Just popping in..

to say hi.

Hi.

Been quiet again. Same old thing nothing to write about and when there's something to write about it's something I don't really want to write about and when it's something I would like to write about it's something I don't want to share and when it's something I'm ok sharing I can't be bothered.

Pretty much that.

Easter weekend was nice, no eggs here, not much chocolate even but beer, always the beer.

Yep, it's here.

Generally it's a nice thing when spring starts showing up, it gets warmer, trees start blossoming there's green and pink and green everywhere, it's lovely. And sunshine, not only are there more sunny days, but it's sunny for longer, that's awesome.

And then it rains. Then it a blue sky breaks out almost immediately but no sooner do you get done beaming on how quickly it cleared up do dark clouds show up. You walk away from the window and when you come back the sky is black, it's windy and raindrops are falling. 

And it rains, hard. Then it stops, it clears up and is quite nice again for a while. Just a while, a short while. And before you know it rain clouds show up on the horizon again, or more like are right there in your face getting thicker and darker.

You can see where this is going. It's been that kind of day. If nothing else it at least says that the warmer season or spring/summer is here.

It might storm tonight. 

Writing.

I'm going to write about writing. Again. I know, it's getting old but it's my blog and I can write about writing if I want to.

Once upon a time I used to write much more, here, as well as a few other places but that never really got off the ground, but the blog was really working for me. A long time ago now. For years I've been updating this blog sparsely or filling it with.. filler. Well, there have been phases where I wrote a lot because I whined a lot about my personal failings, and times when stuff actually was happening and I had a lot to write about.. stuff that was going on with me. Back in the golden age that I vaguely remember existing, I wrote about.. things.. all sorts of things, can't remember what things but they were general ideas, clever takes on.. stuff, and well, whatever. I just remember it being a wider range of subjects than I'd written about before, or have since. It may not be a lot, it might still be crap and very shallow and me centered compared to any writing of quality but for me, it was good.

And I had inspiration for things. I'd lie awake at night with an idea, writing it in my head and coming up with particularly clever bits that I often forgot by the time I was able to write it down, but still, it was there. I was in the habit of writing, and coming up with ideas for subjects, which weren't all just the tedious details of my life.

I could go back and try to find this lost era, and read over what I wrote back then and possibly I'd not be able to find, because, well, it blends in with the general gist of the blog.. ie, full of me centered stuff, and if I could, then I'd find it wasn't all that good, in fact, not good at all and really full of more me centered stuff and the only reason I'd know it was from about that time is because of something I remember writing and being particularly proud of, which is actually very ordinary. This probably would be the case, so I don't think I'll do that.

I'm going to assume there was such an era, and I'd like it back please. I've tried to those days back a few times. The most recently being the month I posted every day. I thought it would jump start the writing frame of mind, and give me those ideas, late at night that I frustratingly copy down late the next day, certain that I'd forgotten the best and wittiest bits, but it never came. I wrote pretty much a full month of filler posts and since then, whenever I write, whether it's one a week or 3 or less or more, they're pretty much that.

Whatever it was, whether it was really very good at all, it might just be gone. Oh well.. tune in for more about me.. whenever.

Left out in the cold.

It seemed that quite recently, I don't know if it was a year ago, a couple of years ago or when that a lot of people still used windows xp for their operating system. I mean this came out in like.. the 90s.. I think, or the early 0s I dunno, but a long time ago in computer stuff terms and still, a large number of people, I won't say most because I don't know, wouldn't have then and now it's just a "seems like" sort of thing.

Well windows didn't really come out with anything after that for a while, I don't think. Then there was this thing called Vista (I think) well anyway this vista was coming out and they were going on and on about it what a huge deal it was. That was in, well the 0s at least, something like 6 years ago or more, I could look it up but I can't be bothered. Well anyway everybody hated it, like literally everybody, so everyone went back to XP. Again, literally everybody. And I think a lot of people have continued using it after that. Then windows came up with something else, and maybe something else after that, I don't know, Windows 7 is one of them, or it, and it's on the other comp and it seems much like xp but updated and improved (I suppose I don't really know but it isn't completely changed so it's like, another language and it isn't crappier as far as I know) and.. um, much like xp, I mean when I use that computer I notice that it runs faster and has different stuff on it, because it has more ram, more space and has different stuff on it, but I don't really notice the OS, except for the shut down thing, that's a bit weird but it's mostly ok. I guess that's when people finally started updating and XP finally began to be a thing of the past. I'm guessing here, it just seems like it.

Well I still have XP, I'm just not one of the many anymore. Not as much as I was anyway. It's worked fine for me, no problems, but as of the 8th of April this year, which I found out due to coming across something randomly somewhere about a week ago, and a popup on my computer on the 8th of April, it is no longer getting support. Thanks for the heads up, Windows. I mean, yeah you told me but.. surely you knew about this before.. um, when I first heard it, which I only did because I happened to see it, and yeah, on the actual day I got a popup but..

well anyway it's no big deal. I figure I'll be able to use it for a while, got one last update just last night as I turned off the comp and, I don't even know how it will affect this. Maybe it won't at all. Then again maybe I should update. I don't know.

