It's like an incredible feeling of deja vu all over again..

Sigh.

It's time again. Time for me to muse about, ponder, and lament this particular version of the passing o the time. I could say the same old jazz that I always bang on about, the same time of year every year, how it's just so..

I mean, I'm not so put out by the fact that I'm as old as I am, in the way that I'm no longer young, spry, fresh, blooming, cute.. all those things that a lady bemoans the loss of.. and when I say I'm not put out I mean it's all too easy to believe, I don't get that slight shock when I stop and think, this is true. I'm not saying I like it, I'm not even saying I don't actively dislike it.. I'm not even saying it doesn't distress me quite a lot, and often to feel my weary bones and see my haggard face.. and see the (recently increased yet again) number after the "age" section.. because yes, I fucking hate that shit. I'm just not at all in denial there.



What really astounds me is.. well, the way I am. This unestablished, disorganized, inexperienced, foolish, irresponsible and downright immature person. I don't have anything and I've done nothing. Well I've done stuff, but it's all over the place, and doesn't really count. Hard to explain. And I know a lot of people of mature ages are youthful and fun, but there's really something missing here, almost everyone I know, though they seem like a bit of a mess (that's quite a few people) have something about them, that one little grown up thing about them, that lets you believe they're in their 30s, or 40s. When I look at myself it's just.. I can't believe it. I couldn't believe it when I was 30.. and then at about 35 which seemed like such a fucking grown up age that it was just impossible I could be it, then 36.. 37.. and on :/

Like I said, or at least vaguely alluded, I say this every year so there's probably not much left to be said. So I'll see you next year. Or sooner if I have something to say :).

That place between something..

and something else.

It's a weird day. Monday, I think. Still 37 *snorts*.. and nothing particularly special going on. Actually I wouldn't be if I was presently in the time zone that I was born, but, doesn't really matter.

Strange times, still November, but almost December. So much going on and I have no idea whether I can say yay or nay or maybe, I just don't know. I asked for a few particular days off, but of course having to do that almost a week before the end of the month before the really busy with festive stuff month means you're going to miss out on securing a lot of important days. And I still don't know what those days will be, not even sure if the ones I asked for will be free, which do include the 25th, which for some strange reason I think was a popular request. Don't ask me why we're still open on that day. Don't know.

Anyway, rather dull at the mo, not much to write home about, except Cooley saw a pigeon and I spent the afternoon carrying some not heavy but particularly awkward items from another place to this one.

Think I'm done now.

Doing things really makes you want to do things.

Well, in my case anyway. Ok only sometimes. Well rarely, but it does happen.

Just finished editing one video, see post below, and now I just want to get my hands on more footage! I'm on an editing spree. I worked with some other earlier inferior footage (yes that's footage inferior to the footage used in the video I spoke of, it is possible) earlier on and it was surprisingly easy, compared to when I first got my hands on the aforementioned footage, which took me ages, though on and off, mostly off to edit.

I need more! It's a bit more difficult to actually get the footage, I've noticed, despite the enthusiasm when I speak to others that are involved in these projects, usually when we're drinking and such, that enthusiasm doesn't seem so great when it would be otherwise a good time to film. And it also means (sometimes) going outside, setting things up, doing things over again and other complicated things that just seem like work.

Oh well.. there will be more! At some point :/

Um... what?

I finally finished something.

:)

Happy post holiday...

It's a thing known as Black Friday in some parts of the world, meaning the first shopping day after Thanksgiving, in the all important leadup to Christmas, so parts of the world that celebrate thanksgiving er.. celebrate it.

This is not a part of the world that celebrates Thanksgiving, neither is the part of the world I come from, or where anyone I live with comes from (actually they do celebrate it but at a different time), but nevertheless, we went out in the eve to celebrate. Mostly to watch football, well he did, and I just hung out, ate some turkey, and had beers. So I celebrated it, in a way, therefore, it should be a kind of black Friday today for me too.

We got there early, so we could see both games, which are quite long. So that means a lot of beer. Yeah.. it's not the lightest most pleasant Friday.

*groans*

Omg.. omg..

I did it.

I finished editing.. something.

It's no big deal I've just spent so long on it that it's kind of a big deal. Ok, when I say I've spent a lot of time on it, I mean, a lot of time on and off, and when I say on and off, I spent more time off due to some weird fear of this complicated technology (blushes at the thought) and various technical reasons that kept coming up, some due to inferior materials butmostly due to my inability to figure these things out, and partly due to a number of excuses I made not to do it, based on either of the 2 previous reasons, because of a) laziness, b) the aforementioned irrational fear of something that is actually quite simple.

