Tuesday stupid questions...

Apostrophes! What's the deal with them? Why are there so many of them? Why are they so often ill used?

Seriously I got nothing. I used to come up with stupid questions all the time in the most unlikely places and even though I usually didn't get them written down right away and often not in time to remember them at all, there were enough of them to have material for this here bit at some point in time but these days.. nothing. And I don't remember any of the old ones and the ones I wrote down seem dumb.

I don't know what's wrong with me.. it's like I've lost my ability to to think up pointless things that can be written about in a semi-humorous way if you're amused by that sort of thing which it seems at least one person is.. but.. I dunno. I've lost my mojo, as they say.

TSQNEA #10 - After midnight.

People are always talking about doing stuff "after midnight". And I mean always, "literally" always! And it makes a lot of sense because "after midnight" is ANY TIME OF THE DAY OR NIGHT seeing as midnight is 00:00 hours. Well anytime of the day that isn't midnight itself.

So why do people use it? It's essentially meaningless.. ok I know that in general use it means "after midnight of the day that you've just been up and awake and gone to work and done stuff in" and pretty much everyone understands it so it's an easy way of explaining that something is happening between the hour of 00:00 and when you finally go to bed.. but.. well I just answered my own question.. and really it's not something that's ever perplexed or interested me.

Except in the case of the gremlins. Now the gremlins cannot be fed after midnight, that is the cute little lovable (though quite misbehaving and devious, apart from Gizmo) furry mogwais.. cannot be fed after midnight, or else they'll turn into the evil and destructive gremlins. What I always wondered was "when does after midnight end?"

I suppose I could look to my own answer of the original question and say, until whoever goes to bed, or until dawn, but it's just not specific enough, not in this case. I mean the gremlins caused destruction, killed people and wreaked havoc in a department store. People really should have all the necessary information they need to take care of such volatile creatures. It was very irresponsible of that chinese guy to be so vague, in fact he should have given a detailed care document with Gizmo, or rather not given him to some goofy kid at all.. who ended up fucking everything up anyway and would have regardless of having more info, so the point is kinda moot, but still.

TSQNEA #9.2 - That ole chestnut again...

Leaves are not the only thing falling..
Originally uploaded by Ms Kat.

What is it about old chestnuts? Why do people bring them up all the time? I couldn't count the instances where I've heard* an acquaintance disdainfully refer to an "old chestnut" which had apparently been recently "brought up"!

Now, no one I ever met* had just finished a conversation with someone who'd just regurgitated a stale nut. They meant something else entirely. The "old chestnut" they were referring to meant something like "thing I think is bullshit that lots of people say and likely have been saying for quite some time now".

So my question is, put more specifically "why are those things called chestnuts?" I know there are lots of clever people on google who are happy to explain it to me at the click of a mouse, but I'm going to go ahead and guess.

Chestnuts are associated with old people. I dunno they eat them or something. There are Christmas songs about them, stuff about roaring fires and other old fashioned types of things. Old people are known to talk about old people stuff. Some of the stuff is the sort of stuff we pine for, wishing it was still like that. Some of the stuff is the sort of stuff that hasn't changed in all those years, and the other stuff is the sort of stuff we don't like, that a lot of people say and have been saying for quite some time now.

*Or read it in blog comments, and it's probably 7-10 times but I couldn't be sure because I don't pay that much attention to it.

*Or read the comments of in a blog.. if they met a chestnut regurgitator then I never heard about it.

Stupid Questions... (edit:SQNEA #9.1)

.. that no one ever asks, is the slightest bit interested in or even really understands the point of asking.

Why are there no bleeding ATM machines around here? I'm right in the centre of the city for fucks sake.. well in a central area, not the centre exactly (that would be Prague 1 and I'm in Prague 2) and there simply aren't any, well none that have the Vodafone symbol so I can put credits on my phone anyway.. not in the direction I went because I didn't feel like going in the other direction because going that way is annoying. Now I have to go out again in the morning to get fucking credits for the fucking phone before I can even make the phone calls which really should have been done today, well last week if I were to be totally responsible about it, but fortunately I'm never motivated to be all that responsible so I'm only a day behind.

Bugger. Yes, I'm calling that a sentence. Sue me.

Tuesday SQNEA #8 - Pies, are they really that easy?

Some things are as easy as pie. People have told me, so I know it's true, but just what does that mean?

