These timelines.

So.. another May is over.. just now, and we'll be having a June soon. It's always interesting.. at this passing of the month, and by interesting I mean something that a very boring person who's nerdy about these particular things notices, for no particular reason, but I do think that this month has been a kinda significant one. Maybe. Probably all of them are, but this one has brought changes, mostly moving, we've now been in this place for a month, and I can't make up my mind whether it seems like it's been longer or shorter. I often feel that way about things. The rest has been a mix of good and bad.. from very far on one spectrum, to not very far at all on the other but I'll still say that interesting, non-negative which could in some way be construed as actually positive have occurred. Well maybe.

So yeah.. May's been alright. Today I woke up.. well woke up, didn't sleep much because of a splitting headache caused by like.. a beer and a half and felt crummy, but I got better and went to work and didn't have a tour and walked home and it looked like rain but it didn't. Exiciting? No. Particularly good? No. Enough to make up for all the shit I've been dealing with? Not close. The worst thing ever? Not really. I'm waiting for that.

Useless.

I don't know. I just feel it.

I guess it's because I am. That would make sense.

*ponders it a bit*

I did it!

That is, sorta. I once, long ago, promised you all, right here on this blog, that I would do something. Loudly, blatantly, and irreversibly. This was to ensure that something would get done, of course. So then I didn't do anything.. for a while.

Then I went and did the unexpected and I did it!

Except.. I fucked it up, and no one could see it. Haven't been able to work that out since.. and to my credit, or discredit, depending on how you look at it, my attempts to solve the problem have been half assed at best.

Well.. after almost a year, the old idea was brought out again, we decided to film attempt #2.. only this time we would do it properly, and no fiddling about with technology us mere mortals cannot understand would be required! And you know what.. last weekend we did it! We actually did it.. we went out and did something new, according to the old idea...

and can you fucking believe it I did the same fucking thing and filmed it on the tape that WE HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO GET CONVERTED TO SOMETHING WE CAN UPLOAD ONTO THE COMPUTER UP TO THIS TIME SO WHAT WAS THE POINT FOR FUCKS SAKE!!!!

Well... there is no use crying over spilt milk.. so today, we went out again, this time I was careful to make sure all the right things we in place and we did it! Well an intro into the thing we're doing.

So now all I have to do is find a decent video editor, download it onto this new computer (o we got a new comp by the way, well not a new one a used one but one that I wasn't using before so it doesn't have all the software) and edit the video, not decide after watching it again that the quality is too bad or that it is indeed to cringeworthy to use, film the first bit (the bit that comes after the intro) and there you are. We're on our way!

At some point.

What did I do wrong?

It's always something negative.. always something that sucks, always something that sets me back, pisses me off, and lets me down. Never anything good.. never positive.. never uplifting or.. grrrr.. I mean accept for those few times when stuff that's a bit good or quite good or really good happens.. but.. but...

well fuck. Just heard something today that is one of those things that you know is going to bother you for a while.. like, it really pisses you off at first, you go over it in your head at night and for the next day it's always in the back of your mind, like no matter what else is going on, even if things are ok and you're enjoying yourself, you know there's something there that's bad.. and its spoils everything. Then the next day it bothers you less and after that you really don't think about it much but when it comes up again you stew for a minute.

It seems as though as soon as I get over one of these things, there's something else to cringe at.. this one is.. well a negative comment, and it's about work.. we've all.. and that's the people I work with and for, and myself are pretty convinced it's a personal thing because.. well it was stupid, the stuff they said about me was preposterous, and it was all due to a mixup at the beginning of the tour that wasn't even all my fault.. but still.. it pisses me off that they say these things.. like.. boring, and.. *hyperventilates a bit* bad acting.. *shudders*

the thing that fucks with me is that I always ask people to leave a nice comment somewhere, at the end of a tour, and most of the time people seem really pleased like they really enjoyed it.. and say.. oh sure I will.. and they don't. I haven't had one nice thing said about me once.. but this person.. who was bored or whatever.. just not into it, cared enough to write in and say this shit! I mean what's the fucking matter with people for fucks sake!!!!

I dunno. I wish just for once something slightly not sucky would happen. Even if stuff stayed neutral and the negative shit would stop happening. And neutral became being considerably richer, more successful, and more good stuff in general.. of course. Oh well.

Friday again..

They do seem to come around often, not as often as Mondays, but they do show up a fair bit. I can't really make as big a deal about Friday as normal people do.. I mean, never really having um.. worked. Well not never but close enough to never to casually call it never. I always felt a bit of the vibe off the regular folk when Friday came around however.. and since living with a person with a real job, it's been more important to me, but still.

