Lazy blogging

I'm so miserable I want to die!

The following is an email I sent the lovely Don Swift yesterday.

I am sitting here, doing nothing in particular, just reading. I'm
still kind of miserable. I haven't spoken to Tom for about 3 days, or
maybe 2, I don't know, since the year began. I got kind of pissed off
at him for something stupid and sent him a nasty message saying I
didn't want to see him anymore. Afterwards I wished I hadn't sent it
and tried calling him, but he wasn't answering the phone.

He does this though. The last I saw him he was going through one of
his hibernations, where he sleeps most of the day for a few days and
turns the sound off his phone and doesn't reply to or I suppose read
any of his correspondence. I've tried calling him again and again, and
sent him a bunch of messages since the nasty one saying please,
please, please let me know what's going on and no answer.

I'm still thinking it's more likely to be him just shutting the world
out, though what does that say, that he won't even read my messages? I
know, I should break up with him anyway, but I don't want to, I'll
make some excuse for him if this does turn out all right, which it
still might. He's not the kind of person to get so angry at a message
that he'll not forgive me, he doesn't really react too strongly to
anything. Then again, maybe he just decided that I'm more trouble than
I'm worth, as he never really cared about me all that much so he's
decided he's had enough of me, and being someone who doesn't like to
talk about anything personal, he's just hoping that I'll eventually
give up and go away.

I just wish I fucking knew. Unless of course the truth is that he
doesn't want me anymore, then I just want to die.

So that's my dilemma. You can give me advice if you want, but if I
don't like it I won't take it.I still haven't heard from him.