It's almost over..

Well we're almost done with this year, but there's just going to be another one to replace it so no change really. It is however, a time to make a list of stuff you would like to do, but most likely won't, (resolutions to use the parlance of our times), and being a traditional sort of being, but not a very ambitious one, I'm going to make a list of things I will probably almost certainly do anyway.

*Drink a lot, with the occasional break of a few days to a week which will come after suffering a god awful hangover when I swear to never drink again.
*Not get around to getting a job, in all honesty I really don't want to.
*Not get around to getting that computer, partly because of #2, and partly other things that make it slightly difficult.
*Keep waiting for that guy to come back from America, whenever the hell that may be.
*Stay in Prague and never go anywhere.
*Take plenty of photos, without improving my skill or ever having a new idea.
*Keep blogging," ...................................................................................... ".
*Make a few sandwiches.
*Buy some winter boots.

I'm not that sure about the last one, I might not get around to it.

Beeeerr...

Well. I gave in, and got a wee bit tipsy again last night, after telling myself after my last experience with any alcohol at all that I probably wouldn't touch a drop until well after the new year, but last night I went to a nearby pub for dinner, hung with the people there, had a few beers, came back here and had a few more drinks and stayed up all night.

I was pretty tired still when I dragged my ass out of bed this afternoon but I wasn't in the least bit sick. I guess that's a good thing. I can afterall survive a few innocent drinks of a night, sometimes anyway.

I still have not much desire to do anything on New Year's. I really don't want to hang out with the same old gang again, and there's really no one else so I'm quite happy to sit at home and watch telly. Cheesey New Year's variety shows! Yay! And I thought I probably wouldn't even drink anything but I might get a few beers for the night. If I do anything it will be to go out at midnight, either to the fountain, or Namesti Miru to get some photos of all the crazy people and the fireworks they're setting off. Probably not the most clever time to be out but if I want those photos that's when I have to go. Who knows, maybe I'll be too lazy to even bother.

Of course, writing this almost certainly guarantees that I'll end up at some bar or party drinking beer, all the obligatory shots and an awful glass of champagne at midnight, that I'll stay out until morning, and have a raging fucking hangover all the next day, which I'll possibly still have by the time anyone bothers to go back to work...

..and having written that, I suppose that won't happen either. Instead I'll be here having some drinks and watching videos. But now I've written that so I can't do that either. Or I could...

Thank you Santa!

Well, I've just had a fucking wonderful couple of fucking days! The xmas cheer has been evading me for a while.

The first thing that put a damper on the holiday season was my computer. I usually am very fond of my computer, and that's exactly the problem, it's not that I'm just fond of it, I'm attached to it in such a way that it fulfills a great need in me. When it's working anyway. And that was it, it wouldn't turn on. I tried and tried and it wouldn't start.

So I went out, I thought I'd go and get some photos of the centre in all it's xmas glory. And by the time I got back the computer would magically start. I took photos of trees, horses, and people, people, people. I didn't really want photos of people, they were just there, lots and lots of them.

I came back. And it still didn't work. I tried everything, that is tried to turn it off and turn it on again, and I banged it a few times but it wouldn't turn on. So I went to an internet cafe to get a small fix of my internet addiction, check and see if anything was going on, if anyone was emailing me etc. Afterwards I came back again and this time I unhooked everything and cleaned around it all and put everything back together and it still didn't work. I kind of figured out the monitor was the problem, which I couldn't fix so I just went home, but on the way I picked up a bottle of red wine.

I had tolerably pleasant evening at home, watching television and drinking wine. I was unhappy with the computer situation but I figured we'd fix it soon enough. Everything was fine until sometime in the morning I woke up feeling unbelievably awful, and had to run to the toilet to puke my guts out. All red wine and my dinner... quite a wonderful sight.

I continued feeling awful all through the night and the rest of the day. I lied in bed and tried to sleep, and had to get up and go to the bathroom again and again. All day I felt too awful to get up and do anything. It was 10pm until I could drink water and keep it down. I managed to eat a little bit of bread before going to bed again and actually sleeping.

So today I woke up, still feeling a little weak but not sick anymore and got a phone call that the guy who lives upstairs leant us a monitor that he has spare. It's an old fashioned bulky one but it makes my computer work. I was able to put my photos on the computer and go online. He also was forward thinking enough to buy a turkey and stuff, so we get to have a nice Christmas dinner.

I'm able to spend my Christmas day doing what I like best, in fact what I do most days and that is spend all day on the internet, chatting, blogging, uploading photos. So thank you Santa, for making my Christmas a little less sucky as it could have been.

Fisheads are yummy!

Ew, fisheads!
Originally uploaded by Ms Kat.