Anyway, I have a thing, done. Not up yet but it will be.

Ok Google.. what all this about?

I don't know if it's just me, but my google search pages have recently been coming up all.. messy. The first couple, indeed the ones that you usually notice most, the equivalent of eye height in the supermarket, the entries that you see.. in short, are all some kind of sponsored links, based on my area..

I don't like it. It looks messy and well.. I'd like THE MOST RELEVANT AND USEFUL LINKS TO BE THE ONES THAT COME UP FIRST THANK YOU VERY MUCH!

I mean, yeah, it's a free service and they gotta make money but.. this sucks. I do not approve and would like for this travesty to be rectified asap, imho.

Get on it Google!

I don't really have anything to say.

I suppose I should just leave it then.

I hate going by more than a few days (whatever that means exactly) without writing. This is why I'm writing about not really having anything to write.

Sad isn't it?

And then came the snow.

It snowed. Well I think it did, judging from the light dusting of white stuff on the roofs. I think we're entering the season here I blog about nothing but the season.. I know it seems like I always do but at other times of the year when we get weather (or falling leaves) I occasionally mix it up with other stuff.

It's all weather from here on though.. except for the other season stuff, that of the silly variety which can in a way be put under the season umbrella, so there you go.

Weather blog, signing off.

I'm still waiting for the fog to lift..

For the past few weeks now, I have, upon being woken up between 4:30 to 6:00 by the kitty, going for my first morning er.. relieving.. and seeing the region of Vrsovice out the toilet window, covered in a mist, or fog. Depending on how early in the morning it is. And I think.. gee it's been foggy recently, but.. generally it lets up a bit and by the time I get out of bed properly at 8a.. er 10.. ok about 11 or 12, it's mostly gone.

The last few days there's been a bit of fog about, but also it's been quite sunny.. very nice for the weekend and for a visitor we've had here for a few days. Cold though.

This morning, I again, upon my first awakening, saw out of the window, a sea of mist. It was particularly thick, I thought. This was also the day I was going with our visitor to Vysehrad, up on the hill.. the site of the original castle of Prague.. and a whole bunch of other stuff. She had a bunch of stuff to do, shopping, post office, that sort of thing so I said I'd meet her later, in the afternoon.. it's better to give the fog some time to lift, as it usually does, and by that time, we'd have a bit of sun and some warmth.

Well.. everything went according to plan, got her stuff done and we met at our arranged time. Except for the fog bit.. still the same as early in the morning. We go up there, walk around and are freezing! Go through the artist's graveyard, see the psychadelic basilica, walk through the park.. and are pretty much ready to go somewhere warm and pleasant with food and beer.. but first we had to go to the lookout where you see a beautiful view of the city and the river and the castle.

We went to the lookout and well there are some very nice buildings diretlty in front of it. We saw the castle.. I mean I knew it was, think it was the castle.. I suppose it could have been another towery churchy thing, possibly was.. I don't really know.

That was about 3:00.. fog still hasn't lifted.

Let's wait and see.

So, had an audition on the weekend. Probably could have been more prepared, definitely could have done better. I'll be rather surprised if I hear back from the peole at all but who knows.. there's a lot of bodies in this play and I might be invited to be part of a chorus or something... but I won't know until, who knows.

There's some other stuff going on, which I may or may not get in some way involved in.

That's all really.

That's a whole lotta ones...

Today is 11-11-11. For all of us, there's not too much way to rearrange that group of numbers. I wonder what it means.. *ponders*. It is a day of remembrance of course, for many *bows head and remembers* and in some places, including here in Prague a special day for weddings...

other than that, I just like the lineup of the numbers.

And yes, I'm being completely silent while writing this. Just wish the guy upstairs would stop hammering... at least for a minute dude! *shakes head*

There used to be a horse round here.. wasn't there?

So.. was almost doing ok for a bit, and then I went and fucked up again...

well, it's a small-ish thing. I had something rather important, well, an opportunity that is few and far between for me, and I was too unwell to go.

My fault. Yesterday I made the mistake of going and meeting a friend for "a beer" and well.. it turned into 2 beers, which is what I blurred to Erik later that night, not that I remember telling him, and it even seems strange to me that I would claim that, drunk as I must have been.

