It's the little things..

the seemingly insignificant stuff, the minor points... that really piss me off. And the stuff that seems to matter to others.. like, some pissing about with lanterns, that isn't really my fault but I still get blamed for being useless.. I do a shit hot tour, and the people love it but.. she doesn't know that, she just sees me not able to light it, because it was fucked up, and then almost leave it behind. And then some assholes complain about the tour... because some idiots at the hotels that are selling it misrepresent it.. yeah they name me, saying I was "unconvincing" whatever that means, but the other people on that particular one thought I was brilliant, so obvs they're just saying that because they want to complain.. but, still looks like I fucked up, another black mark against my name even though, yet again, I fucking rocked the bit that really matters...

there are other little things.. like the only roles I get offered are ones that make a huge point of spelling out how unattractive this character is.. I mean, fine, you don't have to rave about her beauty, or even describe how she looks.. just call her, woman of certain age range, who this story happens to.. no, it's gotta be "she's average at best".. and let it be known that this woman is nothing special.. it's like the director has to apologize to the world for letting someone like her, ie me, onto a film... lest they feel cheated at being made to see over 30 not super hot woman or something..

some things are ok, in fact things are fine at the mo.. despite the whole comedown of being away for a while.. but like I said.. little things...