1.19.2007

What's good for the goose, is good for the... er... other goose.

They've done it! The people who brought us Father Daughter Purity Balls, have now come up with a male equivalent for young men and their mothers. Only this version is called and Integrity Ball, which does sound more manly.

And not a moment too soon. It's about time they expected chastity from boys as well. Surely if a girl keeps herself pure, swearing off sex until such time as she can get some guy to marry her, she deserves a shiny clean cock, unsullied by the extract of other woman, right? It's only fair.

Baker [ ] told them that while they might not believe it at the time, the
girl they may date in high school is probably not going to be the one they will
marry. “So you’re dating someone else’s future wife,” he told them. He also told
them that someone else may be dating their future wife.?”
Oh, silly me. Mustn't disappoint "someone" should we?
“If you knew somebody was with your future wife,” Baker asked them, “touching her in ways you wouldn’t like, pressuring her, how would that make you feel?”
Please think of the men! Some man might end up being married to that. But just in case the point hasn't been made clear enough, I'll let Jackie Detweiller, "an attractive 19-year-old young woman who is practicing abstinence" explain it more..
She told the tale of a person who had waited a long time to buy the car of
their dreams, but when the day arrived to drive it home, the dealer told them
that the steering had problems, that it had a lot of mileage on it, and had been
in a few wrecks.

Dear, the car analogy is a little bit old isn't it? Personally, as far as tired old metaphors go, I prefer the cow one...
How would you feel if you bought a cow, took it home from the shop and
found out it had been milked? You paid your own money for this cow,
and it had just given away milk like it was it's own to give!

Now, imagine that you met a cow who took it upon themselves to give you
their milk, and you went ahead and took it! Essentially you would be stealing
milk from another man. How would that make you feel, you milk stealer
you!
Moral of the story is, if you fuck a chick, make sure she's already a slut. Someone else already committed the property crime, and thus you are absolved.

Curtesy of others.

7 comments:

El Cuervo said...

I honestly thought you were kidding! How about use that time to teach kids to have an open mind about life, equality and acceptance? It's crazy how people have the most fucked up values... they have to stop demonizing sex!

R Nicolas said...

Since we all know that no man goes around having sex with other men's wives I can see how well this type of logic might work.

What bothers me about this "Ball" is that mothers and sons were dancing to Bob Segar. Isn't he the guy who sang about boys and girls getting drunk, and doing the "horizontal bop" in the grass? I am positive, however, that he did sing about a teenage boy and girl going to alleys, backseats, backrooms, and trusty woods to work on their "night moves."

This seems to send a rather taboo message to these boys and moms, but I guess since Noah banged his daughters while he was drunk that God's okay with the occasional incestuous tryst since then you are messing with "someone's" grandmother instead of his wife.

Anonymous said...

Isn't purity balls an oxymoron? I have never net a pair of balls that I thought was pure....

R Nicolas said...

Would Jesus' balls count as pure?

Michelle said...

Well, Jesus is married isn't he? To all of us, so we can do whatever we like with his balls... I suppose.

As long as it's pure p-in-v with the sole purpose of procreating... oh dear that does rule out a lot..

but he's a man! So he can do what he wants, there you go..

Eric Hancock said...

I am very pro-slut.

Anonymous said...

Something about this whole boys having purity balls with their mothers just feels deeply, deeply wrong to me.