Oh wait.. it's actually Friday..

*looks embarrassed*

I remember now, because I went to the post office even though I didn't really feel like going but I want to get that stuff out before Monday, and don't really feel like getting up tomorrow so I can utilize the Saturday post office hours. Why on earth did I think it was Thursday?

*ponders*

well anyway, it's actually Saturday now because it's past midnight.

The very definition of "fitting"

Finally, they got the right type of person to teach abstinence only education in the US. A clown.

It's quite perfect. The parallels between this sort of "entertainer" ie, said clown and this sort of "education" the aforementioned abstinence only kind, it's uncanny.
At best they provide a tiny bit of unintended amusement, typically they're utterly useless and achieve nothing, and at worst they cause major trauma in later adulthood. See? Perfect!

Of course, this clown is kind of lame, even for a clown. He doesn't look like a clown (apart from some rather large pants) and he doesn't really joke, he just talks and juggles. Take a look.



*groans*

It's almost embarrassing watching it. The message is really really dumb stupid and I hope most of the kids have a similar reaction to mine upon hearing it. It's simplistic to the point of.... dumb stupid. He talks about hopes and dreams for the future, and then says that alcohol, tobacco, drugs and premarital sex will cause you to fail at fulfilling those dreams. He talks about risks, and demonstrates by juggling machetes sorta near a person lying on the ground, points out that it would have been irresponsible to juggle them over him and uses it as an example of a risk. Get it, that's a risk, just like those other things. A single puff, one drop, getting to know someone very well, thinking about it and knowing you want it and using the necessary contraception, then having sex are risks. Just like juggling machetes over a person. It's so simple! Now if you've already done one of those things (and presumably survived)I suppose you're fucked so you might as well go hog wild, but he doesn't really address that possibility. Maybe we'll get that installment next week.

Yes, this is completely fucking retarded.

So I'm going to post it.

Boreded Cieling Cat makinkgz Urf n stuffs
1 Oh hai. In teh beginnin Ceiling Cat maded the skiez An da Urfs, but he did not eated it.
2 Da Urfs no had shapez An haded dark face, An Ceiling Cat rode invisible bike over teh waterz.
3 An Ceiling Cat sayz, i can haz lite? An lite wuz.4 An Ceiling Cat sawed teh lite, to seez stuffs, An splitted teh lite from dark but taht wuz ok cuz kittehs can see in teh dark An not tripz over nethin.5 An Ceiling Cat sayed light Day An dark no Day. It were FURST!!!1
6 An Ceiling Cat sayed, im in ur waterz makin a ceiling. But he no yet make a ur. An he maded a hole in teh Ceiling.7 An Ceiling Cat doed the skiez with waterz down An waterz up. It happen.8 An Ceiling Cat sayed, i can has teh firmmint wich iz funny bibel naim 4 ceiling, so wuz teh twoth day.
9 An Ceiling Cat gotted all teh waterz in ur base, An Ceiling Cat hadz dry placez cuz kittehs DO NOT WANT get wet.10 An Ceiling Cat
called no waterz urths and waters oscunz. Iz good.
11 An Ceiling Cat sayed, DO WANT grass! so tehr wuz seedz An stufs, An fruitzors An vegbatels. It happen.12 An Ceiling Cat sawed that weedz ish good, so, letz there be weed. (and catnipz 2, so wen i makes kittehs they can getz hai.)13 An so teh threeth day jazzhands.
14 An Ceiling Cat sayed, i can has lightz in the skiez for splittin day An no day.15 It happen, lights everwear, like christmass, srsly.16 An Ceiling Cat doeth two grate lightz, teh most big for day, teh other for no day.17 An Ceiling Cat
screw tehm on skiez, with big nails An stuff, to lite teh Urfs.18 An tehy rulez
day An night. Ceiling Cat sawed. Iz good.19 An so teh furth day w00t.
20 An Ceiling Cat sayed, waterz bring me phishes, An burds, so kittehs can eat dem. But Ceiling Cat no eated dem.21 An Ceiling Cat maed big fishies An see monstrs, which wuz like big cows, except they no mood, An other stuffs dat mooves, An Ceiling Cat sawed iz good.22 An Ceiling Cat sed O hai, make bebehs kthx. An dont worry i wont watch u secksy, i not that kynd uf kitteh.23 An so teh...fith day. Ceiling Cat taek a wile 2 cawnt.
24 An Ceiling Cat sayed, i can has MOAR living stuff, mooes, An creepie tings, An otehr aminals. It happen so tehre.25 An Ceiling Cat doed moar living stuff, mooes, An creepies, An otehr animuls, An did not eated tehm.
26 An Ceiling Cat sayed, letz us do peeps like uz, becuz we ish teh qte, An let min p0wnz0r becuz tehy has can openers.
27 So Ceiling Cat createded teh peeps taht waz like him, can has can openers he maed tehm, min An womin wuz maeded, but he did not eated tehm.
28 An Ceiling Cat sed them O hai maek bebehs kthx, An p0wn teh waterz, no waterz An teh firmmint, An evry stufs.
29 An Ceiling Cat sayed, Beholdt, the Urfs, I has it, An I has not eated it.30 For evry
createded stufs tehre are the fuudz, to the burdies, teh creepiez, An teh mooes,
so tehre. It happen. Iz good.
31 An Ceiling Cat sayed, Beholdt, teh good enouf for releaze as version 0.8a. kthx bai.