If I'm not mistaken then it's the shortest day of the year today. And if I am mistaken, then that's just fine with me, because that means it was yesterday, and the days can finally start getting longer again so we can maybe have sunlight past the early afternoon again one day for fucks sake!

The solstice can be fun of course, but if you don't mind I'll wait until the other one to have a bonfire and dance around it naked. I'm rather partial to my nipples. There are other ways of celebrating however. Here in the Czech Rep, we celebrate Christmas our winter harvest festival in an interesting way. None of that Jesus or Santa bollocks, no eggnog or any of that crap! Here it's all about carp swimming around in pools for the last few days of their lives until they get bludgeoned to death by a guy on the street, beheaded, cooked and then eaten. Oh they do the presents thing, and put up trees, but it just wouldn't be Christmas Yule without the carp.

Uh oh

Jesus has been at the soy again.

Sexual chaos makes the baby Jesus cry.

Are you part of the problem?

From One More Soul. I think they don't like sex too much. Or they don't like it unless it's done to make brand new souls for Jesus. I think this is supposed to scare the young sluts out there into good behaviour and quit undermining our civilization already, but I dunno, it almost makes me wistful for the old days before I became a born again virgin having non explicit web conversations with a man far away. Hmmm, tempting. Maybe I'll just start a punk band and call it Sexual Chaos. That should do for now.

Found via Feministing. I don't find this shit myself folks.

Between a rock and something that's hard.

I haven't updated my spinoff blog Draw On My Boobs for a while, the one dedicated to all the weird and wonderful search terms that lead people to this here blog, but let me tell you there are plenty of doozies I've documented over the last week that are waiting to be shown. I just wanted to focus on one particular one, or one particular type of search. I keep getting searches for "the male penis" or other word combinations that include both "male" and "penis".

What is it that makes people feel the need to specify that the penis that they want a photo of, or they want to get more information about, be it a mutant, or just huge, must belong to the male? Surely it's fair to assume if they do find something about a penis, there is going to be a male attached to it somehow, unless of course they stumble upon something about severed penises in which case it's fair to say that they once belonged to a male, so they are still "male" in a way.

Not that I know of such sites of course, and wouldn't look at them if I did.

So we've reached the end..

Or the last month anyway. There's a meme around that goes like this.

1) Harken back to your archives.
2) Collect the first sentence you wrote every month for the whole year.
3) Entertain us.

I don't know if it will entertain, but it doesn't matter, no one's bothering to read anymore anyway. But here it is.

December - Bad sex, better than nothing, don't you think.... well.
November - I've come one step closer to realizing my dream.
October - Proper blogging shall commence shortly.
September - This post is going to be about nothing.
August - It's Jesus Wednesday again
July - A few hours ago someone found my site by looking up "draw on my boobs blogspot".
June - Satan's birthday is coming up, and I was trying to figure out what I should get him.
May - I was enjoying quite a pleasant evening yesterday.
April - What have bunnies and eggs got to do with Jesus?
March - There will be no sex in this post!
February - It even has a view.
January - I'm so miserable I want to die!

My 2006, the condensed version.

Satan works in mysterious ways..

Soy is making kids 'gay'

Them damn hippies, bringing on the end of civilization again...

There's a slow poison out there that's severely damaging our children and threatening to tear apart our culture. The ironic part is, it's a "health food," one of our most popular

The slow poison/health food is soy, of course, and the "tearing apart of culture" would be referring to the way it's making everyone gay. Seeing as gay people eat babies and all.

Soy is feminizing, and commonly leads to a decrease in the size of the penis, sexual confusion and homosexuality.

Ha! Take your pick boys.

That's why most of the medical (not socio-spiritual) blame for today's rise in homosexuality must fall upon the rise in soy formula and other soy products.

Well, there's your culprit then. That settles it. It's not the Liberal media, or women who won't fuck their husbands enough, it's dirty vegetarian food.

via Pandagon

Haven't done this for a while..

But, it's the end of year, Jesus is having a birthday, so I thought I'd resurrect it.

It's Wednesday. Time to pick a random verse from the Bible, present it without context, and give it 3 different translations, none of which have any resemblance to the original meaning. Here it is.

