What did I do wrong?

It's always something negative.. always something that sucks, always something that sets me back, pisses me off, and lets me down. Never anything good.. never positive.. never uplifting or.. grrrr.. I mean accept for those few times when stuff that's a bit good or quite good or really good happens.. but.. but...

well fuck. Just heard something today that is one of those things that you know is going to bother you for a while.. like, it really pisses you off at first, you go over it in your head at night and for the next day it's always in the back of your mind, like no matter what else is going on, even if things are ok and you're enjoying yourself, you know there's something there that's bad.. and its spoils everything. Then the next day it bothers you less and after that you really don't think about it much but when it comes up again you stew for a minute.

It seems as though as soon as I get over one of these things, there's something else to cringe at.. this one is.. well a negative comment, and it's about work.. we've all.. and that's the people I work with and for, and myself are pretty convinced it's a personal thing because.. well it was stupid, the stuff they said about me was preposterous, and it was all due to a mixup at the beginning of the tour that wasn't even all my fault.. but still.. it pisses me off that they say these things.. like.. boring, and.. *hyperventilates a bit* bad acting.. *shudders*

the thing that fucks with me is that I always ask people to leave a nice comment somewhere, at the end of a tour, and most of the time people seem really pleased like they really enjoyed it.. and say.. oh sure I will.. and they don't. I haven't had one nice thing said about me once.. but this person.. who was bored or whatever.. just not into it, cared enough to write in and say this shit! I mean what's the fucking matter with people for fucks sake!!!!

I dunno. I wish just for once something slightly not sucky would happen. Even if stuff stayed neutral and the negative shit would stop happening. And neutral became being considerably richer, more successful, and more good stuff in general.. of course. Oh well.