Back to Godliness

I missed again last week, but after the Reign of Darkness failed to come about after my brief flirtation yesterday, I figured I'd be best to get back to my usual godliness. Bible Study it is.

REV 2:16... "Repent; or else I will come unto thee quickly, and will fight against them with the sword of my mouth."

a) Look, I'm giving you one last chance. You've been a total dickhead all your life but now you can just say sorry, you are the ruler of the Universe, the best and most righteous guy ever bla bla bla and we'll wipe the slate clean ok? Dude, you totally don't want to know what will happen if you don't.

b) You're going to Hell, Hell, Hell!!!! And I don't mean some small town outside of Detroit where everyone is getting over their hangovers today, I mean the real Hell, the one where there's wailing and gnashing of teeth and people whipping you all the time. Oh unless you say sorry that is.

c) On your knees bitch!

I'm getting worse at these all the time. If anyone can do better, go right ahead.

Weirdo Update

(Disclaimer: This post has nothing at all about blowjobs in it, nor has my site in general. If you're looking for pictures, anecdotes or medical advice about blowjobs you would be better off looking elsewhere.)

I've been doing a lot of these I know but it just keeps getting weirder. I've been getting people finding the blog looking for something about blowjobs, of course. Stuff about cats "my cat just gave birth", and a lot of stuff about Satan and the now over, rather uneventful date of 666.

I had someone looking up shower caps, which is strange because I don't sell them, or talk about them very much. I suspect that one had something to do with blowjobs. I hope the "fat women diva mutant" guy found what he was searching for. The "nudist farm" person probably didn't. Sorry.

Weirdest are "pretty little nipples" and "mutant dildo". You know I'm thinking of opening a shop based on what these people are looking for. I think it would be a big hit.

I'm a big dork.

Evil is here!
Originally uploaded by Mutant Cat.

Yeah I know it's 6,6,06 and I have a photo of myself looking all dark and evil, but that's me. I have no shame. I'm into themes and dressing up and all that totally nerdy stuff. I'm a humungous big dork!

And what's really great about me is that I admit it. I proudly flaunt my dorkiness for all to see, I take photos while being dorky and post them all over the place. That's how cool I am. Only the truly cool can be as dorky as that and own up to it, proudly even.

How not to learn from history

It doesn't always pay to have faith,

A man shouting that God would keep him safe was mauled to death by a lioness in Kiev zoo after he crept into the animal's enclosure, a zoo official said on Monday.

Most perplexing. How could God let this happen?

"The man shouted 'God will save me, if he exists', lowered himself by a rope into the enclosure, took his shoes off and went up to the lions," the official said.

And they killed him. Well, I guess that wraps up that age old question. Sorry christians, you've been living a lie all these years. Your life is meaningless.

Ok, I know. The whole existence of god doesn't hinge on some stupid stunt some guy pulls. The guy was obviously a complete dickhead. I mean, what was he thinking? Lions, was he mad? Well yes obviously he was mad but like, didn't he ever hear of the Romans? Talk about irony, and if I'm using that word incorrectly, don't hesitate to point it out to me.

And the irony just piles on when you consider that this guy has almost certainly earned himself a Darwin Award. He certainly deserves one.

No one for blowjobs?

I'm sorry about calling you such horrible things yesterday. I was feeling a bit unloved and ignored. Of course, I realized that the people who are actually reading are the good guys, and those who aren't won't get the message anyway, so it's was kind of pointless.

Anyway speaking of weird search terms, (and I was a few posts ago if you've been paying attention), about half an hour ago someone found my little space on the internet by googling

"when your husband returns from a hard days work have his dinner ready, plan ahead a night before, this is a way of letting him know you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs"

Quite a mouthful I must say, which is quite ironic because the post that it linked to is the one titled And not one thing about blowjobs!

I get quite a lot of searches leading to that one, strangely enough it's hardly ever for people looking for information on blowjobs, which is just as well because as the title suggests there isn't actually anything about blowjobs in it.

It's a rather dreary Sunday here, I hope it's nice wherever you are.

Saturday lazy blogging

Site stats keep dropping and I'll be fucked if I'm going to make the effort to write something for you ungrateful cunts. Being blog obsessesd however I have to post something, so here's a photo I took a few weeks ago of Prague's famous dancing building, touched up a little. I'm quite proud of how it turned out.

It dances, it glows.
Originally uploaded by Mutant Cat.

At least someone's actually looking at the damn blog!

It's time for another wacky word search update. It's been a while since I've done one, and out of the depressingly few people who bother to so much as click on my blog these days, a fair percentage of them are very strange.

As usual I get the mutants, mutant wannabes and mutants looking for someone to love, with such searches as "who else is a mutant like me", "how do you know if your a mutant" and "I want to turn into a mutant".

Then there are the cat people, you get the people looking for pictures, "real life cat family pictures" or "lives cats in glass" or the simply inquisitive "what does it mean when you dreamt of a cat" or the simply confusing "when I was a cat I just had hard times".

There are as usual a few sexual deviants who for some unexplained reason seem to find my blog, like mr "elephants fucking women", ew. Or "flickr: photos of handjobs" who certainly didn't find what he wanted as I assure you I have no such photos on Flickr.

Cutest prize goes to "Mr duck says quack" as well as the easiest to figure out. I'm not sure what led the "Sumerian Satan" guy to me though.

The ultimate prize for sheer wackiness goes to "if it's not one thing it's your mother pillow". I'm not sure if it goes with the sexual deviants group or what, the mind simply boggles.

Fun with numbers.

Satan's birthday is coming up, and I was trying to figure out what I should get him. Then I remembered that he never gets me anything so fuck him.

Some people however, are not so blase about the 6th of the 6th 06 coming up. Not surprisingly, some are freaking out. Like this lady.

A woman in England due to give birth on June 6 is fighting with her hospital to induce her sooner to avoid delivering on the demonic date of 6/6/6

You know. I usually really like to be all smug and superior reading about all the nutty Americans there are, and laugh at the very stupidity of so many of them, but shit like this just reminds me that there are wackjobs everywhere, and really I know as may wackjobs as I do people, so I probably should have realised this already.

Melissa Parker, 30, said as a fan of “The Omen,” a movie about a demonic child, she’s genuinely concerned about the numerology involved, The Sun reported Tuesday.

Well darling, you were the one you let your knickers just 9 months before the big date didn't you? You could have chosen to keep your legs together but no, you couldn't wait until a reasonable time that would guarantee your baby would be born at a safe time. Well, now you're going to raise the demon offspring, and it's all your own bloody fault!

“I’m terrified the birth will go wrong or the child will have evil in him or her,” Parker said. “Even worse my beautiful baby could be the devil himself — the anti-Christ.”

Oh please. Talk about self importance. Do you know how many babies are born on one day? Well I don't know either but lots. The very idea that your baby, one of the many babies born on this particular 666 date, which is only one of the many 666 dates that come around every 10 years is just a little bit of a stretch.

Personally, I think she's being a bit silly.

Via God is for Suckers