I'm not quite alone.

It's been just over a week since Erik left to spend the month in Singapore, but I haven't exactly spent that time on my own. Of course, one is never alone when one has a furry, cuddly feline around, but that's not my only companion, there is another, one that I kept somewhat at bay for a good while now, who arrived with promptness after my return from the airport.

I speak of my old friend squalor. The dictionary definition of squalor is:

–noun
the condition of being squalid; filth and misery.
Origin:
1615–25;

I wouldn't go so far as to say encrusted, but.. it's pretty chaotic in here. More messy than filthy, and not quite wretched, but there has been a marked change in the environment here.

Like I said it started when I came home from seeing Erik off, I walked in with my shoes on, sat at the computer, threw them off and was going to put them in the hall when I thought "I'll do it later, I'm the only person here, no one will be bothered"... then I flung my jacket on the floor the same way, later after making something to eat, I left the stuff in the sink.. and as time went on, more and more things we left unwashed, in places they shouldn't be.. it was just not big deal. No one but me to live with it, no one else to go ahead and clean it up for me and make me feel bad. It's not that I wasn't going to do it, it's just that by the time I was going to there was more of it.

As each day passed it built up. I cleaned the dishes once, a few days ago.. I think, but there's more of them! It just keeps building up and building up. There's crap all over the bed that was on top of the printer, there's boxes for packing stuff that hasn't gone out yet, or that's the wrong size for the stuff I need to send out (and I don't even have a box for something that urgently needs to be sent out like, a week ago, but that's another story) and clothes all over the floor. But that's no different than usual actually.

I'm not proud of it. Well I am in a rebellious, non gender conforming, "see what a rugged unladylike character, not like those other fussy girly girls I am, *burp*" way, a sentiment I am in turn not proud of having. If that makes any sense.

When it comes down to it, the reason isn't complex. I'm lazy. I am bothered by excessive slovenliness (the only word amongst the synonyms of squalor which match it, imo) like a lot of people, but it's got to the point that there's just so much there! And when it gets to the point that it bothers me that much, that it overrides the excess of mess that's there, I will clean it.

And it will be a complete dump again within 12 hours. Oh well... whatever happened to servants, don't we have those anymore?