I know I talk a lot about these distractions. You might know too if you pay attention at all. I need them to deal with the fact that I'm an overthinker by nature and have come to the conclusion that life is utterly pointless.. There is no meaning, it just is. Now that I can deal with just fine as long as.. dum da da da da.. I don't think about it. there you go, a quandary. how does one deal with one while being the other.. yes, that's right. Get your mind on something. Put the life, universe and all that jazz to the back of your mind. Deep down, if you're going to nitpick it until it's meaningless, we all do this. People have things that may obsess them, or fill their time with joy and meaning that are, when you get down to it, ways of getting through life, warding off the idea that it's just something that goes by until it ends. Now as I said.. it's very nitpicky because if people have children and make art and save lives and go around the world feeding the poor and millions of other things that are various degree of important and that has meaning for people well then there's your meaning and that's great, but sort of, in a way, they sort of that as well. Anyway.. no such noble kinds for me. Mine are all of the beer and tv variety. In fact.. that's what they are, beer and tv. ok so maybe not exactly just that all the time, but most that or something equivalent. I'd love to divert myself with big projects.. theatre, film, helping street kids, writing, you get the general drift but I'm having trouble a) getting those sorts of roles/jobs, b) getting them started myself or with people who are trying to get those started too or c) not really all that fussed. So, it's the time wasting, useless, rather not own up I really do that kind of pursuits for me. Now, I just need it more than ever. Yes, I have this whole got to get things done thing going on, which is neither good or bad it just is, but what to do when I'm not doing those things and/or doing those things and things just don't get done or they go so slowly it's accurate enough to say it's not getting done? All I want to do is.. just not think about it. I'll leave it at that.