1 Corinth 3:8... "Now he that planteth and he that watereth are one: and every man shall receive his own reward according to his own labour."

a) Now that the tree has turned into a man, the man must go forth and toil, for hard work, and good behaviour, and eating 3 balanced meals a day will make you healthy, wealthy and wise.

b) Here in God's kingdom we believe in fairness. We're firm, to be sure, but we don't discriminate, everyone is equally assessed according to their actions during their lifetimes. So, for example if you led your life being an open minded, charitable individual who let people live their lives their own way as long as they weren't hurting anyone, who helped out those less fortunate, or even adopted a child who had nobody else and brought them up as your own, with your co-habiting partner you're obviously going to burn in hell you stinking faggot. If on the other side, you worked hard, made money (quite cleverly using the labour of those in 3rd world countries) voted for the right party, supported all the right wars, and instead of letting people free to go on their sinful ways preached, and supported laws against, and even violently assaulted those who sin against god, then you're not only getting into Heaven, you've reserved yourself a mansion in our most exclusive district.

c) God created everything. Even the trees and even the people. The trees and the people are not the same thing however, so don't get them confused. I know sometimes a guy just standing there in the garden not moving, who has a bit of a green complexion can look kind of plantish, but don't water him. It won't do him any good and may aggravate him.

I've been away for a while. How did I do?

Well, it's not at all surprising...

How evil are you?
Of course the quiz didn't include the question, "have you had a lazy filler post on your blog 2 or more days in a row recently?" or my goodness points would have shot way down. The annoying thing is I had a fucking excellent idea for a thought provoking, amusing and original post last night as I was lying in bed. I practically had it written out word for word in my head, but all I remember is the main subject now, and I'm sure if I was to try and write it I'd leave out all of the best bits.

Life is hard.

You've been spammed!

Here's something for dinner if you're out of ideas...

SPAM SKILLET CASSEROLE

Recipe By :
Serving Size : 6 Preparation Time :0:00
Categories : Casseroles Main dish

Amount Measure Ingredient -- Preparation Method
-------- ------------ --------------------------------
2 Baking potatoes, cut into
-1/8" slices
1 cn SPAM Luncheon Meat, cubed
-(12 oz)
1 c Thinly sliced carrots
1 c Thinly sliced onions
1/2 c Thinly sliced celery
2 Garlic cloves, minced
2 tb Flour
1 t Coarsely ground pepper
3/4 t Dried whole thyme
1 cn No-salt-added green beans,
-drained (16 oz)
1 cn No-salt-added whole
-tomatoes, drained and
-chopped (16 oz)
1 cn No-salt-added vegetable
-juice cocktail (5 1/2 oz)
Butter-flavor vegetable
-cooking spray

Cook potatoes in boiling water 3 minutes or until crisp-tender.
Drain. In skillet, cook SPAM until browned; remove from skillet. Add
carrots to skillet and saute 4-5 minutes, stirring frequently. Add
onion, celery, and garlic; saute until vegetables are tender. Combine
flour, pepper, and thyme. Stir flour mixture into vegetable mixture;
cook 1 minute, stirring constantly. Add SPAM, green beans, tomato,
and vegetable juice cocktail. Bring to a boil. Reduce heat and simmer
5 minutes, stirring occasionally. Remove skillet from heat; arrange
potato slices over SPAM mixture to cover completely. Spray potato
slices with vegetable cooking spray. Broil 6" from heat source 10
minutes or until golden.

You can get these and more from your own gmail spam folder!

Mmmm, spam.

Hang on.. that's not her real voice!

My Friend Ted is almost done. All scenes are shot and now there's just a bit of editing and the soundtrack to be done. I saw a rough cut of it last night. It was pretty bad. I shouldn't say that. We're talking about a movie shot with no budget with an entire cast and crew of amateurs, in which case, it wasn't bad, considering.

Of course, it was difficult seeing myself on screen. I look weird, not exactly fat but I have a weird shaped body. My face looks ok in some shots, but just awful in others, and I keep making stupid faces. My voice is strangely high and kind of whispy and my accent is completely unidentifiable and sounds totally different to what I thought it was. And the acting.... fuck! Most of the others looked and sounded quite natural, but I just seemed lame. My voice being high and whispy didn't help, and there was one scene which had a lot of dialogue cut out, that was kind of necessary to the mood, if not the plot. Of course it makes me look crap. Apart from all that I wasn't that bad. I wasn't horribly bothered by it.

The reason I was at the director's place last night was because we had to dub over one scene. It was shot outdoors by the river, with a camera, that's it. No lights or microphones or anything. You can hardly hear our dialogue at all in the original.

I wasn't sure what I was expecting, but when we sat down to copy our lines from the computer, I thought we'd never get it done. There wasn't so much dialogue in the scene, but I saw how much I pause, long or short in one place, rush my lines together in another and make faces all the time. And blink. I blinked a lot in the scene, but this didn't really matter for what I was doing.

I started first and I was supposed to follow myself on the screen, and say the same words the same way. I was completely off. I did it a few times and it was bad every time. Then he did some little fiddling around with the program, moved my dialogue up a bit and it fit perfectly.

