Thursday, March 05, 2009

And they get it wrong, again!

I'm not interested in discussing whether this new Vanity Fair cover, which parodies a cover from 3 years ago is funny, or an effective joke or not. I'm not interested in whether it mocks the beauty standards that women have to deal with, and the relative way that famous men are treated to the way famous women are. Not interested. What I want is skin.

First of all, the body suits. They are an abomiation, utterly horrid. These men should be nude. Completely naked, disrobed, in their birthday suits, starkers, have no clothes on! Get it! Jeez..

Oh, and when I say these men? No, the men in the photo are, how shall I say.. not prime physical specimens. I want men who are hot, with perfect lean but toned bodies, men who were plucked out from the masses for their naturally perfect physical forms and who then worked on them goddammit! I want to see evidence of pain, daily workouts, waxing, plucking, strict diet regimens, and then I want all the remaining imperfections to be airbrushed out. Imperfections! Ew.. I don't want to see those, they're like, ick!

And finally, I don't want any goofy faux sexy "isn't this funny, it's so ridiculous that we're acting like we're here to be objectified guffaw guffaw".. no. I want real sexy poses, like they mean it. I want a vacant "I'm here solely for your titilation and I accept and submit to it" looks. And then, when the photos receive a lot of attention, it will be because we like looking at hot naked men, and not in a "haha, isn't that weird and fish out of water like" bullshit. It will be accepted as the way it should be.

Then, and only then will I be satisfied. Work on it please.


Ric said...

Well, at least here in the US, they wouldn't be able to sell the mag if they had full frontal male nudity on the cover. Just showing boobies gives about 50% of the population the vapors; a penis would send 'em right off a cliff. Oh, the horror! The poor children! (In the US, "children" means anyone under 25.) Five minutes on Flickr will demonstrate the futility of the prudes protecting everyone from seeing too much skin, but then they would want the Federal government to shut down Flickr. Ah well. So we have bad jokes instead.

Michelle said...

Heh.. they better keep their grubby mitts off Flickr.. is all I'm sayin..

Dennis the Vizsla said...

Ahhh, my eyes! My eyes!

Kris-Stella said...

Haha, great post! =) Found you through Feministe's self-promotion, and I'm glad I did!

Michelle said...

Why thank you :) *blushes*