manner of other uncomplimentary things which fit me perfectly.

It's just so hard! And by it I mean everything.. the meisner stuff, work stuff, life!

*pouts and stuff*

The bla bla blahs...

I'm feeling a bit mopey at the moment. I have a case of those things the blahs.. you know when you're feeling down for no particular reason, and when you stop to think about it you wonder why you're feeling like that you can't figure out why but you nevertheless continue to feel that way. I mean, feeling physically not great can contribute.. and I've been feeling.. not sick exactly, but not well, and as if I'm about to get sick, this does not please me.

And well.. there is stuff, practical stuff, personal stuff, crappy stuff that's always there that I try to avoid thinking of which lingers around in the background some of the time and is thrust to the forefront without my consent at times which explain this feeling in themselves but I feel there's something outside of it.. something that's.. blah.

This stuff going on can certainly contribute, and one thing at the moment bothering me, which was triggered by one of the aforementioined crummy things is the realization that I'm me, and I always will be and sometimes, I just can't escape thinking about it.. that certain things about me which I kinda know but haven't focused on so much are so true and so real, and these are things that get in the way of me moving forward, with life, with all this acting stuff.. and although I hate that about myself I don't want to change it, I just don't want to and won't do it, because changing it would involve doing stuff that I really don't want to do... and I really don't want to do it.

And being half an hour in a crowded post office waiting for what I hoped was a long lost package, and instead picking up something huge and bulky that was a return.. doesn't help at all. And now I have to go to class. Why do I never seem to be in the mood for it?

Well that was silly.

I totally..totally expected, well intended to go somewhere this weekend. Out of the city, overnight or if that didn't work out at least for the day, from real early.. to late.

Well.. ok I'm up, which is kind of early for me on a weekend, but that's mostly because I had a headache and I was all sneezy, for some reason. I'm still sitting here in my skuzzy loungabout home clothes which also serve as pajamas, and I kind of have not much intention of moving much very soon, if at all.

It's all my fault. I suggested we "go for a beer at the rustic place" last night about 6 or 7 in the eve and we went for a beer. If we'd stuck to "a beer" things would have been fine but there was this waiter right, and well, there's sort of a tradition here in your common man's pub where the waiter brings you a beer when your other beer is getting low without you even asking for one, which isn't done so much nowadays, at least not in Prague, at least not in most pubs we go to, and usually not in this one, but this guy does that, so we had to have another beer, and then he brought one again, and when that went low he brought another one.

You can see where this is going.

Of course, after leaving there we had another beer (and some of us a shot, not me though) at another place. That was unecessary but once you've had that many drinks you're often in the mood for another, I've found.

So this morning me and my partner in crime, if you like, who were intending on going out somewhere with hills and trees and fresh air for some hiking and sightseeing, are both feeling not exactly up to it, and who knows what if anything we'll end up achieving today.

I feel productive.. somewhat..

I decided to go early, to the casting, the proper professional one, that an actual agency I signed up with (finally) sent me on. To reward me for my earliness I didn't have to wait very long, not at all... after about 10-15 minutes, with a filling in o paper, a bunch of us were let into the room, our pictures taken and... that's it. For some of us anyway, not sure what that means, and I can't help thinking that they could have gotten our photos from the agency.. oh well.

Later on at the film school I actually read a few lines, I think I did ok, not brilliant, and once again have no idea how it contributes to the likelihood of me doing some acting sorta stuff next week. Once again.. I'll see.

And.. that's it. I seemed so much more interesting at the time. Or maybe not.

I am intending on going away this weekend, somewhere out of the city for once. I'm quite hoping it happens.

I got one, I finally got one!

I've been invited to a real actual casting by an actual agency professional type thingy. It's not like this has never happened before, but it was once.. maybe twice, and ages ago, and not this time round.

So it's tomorrow.. and I actually have another thing for the film school tomorrow.. and I still have to find a mu.. um, nevermind that. I might be going away for the weekend so I need to organize that still.. sorta. Oh and I have work.

It's strange being about a third as busy as normal people are on any random given day. It's almost like being a real person.

For a second there.. I felt sort of real.. and stuff.

I had a casting yesterday, for a real professional type ad thingy. Oh I wasn't called in from the agency or anything.. oh no, that doesn't appear to be for the likes of me.. this was an open casting...