Now I have a job. I work. Did I mention I'm a worker now? Hard worker.. almost like a real person. Well.. I work weekends! Not all weekends, but sometimes on the weekend and usually at least one of the days that incorporate the weekend, including Friday, seeing I work nights it kinda counts. This weekend was originally going to be the one weekend this month I had free, no tour Friday, none on Saturday.. and nothing at all on Sunday.

Then more scripts and more tours came along.. and there was training which always happens on the weekends.. and it turned out I had the test of this new tour on a Sat and Sun.. nooooooooooooo.. I screamed.. no fair!!!!

Then I realized it was for Friday and Saturday, which was slightly less noyin. Well now I'm working tomorrow night which is a slight improvement on losing (some of) my Saturday eve due to training/test because I at least get paid for this, but still.

I do however (as of writing) have Sunday free. Guess I can be holy and stuff.

Something something..

something..

if you like.

*yawns a bit*

This tour guiding thing makes me so tired.. for some reason. No idea why.. I mean, I finish by a reasonably decent hour, always by 11 and tonight I finished before 9.. I walk around the square, or wherever a bit, stopping a lot to tell a few stories, act a bit spooooky and.. hold an umbrella and lantern. That's about it.. so why the fuck do I feel like I've run a marathon and it's now 3am? Or at least walked a fair bit, possibly just over twice what I do for the tour, and it's just after midnight on a day that I got up somewhere around 9am... I don't know why. I was already a bit tired by the time I got to the underground.. the air there doesn't usually bother me but some night I just get dizzy from it.. lots of fun when I have 11 people to amuse and I barely know the new script I've been made to learn from it, fortunately it's all ghost stories so I can embellish a fair bit..

Perhaps it just the whole "doing something anything at all" bit of it that makes me tired. I'm not really all that used to that.

*splits sides*

Went to some comedy night last night. Sort of an amateur do... people get up and do their thing and we vote on who's best. I went mostly to catch up with some people and hopefully meet new people in the theater world here in Prague and that's mostly what I did. Had fun.. mostly for that rather than for the "comedy".. yes, we were pretty badly behaved and not so supportive of these, admittedly very brave souls who got up and did something that's pretty fucking frightening that I would never do.. and actually there were some good bits and overall they weren't bad, but... really.. the state of stand up comedy today.. something I know shit all about but will wax on at length about, is fucking pretty poor.. and it isn't the fault of these guys who are int he early days of what they're doing so might improve considerably.. for one.. but.. fuck, the same old shit, pick on the same subjects.. nothing new, nothing said in an interesting or funny way... for the most part.. and if you say.. um, that's fucked up, or that's not funny, or, you're not very good well everyone's like.. "omg you can't like have an opinion or anything arrrggghhhh.. don't take it personally"

well there was a small incident, some people at my table got up and told some dude on stage that what he said was sorta fucked up.. in a very mild way and took his beer.. I thought it was mildy amusing, not something I'd do but no big deal.. really..

well, we got told off at the table more than once.. one guy came up and said "you can't take these things personally".. and I, quite calmly, I think, though loudly because it was necessary to be heard, just said that.. actually, you can't demand that people have the reaction you say they have.. people can take it how they like.. and this guy immediately widened his eyes and started hyperventilating.. (ok exaggerating a little there but seriously.. quite close) and said.. jeez.. calm down, chill out.. omg female person saying something that isn't o you're so right dudely dude I'm so sorry can I suck your dick for you?".... and kept on with the I'm being totally crazy and angry by like.. saying something..

and I didn't even get "mad" at the "chill out" comment.. which was.. as you know.. a totally fucked up thing to say in any situation, and especially since I was actually more chill than his pathetic little offended ass was... I just made fun of it.. of him for being so stupid as to fucking say it.. I mean.. seriously.

Later some other dudes came to the table to tell the girl who'd got up off for laughing at somebody else and that they were watching her.. you know.. to try and get a "gotcha" moment.. looking all smug and whiny.. telling us very nasally how wrong we all were for like.. existing and stuff..

so.. yeah. It was quite fun. I should totally get up myself and do something (at least equally poor) next time.. but I won't. I'm too fucking scared to. So.. props to the people who got up to do something, there was some good shit in there.. just.. fucking deal with it when someone has a reaction to what you do.. that's all. Even girls get to have a say sometimes.. kay?