And no, I really don't have anything better to write about, hence the not actually bothering to write most of the time. Ok that's not the reason, you know that's not the reason because when I don't have anything to write I quite often do anyway case in point this very post but, I've lost my train of thought. Yeah, I should update it.

Boundaries, framework, structure.

Those things are all things I need. I'm not sure they're all entirely related but that's the kind of thing I need. To be more specific, I need someone standing over me constantly with a whip, and an assurance that they'll use it. I just can't be the whip wielder myself. I'm not a self whip wielder.. except for that one time, I mean, but that was for show, and that wasn't even a real whip.

It's bad enough on a regular week. I set myself these tasks, and intend to do all sorts of stuff but not having to be somewhere at a certain time to start a shift or a tour or whatever, on pain of becoming again unemployed.... which always happens anyway with literally everything I ever begin, though being on time is something that I tend to be better at than many who tend to remain employed... then I just can't make myself do it.

A tip, read the bits in between the dots separately, and the bits outside of the dots as one sentence and I think that both bits will make sense. Not sure, but I think.

So yeah, not good at discipline. I'm generally ok if the discipline is coming from outside, but it has to be serious, like an employer, or someone coming to Prague on the weekend who shot the movie with us last year and wanting to be able to show her the final cut (or at least the 2 bits out of the 3 bits and have them done, at least edited for the first, roughest draft) even though we didn't even see her because we couldn't get in touch.. those sorts of things. If it's me saying I totally, definitely need to/want to/should get this done. I just won't. 

You know all that, assuming you ever read anything here, and if you're reading this, it's possible you do. I am useless, I don't work, I don't get things done, I flounder and start things and sometimes not even that. I look to a point in the future and think yes, that will be it, but again and again when one reads (if one was to bother to do this, which I have myself, because I'm me) through the archives, one sees that many times this has been said, and it's always the same.

At least usually I have some structure to the day. I get up, usually when Cooley makes me (this part hasn't changed actually) and then I do my stuff on the computer, mostly not stuff that counts towards anything that matters, but stuff. I putter around, sometimes I go out.. shopping, appointments of various sorts, for jobs I don't get or don't have for very long, a part in a play or a film which I may have a small chance of getting if it's a tiny role for someone 55 and particularly boring.. but otherwise I'm here. Erik gets home and we have some dinner, have some together time and I go to bed at a reasonable time because he does. Well now Erik's.. he's off in the arctic circle snowboarding at the moment, according to information. (the whole trip isn't snowboarding it's a chance to see his sister because she has a thing there so he went there for a few days but there is snowboarding nearby, but none of this is really relevant to anything so why am I rambling on about it, I don't know, why do I ramble on about absolutely everything, why am I unable to write without rambling you answer me that? is that even correct English.. answer me that? perhaps I should ask that somewhere else) and I'm here alone. 

That last bit, assuming anyone is there and is still reading, read the bits in the brackets separately from the rest or it won't make sense. I mean, it has a tiny chance of making sense if you try very hard if you don't do that, but none if you don't. Am I making sense?

I've been talking to no one but Cooley for too long. So.. here I am, leaving shit around because I won't annoy someone else if it's in the way, going to bed late and not sleeping because COOLEY WON'T LET ME WHY OH WHY DOES SHE DO THIS SO MUCH MORE WHEN ERIK ISN'T HERE WHY? And then getting up still quite early because Cooley makes me.. and then just hanging out.. I don't know what I do. I guess the same as I do when he is here, just without that structure of it being around when he gets home and stuff. 

I was going to go and sit on the hill for most of the evening, with a book and a beer, just to properly be outside not just to go from one place to another, but I think it might rain.

Penguin.

Happy April all. Hope you're enjoying this lovely Tuesday, or whatever kind of Tuesday it is wherever you are, assuming it is already/still Tuesday there which would mean you're reading this near to when posted or, alternatively on another Tuesday, otherwise, happy whatever.

It is the first of April, of course, and you know what that means.. yeah, jokes and larks and japes of all kinds. I don't have either the cleverness or the botherness to come up with anything, let alone anything worse publishing today, so instead I'll behave in a generally foolish manner, that's kind of like breathing to me so I should manage it.

*puts penguin on head*

I'm about to be alone here again, if by alone you mean myself, a noisy little furry thing and the whole world of internet people out there, but not so much actual real life contact with actual humans, for almost a week..  so we'll see if it makes me go a bit loopy. It's not for so long, but I am, as has been pointed out further up, somewhat of a natural at the "foolish" and the "silly" so..

give it a couple of days I might come up with some sort of joke, late, but on the plus side it'll be better because you won't be expecting it.

Unless of course you're reading this and are expecting it.

ow! *takes penguin off head*