On the way there, while talking to myself in an American accent I bumped into a dude who was in my old class, when I did it a few years ago.. then I walked in, saw the dude I see every time I go for anything, then turned and there was the dude from class that does everything, goes everywhere and "rehearses" withe everyone... all the time. The typical stuff.

The casting itself.. interesting. I had to be an American, which turned out to be the easiest bit, it was an improv and I was supposed to be the "boss" of a corporate type thingy and I know very little about corporate type stuff so I fumbled the improv a bit.. but I can live with it. I can handle not having got a callback and therefore obvs not getting it as long as I didn't make an utter cringeworthy fool of myself.. I mean I did make a fool of myself, but not cos I'm a crap actor (not necessarily not one either, but in this case it's moot) but because I don't really understand corporate stuff thingies and therefore am not very good at improvising that stuff. It was actually quite fun.

I also had class last night, and as I missed a class last week and didn't "rehearse" at all due to being *cough* poorly... I felt I might be sorta rusty... I mean you gotta be really limber with this stuff, but it turned out ok. I kinda sorta felt it some of the time, and it was quite fun too, for once.

Oh and afterwards I got kidnapped by my classmates and was forced to drink. They're such a bad influence those people, I should have a word with them.

You know.

I like autumn, it's just so pretty. And walking through piles and piles of leaves that you can scatter by kicking is so much fun. It's almost enough to get someone like me outside when it's a little bit cold.. and believe me it's a little bit cold.

Actually I did go outside.. and it's a big bit cold. It's just that pretty.

*raises glass*

I'm having a real life anniversary today. That is, a celebration of some number of whole years since a particular important incident occurred, as opposed to say.. a 2 week anniversary which is a logical impossibility and does not exist!

Just under 3 years ago exactly was the first time I met with my gentleman friend Erik, for the first time in real life, after knowing each other exclusively online for a while, at the horse statue.

We then wandered on to the inaugural dinner, at U Medvidku, a charming spot which I've been to many a time over the years, but which has since been given a special place in my heart since this aforementioned event.. and subsequently one which we are revisiting this evening. And revisited a year ago.. and the year before that...

and we'll have beer, perhaps some cheese though perhaps not this evening as one half of the partnership has recently become sorta vegan, but that's ok, we'll have beer, and we'll be dorks.. and then we'll have some dinner somewhere else...

I'm not expecting to go on a wild goose chase afterwards.. like the original meeting.. we didn't catch any geese that night, probably because they're don't seem to be too many in Žižkov, where we were, but we didn't find that bar either.. we did find another one though.. I mean, there's always some bar.. who knows. Maybe we'll chase some nonexistent geese, or maybe not, but I wouldn't be adverse to some kind of shenanigans occuring, it seems like the night for it.

Except for the fact that the water heater dude is coming early tomorrow to finally replace our old and barely functioning one after a few aborted attempts.. but that's relatively unimportant.

tenth o' the tenth o' the tenth..

It's a very exciting day for those of us who make a big deal about arbitrary dates where the numbers line up in a seemingly meaningful manner, ie nerds who make a big deal about.. etc etc etc. Ie, people that are not limited to, but include people like me.

I began this historic day by looking at my phone about 8:46, hoping I wouldn't miss 10 minutes past 10.. and luckily I was awake when the 10:10 10-10-10 appeared at the bottom of the phone. It was an exciting moment.

But it wasn't a lazy Sunday for me, no, not for us hard working thespian types... I had a reading in the morning, well at 2pm which is close enough to morning as far as I'm concerned, for the film I'm in. Still at the "reading" stage, and the might need new people stage, but we'll see. I walked up the hill to meet people just to wait for them, so we can wait for more people to show up who didn't come, and then go down the hill to the place we were doing the reading. Luckily I live around this area because we needed to go to #64 of the street the meeting spot was on, and you kind of have to be familiar with the area to know that when you get to the fork in the road, the bit that looks like it turns off is the same street, and the bit that keeps going straight is another street, or they'd have been real confused, as that other street doesn't have a #64.

We did the reading. Had to read multiple part due to the non presence of 2 actors, but what can you do. After that I came home, and after a short reprieve went back out to do my 10/10/10, 17:30 steps project sp. It's something I do.

Then I needed to meet someone at the top of the steps, who was late, and kept me a while by telling me stuff he's going to repeat at least 4 times when he comes here tomorrow morning. Went back down the steps, met one of the tea house cats who kept me still longer by moving about too much and not posing for a photo properly. The nerve!

