Sayin a good bye to our old friend..

The year is nearly done, almost behind us. In some parts of the world it is '13 no longer. This is the time when I reminisce about the past year, and make plans for the next, well perhaps not so much plans as.. stuff. I shall say one thing about this year. It sucked. It didn't suck completely all the time, and let's face it things aren't always so spectacular with me and I do have a tendency to grumble, but overall it was a shitty year. Couldn't manage to hold on to a job, failed at pretty much the one last thing I think I can do, did hardly any acting stuff and well.. spent most of the year in a kind of funk, a kind of I'm a complete loser why is the world against me depression. Now again, how much that was different from any other time and how much it is just my general way of being, I'm not sure, but I will be glad to see the tail or two oh one three, don't think I don't know what those numbers spell out, all I can say it a sigh of collective relief is being sighed by the triskaidaphobics of the world that is at least when their respective times zones are doing the change over. I'm not superstitious, but at this point, now, or at least a couple of hours from now, I'd like to think it all means something, at least a little bit of something, at least maybe psychologically, or something, and when its' all over, that is the big one three, things will magically improve considerably. At least after the hangover wears off. It's silly but one must hope. So.. how about next year, this big bright 14 that we're headed for. I won't do any resolutions except that's exactly what I'm going to do right now, I just won't be too specific. I just want to more. More acting, more work more getting out in the world and experiencing it, and of course making movies.. editing damn movies at least the one I've been trying to for the last few months. Start up a group/class that there have been preliminary discussions about doing but everyone's all like "oh yeah but it's December and we're busy let's do it in January" well it is (will be) January so you have NO EXCUSE! I wouldn't accept it from myself so I wont' accept it from others. Actually I would accept that from myself and do all the time, but that's beside the point. And yes, it will be Jan.. the dreary dreaded Jan, but it will be Jan '14, so it kind of evens itself out. I'm hoping it will be a mild one. Anyway.. this is the last post of.. this year.. yes, 2013.. '13.. 13 13 13 there I said it now it's out of my system and very soon I won't have a use for it at all anymore, so there.. and yes, last one for this year so see you all next year and have a fantastic evening (or continue into your New Year reveling, not that you'd be reading this if you were) and yeah.. have a great one.

A regular Monday.

The night before the night before it is. Well it's afternoon, but in a few minutes it will be dark so I can say night. It's officially a regular day, but it's that strange time, a normal working Monday after the weekend we had surfers here who we didn't really hang out with much but just having people here made it seem like there was something about it that filled up the time between boxing day and now that seems, strange. People have, for the most part simmered down on wishing Merry Christmas and fun and merriment and now are wishing us all a Happy 2014, and "Happy New Year" although at this moment, the year, the current one, is a pretty old one, very near to about as old as a year can get. Still, that's what they say. And here I am alone again, for it is a regular working day for people who are regular and who work, so I'm doing what I usually do, which is not much. Good excuse for that now, being "the holidays" and all.. and there's a new year coming up where everyone can start fresh and do things differently and do things better. That excuse will become invalid in less than a day and a half and I'll have to come up with a new reason not to let myself get utterly depressed at my total inability to do stuff. No.. that's setting myself up to fail already.. this year.. I mean next year will be the year. I mean I genuinely want to get out of this.. I don't know, case of being me, and I have to believe it's possible, so yes, next year all the things I promise I'll do, I shall. Maybe not right away.. I mean, I currently have in my throat what I will describe as a tickle, that will last I don't know how long, and depending on where and how cold it is tomorrow night and the very wee hours of '14, and what I get up to.. rather how much of it I get up to on that night.. I shan't be feeling the best right at the beginning of the year.. and the 1st is a holiday anyway.. and after that is the weekend, practically. So.. Monday the 6th is the day. A regular normal working Monday, not one that's in a purgatory week which is still sorta holidays and has a break in between and where the regular people have to clean out an inbox with thousands of messages because they took the entire previous week off because xmas fell on a Wednesday, but a totally normal day. And by then everyone will be over being over the festive thing which isn't really relevant to what I'm doing but is just a fact, and I will get on with it. What precisely I don't know, but there's a lot of it, and I hope to do at least some of it.

Silent night..

er.. quite ordinary night. Here anyway. The city over people are sitting around their tables choking on carp bones. Well by now they're probably opening their presents, post carp and potato salad. Depends on the family I guess. And hopefully people have been lucky to avoid to many bone accidents.

Here, it's a regular Tuesday eve. Well.. one of us didn't go to work today. Actually both of us (all 3 if you count Cooley) didn't go to work but in the case of one of us, that is me, (and Cooley if you're counting her) it's all too typical, but for one of us, the worker, the whole week is off, Christmas in the middle of the week really makes everyone.. well, take the whole week off.

