Oh.. another one?

It's my birthday, again. No big deal really, everyone has them and they have them every year. I usually make a big bruha or bruhaha or whatever you call it about it but this year I'm relatively ignoring it, ie making a deal that's only slightly bigger than the average deal about a birthday.. or do people generally make a bigger deal about birthdays than the people I know who aren't me are? I don't know.

So it's my birthday and over the last year I've.. um. Still being me, still mostly.. let's just say all those things I wanted to do? Didn't do them. So I've been in more films than I have in any one year, I think. I've done some other stuff, a voice recording, er... I think some other stuff. I had a job for 3 days, which I didn't get paid for, have made a friend, or friends, it seems as part of a group of people making films, which seems like we might last for long enough to get one film done. Those are things.. those are good things.

I've hardly been anywhere one day out of Prague, in Brno, but otherwise barely left the city limits. Well I think apart from that I didn't leave Prague at all.. well at least I went somewhere once. I do have a trip out of the country, even if just for one night, to somewhere I've never been coming up but it's past the cutoff for this "year" that is the year by this birthday so it doesn't count.

Anyway, like I said, no big deal, whatever.. stop bangin on about it.

Is it me...

or is it the lack of light, the drizzle, the cold which isn't really all that cold but it just seems like it should be because it's all grey and damp so I feel like I'm cold anyway or that I would if I went outside?

I think it's me. And maybe the season. Mostly me.

What was I saying?

So it went pretty well, despite my whining, it turned out to be, just a good thing, a pretty to very good thing. I could use more of that but good things are good things. Of course, when I got home today, after a good thing, feeling pretty good about myself, even joking about how little I have to whine about, really.. I get the balance.. yeah, something showed up we.. not showed up just a reminder and the specific details of something which is not on the good side of things.

Well, I guess that's life in general. I'm no different than anyone else. Again, there are a few other things that came up, things on the horizon, 2 to be specific but at the rate that the horizon promises things there could be more soon. Of course, the ratio of things to images on the horizon is pretty small. Still, anything could happen, and I'm hoping for it to be good. just good would be nice, for once, but I think I already went over that.

Ah yes..

o well..

that didn't work.

So, things happen, and you have to take the bad with the good.. I know that, I understand that, just.. when there really in'st much of anything at all, good or bad, but when there is it's mostly bad, during an era with a constant undercurrent of quite bad if not actually terrible, does everything good have to come with just a tinge of shit? Can't something just be all good for once? And while we're at it, make it just a touch better.. oh and more of it. Thanks.

Partly forth, mostly back.

I seem to be going back and forth all the time between having things going on, that's things on the horizon that have potential, and everything completely sucking. Today had potential and potentially still has potential but as the hours pass... the potential for potential gets.. um.. less.

I'd call it a rut but it's really just my life. Still.. need to get out of it whatever you call it, things need to change. I think I may have said that before, more than once even. It's just as well no one reads anymore (or never really did but now really especially doesn't) because I don't really need reminding of the numerous times I've said something of the sort just to say oh.. I didn't do that, or that didn't happen, or I'm still intending to do that but haven't yet and this time I totes like will.. honestly. Not that anyone, if they did read would read that closely.

Well.. tomorrow is here soon, who knows what it will bring (actually me, I'm reckoning "not a whole lot").

What is today..

the 3rd?

Still might make it.

*carries on*

Housekeeping.

This is what I need to be doing. Not literally, although, I do need to be doing that as well.. either here or elsewhere for reasons, but I mean in a.. well a different sense. Cleaning up stuff or at least getting it sorted out in an orderly manner, bolded headings, put into folders, folders away in drawers that are clearly and relevantly marked. Actually finding stuff first.

Before that I need to even figure out what I need to find and what's do be done with it when that's done.. this part I've begun, well I've made an appointment to do that, sort of.

Yes, everything is a mess. I've made a proper fuckup of stuff and it's time to dig myself out of this mess.. it's a lot to do, and as I've (sort of, in a vague way) said, I'm not even at the point of starting the preliminary stages yet, but it makes me feel better that I've (in a way) done (kind of) something to get it going. So far I've met with someone. I need to meet with someone because I haven't a fucking clue what I'm doing or what needs to be done or how much mess I'm even in.. it mightn't be pleasant to get all that information but it is kind of necessary. Way overdue, but this is the time to get on it.

Then I can move on and get my life (back?) on track and move (hopefully) forward and put myself in a position where I can start thinking about beginning to do stuff that I really want to do and be and all that. Of course, I can't really wait to do that because some of it (the bits where I get myself somewhere on track not the fun or cool or meaningful bits) needs to be done right away, or at least much sooner than I have any chance of fixing the other stuff. Guess that means I'm going to be busy.

Welcome to...

November.. the month of. Well not much. Ok there's a lot, my birthday for one thing (again.. yet again.. yet another one) and continuing autumn the escalation of the war on christmas and other stuff.. but you know, much of the same. It gets colder (if you're somewhere that it gets colder this time of year) and the leaves that made such a show of springing into bright and crazy colours fall to the ground leaving dead trees behind.

It is the beginning of another month, and I thought I'd try one of those "post for every day" things again. See if I can do it, and if I can do it and if the writing regularly helps with inspiration for stuff to write as opposed to.. yanno, filler. I'm good at that, but I'd like to expand. I'm taking bets on how many days I'll last before I forget to write. I'm betting on 4.