And no, this is not substance.

Query of the day.

Why is it that mobile phones all make some annoying obnoxious sound when you turn them off? It makes no sense. Turning the phone off usually means not wanting to be disturbed by noise. There are many reasons for this, but a lot include being in a meeting or class or something that requires no interruptions. Like me, I have an acting class 2 nights a week and we're required to turn off our phones.

Fair enough, that's the way things are done in the modern world. So, when I get to class I press the button down really hard for it to turn off. Usually about the time class starts when I'm reminded of that damn thing by the teacher telling us to turn all phones off. About 30 seconds after doing that, this stupid, silly sounding tune goes off lasting about 5 seconds. And every time, I get a withering stare, and a comment like "phones off please".. and I'm like.. "what do you think I was fucking doing?".

The stupid thing is when I turn the thing back on, when I'm ready to go back out into the world where there's noise and communication and everything goes, all I get is a beep. One little beep. I I mean, who cares? It doesn't matter anymore. Make as much noise as you fucking like. I could probably tolerate a small beep like that while turning the phone off, though I'd still prefer silence, as I don't see the reason for it to make any noise at all.

The only thing I can think of is that they want you to make extra sure you know you're turning you're phone off. So you press the button, there's a pause, then then a little jingle that says, "you're turning your phone off now... ok?... just letting you know the phone is going off... um, sure you want the phone off.. you are aware that no one will be able to reach you during this time.. ok.. ok turning off now"... fade to black.

Just in case you weren't aware that pushing down really hard on that particular button was going to do that, or perhaps they think you will do it accidentally. I guess I'm just being saved from my own stupidity. I should thank the phone people.

Does it still count if your name makes you sound like a porn star?

Abstinence Only Ed is in trouble! This is indeed a problem, as it's one of my favourite subjects to ridicule in the whole wide world! For those that don't know, in America, they have this form of sex education in schools, which is basically summed up as "Kids, don't do it", and it's in danger of not receiving more funding to continue. But never fear! It's supporters are fighting to save it,

“You have to look at why sex was created,” Eric Love, the director of the
East Texas Abstinence Program, which runs Virginity Rules, said one day, the
sounds of Christian contemporary music humming faintly in his Longview
office. “Sex was designed to bond two people together.”

Actually I thought it was for the propagation of the species, though over the years we've figured out how to fuck without having to have a baby every time.. which I tend to think is a sign of being civilized.. but carry on..

To make the point, Mr. Love grabbed a tape dispenser and snapped off two
fresh pieces. He slapped them to his filing cabinet and the floor; they trapped
dirt, lint, a small metal bolt. “Now when it comes time for them to get married,
the marriage pulls apart so easily,” he said, trying to unite the grimy strips.
“Why? Because they gave the stickiness away.”

Oh my god! It's Mr Tape! Is he any relation to Miss Tape? A brother? Maybe they're like, going steady but never had any more contact than a kiss on the cheek while having both feet on the floor! Oh, these 2 totally need to get it together if they haven't already. Get em both laid so they'll shut the fuck up and leave everyone else alone already!!!

But seriously. I can't believe this terrible metaphor has been used more than once. A tape that loses it's sticky? Don't get me wrong, pretty much all metaphors for sex used by just about everyone are pretty bad, but at least flowers are pretty and cars are cool, but sticky tape!!! Oh if you have sex you're like a sticky tape that's lost it's sticky, but if you stay off fucking then you're a piece of sticky tape that's still sticky. Oh that's much better. Bunch of fucking losers.

also here and here