Holds breath

10 hours and 2 minutes.

*takes quick breath, then holds it again*

I'll get there. I'll sit still, stay in and just wait it out. Nothing can happen now.... Wait.. I didn't say that.

10 hours and 1 minute now.. 601 minutes.

10 hours now.

I'm calm

So.. that seems to be wrapped up, I've moved out of the flat, had the final meeting with the landlord and it's all over with, I've got control of my email address and I'm in position of a camera.. my internet is even working and nothing else too traumatic seems to be going on. In fact, not much has been going on around here at all. Sure all the minor (for me) problems that are so ever present they don't even rate on the disaster scale anymore are buzzing in the background, but nothing worth mentioning is going on, so I won't mention anything.

I just have to hold my breath and do nothing for at least another 30 hours, hope that everything stays dull and eventless, because for me that's about the best it gets. For now anyway.

After that I might think about doing something. Something fun, or something useful. I'll think about it then, when I breathe again.

Well fuck.. wasn't that fuckload of fun..

Fuck!

Will it never end. No sooner do I get finished fucking carrying all my shit, heavy as fuck, up and down stairs, or in fact before I even finish fucking doing it, because, yet again I had to go an extra trip with heavier than expected shit.. I try to login to my email and I fucking can't.

I try and try again to no avail. I know I didn't forget my fucking password because my browser automatically puts it in, and it's right every other fucking time, but I click the "forgot password" and go through a bunch of links that are exactly no help to me. I try to get it sent to my alternate email, but it isn't in the inbox of the email I thought it was most likely to be and it's not there. I try a bunch of other emails, all the ones I can remember and it isn't in any of them. I go back to google help and they have links to click on that give you a one sentence answer to your potential problem which was exactly useless, then they have the nerve to have a survey question saying "was this answer useful to you?", unfortunately they only have "yes" or "no" as answers and no FUCK NO which is what I needed.

They tell me I can't try to answer my security question for 5 days, which seems a bit FUCKING POINTLESS, I mean if someone hacks into your account it's really very useful to give them 5 FUCKING DAYS to change your security question.. not to mention why they expect you to wait so long to get into your bloody email..

So I browsed through the help section more, hoping to find something useful.. I filled out one form for "my account as been compromised" which asked me a bunch of questions I didn't know, and sent it off and received no reply. I tried to find a direct email address for help and there was none, the only thing there was was a google help group.. so I joined that and asked my question.

All day I waited, for an email or an answer to my question in the group. During the course of the day I realized that some fuckrag, some festering butt boil, yes you you fuck.. you know who I'm talking about.. was using my email and replying to people.. at least one person. This rather pissed me off.

Nothing all day.. bugger all.

The next day I started getting some answers in the group, some useful, most not and all taking very long. I was getting paranoid that this fuckbrain would send out weird emails to my contacts and other stuff.. so I wanted them out of there fast.

My blogger id is connected to the same email, so I couldn't get in, and then I saw that fuckstain had added some stupid shit on top of the blog.. well, at least that gave me a chance to look at my site meter to see if I could get an idea of who this monumental fuckwad was.. sure enough he made it easy as shit to see where he was from and the ip address and exactly when he'd fiddled around with my blogs.. not that it helped me much at the time(or at all), but it was somewhat satisfying..

well anyway.. I filled out more forms, waited, waited and waited.. checked other emails and whatnot to check if they'd done anything diabolical, and went to bed.

Today I woke up and no change, but after an hour or so I got an email giving me the link to go into and get back into my mail. It all seemed to be there, and nothing too dreadful seems to have occurred so in a weird twisted fucking shit that sucks keeps happening to me sort of way I guess I'm lucky, especially for this shitty month which unfortunately isn't the fuck over yet.

So there you go.

Dammit, do I have to go through this again..

It's moving day. Well, it's not exactly moving day because I officially move out tomorrow. Well, not officially, the official day was the 9th but I wasn't ready and the landlord wasn't ready so...

I move out tomorrow, but I won't be moving so much stuff because I have (thank goodness) moved most of it already. In that sense moving day was today, because though I've been moving bits of my stuff slowly over the past week, it's been too small bits and too slowly (thinking I didn't have that much stuff really), so today, intending only to move one not too heavy bag in the morning, but bringing a bag that turned out to be actually quite heavy, leaving enough stuff to intend to go back for another trip during the day, I ended up going back and forth 3 times, with very heavy bags and an extra lamp, or not quite so heavy bag.

If you managed to make sense out of that rather long sentence, pretty much most of my stuff is here, the "office" where I am moving to. It's a long story and I don't want to talk about it, but I have not so much left in the flat, so I'll get up early, bring one bag of stuff including a small but still sort of heavy television, and meet with the landlord, give the keys, bla bla bla and come here for once and for all (yikes!) with a small bag of stuff.

And then figure out what I'll do next.

Breathes again.

