Here's a photo

cos I want to post one.

And for another year...

summer, in the Northern Hemisphere anyway, in those places that have such things as winter and summer, in the more temperate places which don't stay really warm really late, is pretty much over. It's officially autumn post equinox if you pay attention to that sort of thing and after getting warm again here it's gotten colder again and rained some and been grey and though it's supposed to warm up again.. I think we can say it's just not summer anymore. At all. The sun's going down really early already.

Nevermind. It's not like I was going swimming and waterskiing and doing summer fun stuff anyway, and I do like the golden beauty of the leaves this time of year, oh, and Vinobrani... love the vinobrani.. but most important of all..

War on Christmas* is coming!

Can't wait. *gets devilish look in eye*



*not that it really happens here well that it at all happens here but I don't really get out anyway and pretty much spend my life on the internet so it's a thing.

I finally did something right!

Apparently, of late my posts have been very informative, I have good knowledge and my posts are very able..

Strange, they never were before, and now all of a sudden people, and not just any people, really clever people, who run marketing and debt management and other financial and even game sites think this! You can tell because of the links they leave. Can you believe it? I finally got noticed.

In a totally unrelated move, I'm bringing back comment moderation, at least for a while. I dunno, just felt it might be good to have that.

*does some cleaning*

I had a thought.

And then I lost it.

This happens, we have so many thoughts, ideas, light bulb moments that we either don't identify as such, or forget about by the time we... what was I saying? Oh yeah, thinking of stuff. I think of stuff all the time. At least I think I do but most of it just goes out the other end.

I mean I think of some stuff some of the time. And it's pretty mundane stuff, from the most boring to the so vague there's nothing you can do with it. I used to think of stuff much more, actual good stuff, specific stuff and if you were to read (if you were so inclined and I'm pretty sure you aren't because why would one?) back a bit on this blog, you would find more than one, nay, more than 5 very posts talking about this very thing.

Yes, it's a long time since I've had an idea worth forgetting about. Not just an idea, those I still have sometimes, and though most of them aren't good, they're ideas, but real things to write about, with details and stuff. At this point I could go on and on referencing a post talking about how I wrote about having this sort of 'writer's block" because I'd just gone through the blog and read some stuff about how I don't get those sort of ideas anymore, and it wouldn't be the first time I wrote that either.

Again, I have no point. I just wish I could... could.. stuff, that, it you know. things.. sometimes what is kind of good even. Yes.

*tears hair out*

ouch

Don't bother reading.

No, seriously, don't. I'm just gonna whine again about whatever it is I'm writing about which I'll leave vague so you don't know quite what it is I'm talking about.

Where was I? Oh yeah, whining. Well, I'm fed up. I'm fed up with nothing. All this nothing, just nothing. I do stuff (ok not so much stuff, not by any normal person's let alone really ambitious hard working person's standards but it's stuff) I work (see previous brackets) I stress (actually quite a lot) in preparation for things and out of all these things I get a reply from..

*crickets*

I think that made sense. I don't really care if it didn't. Ok so if it doesn't I'm saying that nothing is going on, all these things that I thought would lead top something, at least one of them, or maybe 2 of the smaller less exciting ones, there is again nothing.

I mean, nothing is ok, nothing is what I'm used to. I'm comfortable with nothing. Not necessarily satisfied but I get by, it's just when one's hopes are raised, and one thinks that nothing will be enhanced by just a little something, and that there is actually quite a reasonably high hope of it.. and it all goes back to nothing again.

I'll be ok, I'll get used to it again pretty quick, it's just that.. right now, it doesn't please me. I'll have to go and distract myself somehow.

So long and so fast.

Time goes by so fast, they say, and I tend to think. It just flies by, actually. Of course, how fast is fast? I mean, time goes by how long it takes time to go by, for instance, a day takes a day to go by and that's as fast as, well, a day takes.

That's not what I'm writing about though. I mean I was, but it's sort of the b plot if you will, for this blog I'm writing. Yes, I see what I did there. Yes time goes by fast but everything takes so long. Things take so long we never even get to them. Well for me anyway, I mean some things.

Here I am waiting again, to hear from someone, or someone else after applying, or even going in and doing a (mediocre to adequate if I want to be charitable to myself) audition, or writing a test summary, or something else similar to one of those things or not that similar but someone one does. Actually I think I pretty much listed all of them. And things going further back that I can pretty much file away as "officially didn't happen". You can probably include at least one thing on that list, though you could probably safely chuck it all in that file without a chance of missing much.

The stupid thing is, I'm always so nervous of checking my emails whenever I have something outstanding going on. I'm afraid of them letting me know that I'm just not good enough, or of being told I was too late (as I tend to take 2 or 3 goes over 4 or 5 days to finally complete and send an email for the simplest of things) or to be told I have the role/job and then I have to deal with the anxiety of doing it all. Well not so much the last one. I mean, I would be stressing about that but that is the one that never really happens.

So here I am, clicking on gmail, hoping it safely says I have none new and when there is one I see it's just a notification from twitter, or a silly email from a friend and I go "phew". Yes, I literally do that. No I don't but I do think that. Then I start relaxing because it's not first on my mind anymore. Then I start wishing the reply would kind of come. Then I forget about it, then I start checking my email every 15 minutes hoping it will show up already. Then I forget about it, then I remember and think, hey, there was that thing I was hoping I would be doing.. guess that's not going to happen now. Oh well, sucks to be me.

At the moment I'm in stages 1, 2 and 4 and 6. I think, I'm just guessing, I can't be bothered to go back and see what I wrote and compare it to the stuff I'm referring too. I don't even know if there are that many stages, but it's probably close.