The Meaning Of It All.

Why oh why oh why did I ever start this. Out of all the things I over the years could have made a consistent effort of getting done, it has to be this thing, and by thing I mean a loose collection of semi related activities, they can be grouped as a thing, somehow. Completely useless the thing, of course, it doesn't pay, doesn't help the world, it's just wasting time on the internet. I've been slack about even that, lately, but no matter how lazy I get the milestones always get me, anniversaries.. birthdays. Now I have the pressure on, the year I've turned is the exact number that Douglas Adams chose at random to represent high minded meaningful meaningfulness in a humorous and ridiculous way and I feel obligated to say something witty and like, relevant and stuff about it. Well I can't think of anything so I'm not going to bother.

Been a quiet month..

well, I've been quiet here, this city has been quiet relative to recent months and most likely next month. The world hasn't been quiet but the world never really is, some things just get out attention more. It's decided it's winter here after a mild and almost warm late-ish autumn. It's a bit of a shock really, not sure I like it, but that's the way the seasons go, it's hot it's cold and in between it's usually overcast and drizzly and forgettable. Thus is life.

Something visual.

Just to say I'm still around. Sorta.

I did it!

I finished something. This is a thing that I started months ago that should have been finished months ago. I just finally for the most part finished it. Now I can put my full force into avoiding the other things that are still hanging over me and trust me, it's a huge relief to be able to concentrate on those things now. Really, it does kinda help, in a small way.

I guess it's a kind of achievement.

The number of things I manage to successfully avoid doing grows every day. Ok perhaps that's at tiny exaggeration. There's a bunch of things, some big some small, the big things are well.. 2 things that I've managed to completely or mostly avoid doing for a few months now, and there's the other stuff that comes and goes, you know, cleaning, putting on pants that sort of thing, that I consistently am able to not do. Today was going to be my big "get stuff done" day. I mean every day that I don't have to work or don 't have to work until the afternoon is that, but it still counts. So far I've achieved.. *thinks about it*.. nothing. But I have excuses, one, I had someone in my room all morning, that is the part of the early afternoon after which I was already awake, in here yammering on about stuff and I wasn't able to concentrate. two, there's no water, they turned the water off in the building for half the day and that's just kind of annoying, can't shower, can't have a second coffee etc... and three and I stress this is the most important one, I don't feel like it. Oh and it's overcast and gloomy outside, and probably quite cold so getting out there to do something just doesn't appeal to me. And so here I am. Hey.. I just blogged. that's kind of something. *feels satisfied with self and doesn't do anything else for a week*

I appear to be absent.

It seems as though I'm not really around anymore. I could be wrong but I get that feeling. I'm not sure why, well I know why, it's because this is a place where one is expected to have "an idea" and form a somewhat coherent and at least minimally interesting way of presenting it, and one, well, one just can't keep up with that. I suspect I'm correct and if I were to ask myself and I were to give an honest answer, I would agree. So, mystery solved then. Carry on.

It could be worse.

It really could be. It could be thousands of times worse, millions even supposing it's possible to calculate it somehow. Let's just say it could be really really really worse. Almost everyone in the history of the world has had it sumfkins of times worse than I do. I just made up that word, sumpfkins, it means a number that could or could not be larger than.. well, let's just say, a lot. Anyway, point is, relatively speaking compared to people who have it particularly bad, and actually most people in the world who are quite poor and have it hard compared to anyone sitting in a flat on their computer on the internet and certainly most people throughout history (see earlier point about sumpfkins) I don't have it all that bad. Yeah, stuff sucks, and there are people who have it tons better than me, even sumpfkins, but really, my life. A piece of piss really. It doesn't really help all that much though. All it means is that this makes me a big fucking whiner who can't take a little difficulty compared to all those strong, hard working, brave people out there, and also, that it could be a whole lot fucking worse. And the stuff that sucks still sucks. It really really really sucks. Ok it really really sucks, maybe just really, but it definitely sucks.

Apologies for the last post..

or whatever that was. I promise I will never do it again. Never, ever, ever. And I don't have my fingers crossed behind my back as I'm typing this, honest. It just came out.. I was doing this responsible type sort of management job for my company because they were short staffed and I had to fill in even though it's not my job and it's the sort where you have to be responsible and stuff, and work, and get things done and fill things in and all that, and it sucks. And I was shit at it. I'd like to blame the boss because I wasn't really prepared properly and I will, it's her fault. I'm also useless at this but the manager should have been able to tell that. Anyway, that's all.