So I had one of my awful hangovers today and was unable to go.

Oh and I've given up on something else, a small thing but for the past 3 months I've been trying to make at least one video every day. Nothing special, most of the time it's something extremely dull just to get one done for the day, but I didn't manage it for September, or October, and now I missed a day in November and well.. it was a pathetic attempt to say I've achieved something anyway, mostly a way to get used to filming more stuff but it didn't really work, so now I'll just concentrate on filming quality stuff when I have the time and inclination. Maybe that will work better.

Now I have to get work on some audition monologues.. I want to not fuck up at least one of these things coming up.

Oh, look at those colours!

I really like this time of year, strangely. I mean I never look forward to it so much during that time that summer is coming to an end, and I envisage and end to the warm, exciting fun filled days that actually haven't come around yet.. but, once it's fairly into September, with wacky wine festivals happening, and lots of birthdays and events and yes.. a very silly season (ok, I like it, sue me!) coming in the next months.. it starts to fee more.. festive.

I mean it's getting colder, and the days are shorter, both things I could do without.. however, there is this wonderful thing that the trees do in autumn and.. well, I must say I'm quite a fan. And I don't live near a splendid forest, and the leaves here change to predominantly yellow hues, rather than red (not that there's anything wrong with yellow, but it is truly splendid to see a forest of bright red leaved trees, mixed in with orange and yellow) but, Prague's a pretty city, and the changing o the leaves only improves it.

So where am I going with this? Well.. I'd barely noticed it this year. We've had a stretch of gloomy weather.. not terrible weather, not so cold, and not much rain but day after day of grey sky. Usually there's some sun this time of year and well.. at least every couple of days but the grey just went on and on. It was particularly vexing because the forecast at the beginning of last week said all week would be sunny, and it, like, wasn't.

But finally yesterday was a gorgeous sunny day, with a bright blue sky and little fluffly clouds and oh.. you could see it, beautiful yellow and orange trees, leaves falling as you walk, and piles and piles littering the sidewalk, just ready to be kicked about as if a silly kid was walking along there instead of me. Yes, I did kick the leaves about.

That's about it.

Not due for 24 more days but..

sometimes, when I'm just sitting here, or on the tram, or doing the dishes or something that doesn't require much thought.. I start pondering my own life, myself, my personality, my habits.. all that stuff, and I get to thinking.. fuck, I'm so fucking immature. I can't believe I'm a fucking grown up. I mean, I know a lot of people are youthful, immature, stuff like that, and it's typical to not be as "mature" as people of the same age as their parent's generation but..

It's as if I usually think of myself as if from afar, and I see the outline, what my values are, as a person who cares about stuff, and has ambition (sorta, even the far away me can't claim that one too much) and then I think of my day to day life, the things I worry about going on about typical stuff and...

it's not really me. I'm terribly juvenile really. I mean even the outline of me is, well.. not very responsible, don't have much job experience or a career to speak of, haven't achieved a whole lot really.. and, at this point it's unlikely there ever will be much of that.. and well, what do I do with my time while not achieving much? I would like to say I work on furthering my own ambitions, or making the world a better place in some way.. something I do care about quite deeply (sort of) as far as it involves not doing so much.. but no, not doing any of that. What I spend most of my time on is.. wasting time, to put it vaguely. Yeah, it pretty much all falls under that umbrella.

Just saying.

It's planning to get real silly round here very..

soon.

I know. Uncharacteristic of any place I should be, being an eminently sensible person. Whatever eminently means. Not really sure, actually.. I flat out don't know, but it sounds right.

Ok so I'm online, and I just consulted the dictionary.. and the definition (that is for "eminent" is:

1.high in station, rank, or repute; prominent; distinguished: eminent statesmen.
2.conspicuous, signal, or noteworthy: eminent fairness.
3.lofty; high: eminent peaks.
4.prominent; projecting; protruding: an eminent nose.

er.. still not sure.

Whatever. Anyway, like I said it's highly unusual for me, or my environment to be silly.. but, it is the end o the year. You know what's coming.

Yes.. the "holidays" as the kids call them nowadays. It's now the 2nd day of the month of November so I calculate in 3, 2, 1 days...

er.. it probably started about 4 days ago, some time in late October. It's just going to get sillier from here on.

*puts on googly eye glasses*

So let's try it again.

This month, I'm going to get things done.

So far I've not done much, though it's been almost a full day.. but sometimes I get off on a slow start with these things.

A very slow start :/