Asserting One's Independence

From the title, a reader would be led to believe that that is exactly what one is doing. Unfortunely, in truth one is actually making quite a shoddy job of it.

For those that don't know, I was until recently living with W, someone I previously had a relationship with. It ended about a year ago, I moved out of the flat we shared, but we continued to run our business together. Late last year I had problems with my accommodation, so I moved here for a while, here being his place, where we do business and where my computer is located.

I moved out at the beginning of this month. I thought that now, finally, after breaking up and moving out once, moving back in to sleep on his couch, and all the time being bound to him via the business and all money issues, I would finally, this time sort everything out and become truly independent.

It's proving to be difficult though. One reason being that this computer, my computer is here, and I like to use it a lot. The other is money. Not necessarily the lack of it, though there is a serious lack of it at times, but the distribution of it. Our business I'm sad to say, runs something like a well oiled duck. Completely disorganised, this is no more W's fault than mine, as neither of us really know what we're doing.

So I'm left without money half the time and put in a position to ask him for it. It's not that he witholds money from me on purpose, but as I've mentioned before, he hasn't a clue what he's doing. Instead of just getting how much I should be getting and doing whatever the fuck I want with it, as should be, I have to ask for it. And every time I do he asks me what I need it for. I've tried to explain again and again that it's NONE OF HIS DAMN BUSINESS but he will never get it. I've been trying to train him out of this behaviour for over a year and it's had no effect. He just simply cannot fathom the idea that he doesn't have a right to know everything I do just because he wants to know. It's a very difficult situation.

Like this evening for instance. I'm still here, obviously. I wanted to go home, but there is no food at home, and I don't really want to go hungry, W mentioned earlier about something he wants to cook, not even considering the fact that I may not be here this evening. There isn't a whole lot of money at the moment but I considered asking for money so I could buy food. Then I decided against it, as he'd ask me what it's for, explain to me that there isn't much and he's only going to be using what he has for food, bla bla bla and I just didn't feel like having that discussion. So I'm here still, at least until I've eaten.

This is never going to change, I know that. I know I just have to get a job, and then I can be more agressive about everything and demand he leaves me the hell alone about everything. I've been saying this for months though, and still haven't done anything about it. It's a bit embarrassing to bring it up again, as some would have heard it before. I will do it this time though. I promise.