Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Leave Phil Alone!


punxsutawney phil
Originally uploaded by ewaldmario.
The current ongoing winter in much of the Northern Hemisphere has caused millions to cry out for a scapegoat, and they have found it in lovable rodent and well known meteorologist Punxsutawney Phil.

It dates all the way back to February 2nd of this year, Groundhog Day, where Phil, in his infinite wisdom, declared that there would be an early spring this year, after emerging from his grounhog hole, and not seeing his shadow.

Well, anyone living "literally" anywhere on earth, that is the Northern Hemisphere and particularly places that get cold at all, know this to be utter bunk. Nevermind early spring, it's March 26 already.. 6 days into official full on spring and well.. I may have mentioned this myself once or twice but... it's cold. And people are enraged! They're saying Phil maliciously and deliberately deceived people. They're calling for his head!

I for one, however, do not blame Phil. Phil is but merely an adorable burrow dwelling squirrel hedgehog or whatever he is, and he did what he was told to do, see his shadow or not, and deduce the facts from the evidence he found. There was no shadow.. so he said it's spring! A simple mistake. Or was it...

This is what happened. Phil did not see his shadow. This was not a mistake of Phil's, or the conditions at the time, just bear with me.. I will explain.

Back in late February, I went to Eilat in Southern Israel. It's a very warm place, you may imagine, like summer.. even in the (we thought then) dying days of winter. Oh what a beautiful week it was, after a long enough already winter, it was like paradise to lie by the beach with the hot sun upon our backs, but of course, all holidays must come to an end, and after a week we had to return to Prague where it was still winter. I did not let it get me down though, do not mope, I said, the day after we return it's March, and spring will soon follow.. the days will get longer, warmer, buds will blossom, birds will sing... etc etc etc.. and I said it again and again and again.

Needless to say, I was mistaken. And that is not all.. you see, young Phil, our furry friend, was merely doing a job, he reported what he saw.. and at the time, I believe he was correct. He did no wrong. I however, did what any human over the age of 6 should know well better than to do. I tempted fate. To wish and hope and be so fucking sure.. and vocalize one's idea of the future should be? Utterly irresponsible. You see, fate hates it when smug knowitall humans talk like they know what's fucking going on.. and fate, total asshole. It wasn't enough to fuck up the weather here in the little part of central Europe that I inhabit, or even all of Europe.. but all of the fucking Northern Hemisphere*.

So don't blame Phil, blame me, for, in my foolishness are the cause of all of this. The worst part of it is knowing that those people are suffering is because of me,  that Phil is getting persecuted over something that is my fault.. and that if no one else does, I deserve all of this, and more, fully.

Leave Phil alone. Take me.

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