Pies are easy, that's the claim, or so it's greatly insinuated when someone extorts the easiness of an activity by comparing it to "pie" but, just what does that mean???

First of all, what is pie? "A" pie is a.. well pie, a food thing. "Pie" is the stuff that "a pie" is made from. And it's easy. How is it easy? It's not an activity, it's a thing, or stuff. It can't be easy, not in and of itself. It must mean something in relation to what is done to or with pie.

We eat pie. Eating is generally not seen as a difficult thing so that might be the reason, but why pie? Why not say as easy as eating? When you specify pie, it means that it's easy to eat in comparison with eating other food stuffs. Is it? No, I don't think so. Perhaps it's not particularly difficult, though some can have a hard crust, but it's not easier than eating say... a sandwich? So what?

A pie has to be made. Making food can be easy, I mean it's not rocket science, and if you don't happen to be a talented rocket scientist who is a bit of a disaster in the kitchen it's a lot easier than said science. Some things are difficult to cook, and some are easy, relatively. Is pie one of those things? I've never made pie, but it doesn't actually look like one is easy to make, I mean you have to make a crust and all.. and comparing it to stuff that's easy to cook, like say.. pasta, I don't think it's easy at all. In fact, it seems kinda difficult.

So just why is pie easy?

Tuesday SQNEA #8 - The er.. um edition.

Why can I never think of a stupid question at the right time? The right time being Tuesday of course, the Time That Stupid Questions Must Be Asked! No exceptions, all will go awry if it isn't done at the right time. Awry, I tell you!

I had plenty of questions, oodles of them, I had one about vampires that was really really good, and another one before about something else that was too but I've totally forgotten them! It's frustrating.. infuriating I tell you.. that's my new favouritest word, infuriating. Isn't it cool?

So anyway, don't really have a stupid questions except for the one at the top about not being able to think of questions or rather to remember them. It is pretty stupid and I'm pretty sure no one ever asks it, not specific to this context anyway, but it's not really a good stupid question.

What the fuck. That's not a question that's.. something else.

Tuesday SQNEA #7 - The how many times edition.

Today's stupid question is one I thought of while commenting elsewhere. I was pondering the newness of something that claimed to be "new" complete with quotation marks and I mentioned that it had probably been done "umpteen" times.. or rather "or the umpteenth time". So my question is, just how much is umpteen anyway?

And that leads me to another question. Does anyone ever say "umpteen"? Is that even a word? Is it, and/or can it only ever be used in it's er.. counting stuff tense?

I'd like to know please.

*puts glasses back on*

By the way, according to blogger's spellcheck umpteen is not a misspelling.

Tuesday SQNEA #6 - The public transport edition..

This is one that someone probably has asked, or rather would if it were a question rather than an excuse for a rant, but I'm going to present it (them) in question form so it counts. It's probably not that stupid either, come to think of it.

Why oh why... (I think I'll start all of them like this now) oh why do people stand on the left of the escalator in the metro? This is one those of you living in wide open areas with lots of big cars won't understand, and it's quite possible that people in other parts of Europe are more well mannered than here, but someone might just understand.

Here in Prague we have a metro (underground, subway, tube) system. A lot of people use this system. They are accessed by by buildings at street level and these buildings have escalators which take you down to the part where the platforms are. Still with me? Well, due to the fact that lots of people use this system, and therefore have to travel on the escalator to go to where the trains are at, many of whom are in a hurry, it is requested that you keep to the right if you're standing on the escalator. This is, as you may have guessed, to allow the people who wish to get to the platform quicker, by walking down it (or up the escalator when they're getting out of the metro, to get to work or catch a tram for instance) to walk down it.

And of course there are always people who are standing to the left. Usually when they're with a friend beside them so the two of them are blocking the path. This on it's own wouldn't be so exasperating, but you always see people blocking the way, someone get there attention, they turn around and look surprised, like this is an unusual thing, move over, let the person past, and THEN MOVE BACK TO THE SPOT THEY WERE IN! When I see people do this I always make a point of walking whether I was going to or not so I can make them move out of my way. And they always look surprised when I get their attention.

I was going to say something else about public transport, but I think this one has been long enough.. after all. And I thought I had nothing to write about? Seems as though there's always a stupid question to ask.