After that it looked a bit like this would be possible. We did a tiny bit at a time, and a few times he cut the lines in half, moved a bit back and a bit forward until it fit. Once I started I actually got good at it, and got it right rather quickly. Of course the lines were delivered very blandly and sounded cheesy, I was too busy concentrating on when I was supposed to say the words to act, but it was good enough for the director.

The first few lines were short, so they were easy. The one I was worried about was the longer one, where I paused and huffed and made faces and all that. The first one was terrible. But after listening to it again, and recording it again I got it exactly perfect! Not just exactly perfect after he moved it to the right spot, but I actually followed the picture on the screen and said everything at exactly the right time in exactly the right way. I think it was a fluke.

Anyway it's done. We watched the whole scene afterwards, and of course we know it's dubbed and were listening to those same damn lined and saying them over and over again, so it looked like crap to me, but perhaps to someone who doesn't know will just think it's really bad acting.

At least I convinced him to get rid of one really bad bit. Before my long sentence I said "no no" where I was actually offscreen so it didn't matter exactly when or how I said it, but it was so bad, so unnatural and so wrong for the scene, but because I'd gotten that couple of lines in one go, he just kept it. It wasn't until the end I got him to let me rerecord it. It was simple, I just had to say it, or whatever I wanted that made sense, offscreen. So I replaced it with a "no". It still sounded crap but not nearly as bad.

I should get a copy of it soon. It still won't be the final cut because he wants to record music for it, but we're getting the rough cut version before Christmas, so I'll be able put it up on the internet so you can all see how useless as an actress I am, and see if you can guess which is the scene that's dubbed, (hint, it's an outdoor scene and it's by a river).

Quit asking me already!

Those of you out there who use Blogger, probably know that they recently merged with Google. Some of you are probably already using the fabulous new version with all the new features with your combined Blogger/Google accounts. Call it Bloogle. Or Gogger, whichever you prefer.

I'm afraid I'm missing out on all the wonderful new features, in fact, I don't even know what it's all about. I have declined to update to the new system, each and every time I've been asked, which is each and every time I log into Blogger.

Now, I'm sure it's wonderful, but at this moment it just doesn't suit me. You see, I don't have my own computer! I may have mentioned this before, but I share this computer. The other person who uses this computer has a gmail account, which is also our business email, which is used a lot, so we keep it signed in the computer all the time, making his google account the default one on this computer.

I like to keep signed in to Blogger, as I use it a lot, for posting as well as commenting, and I like to be able to edit at a moment's notice if I see anything amiss. If I were to update, then I would have to sign into my account with Blogger every time I want to use it. Then I would have to sign into the previously mentioned gmail account every time I, or the other person who uses the computer uses it. Then I would have to sign out of that, and sign into Blogger again when I want to use it. Then I would have to sign out of Blogger, and sign into gmail again, when I want to use that account.... see, not really much in it for me, is there?

So everytime they ask me if I want to switch versions, I say "no, take me to my dashboard!" Enough already! I'll do it when I'm good and ready, and until that time I want to be left the fuck alone!!!

But that's not all. For some reason when I leave comments on Blogger blogs, even though I stay permanently signed in, sometimes the name which comes up in the comment form is that of the holder of the other gmail account. But of course it's not consistent, no that would make it too simple, sometimes it's my name, and sometimes it's his. The first time this happened I left a comment, and didn't realize until afterwards that it was under his name. Of course the comment I'd left on someone else's blog one minute earlier, without quickly signing in and out of my account and signing into gmail to look at emails and back again, was under my name.

So please Blogger, let us decide for ourselves whether we want to fucking merge or not! Okay?

p.s Does no one but me think it strange that Blogger's spellchecker doesn't recognize the words "blogger" or "blog"?

At this point, I'll take whatever I can get.

Bad sex, better than nothing, don't you think.... well.

...a commotion of grunts and squeaks, flashing unconnected images and explosions of a million little particles.

I don't even know what that's supposed to mean, but it doesn't sound like anything I want to experience (or be in the presence of someone experiencing).

The above passage is by Iain Hollingshead, in his novel Twenty Something, the winner of the much coveted Literary Review's Bad Sex in Fiction award. And he's a newcomer, he must be proud, but his .."description of "bulging trousers" sealed the win, the judges said.."

"Because Hollingshead is a first-time writer, we wished to discourage him from further attempts," the judges said in a statement. "Heavyweights like Thomas Pynchon and Will Self are beyond help at this point."

Yeah, but you he got to meet Courtney Love, who presented the award, for that I'd be happy to be considered the worst sex writer of the year, I'm gonna have to polish up my skills in time for next year, anyway

"I hope to win it every year," said Hollingshead, who receives a statuette and a bottle of champagne.

I'll be keeping and eye on him.