So we're sitting here as usual on an evening, on the computer, watch a few shows, have dinner.. yell at the cat not to chew the Christmas tree and vaguely plan all our business tomorrow. Yes, we're doing it the traditional way, that sit he traditional north American and in fact Australian way of doing the pressies and main dinner thing on Christmas day, December 25th. We get up, whenever we get up. Probably have a breakfast, shower and stuff because we like to take dorky photos with the tree and want to look nice for it, and then open our, I guess pretty modest presents under our extremely modest tree, and then set to first cleaning this place up cos it's a total dump at the moment and get to cooking. In the evening we'll have our usual "orphans" dinner, with a few vegan dishes and that not even loosely based on any countries Christmas dinner as far as we know, lots of drinks and the best bad Christmas movies we could find. See traditional.

I used to do it the traditional way, back in Australia when I lived near my family. That is the traditional Czech way, of having Christmas dinner of, well something, sometimes a kind of fish (never carp) crumbed and friend, but always something that isn't fish cos I don't like fish and the traditional potato salad, and then open our presents, on a hot summer night, barely minutes after the sun goes down. See traditional.

All the years since I've left, most of which have been spent in this country, I've done the dinner and presents thing on Christmas day, that is 25th. I guess I like to be contrary like that.

So it's winter.

Officially. This is news, I thought it was, um, I dunno. It's weird to me this whole "seasons starting halfway through the month thing". I'm not sure if they do that in the southern hemisphere or if, it's just me, can't be bothered to find out though it's possible to google it.

Anyway.. as far as I'm concerned winter starts on December 1. Unless you're in the southern hemisphere, that is. None of this.. solstice and equinox beginning seasons. Oh and don 't get me started on the beginning of summer, the summer solstice and midsummer for fucks sake I mean HOW CAN MIDSUMMER BE THE BEGINNING OF SUMMER THAT MAKES NO FUCKING SENSE MAKE UP YOUR MIND ALREADY!

So.. I.. forgot what I was going to say next.

Well anyway, it's the solstice, where I live it means that tomorrow will be about a minute longer than today, and the day after that yet another minute (or so thereabouts) longer and so on and so forth. This pleases me. It doesn't please me so much that it'll be at least another 2 months before it starts to be nearing reasonable hours of daylight but what can you do? Move I suppose but I won't be doing that.

Of course, the holidays are all happening in the middle of the next week, so it's big party time, something that pleases me as well as kind of.. I dunno, already tires me out, but it makes all this cold and dark better.
After all the partying will be Jan, which pleases (all the parties and shit that can get too much will be over) and displeases me (Jan sucks, it's still winter, the days are still to short, and all the parties and shit will be over, so it will be boring). Oh and it will be '14 which pleases me dorkily for reasons that are both probably obviousish, and stupid. And there will be stuff starting I hope which both pleases me and, something else.

How do I feel? Well.. going to see a really cool, favorite local band tonight so that's good.. of course, it's the last gig with their current singer, who sorta makes the band really so.. I dunno.

Time for another photo.

I quite like it.

*turns brain on*

I need to get some sort of, I don't know, recorder thingy, but not a recorder, some kind of thought reminder whatsit, to put beside my bed at night. That or something implanted straight into my brain. Is there something like that? Where can I get it, and is it expensive?

I'm asking because I keep getting, well once or twice I have gotten, really really good ideas, well thought out in magnificent prose, in the middle of the night. Having paper and pen beside the bed just doesn't work, one because I'm not the only one here, that kitty will start whining and knocking things off the table and bugging me to get up to feed her the second I show signs of life, oh and there's Erik, who has to work. Also because I'm lazy, particularly when I'm like, half asleep and warm and snug in bed. A tape recorder or anything with noise doesn't work for the same reasons. I need something that needs neither light, noise or movement. Otherwise it's all lost. All of those.. whatever it was I thought of that I can never recreate quite the same way in the morning, or at all by the time I can be bothered to try to type it out.

Well if you can think of something, because well.. the stuff that's lost it's.. I mean I remember it as being particularly clever.. funny that all the really good material is stuff I think of when I'm in a half asleep daze that I can't remember in it's best form when I'm completely lucid, that is some coincidence. You know.

I didn't.

Big surprise. Did you honestly think there was the slightest chance I would? Don't answer that, in fact, the very thought that one may have suspected for so much as a second that I would is presumptuous, at best. And one was right in what one surely suspected, in fact was more than certain of, that I most certainly did not.

I'll do it tomorrow.

I will.

I will.

I say that to myself all the time, and when the time comes, generally, I don't. Well, always I don't, ie I never do. I always come up with an excuse. Actually not always, sometimes I just, don't bother, for no reason other than I can't be bothered.

But I will. This time, I will. Is it right to start a sentence with "but"? I don't know, I don't think so but that is what I wanted to say and the way I wished to say it the "but" had to come at the beginning of the sentence so that makes it right, right? I'm not sure. The point is, I will. I promise, it will get done, things are going to happen, something is rumbling over the horizon and it is stuff that will be.

