sometimes, when I'm just sitting here, or on the tram, or doing the dishes or something that doesn't require much thought.. I start pondering my own life, myself, my personality, my habits.. all that stuff, and I get to thinking.. fuck, I'm so fucking immature. I can't believe I'm a fucking grown up. I mean, I know a lot of people are youthful, immature, stuff like that, and it's typical to not be as "mature" as people of the same age as their parent's generation but..
It's as if I usually think of myself as if from afar, and I see the outline, what my values are, as a person who cares about stuff, and has ambition (sorta, even the far away me can't claim that one too much) and then I think of my day to day life, the things I worry about going on about typical stuff and...
it's not really me. I'm terribly juvenile really. I mean even the outline of me is, well.. not very responsible, don't have much job experience or a career to speak of, haven't achieved a whole lot really.. and, at this point it's unlikely there ever will be much of that.. and well, what do I do with my time while not achieving much? I would like to say I work on furthering my own ambitions, or making the world a better place in some way.. something I do care about quite deeply (sort of) as far as it involves not doing so much.. but no, not doing any of that. What I spend most of my time on is.. wasting time, to put it vaguely. Yeah, it pretty much all falls under that umbrella.
Just saying.
4 comments:
You don't live your life according to anyone else's script but your own. That takes courage. You've also done it with style, aplomb, and silliness of the highest order, which is to be congratulated. In my opinion, the 'maturity' you speak of is really about conforming. Who the fuck wants to do that? Keep on doing what you do.
You have a point, and I'm quite happy to be that sort of immature, I suppose the word is youthful, if one is to describe it thus.. but there are other things, not just the not caring to conform but being too worried about frivolous and shallow things, and being a lazy ass irresponsible whatever, not having much money.. gotta say the last one bothers me the most..
You're not lazy, you're an idler, which is a completely different beast. You know my thoughts on this as I've posted on the subject. You're of an Artistic bent, and you can't produce within the confines of the normal structured day, you need, "idling" time. As for the money, be optimistic... maybe your day is yet to come.
Ok, fair enough.. if you put it that way :)
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