Then I went to "rehearsal" which is, meeting someone from class in a nearby park and talking at each other in the Meisner fashion. It was ok, I was distracted but it's practice and I need practice. We did behave like 3 year olds for a portion of it, which is a way of doing it right, so I think we get some points for that.

And now I'm home. It's quite cold outside, despite the sunniness of earlier on, it's autumn proper and the trees are giving us a golden performance of.. ok I'll shut up now.

Should I, should I or should I?

I never know whether I should do these things. I mean.. I know I should, but then again, is there a point, should I bother, will it more hinder than help me? I go over and over and debate it in my mind, and the temptation to go the lazy route is extremely strong with me, so any push in the "don't do anything" direction usually spells an end to any chance the thing had.

I really really don't want to end up not doing for a measly reason like the printer wouldn't work because I can't install the driver because this comp doesn't have a cd drive and getting it online is impossible well not impossible but making it work seems well nigh impossible and can't get it sorted out because I'm out so much going to class and "rehearsing" during the times I could use the other comp to get the cd stuff onto a usb thingy... and therefore can't print out the monologue I need to learn which makes it difficult although not impossible and to be honest not all that difficult to do it..

I mean that would be a really poor excuse wouldn't it? And I'd quite like the printer to work in general, really. I also need to print out a resume for this thing, and ideally should have a head shot which I don't have but it probably wouldn't matter all that much.

I'll see.

More and more things..

I'm being overwhelmed by things. These things are things I should do.. well, it would behoove me to do them, whatever that means. One of the things I should do just for practice because I haven't a chance in hell of getting the job for it, but I really should do it. Or maybe I shouldn't.

The other I should do, and it doesn't cost all that much, for once, but I don't know. It will get in the way of other things I'm doing and as the following weekend I'm planning a trip away, and that will be the time it starts getting more involved and then there's the Meisner stuff which I'm so not getting still and needs tons and tons of rehearsals!

I might do some of them. Or one of them. I'll see.

Rehearsing, reading, repeating.

I was a bit naughty last night and got a wee bit drunk before my "rehearsal" last night, and continued to get more so during. We call it rehearsal but it might more accurately be called practice, because, well it's practice of the stuff we do, which is talk at each other and repeat. I could explain it more but I won't. Anyway this guy wanted to rehearse in the evening, so invited us over and I thought it would be 7 or 8.. a good time to get work done, and then afterwards you go for a drink etc etc.

Well.. after trying to pin down the right time and get his address all day I found out it's at 9:00 and arranged to meet some class members on a corner somewhere because people are allergic to giving out addresses to places you want them to go, it seems.

So Erik had this thing on, which involved drinking in a pub, and as it worked out for me to go along for a bit I went along for a bit, and downed 2 and a half beers in an hour and a half, or something.

I went to the corner, of course no one's there, and it's one of those corners where you're not sure you're on the right corner or not, but after a while one of them showed up,, saying the other one was late, and he's the one who knows where to go, but she had a map thingy so we found it, right on that street and then we had to figure out how to get in, so she had to call the other guy to get this guy's number

Well anyway after a bit of time all four, the total who bothered showing up were there and in between a lot of talking and drinking beers we did a bit of rehearsal. I don't know if it helped or hindered or made no difference to do it drunk. I think I had even more trouble focusing, but hey, like I said, he wanted to do it at 9pm so...

Thankfully today I woke up with a headache and no more because I had a reading for the other thing I'm doing, the film. Still no final script but we're getting there, hopefully by next time we'll be reading the actual script so it'll be rehearsing, which will make all this confusing. I can't wait to get to the actual filming bit of things..

Tomorrow there's another rehearsal, ie practice for the Meisner thing, and it's the afternoon so I might be able to show up non blotto... although they keep changing the time and making it earlier which makes it less likely that I'll bother to get my lazy ass out of bed for it. And that's it.

Looks like I'm all alone again.

Just as we move into the particularly dark gloomy days when we all need at least the merest hint that someone, somewhere out there is listening, and cares.

Oh well whatever.. we're all alone in the end, they say. Some of them anyway, or at least one of them. It might be bullshit because they (and quite possibly that particular one) talk a lot of bullshit, but then again.

I'll keep writing and posting dorky photos away though, at least for a while. If for no one but myself.

*slides back into shell*