What was I saying?

So it went pretty well, despite my whining, it turned out to be, just a good thing, a pretty to very good thing. I could use more of that but good things are good things. Of course, when I got home today, after a good thing, feeling pretty good about myself, even joking about how little I have to whine about, really.. I get the balance.. yeah, something showed up we.. not showed up just a reminder and the specific details of something which is not on the good side of things.

Well, I guess that's life in general. I'm no different than anyone else. Again, there are a few other things that came up, things on the horizon, 2 to be specific but at the rate that the horizon promises things there could be more soon. Of course, the ratio of things to images on the horizon is pretty small. Still, anything could happen, and I'm hoping for it to be good. just good would be nice, for once, but I think I already went over that.

I should write.

I want to write. I want to be a writer, not just someone who tumbles out a log string of characters that barely come together in a coherent form that represent my rambling thoughts as I type without any clarification and no editing. You know, proper writing.

This blog will never be that, though I'd like to be, well, a more regular thing, and more varied in subject. I'd like to be able to write articles, essays, that sort of crap, stories, novels, a screenplay. Actually the last I'm doing, if by "doing" you mean, there's a plan for it that I spoke of with some people 2 weeks ago and I haven't actually started yet, but that's something which is an example of what I'd like to be able to do. Seeing as I'm, um, doing it and all. Not on my own mind you, but still.

The brain needs exercise. I know that if I got into the habit, even of writing every day and not just writing for the sake of writing but having something if not terribly meaningful, at least worthwhile in some way, I would get better. If I could get over this weird anxiety I have about.. well, everything, but specifically in this case about writing about things like news or politics, or really anything outside of my immediate experience, then I'd get good at it. I'd get into the habit of it and be able to submit an article to a magazine, about a subject, an actual subject! I'd get ideas for things to write about, I'd just get better, in general.

So I'm adding it to my list. My long list of things, these things being stuff I want to do, and actually finish, and in some way count for something. It probably isn't prudent at this point to add anything, because having new things just make me completely forget the last thing I was doing, not to mention everything else on the list, but those things get forgotten anyway,s o I might as well have another thing started, which will never get finished, or as it may be, another thing on the list which never gets any more attention than an idea that I should do it sometime. I don't even have the list written down, so that's as far as it goes.

I will.

I will.

I say that to myself all the time, and when the time comes, generally, I don't. Well, always I don't, ie I never do. I always come up with an excuse. Actually not always, sometimes I just, don't bother, for no reason other than I can't be bothered.

But I will. This time, I will. Is it right to start a sentence with "but"? I don't know, I don't think so but that is what I wanted to say and the way I wished to say it the "but" had to come at the beginning of the sentence so that makes it right, right? I'm not sure. The point is, I will. I promise, it will get done, things are going to happen, something is rumbling over the horizon and it is stuff that will be.

I'll get back to you about it tomorrow, after everything.

Parade O' Dudes.

It's just been one of those days. Things break, screw up, don't work again for the third time in a month, wait for guys to come and fix it.. then have someone knock on the door to fix something that was screwed up by them (hole in the wall.. may have mentioned it) which he already partially did.. leave, come back, later than he says he's going to...

It's taken up my whole day! Sitting, waiting, not able to shower or get ready cos I think they're going to show up any second.. then they don't show up any second or even any minute.. have the door buzz and knock multiple times, the poor kitty has been behind the stove most of the day and is afraid another dude will come by.

And I had to do things! Things, that needed doing!

O FFS

Another week gone by.. well technically just starting and..

nothing. Nothing changing nothing going on nothing on the horizon.

It's partly my fault.. mostly my fault ok all my fault. I t's me that's the problem, me me and all me. There's things going on out there, not necessarily great things or things that suit me or things that would work out of rme but they are things. And I'm not part of them because of me.

I'm not part of things I'm not creating things not doing any things.. no things. There are no things!

Life without things is like.. I dunno. Not much.

I may feel more positive by the next time I write.

Oh the weight..

It's like, no sooner do I get one weight off my shoulders, I get 2 or more to replace it, and that just makes all the rest of it, the stuff that's always there, buzzing in the background more prominent.

There's just too many things.. too many things. Now for most people these things would be a) not that big a deal, and b) for the most part non-existent and only come up every now and again and one at a time and c) be different things which may be annoying but less of a problem because.. well because. I suppose mostly because they're their things and not my things, but they'd be things that don't require a whole lot of explanation on why you don't have this, or why didn't you do this before, or what have you been doing all this time, and what have you been doing? that sort of thing. and the reason is that other people, that is not all people, possibly not even most people behave like grownups when they're like.. grown up, and don't let these things get like this.

And yes, I find it vexing. As soon as I've taken care of one of these, which may or may not go smoothly, then there are others. And once I've taken care of all of the stuff related to this, there will be other things, things that are already there, and certainly there will be new ones.

There are just too many things.

I'd be studying, working, doing stuff..

but I don't know what to do.

This is actually valid for once. I don't know what to do. I really don't, because of various things I might be doing, other things that might suit that better that don't fit with other things, and possibly minor but maybe more serious obstacles that may or may not be int he way of some of these things.

I just don't know. So here I am rambling about it, vaguely. Instead of doing whatever it is I should be doing and would be if I could figure it out. Actually I probably wouldn't be.

Maybe later.

Productiveness.. sorta.

Another rehearsal today for one of the things I'm doing. I say one of the things I'm doing because I'm doing things, that is, things, more than one thing, thing plural.

Well.. ok, so one is a real thing and the other is only a sorta thing at the moment, well.. ok, it's beginning to look like a real thing. There are other people involved and they think it's a thing so it's thing ok.

Speaking of things, people talk a whole lot about things these days, it seems. Everything is a thing.. I mean, everything was always a thing but now they're "things". I find it interesting.

Anyway, rehearsal was interesting as usual, did some movements, expanded on my character, all that. Yesterday's meeting for our new/future "thing" was really quite productive, not so much for me but for the techno dudes doing technical stuff, it really yielded some col results, there's potential there.

Anyway it's all so exciting, all these things. Can't wait til the next thing.