1.25.2006

Family Fun

Evolution, schmevolution!

Can you believe people swallow that hogwash! The things people will fall for. Read on to find out the truth.

The Origins of Life
Once upon a time, God was sitting up there in Heaven (which was all there was at the time), jerking off, thinking, "this is getting boring, I need some entertainment." So, being God, he created some. He created a man, a splendid fine, specimen of manhood, (it was in his own image after all) and sat back and watched. Then he thought, "you know, one thing about porn is you need surroundings, you know, a theme." So he created a lovely, aesthetically pleasing garden, which would be of attractive to an individual of His kind of calibre. "Nice, he thought!" After a few hours/days whatever of watching Adam run around with his wang out, he got bored again, (Creator of the Universe you know, it takes a lot to keep his mind stimulated). So he created Eve, a raven haired beauty for Adam to bone. "Now that's more like it" said God while furiously pleasuring himself. Well, even that wasn't enough for God, the finicky bastard. He got bored again, he wanted something a little more hardcore. So he thought of introducing animals. He made a whole bunch, and made Adam give them all names, kinky stuff like dog, cow, giraffe etc, but that's about as far as it went. Until he met the serpeant. Now the serpeant was different to the other animals, slinky, slithery with a kind of evil streak. God liked that dude, and He thought that this animal should have a bit more shall we say, interaction with his human subjects. He communicated directly with the serpeant and got him to go and have some wierd little episode with Eve. He went and tempted Eve, who then tempted Adam and they had some wierd threesome with an apple and a tree. Then God yawned again, realised he really preferred lesbian porn and destroyed the whole thing, leaving his people to go out into the world to fend for themselves. Something from that great wholesome classic, the bible.

Now you know.

And for those hardened Mutant Cat devotees who've seen this before, (again and again), give me a break, my ideas are few and far between and if I want to milk them for all they are work I am going to milk! Ok.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

That's the trouble with porn, it's limited. It's no substitute for real life. Men are visually stimulated yes, but this is only optimal in a real life situation when one gazes upon the object of one's lust, be it man, woman, beast, or common kitchen implement. So sitting on the sidelines, thrashing one's todger eventually becomes less of a delight. No, you can't beat the feel of your partners skin (in my case a woman) her heat, warm breath, and the smell of her hair [shudder of delight]. God slipped up when he didn't create himself a woman. Just think, he could have configured her any way he liked, everything to suit his personal choice - hair colour, breast size, everything [excuse me while I take a moment to fantasise having such power]. What a loser he is!

Michelle said...

I never really thought of that. Can you imagine the trouble it would have saved if he had? If God had just gotten himself a nice wife, a pretty little house and raised a couple of angels, we wouldn't be in this mess today!