I'll get back to you about it tomorrow, after everything.

Fun 'n' Festivities

And she does it again!

I fucked it up again. I failed to post for one of the days in the group of days I had, yet again intended to post during. I made it all the way up to the 6th, or the 5th however you look at it. Still more than I managed in the calendar month o November which I failed at earlier, still, pretty poor showing. In my defense I am a complete an utter wastrel, a layabout, a complete and utter failure at life and a general waste of space who is unable to get oneself to complete the most modest of tasks. And my monitor buggered up. I did have other computers to use but you know when everything you're used to isn't there and stuff isn't the way it usually is and everything gets out of whack? Yeah that. And the other thing I mentioned.

I don't know if I'll continue powering forward with it like I did in November, posting most days of the month. I don't really have anything to write about like, ever. I'd prefer to write only when I have something to write, which is never so, make of that what you will.

It snowed. We woke up to a white morning. Not a super snowy scene but it was the most we've got so far this winter, so I took photos out the window of course, and lost my lens cap for that. Quite a trivial event but one that vexes me all the same, between that and the monitor I'm beside myself. Well, quite vexed would cover it.

Going Through the Motions

I don't know what to say, I don't know what to write. Again. I thought this making myself post every day would inspire me, spark some kind of.. can't think of the word, that's how much I can't think of to say stuff what, yeah I did that on purpose, but it's not working.

Strangely enough there was a brief period in late November where I was getting inspired and thinking up stuff late at night that I transcribed in it's watered down poor form for the blog the next day, but after I'd missed a few days but was trying to write every day anyway. Maybe it will come again, but I'd rather it not be so fleeting. Maybe I've just lost it. Maybe I never had it. What is it anyway? Do I even want it whatever it is? Does it even matter? Does anything matter? I'm just rambling for the sake of rambling now, I'll stop.

Just me and the cat.

Well not now, but earlier on. One year ago that's all that was here all day, and all for the next week and the week after.. or just that week I don't remember. It's funny that whenever I'm here alone I seem to communicate only with Cooley or with humans online, and occasionally a word with someone I'm buying bread and beer from, though the rest of the time, for the most part that's my life too. Every now and again I do stuff, work, act, go somewhere where people are but I don't seem to be so into that. Well the going to places where people are and drinks are I do fairly often, but no on my own usually, and that's when I'm usually most alone here, talking to the cat and whoever is out there in internet land. Like I was saying.

Echoes

It's getting kind of echoey in here again. Is that a word? Spellcheck doesn't agree, or at least not that it's spelt that way, of course, it doesn't agree with spellcheck or spelt either so what does it all mean?

Once again I have nothing to say so I'm babbling, it's quietened down again since my birthday, been sensible, and by sensible I don't mean working or getting things done or stuff, but basically staying at home for the most part, and not drinking, but it is December and there will be more revelries, though I'm actually looking forward to some again.

My monitor is screwed, or the computer, or some connection between the 2, some wacky conversation they're having with each other that isn't communicating what each needs properly, or something, anyway the monitor keeps going black. Well sometimes it does. Sometimes it does it every now and again, sometimes it does it all the fucking time and some of those times it keeps flashing before it comes back for quite along time. It's vexing, I wish it would stop it, but it won't, it will keep doing it and get steadily worse until it just stops working, I know this, and yet I choose to not do a thing about it. That would involve reading stuff and possibly watching some youtube tutorial and opening the back or whatever and I'm not going to do that, I don't do that.

All gone.

The well has dried up. I have nothing to say therefore nothing to write which is more relevant in this context. I've "literally" used up everything I have to write about and have nothing left. Yes, I can write about nothing, and seem to have no problem with that and often do, and yes, I can repeat myself, and I seem to positively revel in it, and do it very often as well, and yes I can repeat myself about nothing constantly but..

I have nothing to write about. There's nothing else. I have no more ways of saying the things I've said and and no more ways of saying the things that I've already said. I could write about nothing but there's nothing to say about that and there's nothing more to say.

It doesn't mean I'll quit the blog though.. oh I'll keep writing, at least once a day for this whole month, I said I would.

When one fails..

then one thing to do, particularly if one, like myself, is the sort to throw up their hands and say "what's to be done with this" about stuff, is give up. Others go more by the saying try and try again, or something like that

Anyway for once I'm gong to try to succeed at something. It's a modest task, but one which I did fail the last time I tried... although I did just finish yet another 365 project where I took and uploaded a self portrait and not always a terrible one for every day for a whole year so maybe I'm not completely useless for doing stuff... and it is to write at least one post here in this blog, every day for a month. I wrote most days of November, but I missed 3. It's still the 1st of December in my time zone and here is post #1, and maybe I'll manage to do all the other days, in any case I'll try.