Tuesday SQNEA #5 or alternatively 1.2, the return of the kettles..

Blog Announcement! I have decided from now on to, for the purposes of brevity, which I've found to be quite necessary in these cases, abbreviate "Stupid Questions Nobody Ever Asks" to it's acronym "SQNEA", though the Tuesday will continue to be written out in it's entirety.

Today's question:

Has anyone, ever in the history of the world, put fish in kettles? And if they do, do they use the same on to boil the water for their coffee, and if so, isn't it ick?

Tuesday Stupid Questions Nobody Ever Asks #4 - The neither stupid or never edition.

Actually the question is edging towards dumb territory, but it is quite an oft asked query.

Where did all the socks go?

I would explain it in more detail, but you know what I mean, sockwearers of the world know, because you have experienced it. The exodus of the socks is a universal problem, so YOU KNOW!

Well, unless you don't wear socks. And especially if you live in a part of the world in which socks aren't typically worn, or indeed where people barely wear shoes let alone socks, due to climate, or poverty. Or if you're a woman who always wears stockings and high heels.

Ok, let's just say it's widespread. Still, the chances you know what I'm talking about is high. You wash your socks, you sort them out, pairing them up, and always, literally always there are some left over. You wait until another wash is done and the socks out of that load just don't match the ones that are odd, and there are MORE ODD SOCKS AMONGST THEM!

This is what happens to me anyway. I have like 7 socks that don't match any other socks, and I stupidly keep them around thinking the others will show up sometime, but every time new socks come off the dryer perhaps only one matches one of the other odd socks, and another 3 turn out to be odd, creating more odd socks.

I have a sock drawer "literally" stuffed to the gills, but I still have to rifle through it every day to find suitable socks to wear, because I just don't have enough of them!

If anyone has an answer to this question I would greatly appreciate it.

Tuesday Stupid Questions Nobody Ever Asks #3 - The thinking I might make this sorta regular edition..

Why do people ask/say questions/statements like "Is it/It is raining/snowing outside?/." ?

Well?

Ok assuming you can't make sense of that because it's jammed with too much stuff for one small sentence, I speak of the tendency for people to tack on an "outside" when they are speaking of precipitation. It is, in case you haven't figured out why I bring it up, redundant. Of course it's raining "outside"! Where else would it be raining? I mean, it doesn't rain inside, due to the tendency of roofs to thwart it's journey, and as we know, most places that are inside, (ie buildings) have these "roofs".

Now, there are unusual structures which have things like skylights, and rundown buildings that have holes in the roof, where you might be technically "inside" while being somewhere that the rain can get you, but assuming you are in a place where it's necessary to ask, or be the one to let others know if/that it's raining, then it's probably quite obvious that inside is not where said precipitation is occurring, seeing as if you/they would already know.

"Outside" is a waste of breath in these circumstances. No need for it! Why do people continue to say it?

*steps off soapbox*

Tuesday Stupid Questions nobody ever asks #2 - The Resurrection..

Funny, when I started this little theme many months ago I thought I had many more stupid questions in me. Obviously I was mistaken. Well I thought of a new one, so it's back. At least for this week. My question is:

If when you're overwhelmed you are.. well.. overwhelmed. And when you are underwhelmed you are less than impressed, then what does it mean when you're whelmed? Does it just mean that nothing unexpected happened? That you're not disappointed with how things turned out but it's no more than necessary? In other words.. just right? Well?

And, for a bonus I give you today's word o the day, seeing as I've been skimping on the dorkism of late.

defalcate

Hehe. It doesn't mean what you think it means, not that I know what you think it means, of course. It means to "take fraudulently", or in more detail, "to steal or misuse money or property entrusted to one's care."

So there you go.

Tuesday Stupid Questions nobody ever asks #1.1,finally, the kettle edition.

Just what colour is the pot anyway?

Yes, this is the one I've had on hold for weeks. Sad isn't it?

Some steak and chips for Tuesday, or maybe just a stupid question that nobody ever asks, #0

It's Tuesday, so it's time for...

Stupid Questions that nobody ever asks. This one is part 0 because if it was part one I'd have to come up with a stupid question, and I can't think of one.. oh I have plenty of stupid questions but I can't think of the right one.. you know.. a clever one..

er...

I'm thinking kettles, but anything more specific than that I will save for the numbered entries.

I'm sad I know.