It's Whacking Day!

Yes it's Easter Monday in the Czech Republic which means it's the day women get whacked. Sounds harsh? Oh no, it's just fun. It's a tradition!

What happens (the best way I can describe it)is boys and men have a switch/stick thing and they go over to their girlfriend's or their girl of choice's house and whack her lightly on the legs with it. That's what's supposed to happen, but usually what happens is said lady gets her ass whacked. Hard.

It's supposed to be a great honour to be whacked, it means that someone likes you. To award being given this honour the girl gives the whacker an egg. Nowadays she usually gives him something he might actually want, a bottle of slivovice or some alcoholic beverage. In some places girls are also dunked in water, for which they also give alcohol.

That's pretty much it. Girls are beaten and dunked. This makes them happy and they give gifts to their whackers. It seems horribly sexist and unfair but it's tradition so it must be done, because if you don't follow tradition then you get executed.

So I thought we needed a new tradition to even things up a bit. Traditions need to start somewhere, and I'm putting this in writing so it will be official. I might as well start a new holiday to go with it. It can be the April 22 (next Saturday) "It should be spring by now fucking for the fun of it, (none of that fertility bullshit)" holiday.

So, on this holiday a woman invites her man of choice to her place. He has to bring food, wine and a little extra gift (flowers, chocolates, computers whatever she likes). First thing that happens when he walks in the door he gets a bucket of milk thrown over him. Of course this makes a mess so he has to get the mop and bucket and clean it up. After he's done it's time to work on the rest of the house, but first he has to strip naked on put on a special brightly coloured frilly apron. He has to clean the whole place thoroughly, breaking for short intervals to make and bring his lady a drink while she relaxes watching TV. A couple of times during cleaning she gets up to check if he's doing the job well. Every time he misses a spot or the brass isn't shining satisfactorily it's time for a beating, which means he gets whipped on his bare ass with a leather whip called a "leather whip". Even if he's doing an impeccable job he can get whipped anyway, just for fun.

When he's finished cleaning it's time to make dinner, which he cooks from the ingredients he brought. Then it's dinner time which the two enjoy together and after that then it's time to celebrate the true reason for the holiday, fucking for the fun of it! Both can enjoy this of course, but it's especially up to the man to try hard to please in this instance.

Gay people can twist the holiday to suit their own needs. For those who play the male/female roles in their relationships it will be easy, but for instance gay men can have a fun night of mixing cleaning, whipping, wine and milk however they want.

So as far as traditions go I think it's my favourite. I'm quite looking forward to next Saturday. Of course, if anyone tries to whack me today, they get smacked.