I got a new camera finally. It's exactly the same as the one which disappeared a little over a week ago, the Fujifilm S5700. Makes things easier, and it's a good price. And thank goodness I'm in possession of a camera again.. it's been hard. Real hard, but I got through it. I had to stay inside and make sure I never came across anything slightly interesting or nice looking, but I was still getting urges to snap something. Luckily I had a build up of photos from the last time I went out on a snapping tour, back when it snowed, so I was able to look through, edit and upload the photos, and pine for the days when I was able to get them.

It's all ok now, but it is good to know that I'm strong enough to live through such adversity.

A bright new world is opening up..

I mean.. sorta. Not really. I'm just going to class again tonight after about a month's break. It's good to get back to the world of creativity which I've neglected.. apart from taking wonderful photos, and coming up with brilliant prose in the middle of the night that I failed to ever write down.. but I've been starved for the acting part, but tonight I'm back in it.

I'm not really looking forward to it, I have to say. I don't know why, I have a door that isn't half bad, pretty good by my standards, which admittedly isn't saying much, but it'll do. I don't have an activity but I'm not going to stress myself out about it, and it's not in the freezing cold, dark shed behind the veggie shop that it usually is, we have a special venue tonight as we're also hosting an interview with a major casting agent in Prague, another thing that could be quite positive.

So I don't really have any excuse to not want to go, it will probably be quite good. I'm probably just being lazy. Or it's because of January. I think that's it, it's all Jan's fault.

I feel empty

Stupid me woke up today feeling somewhat relieved, thinking that things might get better. The last few days have been rather awful. I was supposed to move yesterday, something I haven't been looking forward to. I told the landlord a month ago and said that a friend would probably take over the flat, and even though he decided not to, I haven't bothered to update the landlord on this. I also hadn't moved most of or hardly any of my stuff out, and a meeting in the morning with my future landlord after waking up feeling utterly shit, due to a night of partying in the "office" actually the flat I'm moving into, and discovering the devastation left by the partying, really didn't help.

But I got through it, met with both landlords, came to a reasonable agreement, and got this place (the aforementioned "office") cleaned up. So everything was cool.

This morning I woke up feeling somewhat relieved, thinking that things might actually get better. So I came in to work, (to the "office") and my friend and partner was in his room, slumbering away. Considering the scene I came across yesterday, this was positively favourable.

My feeling of serenity lasted a few hours, until the guy in the bedroom woke up and yelled some questions at me. First I discovered that his phone was gone, which is a pain but not such a big deal, and then he asked "do you have the camera?"

I didn't. I mean, I didn't take it with me last night, as I sometimes do. I looked around and it wasn't here. Neither the old olympus or the my new baby, the Fujifilm.

The details are pointless and uninteresting, and they don't change the fact that it's gone, gone and not coming back. My life is empty, nothing has any point anymore. Why oh why do these things happen to me?

I blame January.

Another wacky adventure

Well that was fun. I went out to go across the road to buy a few drinks, on this, the first snowy evening of this season, just threw my coat over my "hanging around home clothes" which I was wearing because this morning when I came here after getting up very early to get fabulous photos my clothes were all wet from trudging around in the snow..

anyway I got the drinks and came back, put my key in the lock and tried to turn it. It wouldn't turn. I tried again it wouldn't turn. I kept trying and it became clear that it was stuck and wasn't going to do anything, nevertheless I kept trying, with my gloveless hands that were getting raw from the cold and from fiddling with the lock. No one was around, and no one was trying to get out, so I stood there, pointlessly fiddling with the lock for some time. I was angry, frustrated, worried.. I was cold. I was busy, I needed to be back upstairs staring at the computer screen wondering what the fuck to do with this website I'm supposed to create and worrying about moving and stuff.. I couldn't be floundering about down there!

Then I buzzed, because I didn't have my phone, as I'd just ran across the road to the shop, so I buzzed the dude upstairs with the sprained ankle. He said he'd come down and help, so I waited. And waited and waited. Then finally a sound came from the other side of the door. He tried to open it from the inside and I tried to open it from the outside and neither of us achieved a thing.

Anyway, he called someone, that dude came after ages, fiddled around and couldn't fix it, he called someone else to call someone else and we kept fiddling with it. Finally he called someone else who said they couldn't do anything so he called someone else and I went and sat in the bar. I was

And that was about it because before I'd finished my beer he came and told me he was done. I came back and now I can get back to worrying about this website that I don't know what to do with and moving and all the other bullshit I have to deal with this month.

Oh and look at my photos. Did I mention that I got up really early in the cold snowy morning to get fabulous photos?

Jan must go!

I don't much care for January. It sucks. It's cold, it's miserable, it's boring. It is pointless and unnecessary. It's also the month where I have shit I have to deal with that I wish was over already, and the month I have to wait out until I get to the next month where things are happening that I want to get to. And isn't the calendar way overdue for a revisal.. I mean it's been the way it is since the Romans were around, and that's like.. years ago..

Jan sucks. And I'm not gonna sit here and just moan about it, I'm gonna do something! What we need is to get loads of people together and form a anti January resistance. We'll all get together and march on.. whoever and rabble rouse and generally cause disturbances. We'll keep protesting and causing trouble and noise until January is damn well gone!

So who's in? You get a free beer..